Blue Moonlit Night
by katie313
Summary: Two Women, a generation apart. To the outside world few commonalities. That is until Alice unwittingly exposes a long kept secret, revealing the shocking truth about a family and the fine line that divides the world of immortality from conventional truth. An amazing story of love, ultimate sacrifice,redemption and faith


_Once in a calendar month a full moon appears,_

_on extremely rare occasions one may arise twice in a_

_single months time, hence the phrase, "Once in a blue moon…"_

**Blue Moon**

**Long Kept**

"I LOVE YOU BABY." I HAD SAID THE WORDS ALOUD, BUT WAS unsure whether or not they could be heard through the shouts and accolades of well wishers as the bride and groom made their way outside to the car that awaited them.

The warm glow of happiness exuding from my daughter's lovely face and the responding mouthed, "I love you too." Leaving no doubt that she both heard and understood my parting words.

The path that had led us both on this unbelievable journey was finally and miraculously at an end, or so I thought. My job was now over and her husband would be watching out for her welfare and happiness. This revelation brought about a compellation of sadness, relief and triumph.

Shifting my attention to my new son-in-law I spoke quietly under my breath. "Edward, I trust you to take care of her for all eternity, I am certain only you can do it." I watched them go, as I silently questioned the fine line that divides both fate and coincidence.

Edward turned an astonished somewhat perplexed glance to me. It was in that briefest of instances that our eyes locked, I watched as astonishment evolved into understanding, leaving me no doubt he had heard my every word.

The similarity in circumstances that now were entwined in both my daughter's life and my own could only be described as unfathomable. Some were expected, while others strangely suspect. Where our physical makeup's remain quite similar, emotionally we are as different as day and night.

We have always been told we look alike, but that is where most of our similarities end. She has her both her father's eyes and demeanor, which I always found intriguing, as they say the eyes are after all, the windows to the soul. Which strangely could be said of myself as well, for I too possess eyes that are the identical shade of blue of my own dear departed Dad, combined with a spirit very similar to his I suppose the same could also be said of me. The single obvious difference that separates us is our height, me measuring approximately four inches taller than she, another trait from my Dads side of our family.

Even as a small child she shared her father's quiet, serious yet questioning nature, where most would say I am free spirited and accepting. We have always embraced each other's similarities as well as differences, our relationship a loving balance of each other's traits combined. She has been the greatest love of my life, my reason for being. Although I don't think even she understands that, someday perhaps.

As I watched her depart silent tears spilled down my cheeks, my heart warming slightly as I felt the comfort of my new husbands arm as it encircled my waist. Instinctively, protectively I searched for Charlie. He stood on my opposite side, his big brown eyes now welling up as well. Reaching for his hand, I pressed it to my cheek and gave it a soft kiss before allowing it to fall still grasped, to my side.

"There goes our girl." He smiled gratefully.

Between us many words had never been necessary, which was a good thing because my ex-husband was a man who spoke few of them.

Tilting my head to the side, I let it rest comfortably on his shoulder as we continued to watch them slowly disappear into the night.

"Edward will take great care of her; he loves her as much as we do. You don't need to worry." I said, trying to offer what little comfort I could to a concerned father.

Charlie squeezed my hand, cocking his head slightly to peer at me with his usual one raised skeptical eyebrow. His meaning clear, I was the unfailing optimist of the two of us.

I winked, "Trust me, I know things."

He laughed as he shook his head as he kissed my wet cheek, after quickly releasing my hand he was gone. Charlie did not handle emotion well, let alone a public display of it, and I was certain sure he had reached his quota for the year. Dear sweet Charlie.

The guests slowly dispersed as they offered their thanks and goodbyes to our hosts, my daughter's new in-laws. For my part, I said good-night to my husband Phil and sent him on to our motel, feigning the excuse of wanting to stay behind and help clean up. I knew very well my help was not needed, but for some reason even I was unable to grasp, I couldn't bring myself to leave just yet.

Strangely I felt entirely at home with the Cullen's. Carlisle and Esme' my new son's adoptive parents and his siblings of sorts, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper had all been so kind to me. While Jasper and Rosalie were more aloof than the rest they still seemed genuinely fond of both Charlie and me.

But if the truth were told it was far more than that. These were the people that would be my daughter's family long after Charlie and I were gone. This is the home to which she would return with her husband to begin her new life.

As the remaining guests filtered out I was finally able to relax, slipping a thumb under the ultra thin strap, I slid out of a pair of extremely high stilettos and breathed a sigh of relief. Once they were off I began removing some of the thousands of hairpins holding up my carefully curled and coiffed do.

Alice my daughter's new sister-in-law and my new friend wasted no time in voicing her protests.

"Renee!" She whined sweetly, "I wanted more pictures!"

Exasperated by Alice's enthusiasm for high fashion and perfection, I groaned. "The party is over, everyone is gone but us. Surely, we aren't going to clean up in four inch heels?"

In answer to my clearly absurd question, she performed the most elegant of pirouettes on the point of her Manalo Blanaks, swooping down she effortlessly scooped up a stray champagne glass. Calmly stating, "Doesn't everyone?"

"Alice, you are definitely one of a kind." I laughingly surmised.

"Come on Renee' let's go back outside and dance some more." She countered, as she encircled me with all the grace and precision of a prima ballerina.

As tired as I was it was impossible not to get caught up in her enthusiasm.

"I'll meet you out there." I appeasingly conceded. Knowing full well that would not be the case.

She sighed dreamily as she danced her way through the french doors outside to where the rest of her family was congregating.

Retrieving the last pin from my hair I dragged my fingers through the mass of dark curls. It felt good to shake my hair free and to have a moment to relax at last.

Ambling through the massive house, I couldn't help but muse over the beauty of the day. Absently wandering over to the piano bench I took a much needed rest. Closing my eyes, I allowed my fingers to gently float over the familiar keyboard, it reminiscent of an old friend once played in another life time. Smiling faintly at the memory, I opened my eyes and focued my attention more clearly as I stroked the keys. It had been years since I had even touched a piano, let alone played seriously.

It crept in ever so slowly at first, without warning, the long forgotten melody seeping back into conscious memory. Feelings came flooding back, perhaps a culmination of being back in the place where it all began, the wedding, Charlie, and of course, the Cullen's. All the years of closing off my heart and mind had finally taken its toll. Memories and emotions long buried came flooding to the surface, erupting like a previously dormant volcano, pent up for nearly two decades waiting for the long stirring to reach the pinnacle of eruption.

In my youth I had always used music as an outlet, a means with which to express myself. Playing usually a joyful outlet, but also serving at times as a cathartic one. Not only was music my joy and passion, it was my therapy, my means of coping. When I made the decision to leave it behind, among many other things, I truly became a lost soul.

Sitting at this beautiful instrument, my past spilled out before me. Almost instantaneously the music came pouring out. The composition I now played had been long forgotten, or so I thought. The only written copy of it burned remnants in a fireplace long ago.

It's tale a familiar one, the timeless story of a young girl, a lost first love and the torment of loneliness and longing, serving as testament to the loss of one's heart to another never to be regained. It seeped sadness, melancholy and the exquisite pain that only the harsh reality of losing true love can bring.

It was a cathartic, almost desperate sadness that allowed me to finally feel all the emotions I had been suppressing all these long years. As the tears streamed down my face, I momentarily forgot my surroundings until I felt the soft touch of an ice-cold hand on my shoulder.

Alice hovered quietly above me. Her beautiful face evoking such caring and tenderness, the sight of which almost made me weep even more. I ceased playing and placed my hand over hers, as I did I found all the Cullen's standing eerily still in the doorway, waiting, concerned. They must think me mad, I thought dryly as I silently chastised my unpredictable behavior.

Sorrow quickly morphed into extreme embarrassment at the harsh reality of being caught in such an awkwardly private moment.

"I am so sorry." I choked out. "I guess I got carried away, I haven't played in years." I started to frantically wipe my drenched face with the back of my hand.

Esme' materialized in front of me with a tissue in hand. "Bella never told us you played. That was beautiful, is it yours?" She asked, her voice filled with motherly compassion.

"Bella doesn't know, that was the last song I ever wrote, she was only a few months old." I replied automatically without thinking.

She frowned, not quite understanding, but to her credit she said nothing.

It was then that I realized that I was surrounded by all the Cullen women, even Rosalie. At first I was astounded by their compassion, when it occurred to me that all women must feel a sisterhood at such moments. The men were hanging back, unsure, as most men are, of how to deal with a semi-hysterical weeping woman.

They must have assumed that my outburst was brought on by the stress and loss of having my only child grown up and married at eighteen, the tears of a broken hearted mother, who had been a child/bride herself. The truth was so much more than that. But I would let them hold to their assumptions. It was better that way.

Just chalk it up to more of Renee's crazy, erratic behavior. That at least was one thing that was great about being me, no one ever took anything I said or did too seriously.

Pushing myself back from the piano, I got to my feet.

Esme asked. "Would you like to go upstairs and lie down? It's been a long day, maybe you should rest. We could call Phil and let him know you'll be staying. How does that sound?" She continued to try and put me at ease.

"I'm alright." I told her, still wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I feel so foolish, doing this now, in front of all of you."

Backing away I tried to skirt my way around them, desperate to remove myself from the humiliating situation.

Before I was able to squeeze past, Alice gripped my arm, the gesture both harsh and very unlike her. So much so it startled me. Remaining where she held me, I searched her face for what possibly could have compelled her, what I found there was a vacant trance like expression. Confused, I opened my mouth to comment, but was silenced by the immediate presence of both Jasper and Carlisle who now joined our rapidly increasing circle.

At the light touch of Jaspers hand, she snapped out of her daydream and held up a hand as if to silence everyone as she stared directly into my eyes.

Her face now serious, holding a determined yet uncharacteristic set to her jaw. When she finally spoke her voice was so low I had to strain to hear her.

"Renee'." She said. "What is the title of your song?" Her speech possessing the assuredness of someone who expects to know the answer to a question even before it has been asked.

The jig was up; I blew it, why could I have not just gone back to the motel with Phil? Knowing Alice and trusting her instincts, my response to her was now the room's main focus of interest. It was clear they realized the question she posed bared significance.

My heart pounded violently, all the blood rushed to my face as my hands began to tremble. My secret of all these years was about to be out with the utterance of two simple words. They all waited patiently for my response, almost as if I were an animal or an insane person, one that might be easily spooked by even the slightest of movements or gestures.

Staring down at my feet I felt suddenly ashamed of my secretiveness. My response was no more than a whisper. But I was certain they had heard me as loud and clear as if I had screamed the words.

"My Immortal." I replied in answer as I slowly raised my eyes to meet hers.

I heard an audible gasp, although I am not sure from whom. I suppose it takes quite some doing to shock a vampire. They all stood completely straight and motionless, which I knew was common for their kind. But found it surprising that the human façade was abandoned so quickly.

Alice stared at me blankly and whispered. "You know."

I nodded in agreement. "I know."

Carlisle slowly moved to my side, appearing to be deep in thought, pondering on how best to proceed. Everyone remained poised, awaiting his reaction.

Quietly, he finally asked. "How long have you known about us?"

After a heavy sigh I resigned to come clean. "I knew the minute I met you all in Phoenix. I've had a little experience with vampires."

They all exchanged stunned looks as they waited for him to proceed.

"All this time and you never said anything, not even to Bella. Why?" He asked, clearly confused.

This was going to difficult to explain. Everyone always assumed that my decisions were based on irresponsibility and eccentricity, never guessing that there was actually reason and thought behind them. Until now it never bothered me what people thought. But it was important to me that they understood the truth. Where to begin? Letting out another heavy sigh, I sat back down on the bench, this time facing the room. They might not need to sit for this, but I sure did. Everyone repositioned themselves to accommodate me. Carlisle motioned for them to sit as well, most likely in an attempt to put me more at ease.

I began. "I wanted Bella to make her own decisions, based on what was best for her. Not based on the choices I had previously made. We are two very different people; Bella is so much stronger than me. I was afraid if she knew the choices I had already made, she would never be able to do what was best for her. It is her nature to react selflessly. I feared she would never choose to leave behind her father and me, if she knew the truth. I wanted her to be free do what was best for her without guilt about either of us."

Rosalie was the first to respond this time. "So you were in love, but gave him up to have Bella?"

"Yes, partially, but it was without a doubt the most difficult, heart wrenching decision of my life, a decision that has changed me irrevocably. I was hoping to spare Bella that burden. Don't get me wrong, given the choice I would do it all over again. But any mother would want to spare her child that kind of pain and torment."

Rosalie's confused expression melted, replaced by another more peaceful one. It appeared to be relief coupled with, I don't know, admiration? Strange, I never got the impression Rosalie cared that much about Bella, maybe, I had been mistaken.

Now Emmett chimed in. "Okay, that's it! You guys lost me. Singing, crying, titles of songs, what is going on? Someone throw be a bone!"

"Oh Emmett you are such a guy." Rosalie replied clearly exasperated. Irritated to have to break off from explanations to fill in her significant other "Renee' was in love with one of us, she gave him up and lived a mortal life to have a baby, Bella. That's why the song was important. _My Immortal_, get it?

"She's in love with one of us? Cool, which one?" Emmett offered while springing from his seat.

Rosalie put her head in her hands and groaned. "Alice, could you help me out here?"

"Emmett." Alice patiently responded. "Not one of _us _literally, one of our kind. You know a vampire?"

"Oh, got it. Sorry babe." He grinned sheepishly.

Now Esme was the next to speak. "Weren't you afraid of having your daughter around a house full of vampires? Aren't you afraid?"

"No." I replied, immediately. "I realize that coming from a mother that must sound dismissive. But I knew the safest place she could be was with you. Edward was clearly up to the task. It was obvious from the beginning how much he loved her. Believe me I know what a challenge it can be trying to keep Bella in one piece."

Carlisle's normally calming presence appeared strangely agitated. As the patriarch and protector of his family and their secrets, clearly my explanation had been insufficient.

Worried how best to proceed, I bit my bottom lip and decided to go for it. Whenever I had tried to explain this to anyone I usually got patronized and then laughed at, what the heck it can't get any worse I decided.

"I have what I suppose could be considered exceptionally keen intuition. Even when I was a small child I would get a certain feeling about something and know without a doubt that I was right. In some instances, with absolute clarity I will know the outcome of a given situation. In my entire life, when I get that feeling, I have never ever been wrong. Vampires or not I knew that not one of you could ever harm my daughter or me. I'd bet my life on it, I'd bet Bella's life on it, and I have."

My words did little to mollify my host.

Carlisle spoke again, his brow slightly furrowed. "Your faith in us is overwhelming, thank you. But how could you possibly be so sure? Even with Alice to show us our possible future we cannot always be certain if our resolve will hold."

"Alice sees the future?" I said in such a high pitched squeal I was certain only dogs could have heard it.

"Long story." Emmett interjected.

"Thanks for the help Emmett." I countered.

He casually shrugged his shoulders. "Don't mention it; usually I'm the one in the dark."

I fought to suppress a slightly hysterical laugh. This cannot be happening. My only daughter has just married a vampire and I am sitting in a room surrounded by coven of them trying desperately to convince them that I trust them any why. Now one of them can tell the future. I need a drink.

"Is there any champagne left?" I was only joking, but Esme' being the perfect hostess had a glass under my nose before I could blink.

"Here you go dear." She smiled sweetly as she bent over to pass me the exquisite crystal flute.

"Ur…Umm Thank you." I mumbled, and downed the glasses contents in about three seconds. After clearing my throat, I continued. "So let me see if I understand this correctly, "You are all vampires, Alice can see the future, but it is preposterous that _I_ could possess the ability to see certain things clearly?" Now I was the one who was becoming irritated.

"Don't forget Edward can read minds." Emmett added.

"Edward can read minds?" Oh my, we are going to need lots more champagne, I thought to myself as I rested my now throbbing head in my hands.

"Smooth move Em." Stabbed Rose. "It's not like she doesn't have enough to deal with."

"What did I do?" He exclaimed, once again confused.

This was truly the straw that broke the preverbal camel's back. For years I had grown accustomed to people humoring me, never believing in the truth of my feelings. It was time to prove them wrong. This time I would not resign myself to assumptions.

"Carlisle, do you love Esme?" I asked, my voice slightly muffled, me with my head still cradled in my hands.

"Of course I do." He sounded mildly insulted at the question.

Raising my head, I now looked at him pointedly. "How do you know you love her?"

"I don't know, I just do, I suppose you could say I just feel it."

"Exactly." Sitting straight, I folded my arms across my chest, standing my ground for the first time in a long time.

He smirked and ran a hand through his hair. "I do see the point you are making of course, and it is valid to a certain extent. But what we are talking about is far more complex than love."

I laughed, as his male/doctor logic talking. "Baby there ain't nothin' more complex than love."

They all seemed amused by my little joke, but I still found myself in a room filled with non believers.

"Okay." I said, clapping my hands together. "Let's put it to the test." I knew that the scientist in Dr. Cullen could not resist an experiment. "If you are willing to listen I will attempt to explain to you why I know I can trust you. You game?"

"Absolutely." He offered, pleasantly surprised.

"Excellent." I was more than happy to prove my point.

"Then we want to hear the story about _your_ vampire." Alice interjected her eyes wide with anticipation.

I rolled my eyes, and knew I was not going to get off the hook with that one. It was shaping up to be a long night. Where to start?

Directing my gaze to Carlisle I began "Is it true that you believe when one becomes a vampire they their souls are automatically forfeit?"

He seemed slightly taken aback. I was not quite sure if he was confused by my change in direction or my uninvited yet confident insight into his beliefs.

He thoughtfully paused and then offered. "It is my sincere hope that we can in some small way make up for what we are, but yes I am not entirely certain that that is even possible." His brow now furrowed. "Could you please explain to me why such a question would occur to you?"

The conversation was definitely taking on a more serious undercurrent. It was now abundantly clear that I had better know what I was talking about it I chose to continue down this path.

I carefully scrutinized each of their faces, providing him with my answer. "Well, to be truthful it is a combination of intuition and simple deduction."

"Explain, if you will…Please." He replied, at first authoritative, but on second blush, tempered it a bit.

Now slightly nervous, I did my utmost to honor his request. "You are a vampire who has oddly dedicated himself to abstaining from what would be considered by the majority of your counterparts as instinctual hunting practices. To take it even further, you practice medicine in an effort to save even more human lives. Your entire existence is dedicated to serving some sort of self induced penance, a penance I might add for something you yourself likely had no control over. These factors combined with the exceptionally large cross upstairs and my feelings about you, well it is quite obvious to me that the dispensation of your soul is of paramount concern."

Still in the debate mentality he rebounded. "Interesting, and very astute, but even so all your conclusions could have been reached simply through intelligent observation, I see little evidence of feelings playing a part in your theory. But I am interested, how did you know we don't hunt humans."

At last an easy question.

"Well, it would take a ridiculous man to kill people to survive and then spend several lifetimes trying to save them. You are far from ridiculous. But, as I said before I have some experience with vampires. The difference between all of you and others of your kind is… quite unmistakable."

He grinned, a little smugly, especially for Carlisle. "Just as I said, everything you speak of could be easily obtained through careful observation, especially by someone, such as yourself who already knew what to look for."

I countered quickly, the nervousness gone, the gauntlet thrown down. "You are wrong, yes observation does play a part, but that alone is nothing without the certainty of feelings. Maybe you don't want to believe it, but you are no different than the rest of us, the matter of one's soul rests entirely how they choose to live the life they were given, regardless of what that life may be. I am certain of it."

He frowned, clearly he wasn't buying it. "An endearing sentiment, but there is no way anyone could actually know that."

I rolled my eyes. "For someone whose entire world is cloaked in the unexplainable you are very skeptical."

I tried to focus my thoughts on how best I could convince him. Then it came to me. "How well would you say that I know all of you?

He hesitated.

"Be honest." I ordered knowing his first inclination would fall on the side of kindness.

"Not very." He replied, now reluctant and quiet.

"This seems to be getting us nowhere, what do you say we try another tack? Let's put my "feelings" to the test shall we?

He nodded his approval.

"Excellent. Feel free to stop me if I say anything that is in any way inaccurate."

"Agreed." He smiled as he leaned back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest.

I couldn't help but smile, he looked remarkably human, hundreds of years of practice I assumed.

Without further commentary I focused my attention for the moment to Alice. "Alice you are without a doubt the sweetest, most lovable person I have ever encountered. Your enthusiasm and love for everyone and everything is infectious. You are one of those rare individuals who illuminate a room simply by entering it. As if that were not enough, you continually show extreme love, loyalty and dedication to those whom you truly love. Even with your lighthearted carefree attitude you feel a constant and immense sense of responsibility to protect your family. Nothing would deter you against sacrificing yourself if anyone you love was ever in need, including me." She impishly smiled and I knew I was right

I could see Emmett now standing on the opposite side of the room, a crease of confusion between his brows.

I smiled as I spoke to him. "Emmett, you are physically the strongest in your family. Although I am sure they don't always let you know it, it is a great source of comfort to them. But that is not what is great about you. Your greatness stems from your ability to accept and love people for who they are. You take not notice of faults. Traits that might be annoying to others you find endearing. You are utterly honest and yet still able to find the positive in every situation. These are both rare and remarkable qualities."

He grinned and pondered his shoes, for once at an apparent loss for words. They all appeared to frozen in stunned silence. I was on a roll as it were.

I then focused my attention to Esme'. "Esme', you are love, pure love, without a doubt, the heart and soul of this family. It is your assumption that your family humors you by letting you mother them. They don't…you are their mother, in the truest sense of the word. There are a few rare people that are so unique, so irreplaceable that all is left when they are gone is a big black void that can never be filled or restored. You are one such person."

If vampires could cry, Esme' appeared to be close to tears.

I smiled and turned to Carlisle. "How am I doing?"

"Dead on." He replied, stunned.

"Shall we continue?" I offered finally feeling I was getting somewhere.

Carlisle nodded his agreement.

I turned to face Rosalie. "Rosalie, you are beautiful, we all know that, some might even say a bit self absorbed. You cling to your beauty like life line. You don't need to; you are so much more than that. I can tell you carry something with you, a heavy burden of some sort, something traumatic from your past perhaps."

I carried a burden of sorts myself so it was a common thread I found easily recognizable in another.

"You think these two circumstances define you, they do not."

She frowned, clearly not pleased with what I had said thus far.

I smiled as I continued. "What makes you special is that you decide everyday to be a better person in spite of your past. What defines you is your strength. You probably won't believe me, but you are, without a doubt, the strongest here. You have a will and a determination that no one else can hold a candle to. No matter how indifferent you may appear on the outside, the truth is you will always been the last one standing in defense of anything you truly believe in or anyone whom you love."

At last, she smiled.

The room was so quiet my own breathing sounded loud to me. After a moment I realized it was because I was the only one in the room who was breathing.

The space we occupied, now omnipresently silent, there was no doubt I had their attention, each one wondering what I would reveal next, perhaps still not quite grasping where I was going with all this, but clearly interested. Patience I told myself.

I could sense Jaspers apprehension unsure what my revelations about him would be, I would save him until last.

I smiled at the family patriarch and offered, "Ready?"

"Let me have it." He joked.

I smiled broadly, this one would be easy. "You sir, are among the most kind and best of men. You have more humanity than a vast majority of humans. Your entire existence devoted entirely to helping others, with a constant endeavor to be even better than you are. A born teacher, you lead by example, having the rare quality of bringing out the absolute best in everyone your life touches. You are a truly remarkable man with an almost staggering strength of character."

I know from experience that vampires do not blush, but I could swear a saw crimson flush across Carlisle's cheeks.

I was enjoying the new circumstance of leaving my skeptic speechless. I reveled in the moment, perhaps in doing so, I had paused a bit too long.

"What about Jasper?" Alice insisted.

Looking uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed Jasper glanced away and tried to appear non-committal as he spoke. "I have no redeeming qualities to speak of, love."

Alice opened her mouth to object, but I beat her to it.

I rolled my eyes as an exasperated sigh escaped me. His words were so preposterous, I was certain my both my face and body language revealed my opinion. "Jasper, you could not be more wrong."

Now I had his complete attention. It was obvious to me that he could not fathom what positive thing I could have to say about him. I never thought I'd see the day, a vampire with low self esteem.

I proceeded. "I have saved you for last because you my friend are the best."

I stifled a giggle, in my peripheral vision I could see Alice dancing around in her seat.

"I know that sometimes you feel like the weakest link in an exceptional family. I find that astounding, because you are by far, the most exceptional."

His face changed from embarrassment to interest as his eyes bore directly into mine. He still didn't get it.

I shook my head and continued. "The life you have chosen is a greater struggle for you than anyone can possibly fathom. It is because of this that the sacrifices you make are the greatest, because you give everything you have in you to give. Every second of everyday you offer all your love, strength, determination, will and humanity. You are completely and totally committed to Alice, this family and its ideals. To let any of them down would be unthinkable to you. You are rare and precious, a truly selfless individual, which in my opinion is the by far the most admirable of all the qualities one can possess."

Jasper smiled for the first time and muttered a quiet "Thank you."

I returned my attention Carlisle. "Well, how did I do?" I asked.

"Remarkable" was his reply. "How can someone so…so…well, how can you be so astute?"

"Always the gentleman." I offered. "The hand is quicker than the eye."

"Right." He laughed.

"Now do you believe I know the truth when I see it?"

Carlisle glanced to his family for approval and quietly nodded his assention. "No, now I believe you are truth."

"Good." I replied as I stood determinedly and took an even more serious tone. "Then believe what I am about to tell you because I have never been more certain of anything than I am of this."

I paused a moment as I waited for that to sink in before continuing. "You are… every single one of you, blessed. Can't you see that? It is so plainly obvious to me that it practically borders on the absurd. Each of you possesses qualities that make you extraordinary, not a single one of these qualities has anything to do with being a vampire. They are all _human_ traits, exceptional human traits."

This all seemed so simple and straightforward to me that now felt almost as if I were teaching an elementary class.

I continued with my explanation. "We are all given a purpose and gifts to fulfill that purpose. It is what we choose to do with these that determine our fate, or rather the fate of our souls. I don't know by what design you all came to be what you are. No more than I know why both my daughter and I were drawn into your world and you into ours. What I do know that there is a purpose and a meaning to all of this. There has to be, this more than just mere coincidence. Can't YOU feel it? Every one of you can be counted among the most compassionate, humane, loving, giving and selfless people ever. Without even realizing it you save more lives in a minute than the rest of us do in a lifetime. You go against your very nature just to be worthy. I can only imagine the constant struggle that certainly must take place within each one of you."

Walking over to Carlisle I crouched down to allow our eyes to meet as I softly spoke. "Love is the measure of the size of ones heart, not the number of beats per minute or the blood that pulses through it. I promise you, the day may come when you are called home. If and when it does, I am certain that every one of you will be counted among the very best and brightest of Our Fathers's angels. So, in answer your question, no I am not afraid of you. These are the reasons for which I have entrusted to you the life of my most beloved daughter."

Standing, I crossed back over the piano bench and reclaimed my seat as I waited for the weight of my message to make its way to understanding. The purpose of all my observations and feelings taking root in their minds as my final point was made. That is with the exception of just one more.

I raised an eyebrow. "Trust me, I know things."

As if to alter my new found credibility, my stomach suddenly growled. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. "Is there any more cake? I'm starving."

Everyone suppressed giggles.

"Renee' you are so human." Esme' remarked.

"I know its all part of my charm." I joked as I tilted my head and grinned sweetly.

Carlisle's attention still focused, he got to his feet and retraced the path I had just taken. Placing a hand on my shoulder, he spoke, a smile now consuming his ethereal face.

"I believe I stand corrected. You my friend are a lot more complex then you let on… just like us. Welcome to our family." He said warmly before passing me on to his wife and daughter.

Esme' and Alice both offered hugs and quiet thank yous. The rest of the family remained oddly shy, at an apparent loss for words.

I wasn't kidding about being hungry. With more to come I was in definite need of chocolate. I decided to go find some myself when Alice popped up and began wiping my face with a tissue, with my shoes off and hers on, we were almost but not quite eye level with one another.

"Oh, I must be a sight." I realized. I'll just run upstairs and wash my face.

Alice refused to budge an inch as she continued fussing over me.

"Really, Alice I got it I…"

"We're expecting company." She interrupted, her high voice ringing.

"Oh, well I'll just make myself scarce then." I offered.

Alice appeared a little anxious and glanced nervously at Jasper, then Carlisle.

"The company is coming to see you." She finally said.

"Me?" I replied, confused. "Who would be coming here to see me? Phil? Charlie? Believe me. They've both seen me cry before."

"No, it's not Phil or Charlie. I don't know his name actually." She admitted.

I was too tired for games. Who could she be talking about? Who would come to the Cullen house to see me?

"Alice I think…"

In was then, in that moment that everything happened all at once. A blast of cold air swept through the room as the two glass doors in the back swung open. In the briefest of moments, the time it took me to turn my head, all the Cullen's surrounded me, each of them, with the exception of Alice crouched in defensive positions. I continued to look for the source of their apprehension as I directed my attention to the wide open doors, the focus of the apparent danger. I heard his voice even before my eyes found him.

"Hello Remy." Spoke the deep soft familiar voice.

Only two simple words, but they were enough. More than enough for my heart to fall to my feet and my face burn like it was on fire. The deep resonate sound of the most beautiful voice on earth.

Afraid I had only imagined it, I looked up with deliberate slowness. To my utter disbelief, there he stood, his immense form filling the wide open door way. Droplets of water covering his dark hair and open black rain coat.

My hand flew to throat, I was astounded. Unbelievably after all these years, there he was, only a few feet from me. I could not take my eyes off him. I tried to speak, but no sound came. I tried to move, but was riveted to the floor.

Finally, I choked out the most reverent of whispers. "Jonathan."

The Cullen's relaxed their positions slightly as they witnessed the poignant reunion.

Like an aberration from the past he materialized before me, just as I remembered him, extremely tall, dark and imposing. Imposing that is if not for one feature that contradicted the rest, warm smiling eyes that had always melted my heart.

I attempted to move closer to him, in an effort to bridge the now cavernous distance that lie between us.

He appeared in front of me even before I was able to complete a single step. As he reached for me, someone pushed me back and all the Cullen's except Alice once again took defensive poses between us. His unwavering gaze remained fixed on me, as he remained completely motionless showing neither sign of aggression nor defense.

Alice was the first to speak. "It's alright." She told them.

Still hesitant, no one moved.

"I've seen this." She said, pausing slightly and added. "She'll be safe, he loves her."

He loves me? Did she say he loves me? Surely she meant to say _loved_ right, past tense. They all moved out of the way. When the path was clear he took a slow step in my direction, placing a strong hand on each of my arms pulling me to him. His huge arms enveloped me as I melted into him. I could feel the coolness of his lips as he gently kissed my hair while wrapping me even tighter into his embrace. After a long moment he released me only slightly. Cupping my chin in his hand he directed my face up to his.

The expression in his dark eyes was pained, as if he himself could be on the brink of tears.

"It is good to see you." His soft voice and dark eyes each, penetrating my heart.

Bending down very slowly, he gently he pressed his lips to mine. My heart pounded wildly against my chest, the room spun, I couldn't feel my limbs. Then everything went black.

**Two**

**Waking Up**

EVEN BEFORE OPENING MY EYES I COULD HEAR THE SOUND OF mixed voices in conversation. Searching through them I struggled to find the single one I longed to hear. Was it all a dream? Had I only imagined him? If that were true, the pain and disappointment would be unbearable. As if in answer to my prayer he spoke.

His deep soft voice pained with anxiety.

"Is she alright?" He asked Carlisle.

"She's fine; it has been a long and eventful day. She just needs a moment to rest." There was a smile in Carlisle's voice and I wondered if he knew I was aware.

Unmistakably Emmett's voice came barreling though next.

"Dude, you kiss a woman and she faints? That is awesome. This one time Rose and I…Ouch! Hey, babe, I was just sayin."

"Emmett we both know that didn't hurt, but just wait, it will later." Rosalie hissed.

"I can hardly wait." He happily replied. "And by the way who is Remy? I thought Bells Mom's name was Renee'?" He directed at no one in particular.

I stifled a laugh, which I am sure did not escape Carlisle's attention. Unable to simply lie there quietly and listen to the Emmett Cullen comedy hour, I opened my eyes and found Carlisle sitting next to me about to take my pulse. Quickly I made a scan of the room for him. I didn't have to look far. He was only a few short feet away, at the foot of the couch, his brow furrowed, worry consuming otherwise perfect face.

"See? She is awake. I told you, no need to worry. She will be just fine." Carlisle assessed. "How are you feeling Renee'?" He asked.

"Stupid." I replied in full eye roll, straining to sit up.

A cold compress fell into my lap as I repositioned myself to an upright position. It was uncomfortable enough sitting in a room full of statues let alone laying down in one. The moment Carlisle cleared the way Jonathan was on his knees at my side. I gazed at him, still amazed that he was actually there. Unable to resist I touched my hand to his smooth cool cheek. I couldn't help myself; it was almost an involuntary reaction. How could I help but want to touch something so beautiful? I could feel the eyes on us and reluctantly changed directions.

"Emmett, you are comedy. Thank goodness you are here to break the tension." I smiled.

"See babe, I serve a purpose." He gloated. "I AM COMEDY."

"YES YOU ARE." She remarked wide eyed, only feigning irritation.

I ignored their playful banter and answered Emmett's question.

"I am Remy, it was a nickname my Dad tagged on me when I was a kid. He always had a habit of making up nicknames for people, it was a rare circumstance for him to refer to anyone he liked by their given name. Even as a child he would tag names on my friends, I once I had a friend named Wendy, he called her Breezy." I smiled at the image the once forgotten memory evoked before continuing.

"Anyway, the story goes, when I was about two I had trouble saying my name, I would say Re-me. He took the name made a slight adjustment and ran with it, much to my mother's dismay. The Irishman in him was ridiculously proud that his kid named herself after some rather expensive booze. When my parents named me I don't think they ever bothered putting the two names together. Once I was old enough to understand I was very happy not to have to go through life as Renee' Shea. Everyone called me Remy until I was 18."

Before anyone could ask the obvious next question I spoke again.

"I buried certain parts of me when both my Dad and Jonathan were gone; I couldn't bear to hear anyone else call me that, so I put an end to it. Remy Shea died and Renee' Swan was born."

Jonathan looked down; his beautiful face filled with pain and remorse. Immediately I regretted the unintentional pain I had caused him. Not wishing to continue to hash out my past in front of a full house, I pushed myself to my feet. Standing too quickly I wobbled a bit, but he was instantly on his feet offering me support.

"How about some fresh air?" I suggested as I gazed up at him, unable to keep the adoration off my face.

Understanding, he grinned, taking my hand he proceeded to silently lead me outside. Almost immediately everyone stood tensed. Once again Jonathan waited patiently for them to complete their assessments, appearing to be almost pleased with their precautions.

Alice stood motionless for a minute and then repeated her earlier prediction. "It's fine." She said.

My sole focus rested entirely on him, so I barely noticed Rose when she stepped forward and spoke to him. Her speech pattern so rapid I was unable to discern what she was saying. Confused, I carefully examined the two of them. Neither was in a joking frame of mind, both remaining quietly serious.

Conversely, whatever it was she had to say didn't seem to cause distress. His reply was spoken with slow distinction, so I had no trouble hearing it.

"I would hope so." He nodded as he placed an arm around my waist.

Rosalie returned the gesture, and I found myself feeling slightly jealous. Although it had been years since we had had any sort of relationship, I was not accustomed to seeing him in such close proximity to other women. I was immediately ashamed of the thought almost the minute I had it.

He led me outside, ironically through the same doors he had used to reenter my life. It was cool and damp out, but at least it wasn't raining. The fresh air felt good. Without a word he slipped out of his coat, gently placing it over my shoulders. I slid my arms through the sleeves, wrapping the coat around me tightly. I wasn't cold; simply being as close to him as possible was comforting. The wind blew lightly, temporarily clearing away the normal cloud cover, leaving a brilliant moonlit evening.

Raising my eyes to finally really look at him, I still could not believe what I saw, by God but he was beautiful. A sight for sore eyes was the old expression that came to mind. As I thought about it though, beautiful wasn't exactly right, handsome seemed a more accurate description. He had rare indefinable qualities that put him in a different league even among his exceptional peers.

I thought of how best to describe him, when a thought occurred to me. I suppose if you were to put Rock Hudson, Cary Grant, Dean Martin and vampire venom in a blender, something highly resembling Jonathan would emerge. He was very tall with dark brown, almost black hair. Tonight his eyes were black as coal rimmed with thick dark lashes. He had a unique grace of presence coupled with rare complex qualities that bespoke of gentlemen past. He was without a doubt gorgeous, slightly debonair, what could be considered as old school cool, with an edge of sorts that could only be identified as dangerous. As all these random irrelevant thoughts were racing though my head, one more sprang to mind.

"Crap!" I exclaimed.

"What, what is it?" he asked frantically while scanning me from head you toe.

"You look exactly the same!" I accused, pointing a sleeve covered finger in his face.

Smiling and shaking his head he offered, "Leave it to you to worry about such a thing at a time like this, but for your information you look exactly the same as well."

"Liar." I replied while resolutely folding my arms across my chest. "I am OLDER. The last time I looked you were older than me, now I am the old one."

"You are right." He said. "I am a liar; you do not look the same. You are more beautiful now than you ever were."

"Now I know your lying."

"Before you were a girl, now you're a woman." He raised an eyebrow and winked.

Feeling like the teenage girl he knew 18 years prior I felt the heat rise to my face, I must have turned three shades of purple. It seemed almost as though no time had passed between us. We had so much to talk about, so many questions to be asked and answered, important questions, yet we stood here in the night bantering over trivialities as if we had just seen each other yesterday. Realizing that, I decided to start with the most obvious question first.

"How did you know where to find me?"

Reaching down he lightly stroked my cheek. "I have never been far away; always close enough to be there for you if you needed me, either of you. It has not been easy to keep my distance, but it would have been a thousand times more difficult to stay completely away. I know I promised, but I just was not strong enough. I am sorry."

Just like when I was a girl, whenever he touched me I could scarcely remember my own name.

He looked down, a brief moment of shame before he continued. "Bella is beautiful Remy, almost the image of her mother. You must be so very proud; you did a good job, you made the right choice." His words were sincere, yet his voice reaped of sadness.

I listened in stunned silence as I tried to process everything he had just said. Never been far away? What does that mean? I thought about what to say next, but before I could form the question he continued.

"I had planned on keeping my distance today, I just wanted to make sure you and Bella were okay. To be honest I wanted to see her on her wedding day. I know it sounds crazy, but in some ways I feel like she belongs to me as well."

His serious expression turned to a more relaxed one. "By the way, interesting choice of grooms, a family trait I presume?" He smiled and poked me with his elbow.

That will leave a bruise I thought.

"You were here for the wedding?" I remarked surprised, refocusing on the subject at hand.

"Only for a moment during the ceremony, everyone was so caught up in the festivities that an extra vampire hanging around easily escaped notice. I planned to make myself scarce soon after, but when I realized you hadn't left, I became worried."

"Worried?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, just you in a house full of vampires, have you no thoughts of self preservation? I have to admit, I wanted a justifiable excuse to stay and be close to you. You seemed safe enough, they all came outside. That's when I heard you on the piano. That I must say… stopped me cold."

"Oh, you heard that?" I asked, embarrassed, staring down at my bare feet.

It was then that he drew me to him, holding me close to his chest. I could barely breathe, but I didn't care. Who needed air anyway?

"Remy…I am so sorry. I had no idea I had caused you so much pain. I assumed that it was I alone who suffered. I haven't come here to upset your life. I just couldn't bear to leave you in that way…again."

The memory his words provoked sent shudders though my body. I preferred to block that horrible day from my thoughts completely, it was without a doubt the blackest day in my life.

Unable to repress them any longer, all the years of being brave came relentlessly to the surface. I put my back to him in a useless attempt to hide my face, but it was no use. The tears came anyway, the minute the dam burst my shoulders began to shake, almost violently as I sobbed uncontrollably. In almost the same instant he scooped me up in his arms, cradling me almost as if I were a child as he stroked my hair. Grateful for his touch I threw my arms tightly around his neck, burying my face in his chest.

"It's alright, I'm here now. Everything is going to be alright." He cooed.

After what must have been several minutes my hysterical sobbing finally dissipated. Suddenly I felt overwhelmed by exhaustion. At last, when the sounds escaping me were barely more than whimpers, he proceeded to carry me back into the house.

My head snapped up as I protested. "No, I don't want to go back inside."

"Remy, you are exhausted, you need to sleep."

"No." I begged. "Please."

"May I ask why not?" He pleaded.

Strengthening my grip on him, I buried my face in his neck and the uncontrollable crying ensued. Placing a hand gently but firmly on the side of my face he forced me to look at him.

"Please." He begged. "Let me help you. What is it?"

"I'm afraid you'll be gone when I wake up." I cried.

An exasperated sigh escaped him. He carefully placed me down on my own two feet then held my tear stained face in both of his hands.

"Listen to me; I have spent close to two decades living on the outskirts of your life. I have kept my distance because I thought that was what you wanted. What I thought was best for you, for Bella. Now that I know you have been just as tortured as I, and Bella is safe, I don't think I could ever have the strength to walk away from you, not again, not like that. I will stay with you as long as you need me. I give you my word, I will be hear when you wake."

Not waiting for a response he lifted me into his arms and carried me back inside.

Alice was there waiting for us in the living room. Bless the Cullen's for having the courtesy to save me the humiliation of an audience at this painfully private moment. If anyone had to be witness to it I was glad it was Alice. She led Jonathan upstairs to Edward's vacant room, where he placed me on the bed.

I was ready to protest, but he was one step ahead of me. After wrapping me up in a thick comforter he took his place beside me, pulling me into the nook between his arm and his chest.

His cool lips grazed the top of my head as he kissed my hair. "Close your eyes." He ordered.

Once in his arms I couldn't help but wonder how this happened. What miracle brought him back to me the moment I needed him most. Then I realized it was no miracle after all, it was good old fashioned guilt. No matter, he was here now, his presence alone healing and for that I was grateful.

A twinge of worry impeded on my momentary peace, for I knew this joy would be short lived. I decided to put it out of my mind for now, and enjoy the fleeting warmth drifting off to sleep while wrapped in his embrace, one last time.

I slept dreamlessly and woke refreshed, oddly in exactly the same position I had fallen asleep in. Jonathan was still there, just as promised looking as perfect and handsome as ever, with his tousled hair and dark eyes smiling down at me.

"Good morning." I offered. Smiling feeling slightly guilty and very selfish for forcing him to lay in the same position wide awake all night.

"Good Afternoon." He replied.

"Afternoon? Oh no, what time is it?"

"Noon." He said slightly amused.

"NOON!" I yelped jumping out of the bed like I was spring loaded.

"Some pressing appointment perhaps?" He commented casually.

"Phil must be worried; I need to get back to the motel." I frantically explained.

"Oh yes, forgive my thoughtlessness." His mood abruptly switched from cheerful to brooding. "I believe Esme' spoke to him last night on your behalf. Of course you would want to go home to your husband."

Effortlessly he sat and swung his legs over the side of the bed as he proceeded to get up.

Immediately returning to the bed, I sat beside him.

How could I be such an unfeeling fool? How many times and how many ways could I hurt the men that I care about? Here he spent the night comforting me and at the first opportunity I leave without explanation. I made a mental note to put an end to that practice, today.

"Jonathan." I began. "Honestly I don't know what I will do, but I know I need to talk to him, he deserves an explanation. His wife did not come home last night. I realize for his protection there is only so much that he can know. But I need to offer him as much of the truth as I possibly can. This has all happened very quickly, I never expected to see you again, ever."

He nodded in understanding as his arm circled my waist he rested his chin casually on my shoulder.

"I thought you probably met some nice vampire girl and settled down." I jokingly added looking sideways at him over my shoulder.

My last comment brought a slow smile to his lips. "They're all too old for me." He joked as well.

I continued back on a serious note. "Obviously a lot has happened since yesterday. My gosh Jonathan, Bella is married. I am terrified of losing her. I am sick and tired of every relationship in my life having an expiration date stamped on it. I have a lot to consider and think about. So many questions need to be answered. I need time to sort all this out. I refuse to waste years of Phil's life while I spend the rest of mine pining for you, to do to him what I did to Charlie. Then theres you… Wasting your life worrying over me, it's not fair to you to be saddled with an old mortal woman that will one day die anyway. Maybe everyone would be better off if I went it alone."

"Please don't say that." He reasoned. "If anyone deserves to be loved, it's you."

It didn't escape my attention that he didn't volunteer for the position.

I spoke softly. "Please understand, I need to talk to him. If anything is going to change I need to start doing things differently, ok? We have a flight scheduled to return Jacksonville this afternoon. For once in my life I am not going to make rash decisions. Having said that I know that leaving here now would be too painful to even consider, and he would be the one to pay that price. Too much has happened for me to pretend otherwise. I do love him; he has been good both to me and Bella. The last thing I want to do his hurt him, but I can't continue to run from the truth, not now, not anymore."

I searched his expression, it revealed nothing but warmth and understanding.

"Will you wait for me here until I get back? Please?"

"Your wish is my command." A slow smile formed on his face as he grazed the back of his hand down my cheek.

Pins and needles pulsed through my body as I tried desperately to hang on to my focus.

"If it's alright with the Cullen's I think I'll stay in Forks a while longer while I figure things out."

His expression eased somewhat, a warm smile appeared, he leaned over and kissed my cheek, then motioned for me to get up. "Go." He said, a one word reply, to my long winded explanation.

A habit of lengthy speeches seemed to be developing over the last couple of days. A strange behavior for me, what was even more surprising was that everyone seemed to be actually listening.

Now smiling broadly, I returned his kiss in kind, jumped off the bed and sprinted to the bathroom. One look at my reflection and I practically screamed in fright. Talk about scary, vampires had nothing on me. My face appeared as though it had been hit by a truck, a fast truck, with very large tread on its tires.

Surveying the immediate area I was relieved to find that someone, most likely Alice, had brought my things upstairs. The clothes I had worn yesterday (before my wedding makeover), my handbag with its array of girly essentials, a new toothbrush and a fresh towel. Thank the merciful heavens.

After taking a steaming hot shower, I blew my long hair out straight and applied fresh makeup. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot from all the crying, I needed all the help I could get. I threw on my jeans, t-shirt, gray v-neck sweater and Jack Purcells.

"Old habits die hard." I muttered to myself as I tied the final lace on a brand of sneakers I'd worn since I was a kid.

Upon exiting the bathroom I heard a loud and resounding whistle coming from vicinity of the bedroom.

As I peeked around the corner, I saw Jonathan stretched diagonally across the massive bed hands poised behind his head, looking exceptionally human and extremely perfect. Both he and Carlisle must have gone to the same school of human nuances, I mused to myself.

"Could I interest you in a drive-in and a milk shake young lady?" He teased as his eyes looked me up and down.

"Very funny, just so you know, Drive-ins became obsolete about twenty years ago."

"My point is, you are worried about being old and you look like a teenager, a sexy teenager."

"Dirty old man."

"Exactly." He replied with a satisfied smirk.

Ignoring him I suggested. "Let's go downstairs and face the music shall we?"

Before I had even finished my sentence he was on his feet and at my side. I paused, recalling something from yesterday that I'd forgotten to ask about. "By the way, what did Rosalie say to you last night?"

Curling his arms around me from behind, he spoke softly into my ear. "She said if I harmed one hair on your head I would never make it out of this house alive."

"She did?" I asked, twisting around to face him, making certain he wasn't kidding.

"She did indeed."

Concentrating, I tried to remember his reply when it finally came to me. "You said I would hope so."

"That is correct. Apparently you have made as great an impression on the Cullen's as you have on me."

As we descended the stairs I could hear muffled conversation coming from the dining room. I knew Jonathan could hear every word.

"How much trouble am I in?" I asked.

Confused, he replied. "Silly girl, no trouble. They are just worried about you… and me."

"You?" I questioned.

"Whether or not I am safe, for you to be around I mean."

"Oh."

As we entered the room, Carlisle and Esme' were seated side by side holding hands on top of the table. Rosalie and Alice were seated opposite them while Jasper and Emmett hung out in the back.

For some reason I got the impression they were waiting for us. My heart began beating wildly, what must they think? To the outside observer the circumstances do not boast favor. An ex-husband in town, one whom I left broken hearted, a current husband sitting by himself in the local motel, while his wife cavorts with her vampire ex-boyfriend in their sons very recently vacated upstairs bedroom.

I should be taken out back and shot. Quickly inventorying the room, I had anticipated serious faces, but what I found instead was a room of smiles. Collecting my thoughts, I opened my mouth to form some sort of apology when Alice bounded out of her chair to give me me a hug.

"You look so pretty today." She complimented.

"I..err…Thank you. I am so Sorr..."

"Yeah, you look like Bella." Emmett boomed from the back of the room.

"I just want to tell y…." I started.

"Are you hungry Renee'?" Esme' offered.

"No, I'm fine, thank you Esme'. I feel so terrible ab..."

"There still cake and champagne!" Alice inserted. Everyone seemed amused. What is going on I wondered? Why don't they seem angry? Totally confused I decided to try one more time.

"Can we please talk?" I asked.

"Of course, Renee'. What's on your mind? Carlisle responded nonchalantly.

What is on my mind? Is he kidding? Either these are the most understanding vampires in existence or I am slowly losing my mind, probably the latter. Squaring my shoulders I braced myself for the impending onslaught. I glanced to Jonathan, hoping for some moral support.

His arms were folded casually across his chest as he leaned against the door jam, appearing not to have a care in the world. How did he do that? He looked more human than me. The possibility of my sanity slowly slipping away seemed more likely every minute.

I began. "First I want to apologize for my behavior last night, it was unforgiveable. I have no excuse except to say I am sorry. I…"

Esme' interrupted me. "Renee' dear, are you under the impression that we are mad at you?"

"Well, um, yes." I said weakly.

"Why would we be angry with you of all people? For years you have carried an incredible burden. You were forced to make an impossible decision. A decision I might add that resulted in your daughter's happiness and ultimately our sons. We have nothing but the highest regard and affection for you dear."

Still uncertain if I had heard her correctly, I stared at Jonathan in disbelief, searching his eyes for confirmation. I didn't need to look very hard to find it. He was grinning from ear to ear. Swallowing hard, I fought desperately to choke back the tears, not wanting to put on yet another crying display for the in-laws.

An eloquent thoughtful retort was in order, but utter shock had left me speechless. I was only able to muster the simplest of responses. "Thank you, thank you for understanding."

I continued. "I know we still have a lot to talk about, but I was wondering if we could delay that discussion until this evening. I need to go see Phil."

Carlisle stood, "Of course, Renee' whenever you are ready. Would you like one of us to drive you or would you prefer to use one of the cars?"

"I can drive myself, if that would be alright. I was also wondering if you would mind, that is if it would be okay for me to stay with you a few days. I just need a little time to sort this all out."

"Don't be silly, you are family. You are both welcome here for as long as you like." Esme' offered graciously.

"You can take my car." Alice offered excitedly

Rosalie voiced her two cents. "She can't drive the Porsche. You can take my car Renee', its sunny out today, we can put the top down!"

"We'll keep Jonathan company and he can fill us all in on what you were like pre-Bella." Alice chirped as she danced around the table.

Dear lord give me strength was all I could think. Rosalie escorted me to the garage. On my way out I gave Jonathan a peck on the cheek and ordered him to be good.

"Not a chance." He smirked.

Then more seriously he added, "Good luck, I will be here for you no matter what happens."

Hurrying outside, I decided to leave while I still had the courage. Once inside the garage Rose assisted me in putting the top down, her BMW much more complex than my old VW, the help was very much appreciated. As I exited the garage I could see that her weather forecast had been on the money, what a beautiful afternoon it was. The only time I had seen the sun since my arrival. I considered it ironic that the sun would finally shine today of all days. Dread consumed me as I thought about the conversation that was about to take place with Phil. Even as apprehensive as I was, the sunshine still served to cheer me and boost my spirits. As I drove, I hoped that the perfect words would come, words that would explain the situation with love, kindness and clarity. The latter being the only one of the three I normally lacked.

Slowing the car, I entered the almost vacant motel parking lot. He hurried out of our room to meet me.

What was I going to say? What excuse could I offer? As we hugged it was clear by the by the look of apprehension on his face that he knew something was not right. Instinctively realizing the parking lot was not the place, he guided me into the room. Offering me the only chair available, he sat himself at the foot of the unmade bed. The expression on his face pained but supportive as he waited for me to speak.

Where do I start? It seemed an insurmountable task to explain things that I didn't even understand myself. As I considered how best to proceed, my hands began to tremble slightly.

Handling difficult situations has never been my strong suit. Since leaving Forks I have developed a pattern of running away rather than stopping to deal with anything unpleasant.

Witnessing my obvious distress Phil became immediately concerned. Quickly changing positions he knelt down on the floor directly in front of me.

"What is it hon, what's happened, its okay you can tell me." He said softly.

Sighing heavily, I promised myself, it would all stop now. All the years of running away and choosing to escape reality were over.

After clearing my throat I decided the best course was to just get on with it. "I have never spoken much about my life here in Forks, to anyone. Over the years I have, allowed people to make their assumptions as to what took place here. Most seemed to assume I left because I hated living in a small town, that I felt trapped."

Pausing only for a moment I took a deep breath and continued. "This was not the case. A certain series of events, all of which to me were catastrophic, made living here intolerable. The specific details of which are too complicated and painful to go into, so I would rather not. I tried to make it work with Charlie, but it was no use. I simply didn't possess the strength to cope with the memories and the pain, so I ran and left it all behind me. Taking my baby with me, I moved to a completely different city, and started a new life."

Rubbing my legs, he finally spoke. "Babe, you don't want to tell me what happened?"

In order to tell him about my past I would have to tell him about Jonathan. For Jonathans as well as his own safety that was a story he would never hear.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I made a conscious decision to close the door on this place, and pretty much everything that took place before Bella was born. This is the one and only decision in my life that I have remained completely committed to. If it makes you feel any better, no one knows the entire truth, not even Charlie."

Having him kneel in front of me was unnerving. It would have been easier if he were mad, or at least less understanding. Determined to get it all out I stood and began to nervously pace the small room. Phil took the chair I had vacated, his eyes following my every move.

I continued. "Being here again after all this time has had an unsettling effect on me. Basically, I had a meltdown last night at the Cullen's. Everything that I had hidden long ago came rushing back, all of it playing out with embarrassing detail in front of the new in-laws. It is abundantly clear to me now that I have no other choice but to stop running. I will never be any good to myself or anyone else if I don't stop now and deal with the demons I left behind here in this place."

His brow furrowed slightly as the message of my words took root. "You're not coming back to Jacksonville with me." It wasn't a question.

Now I knew why I spent years avoiding relationships, just these types of situations. I couldn't bare the look on his face. I was ashamed of myself, the proof in the tears that slid down my cheeks.

Unable to face him I stared out the dingy window. "No I'm not, please believe me, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I cannot keep hiding and still keep my sanity. I can't explain exactly why, but several things have happened that makes that now impossible."

Taking his ball cap off, he scratched the top of his head and then replaced it. "Is it all the traveling? Being away from Bella?

"It's not the traveling. I love that part of being with you. But I have to be honest being so far from Bella has been hard, far more difficult than I ever imagined. She believes she came here for me. We both know that I wanted her to come here for her own good, and for Charlie. I left with her when she was only a few months old. I owed both of them this time before she went off to college. I just never considered that her getting married would be a part of the equation. Part of the problem is that now that she is married she won't ever be coming home. In truth I have been worried about it for some time, even before we came out for the wedding. I just didn't know what to do about it. After what happened last night I know there is no way I can live with a 2500 mile distance between me and my child."

If I had taken a moment to stop and analyze the situation, I would find that the main reason I remained at the Cullen's the previous night. I was trying to prolong simply going back to my own life and leaving her to hers.

I had been cut off from my parents at the same age and it did not serve me well. True, Jonathan being back was a huge factor in all of this, but he wasn't the only one.

"I see." Words spoken through clenched teeth, now he was angry.

"I am a horrible person, every life I touch I destroy. Phil, I am not leaving you. Right now all I am asking is some time to sort things out."

Exasperated, he said. "Renee' for someone who is so good at reading other people, you are terrible at seeing yourself." He shook his head in frustration. "I know you would never intentionally hurt me. You may not always say or do the perfect thing but I've never seen anyone try harder."

He started pacing as his tone took a harsher edge. "Let's look at his for what it is, I'm not stupid alright? You are not leaving me but you want to move to Washington?"

"We could move here…together." I offered but silently wondering how that would work when he eventually realized the Cullen's were… different.

"Right now my life and career are in Florida. We both agreed we would follow baseball together, if you no longer wish to do that, that pretty much sounds like leaving to me."

He appeared thoughtful for a moment as if he were carefully choosing his next words.

He continued. "I knew something bad happened to you here. It had to for you to refuse to ever talk about this place. I guess I just assumed we would eventually discuss it when you were ready. It's obvious to me that I am not the person you want to share that with. If I were, we would be working through this together. The question is, is there anyone you would completely confide in?"

I briefly considered that a moment. I could only think of one.

"So what now?" He asked.

"I'm going to stay here in Forks, for the time being."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, but said nothing. I took that as my cue that he was waiting for more information.

"With the Cullen's." I added.

"I suppose that makes sense; you'll be here when Bella and Edward get home. I have to admit, I knew something was up. You haven't been the same for months, even before they announced their engagement."

Folding his arms squarely across his chest he faced me. "As I see it we are dealing with two separate issues: One, you want to stay here to work through some things and two, you don't want to be separated from Bella. Is that right?"

"I'm not saying we have to live next door to her, but living on the other side of the country is unacceptable. So, in a nut shell, yes that's it exactly."

"Well." He began. "That leaves me with only one more thing to say."

"What's that?" I asked, fearing his reply

"I have a plane to catch."

Suddenly irritated I inserted, "So let me get this straight, it's acceptable for us to relocate from Phoenix to Florida for you, but you would not even consider relocating for us?"

He frowned. "This is not fair… you knew what you were getting into when you married me. Baseball is the only thing I know. You seriously cannot expect me to give it up."

"They don't have baseball in the upper north west?" I replied sarcastically.

I never anticipated our conversation would veer down this path, but the fact that both my daughter and I cared about him enough to support his dreams and he wouldn't even consider ours, frankly got my Irish up.

"Renee' enough, I cannot move here and you know it. Besides Bella is an adult now. She's married. Don't you think it's time you let go?"

His words and his manner now hostile, but who could blame him, a bomb had just been dropped in his lap. Maybe he just needed some time. My only other choice would have been to say nothing and return to Florida with him. Eventually that would have taken us down the same road Charlie and I had traveled.

"She is only 18, and besides it is irrelevant how old she is, she is still my child. She is all the family I have left." I fought the angry tears threatening to sting my eyes.

"So what does that make me, an acquaintance?" He commented dryly, his tone dripping in sarcasm. "As fun as this is, as I said before, I have a plane to catch."

"Can I drive you to the airport? We can talk some more on the way." I asked still apprehensive.

"Fine." His tough veneer melted only slightly.

This is going to be one long ride, I thought to myself.

We talked most of the hour and a half ride, in the end agreeing to an indefinite separation with a promise to keep in contact by phone and email. He asked that I give Bella his love when she returned, but was adamant that he would not be returning to Forks. However he made it clear he would be waiting for me in Florida, should I develop a change of heart.

Our parting at the airport was emotional, as I knew it would be. It was clear that we had both considered the possible finality of the situation. His stubborn refusal to even consider other options to our life surprised me. I would have expected him to be more sympathetic. I considered that my expectations had been juvenile, it seemed to be an old habit of mine always expecting to get my way, perhaps a remnant of growing up an only child.

Even though I was sad, for the first time in a long time I felt a certainty that I was on the right course. Pulling away from the airport curb I remembered how just a few days ago I was arriving at this very spot, apprehensive over my young daughter's marriage and a town that held so much love and heartache for me. That woman seemed like a stranger now, feeling as though now I was a different person entirely, wide awake and miraculously unafraid for the first time in years.

**Three**

**Overdue Explanations**

AS I REENTERED THE CITY LIMITS STRANGELY EVERYTHING BEGAN TO take on a different meaning. Instead of the expected dread of sights of times long past, warmth enveloped me. Almost on cue a familiar sight inched its way into my view, as I began to pass my foot involuntarily lifted off the excelerator. An odd feeling rose within me, one that could only be described as a sort of homecoming. The place evoking such unexpected emotion was a local watering hole, Uncle Mick's. The weathered sign advertised it to be a restaurant that served cocktails. The truth was that it was a dive bar that happened to serve food. The locals referred to it simply as Mick's. It was located on the outskirts of town, and was owned and operated by a sweet colorful Irish couple, Michael and Maeve Connolly. At least it had been when I was a girl. The official story was that they had named the place after the proprietor, but I had always felt it was more of a tongue and cheek reference to their heritage.

My Dad and Mr. Connolly had been best friends since I was little, this I always assumed was the primary reason my parents had chosen to move to the small town of Forks when my Dad had retired.

As I approached the place I slowed the car to take a look, it appeared surprisingly unchanged, maybe just a tad worse for wear. A smile came to my lips as I thought of my Dad and this place. I recalled the nights my Mom sent me here to fetch him after he and Mr. C. had spent the evening watching a game and having a few beers.

My Dad had been born in Donegal Ireland, and came to America with his family as a small boy. As a man, his accent was slight, but I always found it surprising how the lilt of his brogue always became more pronounced whenever he enjoyed a pint at the pub with the "lads" as he affectionately referred to his middle aged friends.

Then I recalled Maeve Connolly's cooking, heaven on a plate. While her husband's domain was the bar, she was without a doubt the boss of the kitchen. Closing my eyes, I was able to remember with vivid clarity the most mouth watering corned beef and cabbage on the planet, huge juicy hamburgers stuffed with melted cheese. Suddenly I was starving, it occurred to me that I had not eaten since the day before, and I wasn't surprised. It was highly unlikely that Maeve still did the cooking, but I hoped she passed on her secrets to the establishment's current chef. Although I was eager to get back to Jonathan and the Cullen's, I considered to prudent for me to stop and get a bite since they didn't eat.

Maneuvering the car into the lot, I settled on a spot in back. There were only about four other cars parked there. Well, I thought now is as good a time as any to start facing the past. A cheeseburger with everything would pave the way.

Upon entering the darkened tavern, I paused just inside the doorway, giving my eyes a chance to adjust. As soon as I was able to focus I breathed a sigh of relief as I absorbed the familiarity of the old place. The long slightly battered wooden bar, behind it a large mirror still bearing the name of the old proprietor. Booths on opposite side covered in faded green leather and the old jukebox perched on the worn wood floor at the far end. Not much had changed, oddly enough it was comforting. It reminded me of my Dad and I was happy. My momentary euphoria was interrupted by an obnoxious voice coming from the direction of the bar.

"Can I help you?" barked the bartender.

Unfazed, I strolled over to the bar and slid onto a familiar stool.

"Um…sure, can I get a coke?" I replied, my eyes still darting around the room, taking in all the nostalgia.

"Lady, this is a bar, not a soda fountain." He remarked sarcastically, glancing to a couple of older men at the opposite end of the bar as he jerked a disapproving chin at me.

I thought about how best to proceed. "Vitamin R then."

His irritated expression relaxed somewhat, I assumed I was granted a small reprieve for knowing the nickname of Rainier, the local beer. He moved to the tap to fill the glass and placed it down in front of me, its head almost bigger than his.

"Anything else lady?" he asked curtly.

"Yes please, I'd like some beer to go with my foam." I joked.

"What? You lost me lady, you want anything else or not."

I giggled at my own joke and considered using smaller words next time so Einstein would understand.

I cleared my throat. "Umm…yeah, you guys still serve food?"

He folded his arms across his chest, resting them on his rather large mid-section. He took a small step to the right and lifted one chubby finger to point to a sign directly behind him. The sign read Uncle Mick's Restaurant and Bar.

At the sight of the sign I absently understood the rude bartenders meaning. But I really wasn't paying attention. Something else had caught my interest. There, behind the bar, under the sign was a familiar face smiling back at me. It was a face I loved. I remembered the photo of my Dad and Mr. C., but never expected it to still be there after all these years. It had been taken the last night we were all here together as a family. The photograph itself slightly yellowed and tattered showing its age. Seeing it brought back a flood of memories, wonderful memories. I started to get teary eyed, not wanting to cry in front of this guy, I tried to fight them off before he took notice.

"Oh geez, you going to cry now?" He exclaimed.

Embarrassed, I glanced to the men sitting at the end of the bar. One was on his cell phone and seemed to take no notice of me; the other was staring directly at me and grinning. Weird, I thought.

"Well, you want to order something else or not lady."

"I'll have a cheeseburger." I responded dryly, trying to sound casual, choosing something any kitchen would serve, not even daring to ask to see a menu.

He gawked at me, his expression predictably blank. I could tell by the steam threatening to escape his ears that he was attempting to concentrate on on a thought of some sort. Briefly I had considered just giving up, paying for the beer and leaving, but I didn't want to.

After so long I was finally ready, ready be here, ready to remember. For the moment, all I wanted was to sit and think of my Dad and how he would sit in this very spot enjoying as only he could, a pint and a laugh.

Quickly, I decided I wasn't about to let this jerk ruin it for me.

"I got it!" he yelped. "Your Chief Swan's Ex, aren't you?"

"Can I just order a cheeseburger, pleeese?" I replied attempting to ignore his question."

"What are you doing hanging around here? Trying to find some other poor schmuck you can lead on and dump?"

Now I realized who this guy was. It was Mick and Maeve's bratty son Junior. Except for the bald head, watery eyes and extra pounds I could see he hadn't changed a bit. It was definitely time to go.

Finally giving up I ignored his moronic question, slid off the stool and reached into my pocket.

"What do I owe you? I asked resigning defeat.

"It's on me." I heard the familiar voice call from behind me.

Charlie appeared over my shoulder, slamming a twenty dollar bill on the bar, never taking his eyes off Junior.

"Hey, Charlie." He replied smugly. "I was just telling this broad th…"

He never got a chance to finish. Charlie practically vaulted over the bar at him, grabbing him by the back of his neck he slammed his face down on the bar, hard. When he pulled his head back blood gushed from Junior's nose.

"You broke my nose!" He squealed.

"Now." Charlie said, while retaining his grip on Junior. "Do you see this beautiful lady? She is the mother of my child." Then he angled Junior's broken and bleeding face back behind the bar. "More importantly, she is Tommy Shea's only daughter." He said pointing to the picture of my Dad and Mr. C. "Don't ever let me hear you disrespect her again. Are we clear?"

This was the first and only time I had ever seen Charlie lose his temper. Still in shock I stared at him in awed silence. Just when you think you know someone entirely, you don't. Charlie was like an onion, so many layers yet to be revealed. It had always been a mistake of mine to underestimate him. It is an error that many make in mistaking kindess for weakness. My daughter's father was anything but weak.

It was then that the kitchen doors flapped open and out walked tiny Maeve Connolly wiping her hands on her apron. She had to be in her seventies; I couldn't believe she was still here. I was so happy to see her, I almost forgot about the altercation.

"What's going here?" She barked.

"Sorry Maeve had to teach your boy here some manners." Charlie offered.

"What did he do now?" She answered, glaring at her son.

"He insulted my wife."

"Ex-wife." Junior sarcastically remarked.

His mother raised herself up onto the tips of her toes, smacking her son so hard on the back of his head that his chin hit his chest.

"Ow! Ma!" He cried.

"Shut up and learn something." She ordered.

Then she narrowed her eyes at me, for a moment I thought I was in trouble too until she held out her small yet sturdy arms to embrace me. After squeezing me tightly she held me at arm's length for a better view, then reaching up, she took my face in her weathered hands.

"Let me look at you child. You are the image of your father, God rest his soul and the soul of my sweet Mick." She said while quickly making the sign of the cross. "Remy Shea, as I live and breathe, I never thought I'd see you again. Welcome home dear."

I thought that seeing old familiar faces would be difficult, but surprisingly it was comforting. My parents would be happy that I was here, for they had no dearer friends than the Connolly's.

"I'm so sorry about Uncle Mick, he was a wonderful man." I offered my belated sympathies, immediately feeling guilty for not having possessed the strength to return home for the funeral.

"That he was dear, that he was. He's up in heaven now looking at a match with your Da. I keep thinking that soon it will be my turn, but then who will be left to keep watch on the place and that one." She rolled her eyes and jerked a thumb at her disappointing offspring.

"Have you kids eaten?" She raised a reprimanding eyebrow at both Charlie and me.

"We're fine Maeve." Charlie smirked at a 38 year old man still being referred to as a kid.

"Nonsense, nonsense." She retorted. "Sit down and I'll fix you both something."

Knowing better than to argue Charlie and I took a seat in a booth in the back. I noticed Charlie nodded and said thanks to the man sitting at the end of the bar as we passed.

"What's that all about?" I asked.

"That's Ike, Ike Harnett from the mill. He called me on my cell to let me know Junior was giving you a hard time."

"Oh."

"Renee', what are you doing here, alone?" His knowing face was forming an expression of moderate concern.

"I was on my way back from dropping Phil at SeaTac; I was starving, so I thought I'd stop." I thought of my new resolution to face things and continued. "This place holds a lot of happy memories; you know Pops loved this place and the Connolly's. I guess you could say I was taking a trip down memory lane."

"I can understand that." He replied softly.

Junior walked over to our table holding two beers, he had toilet paper sticking out of one of his nostrils. Carefully he set the drinks down before us.

"Ma said I should apologize, it's on the house." He mumbled, shot a worried glance at Charlie and walked away before either of us could respond. I know it never occurred to him that he never actually apologized.

We looked and each other and grinned, both unable to suppress a laugh.

"Thank you Charlie, for coming to my rescue." I said while lifting my glass. He smiled and raised his to meet mine. "So much has happened in the last couple days I'm not sure I could handle any more drama." I added.

He smiled, "Your welcome, I'm sorry I got a little carried away though."

"I have never seen you lose your temper before, it was kind of hot. Too bad there were no single girls around to witness your chivalry." I teased.

He laughed, only slightly embarrassed. "Same old Remy, oh, um sorry, Renee'."

"It's alright; I'm warming up to that name again."

"What?" He remarked, surprised.

I could see the cop in Charlie starting to put the pieces together. First I drop Phil at the airport, then I am in my father's old saloon alone, and after years of adamant refusal, I now have no problem being referred to by my old nickname. I decided to come clean and not make him pry the information out of me. He deserved that much.

I must have not been paying attention because Maeve appeared out of nowhere holding two steaming plates of corned beef and cabbage.

"Here we are." She sang. "Specialty of the house, enjoy!" She was gone as quick as she appeared. I thought I saw her slip Charlie a wink, but I wasn't quite sure.

Unsure on how to proceed, we both ate in silence for a few moments. I finally decided the best course was to just give him the facts.

I blurted out. "I've decided to stay with the Cullen's for a while."

I expected a response, but he just stared at me, his expression inquisitive.

"Being back here, having Bella married, has forced me to face a lot of things I would rather have not. This place has a way of bringing my past back to me in sharp focus. I was hoping to take some time to deal with some of them."

Charlie was looking at me thoughtfully, but it was clear he had no plans of interrupting me. This was the most we had talked in years. Then I recalled how I left, abruptly with weak explanations; Time to start dealing.

I sighed and proceeded. "Charlie, I know you think I left because I hated living in a small town. You thought I didn't love you."

He looked down, absently shoving the food around the plate with his fork. Abruptly, he dropped the utensil in his hand and pushed the plate away. "It's alright you don't have to do this."

"I think it's time we talked about it, don't you?" I stared directly into his eyes. He was frowning, but he nodded so I continued.

"The best way I can think to describe it is to say I was broken, seriously broken. At the time it seemed to me that my once perfect life had been demolished by a parade of tragedy. Some things you knew about, some I kept from you. I tried to overcome them, but it was just too hard. I did love you, I loved living here. I thought once we were married and Bella was born that things would get better, they were worse."

Only twice before had had I seen a more pained expression on Charlie's face. The first time was the day we lost my father and the second was the day I left him.

He spoke only one word. "How?"

"Everything here served as a reminder, I couldn't stop being sad. I tried, but I'm ashamed to say I just wasn't strong enough. It wasn't fair to you or Bella. You were a great husband, my best friend. I felt like I was messing up your life. It seemed like every single day I was letting you down in some way. I figured if it weren't for me, you would be happy. I thought if I left you would find someone better to love, someone worthy who wasn't such an emotional cripple. I wanted to be a better mother to Bella; I hoped I would have a better chance at that if I were away from the memories here.

In retrospect it all probably sounds foolish now, but I was trying to make a better life for all of us, now I'm not sure I did such a good job."

When he finally spoke there were tears in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me all of this then?" His words were barely audible.

"Because I was a stupid kid, because I was in pain, because I knew you would never let me go."

I reached across the table, taking his hands in mine.

"I am sorry, so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. It wasn't my intention, but that's no excuse."

"You know." He said quietly. "I always thought that it was my fault, that if I had been better you would have stayed."

"You loved me more than I deserved, it was never you." I assured him and meant every word.

He reluctantly released one of my hands, brushed a stray tear from his cheek and returned his hand.

"I did love you Charlie, I do love you, I've always have. I couldn't have chosen a better father for Bella. As hard as I tried, and I did try, it just wasn't enough to overcome… some things."

"Thank you Rem, I love you too you know, that has never changed."

I needed to ask him something, but I was afraid. Charlie had always been so good to me. By way of comparison I was severely lacking. I knew I deserved nothing from this man, if he rejected me, well then I guess I had it coming.

"I've missed you Charlie, really missed you over the years. I've wanted so badly for us to be friends again, you know like when we were kids. Everything that we have been through, everything that I have done seemed to make it impossible." I paused, terrified to even utter the next words.

"Do you think we could try and be friends again?" My hands started to shake, so I pulled them away and put them in my lap.

Nothing I did ever got by Charlie, he reached his hands across the table and motioned to me for mine. "Honey, you're trembling, why are you trembling?"

"I'm afraid at what you will say; I know I don't deserve it, after everything I put you through."

"Listen to me." He began. "I know you did the best you could, you tried to tell me the truth but I didn't want to hear it. You never intended for it to end the way it did, I know that. Honey, you never have to ask me to be your friend, it's a given."

His kindness was overwhelming.

"Thank you Charlie."

"You're welcome Remy." He smiled and used my old nickname for the first time since before our daughter was born.

The ancient jukebox in the corner came into focus stirring up another old memory, causing me to smile at the thought of it.

"What?" He asked.

"I'll be right back." I got up and left a confused Charlie in the booth and crossed the room to the jukebox. Quickly scanning the choices I found the one I was looking for. It was once again comforting to see that some things never changed. Returning to Charlie I found him now standing, one arm perched casually on the back of the booth, a puzzled look on his face.

"What are you up to?"

"Charlie, would you do something for me if I asked you?"

"I'd do anything for you, you know that." He replied without hesitation.

"Would you dance with me to our song, just once for old time sake?" I hesitated slightly, biting my bottom lip.

"Honey, we never had a song." There was a touch of sadness to his tone.

"Of course we did, at least I had one for us. I just never told you. Uncle Mick put it on the jukebox for me a couple months before I left."

He placed his hand over his mouth, as if he were at a loss for words. I waited quietly for my answer.

"I can't wait to hear it, and yes I would love to dance with you."

This was something I should have done a long time ago. Maybe then he would have better understood. Trotting back over to the jukebox I deposited two quarters and pressed the buttons that corresponded to our song. By the time I turned back around I found him in the middle of the small dance floor waiting for me, his fingers slid down inside his pockets, thumbs sticking out casually resting on his belt loops, the once familiar picture bringing a slow smile to my lips. I bridged the short distance between us. Reaching for my hand he pressed it to his heart as he placed the other around my waist.

"I am warning you, this is one of those sappy country songs, George Straight." I confessed. The melody alone was so sad and romantic that George could have been singing the phone book and it still would have evoked emotion.

"Perfect." He lied. "I love sappy."

It took a minute for the record to drop, and finally the familiar tune started playing. I rested head on his shoulder as we began to sway to the music.

"_Blues outside my door, I don't even know if it's raining_

_But I've been here before and I don't want to be here again_

_Every now and then voices on the wind_

_Call me back to the first time_

_Far away and clear you can hear the tear drops_

_Falling for the last in love_

He pulled me even closer and lowered his cheek to rest on mine. The song was both sad and beautiful at the same time, much like our relationship had been. I next lyrics hit home, so much so that I softly sang them so only he could hear.

_If I let you down, all I can say is I'm sorry_

_Now it's all over town so I don't want to hear it from you._

_Please don't look away its hard enough to say_

_This could go on forever_

_When the night is clear I can hear the teardrops_

_Falling for the last in love_

He released my hand, wrapping both his arms around my waist to hold me even tighter. As he buried his face in my hair I tightened my hold on him as well.

_Every now and then voices on the wind_

_I may love you always and always_

_Far away and clear I can hear the tear drops_

_Falling for the last in love_

_Calling for the last in love_

_Will we always be the last in love?"_

By the end of the song I was barely able to choke out the final words. Afraid I would be unable to hold back the tears I kept my head resting on this shoulder. We held each other for what seemed to be a long time, when finally lifted his face to mine; there were tears in his eyes as well.

"Thank you." Was all he said as he leaned to place a soft sweet kiss on my lips.

Still holding hands we returned to our booth, reclaiming our seats. Both unsure as what to say next we remained silent for a few moments.

"What are your plans now?" He grinned slightly and looked at me across the table with the same understanding brown eyes I remembered from our youth.

"I'm not really sure, but I have a feeling I'm on the right track." I grinned back.

"Well, here's to being on the right track." Charlie proposed while raising his glass.

We had our toast and finished our delicious dinners, making sure to consume every bite even though by now they were a bit cold. Hurting Maeve's feelings was out of the question. On our way out we stuck our head in the kitchen for quick goodbyes and a promise to return. Junior looked more than happy to see us go. We were so engrossed in our own world we hadn't noticed the bar had filled up with people. People whose sole focus of attention appeared to be us.

I observed. "It looks like we're the talk of the town Chief Swan. You better call Sue and do some damage control."

"Who?" He asked innocently while trying to suppress a grin.

"Sue Clearwater, your girlfriend." I teased.

"Sue is not my girlfriend, she happens to be my friend and the widow of another dear friend." He partially lied.

"We were friends too, remember? So, you can keep telling yourself that, but if I were you I would call your "friend" when you get home before she gets jealous."

"Ridiculous." He replied completely unconvincingly.

Once outside after walking me to Rosalie's car, he opened the door and waited for me to slide in before firmly closing it after me. Leaning down, I was given a kiss on the cheek and an official sounding order to drive safe. Now slightly concerned for the time, I started the engine and backed out of the parking spot.

Hearing a short beep of a car horn I stopped as he pulled up along beside me, his window rolled down.

"I'm following you back to the Cullen's." He stated resolutely.

"What? Why?" I asked, moderately surprised.

"It's getting dark, there are no lights on the road to their house, and you've been drinking."

"One beer, over the course of a couple hours." I protested. "Besides, so have you."

"I am not a light weight like you. Besides, I know these roads, you don't. Not to hurt your feelings, but you're a terrible driver."

Only mildly insulted I childishly stuck my tongue out at him and hit the gas.

As we approached the Cullen house I became anxious. Back at Mick's I hadn't stopped to consider what would happen if Charlie saw Jonathan. I wasn't sure how much Charlie had remembered about him. I'd been gone far longer than I had anticipated, Jonathan was probably worried.

Just as I had feared, as we pulled up the front door flew open, and Jonathan appeared. Carlisle and the rest of the family followed. Because of the crowd of people Charlie took no notice of Jonathan at first. Getting out of the cruiser he moved directly over to Carlisle.

"I ran into Renee' in town, I thought I should see her back, your road is a bit precarious at night." He said while offering his hand.

"Thank you Charlie, it's good to see you, would you like to come in?" Carlisle offered.

"Thanks, but I should get going." He waved and turned to leave. That's when he noticed him.

Charlie seemed to fume almost instantly. The single reoccurring thought in my mind was, oh crap.

Through gritted teeth Charlie spoke. "What the hell are YOU doing here?"

"Hello Charlie, I came to see Remy of course." Jonathan replied calmly. "How have you been, you're looking well."

"Never mind me." Charlie snapped "Might I speak with you alone?" His words were more of a demand than a question.

"Certainly." Jonathan replied graciously while he gestured for the rest of us to continue on inside.

While everyone moved toward the house, I remained fixed in place with no immediate intention of moving. Esme knowingly took me by the hand, guiding me up the steps and inside. I tried to protest, but was obviously no match for her gentle but firm urging.

Once inside house everyone continued on into the living room. That is everyone with the exception of Emmett and Jasper who almost immediately had their faces pressed against the glass in eager anticipation.

"What do you two think you are doing?" Rosalie halted briefly, poised behind them, hands on her hips, clearly irritated as she observed both her husband and brother in action.

"Do you think they'll fight?" Ignoring his wife Emmett addressed his brother.

"I don't know, but this ought to be good." Jasper replied eagerly while maneuvering for a better angle.

"No!" I screamed. "What if Charlie tries to hit Jonathan? He'll break his hand! Emmett, what is happening out there! I got on my toes to try and get a look, but I couldn't get around the Emmett and Jasper block wall.

"I am so glad that Edward met Bella, everything around here is so much more fun with you guys." Emmett said ignoring my pleas and hysterics while continuing his conversation with Jasper. "Can you believe it? Renee's mortal ex-husband and vampire boyfriend are about to go at it in our front yard! Saaaawweeeeeeet!"

"Emmett honey, I think maybe we've spent far too much time in high school." Rosalie laughed as her momentary irritation evaporated.

"Renee', don't worry." Consoled Alice. "Everything will be fine; Charlie just wants to clear the air."

"Whoa!" Yelled Emmett. "Charlie just shoved Jonathan!"

"What?" I screamed. "Jasper let me see or I'm going to have a heart attack." I asked Jasper because he being the more level headed of the two was more likely to take pity and give up his front row seat.

Grinning slightly, Jasper reluctantly moved out the way to make room for me. Through the window, I could see Charlie standing over Jonathan glaring down, both hands planted firmly on his hips as he hovered over him.

Jonathan was picking himself up off the ground, casually dusting himself off.

It was a comedic scene even to someone who didn't know Jonathan was a vampire. Charlie was by no means small; it was just that Jonathan had Charlie by about 5 inches and 40 pounds.

As Jonathan got to his feet, he held both hands in the air in a dramatic gesture of surrender. Charlie seemed satisfied with the interaction and turned on his heel to leave.

"See?" Soothed Alice, never once looking out the window. "All better."

She was right, in that moment I could hear Charlie's cruiser departing and the front door opening.

"Bummer." Emmett commented approaching Jonathan to shake his hand. "But seriously, a fantastic performance."

Grinning Jonathan took his hand and replied. "Thanks Emmett, I'm no Barrymore, but I do my best."

He was at my side in an instant, a huge grin plastered across his face. I must be going mad, no one ever reacted how I thought they would anymore.

"What did he say?" I asked, desperate for more information.

"He just wanted to get a few things straight, that's all. You know man stuff."

"Man stuff? What man stuff? Tell me!"

"Well, for the second time in two days, my life has been threatened." He said as he glanced to Rose.

She smirked once again folding her arms across her chest.

"He threatened your life?"

"Yes, but it's not as bad as all that. He said you finally seemed almost like your old self again. He then promised me that if I hurt you again or did anything to change that, he would kill me. You have had a busy day my love."

"May I ask you, why exactly are you grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary?"

"Because it makes me happy that you have so many people that care about you. But mostly because he is right, you do seem more like our Remy again."

"God give me strength." I sighed.

"Sweetie, I never realized you were so religious." He observed.

"I am now." I kidded. Not to be distracted I continued with my questioning. "Why did he push you?"

"To make his point hit home I assume, I was glad he didn't take a swing, I would have had to duck that one or _he _would have been hurt. Letting him knock me down was much more believable, don't you think?" He remarked, rather pleased with himself.

I ignored his previous question and voiced my thoughts out loud. "I suppose it's my fault anyway for letting him follow me home. I knew I couldn't talk him out of it though, he's just a stubborn as Bella."

I decided to change the subject. "So what did you guys do today?" I asked, darting my attention around the room.

Carlisle was the first to speak up. "We took Jonathan hunting." He offered, obviously pleased.

Immediately I raised myself up to examine his eyes; they were a beautiful golden brown. I'd been so occupied worrying about the anticipated fight that I hadn't noticed. I was happy and relieved to see that Jonathan had remained true to his purpose even with my absence from his life.

"So you all enjoyed yourselves?" I directed at no one in particular, but Jonathan knew I would be most interested in his experience.

"Yes." He laughed. "It was fun hunting with others, competition always livens things up. Only you would think to ask such a question."

"So shoot me, I was just wondering. Besides, I think it is nice you finally have some friends to play with." I shrugged.

He laughed. "Love, we are vampires, not toddlers."

"Oh well, you know what I mean, it's good to see you make friends. I don't like you being alone all the time. Even the prince of darkness needs friends." I winked.

"How was your day?" He asked pointedly, artfully shifting the attention back to me.

"Difficult, sad, emotional, cathartic and… heartwarming." I summed up. "Would it be alright if we covered the details later?" I pleaded, not ready to rehash the day's events quite yet.

"Of course, whatever you wish, what should we talk about then?" He asked.

"Story Time!" Sang Alice. She was apparently unable to contain herself with pleasantries any longer. Taking me by the hand she led me to the couch and offered me a seat.

Sighing, I went along willingly; Alice had waited patiently for almost twenty-four hours to hear this story. Which for her I knew was an eternity. We settled onto the couch, Jonathan taking his seat next to me, placing a reassuring arm around my shoulders. Alice gracefully crossed her legs and floated down onto the floor directly in front of me, her sweet, heart shaped face resting in the palm of her hand, ready for her story. The rest of the family filtered in and took up various positions around the room.

Esme spoke first. "Alice dear, Renee' has had another long day. Perhaps it would be better if we postponed this until tomorrow."

Alice looked crushed. "It's okay Renee', if you're too tired we can wait until tomorrow." She pouted.

"I'm alright, let's do this thing." I joked.

Alice clapped her hands bounced up and down and squealed like a little girl on Christmas morning.

Cocking my head slightly and smiled at Jonathan. "You want to start?"

"Oh no." He replied. "I'm dying to hear this myself."

"You already know this story, you were there, remember?"

Squeezing me gently into the fold of his arm he kissed the top of my head as he spoke softly. "True, but this is your story, your perspective, believe me, I have waited a very long time to hear this."

I smiled. "Very well."

**Four**

**Fate**

Remy-1989

I WOKE BRIGHT AND EARLY ON MY FIRST DAY HOME SINCE returning from my freshman term at college. First on my agenda was a trip to the window to assess the weather, having high hopes for sunshine.

As I examined the immediate area surrounding my house I found only a few scattered clouds and thankfully no rain, a good sign. Also the ground appeared to be relatively dry, another reason to remain hopeful. No sun peaking through as yet, I was still optimistic some was on its way. A quiet knock at my bedroom door distracted me. It could only be one person, my quietly semi-obsessive mother.

"Come in Mom." I called.

"Good morning sweetie." My mother replied cheerily as she breezed through the door.

Her arms full with a huge pile of perfectly pressed and folded laundry. While depositing some on the end of the bed she crossed to the dresser and began putting the clothes still in her arms away.

"Mom, I can do that, just leave it."

"Don't be silly, that's what Mom's are for. Besides if I let you do it, your drawers would be a mess." She replied while continuing with her work. But honestly Remy don't they have washing machines in Arizona? Everything you brought home with you is dirty." She complained, but I knew better. She was her happiest when she was caring for her family, seldom was I permitted to help her with anything.

She changed the subject. "By the way, your fathers gone into town to the hardware store, he's getting a part for that broken down lawnmower. I wish you could talk some sense into him. You know the doctor says he shouldn't be exerting himself. Help me talk him into hiring a gardener."

My father had recently gone through bypass surgery, but refused to acknowledge a problem existed. Mowing the lawn seemed harmless enough, but with the constant rain it was almost impossible to keep up with the growth. I saw my Mothers point, but I wasn't the one she needed to convince.

"He won't listen to me anymore than he'll listen to you, or anyone for that matter. It would embarrass him to have another man doing "his work". It's just his way of retaining some dignity." I answered while rummaging around in my closet.

"A lot of good his dignity will do him when he's six feet under." She remarked sarcastically.

"Mom, if you want to keep him above ground you might rethink the menu plan around here. Red meat and fried everything isn't going to help a recovering heart patient." I scolded.

"A good home cooked meal never hurt anyone, besides your father loves my cooking."

Knowing it was a lost cause; I finished gathering my clothes and retreated to the sanctuary of my bathroom. By the time I had exited the bath, all the laundry had neatly been put away, the bed made, and the curtains and windows opened. God bless Moms.

Lifting my guitar case out from behind a wicker chair in the corner, I continued downstairs to kitchen. As was usual practice, breakfast was there waiting for me.

As I stared at the fried eggs, bacon and hash browns I briefly considered protesting, but knew my efforts would be served on deaf ears. Cholesterol was not a word included in Mary Shea's vocabulary, clearly any disagreement on my part was futile. Already resigned to defeat, I reached for a fork.

"What are your plans today honey?" She inquired while returning freshly dried dishes to the cabinet.

"I planned on putting the top down and heading on out to the beach. I'll come back early though. Tell Pop's to wait on the yard and we'll do it together when I get back."

"Thanks sweetheart, you're a good girl." She smiled.

Ignoring the bacon and potatoes, I practically inhaled my eggs, gulped down the juice and dashed out the kitchen door.

"Hey, where's the fire?" Mom yelled after me.

"I want to get out of here before Pops gets back. He'll spend an hour going over my car for safety hazards, then we'll have to go to the gas station together because where he is from, a lady doesn't pump her own gas." I yelled as I let the screen door go and ran down the back stairs.

My mother laughed, knowing I spoke the truth. Once in the garage I grabbed my pre-made lunch from the old broken down fridge in the back. After tossing it in the backseat along with the guitar case, I slid in behind the wheel and slowly rolled the car out.

Leaving the car in neutral I got out and carefully took the top down. I loved my car. My parents bought it for me when I left our then home in Seattle for Arizona State. It was a white 1980 Volkswagon Beetle convertible. My Dad bought it used from an old friend in California as a graduation present. I couldn't have loved it more if it had just rolled off the assembly line. To me it was sheer perfection.

Everyone around here acted as though I was crazy to own a convertible. My Dad obviously intended for me to have it in a sunny climate. Clearly he never anticipated an early retirement, moving to a quiet small town and his only daughter's premature departure from college.

Once the top was down I jumped in, gave a wave in the general vicinity of the kitchen window, and headed due north down our street and out of town. I wasn't lying about the gas. The car was riding on fumes. If my father saw that he would have another heart attack. Once recovered a lecture on safety and the dangers of allowing a car to run so low would rapidly ensue. It was a wise course to spare both of us that particular conversation.

Easily I located Forks one and only gas station and parked the car next to one of the antiquated pumps before proceeding inside to pay. Making it only a few short steps before something unexpected caught my attention. Unbelievably, parked at the opposite pump, was another convertible. I wondered briefly who besides me would have the audacity to own a convertible in the wettest region in the country. But just any convertible this was not, this one put my little baby to shame. It was a classic, maybe 1955, perfectly restored, powder blue Cadillac with white walls and creamy white interior.

Stopping to survey the area for the car's owner I half expected to see someone with blue hair and a walker. My eyes scanned the station with no result, when suddenly I heard the bell on the door chime as he exited the mini-mart. I must have looked akin to a hooked flounder as I stood staring, mouth gaping open the moment I first laid eyes on him.

A man who was a perfect match to the automobile he drove, to say he was beautiful would have been a gross inexaggeration. I remained unmoving, an idiot transfixed.

He was extremely tall, with dark brown hair and dark eyes to match. His body was well defined, his muscular build clearly visible even through the beige corduroy jacket he wore. Strangely, his appeal was far more than how he looked, unmistakably he was a big man, but moved with extreme confidence, fluidity and grace, almost to the point of being unnerving. Enough so, that I was coming unglued at the mere sight of him. My thoughts temporarily muddled, I thought he seemed vaguely familiar, as though he reminded me of someone, but I couldn't quite put my finger on whom.

Having the presence of mind to finally close my mouth I willed my unresponsive legs from their cemented position as I brushed past him, trying unsuccessfully to appear nonchalant. As I did so, his whole body seemed to abruptly stiffen. I didn't want to seem obvious, so I tried to rely on my peripheral vision. I wasn't sure, but it appeared as though he had been staring at me as well.

Impossible, I thought.

Pushing my way through the swinging door I immediately found a familiar face, Billy Black, a local boy who was good friends with my next door neighbor, he was occupied chatting with a couple other local boys.

"Hey Billy, what's up?" I asked not really listening for a reply, still looking over my shoulder at tall dark and gorgeous.

"Hey Remy, how's it going?" He inquired.

Then it came to me.

"Rock Hudson." I said.

"What?" Asked a confused Billy

"Oh, sorry, it's nothing. Could I get a fill up on number two and a large coke?" I commented, attempting to cover up my mistake.

"Um...Sure thing." He appraised me as though I had six heads.

After tossing the money on the counter, I picked up the coke and bolted. It was hard enough being the new girl in a small town, let alone being the weirdo that just randomly blurts out old movie stars names. How embarrassing.

As I returned to my car, he was still filling his up. It was impossible not to stop and take a moment to marvel at the match between him and the car that suited him perfectly, beautifully stylish and very cool. I half expected to look inside and find Doris Day sitting in the passenger seat.

He angled his body to face me as I approached, making it impossible for me to hide that I had been staring. My breath caught in my throat as he stared directly at me, at first he appeared to be almost glaring, but then as if to put me at ease, he imparted to me the most breathtaking of smiles.

My face felt as though I had recently paid a visit to the dentist, numb and unmoving, my return smile frozen in place. Trying desperately to focus, I concentrated all my efforts on making it back to my car without passing out cold or tripping over my own two feet. Luckily, I arrived without incident. For some strange reason I got the feeling he was still staring at me, so I decided to direct my attention on the task at hand. Repeating my own personal mantra in my head, "Don't screw this up, don't screw this up, don't screw this up." After retrieving the handle from the pump I pivoted slightly to locate the gas cap. To my horror, none could be found.

Mortified at the realization that I and inadvertinely pulled car in backwards, my heart sank. Feeling his stare at the back of my neck I quickly realized I had but two choices. One, I could replace the handle and turn the car around, or I could pretend that was what I intended to do and stretch the handle around to the other side. Either choice less than optimal, the quandary was which one screamed "lame female" less.

He was still watching as were the peanut gallery inside the gas station, fleetingly it occurred to me that chivalry was in fact dead. After careful yet speedy contemplation I decided option two would be the least humiliating of the choices available to me.

As nonchalantly as humanly possible I gave the pump handle a sharp jerk, heaving the massive rubber tube over the top of the car to position it on the other side. After a moment of grappling with the hose I managed to open the tank door and struggled with limited success to cram the uncooperative nozzle inside the tank. Gas now dripping from the nozzle, I managed to leak gasoline all over myself as well as the side of the car. Although I am sure my audience found it amusing, to me it felt as though I were wrestling a giant boa constrictor.

Wanting this to end sometime before my one-hundredth birthday, I tried without much success to forget my onlookers and focus my efforts. It was in that very moment that I heard the most beautiful voice in existence.

"May I be of some assistance?" He asked quietly, the sound resonating from him deep, soft and smooth.

My heart skipped a beat as my eyes rose slowly to meet his. He was no more than five feet from me, on the opposite side of my car, his perfect face consumed with the warmest of smiles. I froze, forgetting for a moment how to even speak English. He waited patiently, and finally after the longest and most humiliating pause in history I finally answered.

"Sure…um….Thanks." The sheer and utter brilliance of my response was astounding, even to me.

One corner of his perfect mouth went up as he nodded and deftly circled the car to meet me on the other side. I thought my heart would pound out of my chest, I could feel tiny beads of sweat appear on my upper lip, as my breath came in short erratic gasps. What was wrong with me? What kind of a moron can't even breathe right? I thought to myself.

He gingerly pried the handle from my death grip as I gawked at him. Expertly he angled it inside the tank. Here I was struggling with the thing like Jane of the Jungle and he doesn't even need to exude an ounce of effort. I never took my eyes off his face, I tried but it was impossible.

Lost in my euphoria, I was barely aware of the light breeze blew through the station momentarily relieving us of the overwhelming gasoline stench that permeated the air. To me it was a welcome relief, but his reaction was somewhat different, his entire body becoming instantly rigid.

His relaxed confident expression became abruptly tense. To my horror I noticed that he didn't appear to be breathing. All the veins in his neck were protruding and his jaw was clenched tight. At the very least I feared he was going to be sick, the worst case scenario I considered he may be having some sort of an attack.

My earlier embarrassment and stupid school girl day dreams were quickly abandoned. Briefly I considered yelling to Billy to call for help, but I thought it better to assess the situation first.

"Are you alright?" I asked worriedly.

He responded with a nod, but I noticed he still wasn't breathing.

"What can I do to help you?" I pleaded.

He seemed not to hear me. It may have been my imagination but his nostrils flared and it looked as though he was glaring at me again.

What the hell? I was used to men not wanting to accept help even when they knew they needed it, my own Dad was an example of that. Unmoved by his clear distaste for me and my offer of help, I continued to try and get the response I needed to make sure he was okay.

Placing a hand on each of his arms I forced him to look directly at me. Touching him, his arms felt ice cold, but then in the same instant I felt a jolt of electricity travel up my own arms and resonate through my entire body. He felt it as well, jumping at the same time as me. I was grateful the shock seemed to assist him in regaining some focus. Thank goodness for static electricity I thought, at least now he appears to be semi-coherent.

"You need help, let me help you." I pleaded.

At first he just stared, his beautiful dark eyes penetrating my own. His expression now confused and somewhat frustrated.

"I'm fine… thank you. I believe you are all set here now." He mumbled while quickly backing away.

Although he appeared to still be slightly disoriented as he pivoted on his heel, he was able to close the gap between him and his escape with remarkable speed and grace. While making his departure he continued to turn frequently, still examining me with an odd look of confusion.

Still feeling the desire to help him, I continued to watch as he left and accelerated up the road. As I finished pumping the gas I cast one final glance in his direction. To my surprise brake lights flashed up ahead. I watched with concern as he pulled over about a quarter mile up the road.

I considered checking to see if he needed some help, but he had made it clear he didn't want any, at least not from me. My mind remained concentrated on him as I returned inside to retrieve my change, only vaguely hearing Billy when he spoke to me.

"What? I'm sorry Billy, I wasn't paying attention. What did you say?"

"I said here, comes Charlie." He repeated as he snapped the register drawer shut, a devious smile stretched across his face as if there was some secret joke I was not a party to.

Glancing over my shoulder, I saw a police car pulling up to the doors. Out jumped Charlie Swan, my next door neighbor, one hand on his gun belt as he pushed through the door. Much to my irritation, my view was temporarily blocked by his entrance. I craned around to for a better angle and observed that the blue caddy was still parked up ahead on the side of the road. For some odd reason I felt relief that my mystery man remained close by.

"Hey Deputy Swan. What a coincidence. Will you look who's here! Billy said while pointing to me."

"Hi, Remy, it's good to see you, home for the summer?" Charlie grinned shyly as he shot his buddy a disapproving glance.

Charlie Swan was a couple years older than me; he lived with his Dad next door to my folks. He was a nice guy, but it was already clear that everyone within a twenty mile radius was trying to fix us up. I was accustomed to such antics from my parents, but I felt bad for Charlie. He seemed embarrassed by it.

"Hi Charlie, I think I'm here for a little longer than that. My Dad's had some health problems. I'm putting school on hold for a while. At least until he's better."

"Um, Yeah I heard about his attack. He seems to be doing well now though." He offered, his concern genuine as always.

"Yeah, he's a tough one. I better go, see you later." I called a bit absently my mind still elsewhere.

"Better put your top up Remy, It's going to rain." He called out after me.

"No its not, the sun is going to come out and its going to shine all day. Trust me, I know things." I yelled back.

Charlie smiled and waved, but remained silent, I could hear the muffled commentary coming from the other boys and Billy. Clearly they did not agree with my optimism.

Directing my attention to the road up ahead I was extremely disappointed to find the Cadillac was gone. I felt immediately ashamed of myself for having such selfish thoughts. Shouldn't I be happy the guy was okay?

Deciding to let it go, I cranked up the volume on the radio, choosing to deviate from my earlier plan to go to the beach, I opted instead to hit to my favorite spot, then the beach if there was time.

About six miles or so out of town was a small clearing hidden not too far off the main highway. When we were here visiting a few years back I stumbled upon it completely by accident. Mother Nature had made an unexpected call one day when I was on my way to the beach. Luckily I got a little adventurous and decided to explore a bit. It was about a half mile off the road and was almost completely surrounded by boulders, rock formations and enormous trees all serving to make for perfect outdoor acoustics.

Today, this was my revised destination. After steering the car onto the shoulder, I parked. Supremely confident in my prediction I left the top down and my lunch in the back. Bending over the back seat, I plucked up my guitar case to begin the short hike.

For the most part, I had never been much of an outdoor girl, but this place never ceased to boost my spirits. I absolutely adored it. It was green, fragrant and peaceful. Even when it rained the tree tops blocked most of the water. When it was sunny, miraculously a brilliant beam of light would pour directly into the clearing.

More than anything in life, I loved to play my guitar and sing. Even though my parents encouraged me to pursue music, theirs was more a traditional view than mine. Besides it was impossible to really let loose when being heard or seen by anyone was a factor.

In this place I was completely free to be myself. I could play and sing as loud as I wanted, without fear of judgment or mistakes. I could dance around and experiment with the music with no one to see or hear.

Taking my guitar out of the case I placed the strap over my shoulder and rummaged around the spare and half written sheet music to find a pick. After successfully locating one, I moved to stand directly dead the center in the clearing, the spot where I knew the acoustics were magical.

Unhurried, I allowed the music to slowly build, gradually picking up a more complex rhythm as my fingers moved over the strings. Enjoying the sound thus far I willed them to move with even more speed and precision, bringing the melody alive. When everything felt perfect I began to sing. The music and the lyrics flowed out of me with what felt to me to be synchronized clarity.

Moving with the music, my instrument now merely an extension of my own body, with closed eyes I lifted my face to the sky as the warm sun shone through, feeling a complete and utter sense of joy and happiness, almost as if kissed by heaven itself.

Lost in the music and the draw of the place, I only became aware of the time when both my fingers and throat became sore. Not an unusual occurrence for me. Eventually my small piece of sunshine became consumed by clouds as I became aware of the probable lateness of the hour and decided to pack it in.

After first putting my guitar away, I redonned my jacket and slung the case under my arm as I hurried back out to the road. It was odd, but for a moment I had the strangest feeling I was being watched. Stopping to briefly look around, I found nothing out of the ordinary. Easily distracted my thoughts quickly shifted back to the stranger I had met at the gas station, once again I wondered who he was, and considered briefly if I would ever see him again.

As I exited to woods I found my little car just where I had left her, still not a drop of rain in sight. I smiled as gave myself a mental reminder to let Charlie know my prediction had been on the money. Upon reaching my car I tossed my battered old case in the back. Suddenly starving I snatched up the lunch bag, unwrapped the sandwich from inside quickly biting off a glutenous chunk.

"Well hello again." Said the velvet voice

A mouth full of tuna, aghast, I slowly looked up to find him staring at me, a peaceful expression consuming his amused yet handsome face. Shock ran through me as I tried to swallow the oversized mouth full, my hurried efforts causing me to abruptly choke.

He appeared slightly concerned, unsure as to what he should do.

Determined to try and regain some dignity, I held up a hand indicating that I wanted him to remain where he was, even though by this time I was practically convulsing. In the back of my mind considering different methods of suicide should tuna actually eject from my nose in front of the adonis.

Mercifully the choking began to abate, allowing me the opportunity to steel another glimpse. I must be blind I thought as I wheezed for air, there he was plain as day, leaning against the hood of his car with his ankles crossed and his arms folded casually across his chest. He looked like a GQ ad for crying out loud.

"Hello." I finally managed to choke out.

"I am sorry." He said tenderly. "It was not my intention to startle you. I was passing by when I spotted your abandoned car. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I considered you may be using the um...facilities so I thought I would give you a moment before I launched an all out search of the perimeter."

He smiled and my heart hit warp speed.

Wow, I thought is there anything wrong with this guy? He is exceptionally sexy, smart, gentlemanly and funny. How I got so lucky as to run into him twice in the same day, was a mystery to me.

"No." I blurted out. "I was just surprised to see you here. I was umm… hiking."

"Do you always hike with a guitar?" He shrewdly observed.

"I took it in case I had to fight off wild animals." I offered weakly.

"Yes." He mused. "I can see how a guitar would frighten many a wild animal." He teased, his tone playful.

"I carry a machine gun in that case." I replied blankly.

To my surprise he started laughing, the resulting sound even more beautiful than my carefully sought out acoustics. What also intrigued me was that he never moved from his original position. He was still leaning on the front of his car, there still had to be twenty feet separating us.

Then suddenly, as if reading my thoughts, he shoved himself away from the hood, slowly closing the distance between us.

"Allow me to finally introduce myself; I am Jonathan, Jonathan Markum." He said while leaving his hands in his pockets and offering a slight bow.

He's probably afraid of another freakish electric shock I thought.

"Hi Jonathan, I'm Remy Shea, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise Remy." He replied,

He said my name and I thought I would die. I could feel butterflies in my stomach and heat rise in my cheeks. I wondered if he realized he had this effect on women.

"Please forgive my rudeness Remy, but I was wondering... how old are you?"

I was a little surprised at his question, but didn't find it rude.

"I'm eighteen; I'll be nineteen in October. Why? How old are you?"

He smiled and seemed to consider his answer, which I thought strange.

"I was just curious." He said. I have never met anyone quite like you. Most people find me a little ….intimidating. You seem surprisingly fearless."

In light of his previous behavior, his sudden frankness caught me slightly off guard.

"You didn't answer the rest of my question." I pointed out.

"See what I mean?" He laughed. "To answer the rest of your question, I am twenty-eight."

"Of course you are." I replied rolling my eyes.

There goes my luck I thought, there is simply no way this incredibly handsome twenty-EIGHT year old man would ever be interested in me. He's been done with college for years. I've barely just finished one year. Well, the fantasy was good while it lasted.

"What's wrong?" He asked obviously picking up on my inner turmoil.

"Oh nothing, it's just time for me to be heading back to the playpen!" I said, dripping sarcasm.

"You seem upset." He observed.

I must look like a complete idiot I thought, He had no idea that my dreams of a life filled with unimaginable bliss had just been crushed.

"Oh, no." I said. "It's just getting late; I should be running along home." Like a good little girl I thought.

Now supremely irritated, I tossed the rest of my uneaten sandwich back into the bag and slid in behind the wheel.

For the first time since meeting him, he appeared to be a little out of sorts, almost as though he was unsure what to do. His calm demeanor suddenly gone, he quickly approached the driver's side of my car. Placing one hand on the corner of the windshield and the other on the door, he leaned in so close I was able to breathe in his heavenly scent.

I could feel the butterflies flapping wilding once again, my cheeks were so hot you could light a match off them.

His face only inches away as his hypnotic eyes bored directly into mine, only the slightest of pauses before he spoke. "I look forward to seeing you again… Remy."

Coherency a distant memory and feeling as though consciousness would desert me at any moment, I fought his charms in a lame attempt to desperately retain some level of composure. After depessing the clutch I turned the ignition and started the engine without ever removing my gaze from his.

"Goodbye Jonathan." I smiled confidently. "It was nice to meet you, I am glad to see you're feeling better."

Putting the car in first gear I took a run at a gracious exit, but predictably my nerves got the better of me and I stalled it. Then, in a hurry to make a quick getaway I was almost obliterated by an enormous logging truck as my car jerked and jumped it way practically leap frogging into the lane. Miraculously I was able to somehow circumvent its path in my miserably failed attempt at executing a u-turn.

Not feeling enough confidence to look at him, I waited until I had pulled completely away and could use the rear view mirror. I couldn't be certain, but he appeared to be laughing.

Great, I thought on the way home. I was so consumed with embarrassment that the beach was easily dismissed. Besides I was heading in the wrong direction anyway, another brilliant maneuver to add to the days list of stellar decision making. I would have soon rather boiled myself in oil than take the chance of turning around and running into him again, even I had my pride.

The afternoon's events monopolizing my thoughts, the ride home was relatively quick and uneventful. Once home, after following the driveway up to the garage, I predictably found my Dad in the yard, heaving around the out dated lawnmower.

Leaving the car outside, I jogged out to the yard to meet him.

"Pops what are you doing? Didn't Mom tell you I was going to help?" I scolded.

"Remy darlin', your pretty face is all the help I need. Get over here and give your ol' Da a kiss."

Smiling at his stubbornness I raised myself up on my toes to honor his request.

"There you go now." He said. "Just what the doctor ordered."

"No." I corrected. "The doctor said for you not to do anything strenuous. Why won't you let me help? If I were a boy you'd let me help you."

"Saints preserve us." He shouted. "None of that women's lib crapola, not from my daughter."

"Calm down Pops, we just love you, that's all. That's why I came home…to help."

That softened him.

"I know you and you mother mean well dear, but I am pushing around a mower with a motor. How strenuous can that be? Leave a man a little pride will you, I am perfectly able to take care of my own lawn."

Sighing heavily, I folded my arms.

He continued with his explanations. "I quit my job and retired when you and your mother asked me to, didn't I? At 55 years of age no less! I moved to this tiny speck of a town, with only one decent pub, didn't I? Now girl, go on and let me get on with my work."

"Okay Pops, okay." I relented not wishing to upset him further.

From our position on the lawn, I could see my mother observing our exchange through the kitchen window. I shrugged my shoulders. She nodded her understanding. At least I tried.

Making my way up the back stairs across the deck and into the kitchen I poured myself a glass of water. As I sipped it, I stared out the window at my weak hearted, big hearted father all red in the face shoving that stupid lawnmower around on a warm day. It worried me, seriously worried me.

Placing the empty glass in the sink, as if in answer to my secret thoughts, I heard the motor putter and slow to a stop, then the sound of my father's voice calling to me.

"Remy, play me some music darlin'" He hollered.

Smiling, I went to the piano in the living room. Hoping the music would bring him inside I decided to play his favorite song, Danny Boy.

To begin, I started playing the slow traditional version that he loved. But after only a few bars I became bored and unable to resist a bit of fun and jumped into my own swing version of the song. It took only about five seconds for him to voice his loud protest.

"Remy! That dear is the song of your people, it is a love song that is meant to be played slooowwww. Show some respect!" He yelled.

Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs I thought while I continued playing the song slooowwww.

"Dinner smells good mom!" I called towards the kitchen.

"Thank you dear. Why don't you go get cleaned up? Put on something pretty."

"Why, would I want to do that?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I invited the Swans over for dinner. It's such a lovely evening I thought we could all eat outside on the deck."

"Mom, please stop trying to marry me off to Charlie Swan. He's shy, you're embarrassing him."

"Don't you like Charlie?" She asked.

"Of course I like him, he's a really nice guy, but we're just friends." I explained.

"Your father and I were just friends once too." She winked.

"Okay Mom." I said, rolling my eyes and dragging myself up from the piano stool.

"I'm going to go upstairs, take a bath, and drown myself."

"That sounds nice dear, dinners at 6." She confirmed.

"Saints preserve us." I muttered under my breath.

**Five**

**Surprises**

MY ATTEMPT AT A LINGERING RELAXING SOAK PROVED TO BE FAR more challenging than anticipated, my thoughts sporadically fragmented by thoughts of him. Once the bath water turned cold, realizing it was a waste of time, sighing heavily at my own idioacy, I finally climbed out. Reluctantly I succumbed to my mother's wishes, donning a sundress and sandals. Once downstairs I could hear voices coming from out back. Following them outside, I found the Swans had arrived. Everyone visiting on the deck drinks in hand.

"Hey everybody, have I missed anything?" I questioned as I sat.

Immediately all the men stood up, Charlie being the first to his feet. My mother gave me conspirational nod to ensure I noted the gesture.

"Here she is, here's my girl at last, isn't she a vision lad?"My father said speaking directly to Charlie.

"Pop stop it your embarrassing Charlie." I chided quickly before Charlie would be forced to reply, he simply glanced downward and and smiled shyly.

"Mom do you need some help with dinner?" I almost begged.

"No dear you sit here and visit, I'll get the dinner."

Traitor I thought. I was seated in the only vacant chair available, which was of course the one next to Charlie. I noticed everyone had a beer in front of them. Even my mother had one and she didn't even drink beer. I resented being the only person at the table under 21. Not that I necessarily cared about having a drink, just the fact that I couldn't have one seemed to further confirm my infant status, an especially touchy subject today.

Dinner was perfect as always. Mary made one of her specialties, southern fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, fresh corn on the cob and homemade biscuits. I was certain my father's poor arteries were screaming in protest. I kept my opinions to myself for time being, not wishing to rain on her parade in front of company.

Charlie and his Dad really seemed to be enjoying themselves. Lord knows my mother loved nothing more than to feed a hungry man. The official story was that Mrs. Swan had passed away a few years back, leaving Mr. Swan and their only son alone to fend for themselves. My Mother was dying to know the story, but my father put his foot down, which was rare, and insisted that they be left their privacy.

It seemed to be the general assumption around our little town that Charlie wanted to stay in Forks to be a cop. I suspected he had stayed out of love for his Dad, although he would never admit to it. I considered briefly that we might have a lot more in common than I had originally thought.

During dessert in an effort to bridge the awkward silence between Charlie and me, Mr. Swan made an attempt to bolster the somewhat stagnant conversation.

"Remy, Charlie tells me you plan on taking a little time off from school."

"Yes, I thought I'd hang around here and irritate my parents for a while." I teased.

"Any special plans for the summer?" He asked.

"Not really." I replied nonchalantly. "I heard the library sometimes offers summer courses, I thought I might check that out."

"That sounds good, what kinds of courses are you interested in?" He inquired.

"Mostly Literature, I thought maybe there might be a creative writing class. Even a history class would be good."

I answered thinking that if I didn't find something to occupy my time this summer I would go stark raving mad. If all else failed I could show up at the local preschool and ask to make a clay ash tray for my mom.

"That sounds great dear, good luck with that." He replied cordially.

He was being polite; he knew as well as I did that it was highly unlikely that the town would offer any such courses. Most likely the choices included things like pottery, baby sitting and CPR.

After desert was finished Mr. Swan offered his thanks and politely excused himself for the evening. The folks went inside, leaving me and Charlie alone outside with the mosquitoes. It was a conspiracy.

Charlie was actually easier to be around without the parents gawking. He was a really nice, good hearted guy and I really did like him. I felt bad he had to be subjected to my parents humiliating attempts at matchmaking.

"I'm sorry about all that." I said nodding toward the house. "They mean well, they just like you." I explained.

"I like them too, and I don't mind." He said taking off his jacket and putting it around my shoulders. "You look cold." He explained.

"I'm just thankful they didn't make me perform like a circus animal. That's usually next on the agenda." I warned.

"My Dad and I sometimes hear you playing at night, it's nice. You know a lot of older songs, he likes that."

"I know, my parents force fed me Billy Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra, Duke Ellington…what they consider to be real music. My Dad insisted that when I learned how to play, I would know all their favorites. I complain about it, but the truth is I actually love them. The love songs especially, the music back then really made you feel something."

"What are your favorites? He asked.

I thought about a moment and laughed.

"What is so funny?" He asked.

"Well, I don't know." I began. "No one has ever asked me that before, probably because most kids our age have never heard of most of them.

"Try me." He offered.

Well, I have two. The first one you might know_, I'll be seeing you_."

He shook his head.

I sang a few words. "I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places…"

"Oh yeah, I know that one." He grinned, his brown eyes smiling.

I continued, "The second one, well that one is a secret, I'm saving that one."

He appeared confused. "I don't get it, saving for what?" he asked.

I tried to explain, but I knew it would sound silly. "The first time I heard it the lyrics really moved me, they were so beautiful, I wondered what it would be like to feel that way about another person. So I decided then and there that when I met my one true love that would be our song. It doesn't seem right to share it with anyone else. I know it sounds nuts."

"No I think it sounds kind of sweet actually." He said sounding a little disappointed. "You seem pretty certain you'll meet him.

"Oh, I am." I grinned. "Trust me, I know things."

"You said that once already today. What does that mean? I know things."

"I'm not telling you, you'll think I'm certifiable."

"I already do." He teased.

"Well, it's hard to describe." I began. "Sometimes I just get a feeling, about certain things. Like today for example, the moment you told me to put the top up on the car, I knew for a fact it was going to be sunny all day. I know weird right?"

"No not at all Remy." He said while rolling his eyes and spinning his index finger around his temple.

"Very Funny I said, last time I confide in you, neighbor." I pouted, pretending to be hurt.

"Don't say that, I was just teasing." He sighed and glanced at his watch. "It's getting late, I should get going. My Dad would probably like to go to bed, I'm sure he must be getting tired of spying through the kitchen blinds."

We both laughed, knowing he probably wasn't far off the mark. Getting up, I asked Charlie to wait a moment while I ran inside. When I returned my arms were loaded with leftovers from dinner.

"What is all that for?" He almost shouted, confused.

"Shhhh….you and your Dad." I whispered. Before he could voice any objections I shoved a couple of containers at him. "My Dad shouldn't be eating this stuff. If I don't get rid of it he'll be out here at midnight with a drumstick in his fist. I also don't want to hurt my Mom's feelings. Giving it to the two bachelors next door is the only scenario both of them would be happy with. Pleeease." I begged.

"Oh all right, if I have to." He smiled and relented

It was quite an armful for one person to juggle, so we each took our share and walked together across the two backyards. Once at Charlie's back door, I helped him load in all into the fridge.

"Thanks Charlie, I owe you." I said in retreat.

"Hey Remy?" He called after I was almost halfway across his yard.

Hearing his footsteps approach, I turned back around to find him trotting over to meet me.

"Hey um…you want to go to a movie Friday?" He questioned nervously.

"Charlie, you don't have to do that, I'm sorry about my parents, I'll talk to them."

"No, I really want to. I mean that is if you want to." He reasoned.

I never really thought of Charlie that way, but it didn't matter because I was sure he was only asking me out because of our parents. Maybe if we went out once, that would shut them up. Also as it turned out Charlie was my one and only friend in town.

"Okay, I'll go, but if you change your mind, I'll understand."

"See you Friday!" He beamed and jogged back to his house.

"See you Friday." I called back, a little bit louder than I had intended to.

"YES!" The ummistakeable voice of my father resounded from our house.

I groaned under my breath. "Fantastic."

Dragging myself up the stairs, I dreaded the week that now lay before me. They were difficult before, now that I had an actual date with their wonder boy life at the Shea house would be be intolerable.

Entering through the kitchen I let the screen door slam hard. "Hey!" I called. "It's time for all eavesdroppers to go bed, shows over!"

After shutting off all the lights and locking up I dragged myself up the stairs, passing my parent's room and could hear the sound of muffled giggles.

I had only been home one day and already their mission had been accomplished. They were extremely pleased with their handiwork.

After quickly throwing on my PJ's, I brushed my teeth and jumped into bed, suddenly wide awake. Staring out at the night through my bedroom window I waited for sleep to come, my thoughts immediately drifting back to Jonathan. The last image I had in my mind was one of him leaning on the hood of his car smiling at me. A peaceful sleep finally came, as I smiled in return at the image in mind.

The next few days proved to be uneventful. I had been over optimistic in my hopes for an interesting class to take over the summer months. The town librarian Ms. Walters, had been unable to procure any qualified instructors, but assured me that I would be the first to know if anything interesting became available.

I drove though town, and by the gas station several times during the week, secretly hoping to run in to him. Of course he had been no where in sight, which was not surprising since he gave the distinct impression of someone who was just passing through town. But being the eternal optimist I still held out hope.

My parents were beyond excited for my date with Charlie. Mary insisted on driving to Seattle to shop for a new outfit specifically for the occasion. It took almost the entire week, but I finally talked her out of it.

Mercifully, the countdown finally ended and the day of the big date dawned. Although I was glad my parents were happy, my motives were slightly different. My sole mission was to complete date, so all of us could all go on with our lives, especially poor victimized Charlie.

In an anxious need to get out of the house I volunteered to do the grocery shopping. Not my favorite chore, but anything was better than Tom and Mary's current favorite topic of discussion.

The shopping took much less time than I hoped it would. Thanks to the perfectly detailed list I was given. As I was putting the bags in the car I could have sworn I saw Jonathans Caddy exit the realtor's office up the street. Squinting, I willed my eyes to focus beyond their ability. Unwilling to resign defeat, I remained there squinting my eyes and stretching my neck like an idiot, hoping for a glimpse. Much to my irritation I was interrupted by Ms. Walters, before I could resume my stalking activities.

"Remy, Remy Shea! Wait up! She yelled breathless. "I've been calling your name, didn't you hear me?"

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." I replied, my attention still focused elsewhere.

"I just called your house and spoke to your mother. We have a class you may be interested in after all." She said excitedly, her face still beet red from her previous exertion.

"What's the class?" I asked only mildly interested. I assumed it was probably something akin to underwater basket weaving.

"Creative writing." She announced, abundantly pleased with herself.

"Really?" I remarked, completely surprised, so much so that the news pulled me from my prior attentions. "Where did you dig up an instructor?" I asked frowning, still pessimistic.

"That is the amazing part." She divulged as she leaned in close, her voice lowered as though we were evolved in some sort of top secret espionage. "He came to us, a very reputable and well respected author. Apparently he is staying here for the summer, he rented house just outside of town. You know of course, that all great writers require solitude for true inspiration." She gushed.

"Sounds good." I replied absently, satisfied with her explanation I continued to direct my attention down the road once again. "When does the class start?" I questioned.

"Monday. It will be held Mondays and Wednesdays from 2-4 for 6 weeks."

"Sign me up, I'll be there." I confirmed.

"So will every other female in town, just wait till you see him, oh my." She swooned.

Now she had my full and undivided attention. "Ms. Walter's." I asked slowly pronouncing every syllable. "What is the author's name?"

I didn't breathe while I waited for her response.

"J. Cloutier." She announced instantly crushing all my hopes.

I had never read him, but I had heard of him. A suspense writer I thought. I was impressed, disappointed but impressed.

Driving home, my mood deflated. Twice in a span of less than five minutes, I had a glimmer of hope of seeing him again, now there remained not even the slightest spark.

Getting ready for my big date, I made a conscious effort to put him out of my mind but was hopelessly unsuccessful. No matter how I tried every thought I had somehow returned to him.

Charlie arrived at 6pm sharp.

"Great." I mutterered under my breath, hearing both my parents fawning all over him at the front door.

The long ride to Port Angeles was pretty quiet. Being on an actual date had lent some previously nonexistent pressure to the relationship, both a little uncomfortable and at a slight loss for words.

Once at the theatre things seemed to lighten up a bit, it's easier not to worry about talking when you have a mouth jammed with popcorn. The movie was a comedy, which also helped to break the ice. By the end of the two hours, we were back to being our old selves.

On the way out of the movie Charlie asked. "Can I offer you a bite to eat?"

"I don't know." I responded. "Do you have any fried chicken?"

He laughed. "Heck no, that was gone before lunch the next day."

"Good." I said, from now on every time Mary makes something incredibly unhealthy, I am sending it your way.

"What are you trying to do, make me fat?" He joked.

"Better you than me."

"Seriously, are you hungry?" He questioned.

"Are you kidding? I just consumed a large popcorn, large coke and an entire box of junior mints. I'll be good though the winter."

"Yeah, well that's why I kept my hands off you. I didn't want to lose any fingers during the feeding frenzy." He teased as he made a dash for the car.

"You better run!" I yelled as I chased after him. "I always eat a lot when I'm nervous." I explained.

"You were nervous?" He asked as he held open my door.

"Yeah, weren't you?" I confessed as I got in.

"Of course, but you never seem to get nervous about anything. You're always just… you." He observed as he closed the door and walked around to the driver's side.

Right then and there I decided that if we were truly going to be friends I had to be honest with him. He settled into the driver's seat and started the car. All the way home we chatted mindlessly as I thought about how best to broach the subject. My window of opportunity was quickly closing, before I knew it we were pulling up in the Swan's driveway and I still hadn't uttered one word of importance.

After helping me from the car, he took my hand as we walked over to my house.

Deciding it was now or never, I inhaled deeply before beginning my speech. "Charlie, I really like you a lot. I know our parents shoving us together like this is really uncomfortable. I just want you to know I appreciate you being such a good sport. It's nice to see my Dad so happy after all he's been through. But I won't put you through this again, you don't need to worry, I'll let them down easy."

I smiled up at him, expecting to see relief, instead what I found there was anger. Releasing my hand he stopped suddenly in the middle of the grass between our two properties.

Abruptly grasping my arms, he spun me around to face him.

"Listen." He said an uncharacteristic frown on his face, "Because I am only going to say this once. I'm no hero, okay. I'm not some sweet little country boy who's just trying to be polite and impress the parents. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't have asked you out, I don't care who wanted me to, okay. I am a selfish jerk, I asked you out for my own benefit, no one else's. I think you are the most beautiful interesting girl I have ever met. I want to see you, for me. But I'm no charity case."

Releasing my arms he took my face in his hands as he firmly placed his mouth over mine. His soft lips slowly caressing as they worked to expertly part my own. Removing one hand from my face, he gripped my waist pressing our bodies even closer together. He kissed with such intensity and need that my preconceived notions of a passive boy rapidly evaporated. I knew this was a man who wanted me, without question. Too shocked to respond I remained perfectly still, arms dangling helplessly at my sides.

Abruptly, he released me. "Balls in your court, see you around."

Turning on his heel he walked to his house. Stunned, I remained where I was, centered between the two yards, speechless for what seemed to be an eternity. How could I have so completely misread him? Seriously excellent kisser, who knew?

Still in a state of shock I stumbled back toward my house. The parents were chomping at the bit for details. I vaguely remember kissing them goodnight, excusing myself with the complaint of being tired.

Evidently I didn't know as much as I thought I did. Charlie's kiss certainly threw me for a loop. But kiss or no kiss as I climbed into bed my thoughts once again drifted back to Jonathan. I couldn't help wondering if that had been his car I had seen in town earlier today.

What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I stop thinking about this guy? I hated to admit it, but my parents were right about Charlie, he was great. I am an idiot, was the last thought I had before I fell into a deep sleep and dreamt of Jonathan. Again.

The next couple days I was unable to get either one of them out of my mind. I finally decided that I needed to talk to Charlie. I'd been peeking out the back door and could see him in the garage working on his truck.

"Don't be such a chicken." I said out loud to myself.

Boldly I swung the screen door open and marched across the yard. My Dad must have run to the window to spy because I heard my Mom yell at him.

"Thomas Shea, give the poor girl some peace! Get away from that window." She scolded.

As I approached the garage Mr. Swan was leaning against the tool bench offering unsolicited mechanical advice to his son.

"Hi Remy, this is a nice surprise." He said.

I heard a thud and a small cry of pain from under the truck.

"Hi Mr. Swan, How's it going?" I offered weakly, never taking my eyes from the jean covered legs protruding from beneath the vehicle.

"Charles, Remy is here to see you." He said with a smug expression. "I'll just leave you two kids alone, be good."

Charlie shoved himself out from underneath the truck and got to his feet. Somehow he appeared taller today. Taller and hotter, was I going crazy? He was wearing a short sleeve t-shirt, which showed off his large biceps and muscled chest perfectly. He had on a pair of Levi 501 jeans, which made his butt look even better than mine. The finishing touch was a faded Mariners ball cap flipped around backwards. It took every ounce of self control I had not to jump him.

Get a hold of yourself girl, I thought, it's just Charlie for crying out loud. I had a plan, I had to stick to it, no going soft now, I told myself.

"Hello Charles." I teased in an attempt to appear more confident than I was.

"What can I do for you Remy? I'm a little busy here." He responded, focusing his attention on a greasy metal thingamajig he held in his hand.

"Um…I was hoping we could talk if that's okay with you." Unaccustomed to hostility from him, I was taken aback by his abruptness.

"Sure, talk." He said jerking his chin for me to proceed, his fists squared solidly on his hips still holding the part in his hand.

His hostility seemed genuine, so much so, I was beginning to lose my nerve.

"You know what, never mind, it's okay. I'm sorry I bothered you." I apologized and turned to make a quick exit before I started to well up like an idiot.

"Hey." He called. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me. What did you want to talk about?"

He deposited the part on a nearby workbench and led me outside.

"Why don't we have a seat." He motioned to two Adirondack chairs perched on the lawn.

We both sat while he patiently waited for me to collect my thoughts.

"I wanted to apologize to you for being so insensitive the other night. It honestly never occurred to me that you were actually interested in me. You're such a good guy. I just figured you were being polite. It was never my intention to insult you."

He shifted in his seat and continued to absently wipe his grease covered hands on a rag, not saying a word.

"I have to be honest; you got my attention with that kiss, seriously fantastic." I mouthed the word WOW and held up all 10 fingers. He smiled and turned slightly red.

"Honey with those lips, you could have any girl in town you wanted." I said only half joking.

"Apparently not any girl." He remarked, suddenly serious, his deep brown eyes now riveted to mine.

Here goes I thought to myself, just tell him the truth, he will understand.

"I am not going to lie to you Charlie." I started. I am attracted to you. In fact I think you are hot as hell. I would be lucky to have someone like you."

"So where's the but?" He asked, clearly sensing one was forthcoming.

I ignored his comment and struggled to finish my thought.

"This might sound crazy, since we haven't known each other all that long, but you're my best friend here, my only friend. You are the one person I feel like I can talk to. If we started dating and it didn't work out I would lose you. I don't want to risk that."

For the first time since we started talking he seemed to relax and loosen up. It wasn't the answer he was looking for, but it also wasn't the answer he had expected.

"But obviously we can't be friends if you're mad at me. I guess I'm here to ask you if you will be my friend. Please…" I glanced back in the general direction of my house, thinking of all the worry I kept hidden deep inside. "I need you." I finished.

Charlie's expressions always told a story, he could say a thousand words without ever opening his mouth. By his reaction I knew right away he understood. My thoughts immediately ran to his mother, I wondered if he had had a friend when he needed it, silently wishing I could have been here for him if he hadn't.

"Of course I'll be your friend Remy. You don't even have to ask." He said as he reached over to wipe a single cascading tear from my cheek. A tear I didn't even realize was there.

"Thank you Charlie." I said, leaning forward and slipping my arms around his neck.

I felt his arms go around me and breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

**Six**

**Confessions**

IT WAS FINALLY MONDAY, THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW SUMMER CLASS. I was looking forward to getting my mind focused on something other than Charlie and my parents.

Eager to get started, I arrived fifteen minutes early. Being late was more in character for me, but there wasn't much in Forks that could be considered distracting.

The Library was in an ancient weather worn building that was in desperate need of renovation. The makeshift class room was located in the basement. The room smelled of mildew and dust, I silently hoped I would make it through the summer without developing some sort of lung impairment.

The first to arrive, I briefly considered the possibility that I may have mixed up either the dates or the location when I noticed a few older ladies apprehensively filtering in as well. There were five of us in total. We all took our seats and awaited the instructors arrival.

All of the ladies chose seats in the front row, while I opted for the "don't call on me section." in the back. Between the hushed whispers emanating from the front of the room, and the sound of approaching footsteps it was clear our esteemed professor had arrived. I didn't bother to look up, being otherwise occupied with the final lyrics to a song I had been working on.

Absently, I heard him clear his throat and finally pried myself away from my task. Re-directing my attention to the front of the room my stomach fell to my feet as I came dangerously close to falling off my folding chair.

"Good afternoon ladies." He spoke in his usual velvet smooth baritone. "My name is Jonathan Cloutier. I will be your instructor for the next six weeks." He smiled directly at me and continued. This is such a small class, why don't we all move closer to the front so I don't have to shout and we can get to know each other better."

Obviously he was speaking specifically to me as I was the only student not jammed in the already overcrowded front row. My new classmates shot me reproving looks, as if sitting in the back was absolutely the most moronic thing a person could do.

They all waited while I collected both my composure and my things. I knew it was impossible, but he was even more beautiful than I had remembered, dressed casually in a navy polo shirt, jeans and a fleece pullover. My heart started racing and I broke out into a cold sweat.

"Get a grip." I muttered to myself, he's only a man.

Now the uncomfortable focus of the room's attention I attempted to make a silent transition to the front. My efforts unsuccessful as I immediately sent the metal chair crashing to the floor the minute I was on my feet. After the slow painful process of picking up the chair and regathering my things, I finally made my way up through the narrow aisle. Traversing those fifteen or so feet proved to be a challenge as well as I was successful in making as much noise as humanly possible. Finally, mercifully I seated myself behind the row of ladies, silently wondering when I would see an egg drop from in front of me and roll across the floor.

Irritation finally replacing humiliation, I finally summoned to courage to look at him.

His amused face the picture of serenity as he gazed down at me. "It's a pleasure to have to join us Miss Shea." A slight gallant nod on his part sent hushed sighs through his admirers.

"The pleasure is all mine…Mr. _Cloutier_." I remarked sarcastically.

He smiled and ignored my humor as he commenced his instruction. Charming to a fault, the women hung breathlessly on his every word and gesture. Not that I could blame them.

As would be expected, I heard not a single syllable; too many unanswered questions milled about in my mind. Luckily it turned out to be a short class; he asked us to introduce ourselves, went over his planned curriculum and gave us our first assignment. He asked us to write a short story, 4 pages or less. The assignment only had two criteria, one being that the stories had to be of a personal nature, and two, a work of non-fiction.

He explained it would give him an opportunity to get to know both us and to assess our current writing capabilities. We were dismissed with the promise to see us all on Wednesday. My classmates practically leapt to their feet falling all over each other in an effort to get to him first. Each offering him a gushing farewell before bustling off to report to the town's folk.

For myself, I lingered back, hoping to get some much needed answers. Too many things were not adding up. Somehow I got the odd feeling I was being played, and I didn't like it. After picking up my things I waited by the door while he finished with his admirers. He was polite to them, but his eyes kept darting past them to me.

Once we were finally alone, all my earlier courage left me. One look from those dark sultry eyes and I was instantly reduced to feeling like a stick of butter left out in the hot sun.

"Hello Remy." Said the Adonis with his perfectly formed mouth.

"Well hello, Mr. Markum. I mean Mr. Cloutier." I replied with an edge of sarcasm that I was proud of.

He explained. "Oh yes, well Cloutier is a pen name I use, it was my mother's. He paused, and seemed thoughtful for a moment. Then he asked, "Remy would you like to get a cup of coffee or something?"

Rendered speechless once more, after nodding in wordless agreement, we departed the library together and walked the short distance to the diner. Outside the weather had taken a turn, a light misting rain blanketed the two of us, but I took little if any notice. What I did notice was that half the town was gaping at us. Once inside we opted for a booth in the back. I ordered an iced tea, he ordered coffee.

In class I had felt somewhat superior to my fellow classmates, I don't know why, I was just as bad. No matter how I tried, I couldn't stop staring at him. He was like a magnetic force pulling me. Confused, I simply could not fathom what his interest in me could possibly be because his eyes never wavered from mine either.

He waited to speak until the waitress returned with our drinks, I assumed so we would not be interrupted later.

"So, I presume you have questions." He offered at long last.

"Oh yes." I replied. "Tons of them."

"That's what I figured" He conceded. He rested his arms on the table and leaned only slightly closer to me. His dark eyes riveted to mine, close enough that for the second time I was able to breathe in his heavenly scent. I contemplated requesting a paper bag from the waitress in the event I started hyperventilating.

He continued. "What I propose is this, we'll talk about you first, and after that I will answer any direct questions you have for me."

The reason for his interest completely escaped me. Why would this handsome successful obviously sought after man have any interest whatsoever in a girls boring life. But I saw no reason to object, I had nothing to hide. Then I considered the thoughtful way he posed his compromise.

"Direct questions?" I asked, a bit skeptical. "Do you promise to answer truthfully any direct question I ask you?"

"Absolutely." He replied with a heartbreaking smile.

"Deal." I agreed. "What would you like to know?"

"Everything, for starters, have you always lived here?" He asked while taking a sip of his steaming hot coffee and then resting his exquisite chin on his hand. Something didn't seem quite right, but I couldn't focus my thoughts, his presence was too distracting.

I momentarily lost consciousness while I gawked at him, eventually snapping out of it when I realized he was waiting for a response.

"Um…No I grew up in California, Southern California. My Dad was an engineer for the aerospace industry in Seal Beach. When I was 15 he was transferred to Seattle. We lived there for a few years until I graduated from high school."

He seemed captivated by my story. I was positive he was simply being courteous.

"So you moved here after graduation?" He probed.

"Not exactly, I went away to college, Arizona State. After I left my Dad suffered a mild heart attack. The doctors said he needed to reduce his stress levels. My mom and I talked him into retiring early."

"What made you decide on this town?" He asked.

"We needed to slow things down, lead a quieter life. My Dad wasn't thrilled, but ultimately picked this place because it was exactly what the doctor ordered. My Mom liked it because we would still be close enough to Seattle that we weren't completely isolated. He was also concerned that I still be able to see my friends. It just seemed to make the most sense I suppose."

"Your father seems to love you a great deal." He observed

"Yes he does." I smiled at the thought of him. "Of course another deciding factor was the small detail that Dad's best friend lives here and owns the local pub."

Jonathan chuckled. "Yes well I can see how that would influence things."

The resulting sound so lyrical it sent chills through me,

"So." He continued, still interested in the most boring story ever told. "You are home from college, indefinitely?"

"Yes, but how did you know that? Most people just assume I'm only home from college for the summer."

"Oh, I think I might have heard someone in town mention it." He remarked casually.

I found his response odd, but continued anyway, eager to get on to my questions. "When I came home for winter break, we moved into the house, settled in and I returned to school. Halfway through my second semester, Dad had another episode. This time they performed bypass surgery. My parents were worried that I would leave school, so they didn't tell me until over a week later. I was livid. I think it may have been the first we have ever seriously argued. After much heated debate, I promised them I would stay and finish out the year but then I was coming home until my Dad's health was stable."

"What did your parents think of that?" He asked.

"They weren't happy, but they knew there was no talking me out of it. Neither of them would ever admit it, because like most parents they want what they think is best for me, but I know they both feel better when I am home."

"So you are stubborn then? Thanks interesting, you seem so…carefree." He observed.

"I am only stubborn when I know I am right about something. Like right now for example, you got the captivating story of my life, now it's your turn."

"Fair enough Miss Shea." He offered gallantly with a sweeping gesture of his hand. "You may proceed with your questioning."

I wasn't sure if I would ever get another chance to do this, so I decided to dispense with the pleasantries and get right to all the questions that had been plaguing me of late. As I had relayed my story I had carefully watched and weighed his responses while he drank his coffee. Things I had previously overlooked or misread had begun to appear clearer to me. I knew exactly what I wanted to ask.

"What was wrong with you the day we met at the gas station?" Wanting to be taken seriously, I assumed a somewhat professional demeanor, sounding vaguely similar to an attorney during a cross examination.

"I felt ill." He smirked a bit, appearing to be slightly amused.

"How did you happen to be at the same clearing that I was that same day?" I continued, gathering all the information I could before making my assessment.

"I wasn't at the clearing. I met you on the side of the road, remember? He replied with slight condescension. "As I have already explained, I saw your car and thought you might need help."

"What made you decide to stay here in Forks, when you just passing through?"

"I needed a quiet place to complete my work; this seemed like as good a place as any." He shrugged his shoulders, totally satisfied with his answer.

It didn't escape my attention that he did not argue with my theory that he had been in fact just passing through.

"How did you off all people end up being the instructor for my creative writing class?"

"I heard they were looking for one and I thought I could be of assistance as long as I was going to be staying here anyway."

"So it's just coincidence that only a week after I ask to enroll in just such a class you magically appear as the instructor?" I knew this question was impossible, but what I was really looking for was his reaction to it.

"You think I arranged all this just to be your instructor?" He asked in mocked horror. "I must say you have a rather inflated opinion of yourself Miss Shea." The ungentlemanly smirk completely out of place on his handsome face.

I had my answer and had finally found a fault. He wasn't that good an actor.

"Alright, I have one more important question for you." I said sweetly as I leaned on my arms over the table. I purposefully waited to ask the question until I was only inches from his glorious face. "Do I look stupid to you?"

Finally, a crack in his otherwise perfect composure, his confidence seemed to evaporate as he held his breath.

"No, of course not, why would you say that?" He said sounding almost hurt while abruptly, leaning as far back in his seat as the tiny booth would allow.

It was my opinion that he had told the truth to a certain degree, but manipulated it to his advantage and really had told me nothing. This to me was paramount to a lie.

Being Irish it had always been a running joke in our family that I had been left on the door step, never having had much of a temper, but two things always got to me. One, being lied to and two having someone assume I was either too stupid or naive to notice.

It was plainly obvious there was alot he wasn't telling me, I was certain of it. His little game of cat and mouse was rapidly becoming an irritation. Anger over took hormones and I was finally able to momentarily forget his paralyzing beauty.

Ignoring the distance he had intentionally placed between us, I leaned even closer, making sure to speak low enough for only him to hear. "You know what, I lied. I do have a few more questions for you."

He continued to hold his breath.

"First, I would like to know why you were looking at me like you wanted to kill me at the gas station. Is naked hostility an emotion that normally over takes you when you feel ill? Next, it would interest me to know why you followed me to the clearing, because I know you were there. Also, why is it you really stayed, because we both know you were just passing through town, and if it is not too much trouble could you be so kind as to explain how you really knew I wasn't returning to school. I have only been back for a few days. There is no way, you, being a stranger, would ever have that information."

Taking a moment to pause, I waited to see if there was anything he wished to say or add. He appeared to be for the moment, speechless. Satisfied I was on the right track I kept going.

"However," I continued. "The question that I find most intriguing is why in the world would you sit there and pretend to drink that cup of coffee?"

Simultaneously both our attentions focused on the still full cup before him.

"I have watched as you repeatedly put that cup to your lips, strangely it is still full. Also, that coffee is scalding; you put it to your mouth and didn't as much as flinch."

As if too further prove my point, steam still continued to rise from the surface of the coffee now in question. I awaited a response, but his expression remained stoic.

I continued . "Last but not least, I am curious, why do you hold your breath whenever we are close to each other? Do I smell bad or something? Or perhaps is it that I smell too good, I wonder…" I remarked with surprising casualness, raising one eye brow. An answer was unnecessary. The look on his face spoke volumes.

Leaning back in my seat I finally gave him his much desired space; as I folded my arms in wait for a reply. But I knew there would be none forthcoming.

He remained both motionless and speechless. Taking that as the as the cue for my exit I got to my feet to leave.

"Just a tip for future reference Mr. Markum, don't lie to me and don't underestimate my intelligence. It pisses me off."

With that I walked out, got in my car and left.

Once home, I found the folks waiting for me. Tommy had decided to give his wife a break from cooking and take her to Mick's for dinner. The reality being that he wanted to get out of the house and go have a beer, but always the diplomat he decided to skirt the inevitable nagging that would ensue tomorrow if he left the little woman home.

Begging out, I used the excuse of having tons of homework. In fact, I had no intention of doing my homework. As far as I was concerned he had already gotten my four pages of personal non-fiction. Being alone felt like a godsend and giving my parents a break from the third wheel seemed like a good idea.

In an effort to take my mind off things, I started rereading one of my favorite novels, Pride and Prejudice, dozing off even before I was able to finish a single chapter.

The night's sleep did nothing to relieve my frustrations. I woke just as irritated as I had been the night before. I puttered about the house the entire day, my thoughts unavoidably still consumed with him.

Something was strange I could feel it, but finally convinced myself it didn't matter. My little temper tantrum probably cured any curiosity he had for me. By the time I had gone to bed, my mind was made up. Our relationship would remain strictly professional. I was the student and he was the teacher, end of story.

The next day with my resolve intact I marched with new found determination into my writing class. Descending the stairs to the basement I could hear a party going on. Once again I briefly considered again that I had the wrong place or time. Perhaps Jonathan cancelled the class and left town. The thought immediately sent a ripple of fear though me, my new resolve quickly desintigrating.

Upon reaching the class room, much to my relief he was still there. Holding court at the head of the class surrounded by a throng of women grasping blue add-slips in desperation.

While defiantly claiming one of the few remaining seats in the back I observed the chaos of the room. There had to be at least thirty-five women crammed into this tiny space. I didn't realize there were that many women in the whole town. The incessant chattering was so loud it bounced off the ancient stone walls, the resulting sound so disruptive I could barely hear myself think.

Poor Jonathan was doing his utmost to maintain order, but was in observable agony. His pleading eyes found mine and I burst into laughter. That's what you get for being so damned irresistible I thought.

After some concerted effort he was finally able to get everyone seated as he called the class to order. Since the class size had risen exponentially overnight he decided to delay the first writing assignment until the next class meeting. For the benefit of the new students he once again went over the class curriculum and covered some basic writing techniques. When he spoke there was utter silence as every single pair of eyes gazed him with revered awe, even my own, especially my own. Class ended slightly early once again and all his adoring fans made their way to the exit.

In order to avoid another humiliating episode I quickly gathered my things and hurriedly followed the crowd up the rickety staircase. As the students filtered out I awaited my turn, upon exiting I allowing myself one brief glimpse of him.

He packed up his briefcase. To me it seemed with intentional slowness. A tactic to avoid me as well, I wondered. A small pain of regret stabbed at my heart as I realized I had probably over dramatized the situation and missed my chance. Never being able to hold anything back I had voiced anything and everything that was on my mind. Discretion was clearly not my strong suit. As if hearing my thoughts he cast a final glance to me as well.

At first his expression was filled with almost smug indifference as his dark eyes fixed on mine. Then the tiniest of nuances of something else, regret as well perhaps?

The following weeks, class proceeded with the same ritualistic monotony. I spent my time staring at him, while at the same time pretending not to stare at him. He used the time afforded him to conduct class with utmost professionalism, his new found indifference to me evident. Time had done nothing to cool my reaction to his presence. Much to my solitary embarrassment my heart rate continued to soar anytime he was near. Jealously rose in me as I watched my classmates continually swoon all over him, so much so that I considered just dropping the class and thereby ending my torture. Until I realized the real torture would lie in not being able to see him at all. So I remained, in all my masochistic self effacing awareness.

By the end of the fourth week as class came to a close I once again proceeded with the ritual of collecting my things and attempting to steal the final glance that would sustain me through the weekend. To my shock and surprise this time was different, his eyes waited to meet mine.

"Miss Shea, might I have a word with you?" He spoke over the departing crowd.

As soon as my name left his lips I could all eyes on me, jealous daggers piercing my back. Too stunned to speak I didn't verbally respond to his request, but gave him a nod while placing my things down on a nearby table top to wait.

Once he was done with his student's questions he picked up his briefcase and glided over to me. He smiled as he placed a hand on my waist, while he motioned to the stairs with the other.

This was the first time he had actually touched me. Oddly at first touch, his hand felt ice cold, even through my jacket. But as I had already learned contradictions with him were common place, for that same touch sent a heat soaring through my body that was incomprehensible.

Once outside away from the claustrophobic room and eavesdroppers he finally spoke.

"Remy I would like to apologize to you." He stared into my eyes, his perfect face calm and serene.

The heat rose in my own as I fought to retain my composure.

"Apologize for what?" I asked.

"Both for my behavior of recent weeks, and for that afternoon in the diner."

Afraid to once again say too much I kept my mouth firmly shut not wanting the one-sided conversation to end.

"You were correct I wasn't telling you the whole truth. I thought it best if I just left the situation alone. Now I find I cannot."

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

A corner of his mouth went up slightly as his posture relaxed. "I know you don't. Let's just say I never anticipated you being so observant and intuitive. It's no excuse, but I do have reasons for my vagueness. None of which were meant to hurt or patronize you, quite the opposite. If you would consider giving me another chance I would like the opportunity to try and explain some of them to you." He paused a moment and with a pained almost pleading expression, he added. "Please."

Speechless, the realization came to me. My instincts had been right, he had been hiding something.

He was sincere, that much was clear. I wanted to be angry but I just couldn't. It was practically impossible feel anything hostile in his calming presence.

"Alright Jonathan, but no more games." Afraid of revealing my true feelings and thereby getting hurt again, I did my best to sound forceful.

Who was I kidding at this point I'd agree to just about anything if afforded me even a moment longer in his presence. I was in serious trouble and I knew it.

"No more games." He repeated. "If you don't mind, I think it would be better if we spoke at my place." He glanced around to all the onlookers who were attempting to appear nonchalant. "I've secured a little cabin outside of town, it might be better if we spoke there." He offered.

I nodded my agreement. He escorted me to the passenger side of his car and held open the door. I could feel all the envied looks and whispered protests as he closed the door and walked around to the driver's side of the car.

By the time I got home my parents would have heard the rumors. This is the problem with moving to a small town, I thought dryly.

He seemed completely at ease behind the wheel of his car, almost as if concentration on the road ahead was an afterthought. He drove with his left hand on the wheel and his right stretched across the back of the bench seat. Intellectually I knew it was merely a habit of driving, but emotionally I was coming unglued as I imagined it had been placed there for my benefit.

The Cadillac was in mint condition, the only modern feature the up to date stereo system. There was a tuner, equalizer and cassette player expertly fit into the dash where the old push button radio once had been. Frank Sinatra poured out of each of the four speakers installed throughout the vehicle. The sound relaxed me a bit and made me smile. This was music I loved and was well familiar with. The song was _Fly me to the Moon_, one of my Dad's favorites. Although I did consider it an odd choice for someone his age, but just like the car he drove, it seemed to suit him perfectly.

"If you don't like this music, we can put in something else." He offered

"No I love Frank." I insisted. "But I'm curious, what else have you got?"

Glancing around, I found no other cassettes, I assumed they must be in the glove box, without thinking I popped it open. To my surprise it wasn't filled with cassettes, but with boxes upon boxes of contact lenses.

I felt completely embarrassed that I had stupidly invaded his privacy.

"I am so sorry, I thought your music would be in there."

He smiled, reached across me and gently closed the glove box. His close proximity to me sent my head spinning again. He then reached under the seat between us and extracted a small black leather bound container, inside I found several tapes.

"I currently have a small issue with my eyes, but fortunately it is correctible." He offered in explanation.

He had quite an impressive collection, mostly standards from the 40's, 50's and 60's, but also a lot of R&B, Jazz and rock from more recent years.

"Very eclectic." I observed. "I'm impressed." I smiled.

"High praise indeed." He said while offering me a smile in return.

We continued the remainder of the drive in silence; eventually taking a sharp right on a small deserted dirt road about five miles down the main highway just outside of town. The road itself blocked by a gate marked private; he opened it with a remote control that was clipped to his visor.

Once past the gate we drove approximately another quarter of a mile. I was expecting to see a small cabin tucked away in the woods. What I saw was something else entirely. At the end of the dirt road was a long paved semi-circular driveway that led to the most lavish log home I had ever seen.

"Small cabin?" I questioned.

"Don't be too impressed, it's only a rental." He explained.

After parking the car at the front of the house, in what seemed to be a blink he was opening my car door and offering me a hand out of the vehicle.

We walked together up the steps that lead to the expansive front porch. The only furniture on it, two beautifully carved rocking chairs. One was very large, sturdy and solid. The second was slightly smaller, almost dainty with intricate carvings and what appeared to be a hand sewn patchwork quilt draped over the back of it.

Leaving him at the front door and walked over to get a closer look at the quilt.

"This is beautiful." I said running my fingers over the exquisite work.

"I found it in a small shop in Port Angeles. I thought you might like it." His voice quiet, his eyes warm.

"You bought this for me?" I asked surprised, still holding the quilt in my hands.

"Well, um…yes. I mean it gets chilly out here." He gaze directed to his shoes. "Won't you come inside?" He asked while motioning to the open door.

My stomach started doing flip flops as the meaning of his words took root. He anticipated that I would be spending time here… with him.

I was moved beyond words that he would do something so thoughtful and sweet for me, and more so because he seemed embarrassed by it. After carefully unfolding the quilt I wrapped it around my shoulders and crossed the porch to where he remained waiting for me in the threshold of the open doorway.

"Thank you." I said simply as I raised myself onto my toes to kiss his cool cheek, pausing only a moment to look up into his deep dark eyes before brushing past him and into his home.

Quietly, he closed the door behind us and walked directly over to the large stone fireplace located at the far end of the great room.

"Please Remy, won't you take a seat? I'll just start a fire for us." He said while gesturing to one of the two large overstuffed couches opposite the fireplace.

As I sat myself it was impossible not to admire the beauty of the impressive space. An enormous loft towered high above us, spanning the entire length of the room. Despite its grandeur the space felt surprisingly open and cozy, a result of the homey furnishings and the floor to ceiling windows that surrounded both the front and rear of the house.

I carefully examined the room while his back was to me, hoping to gain some insight to him from observing where he lived. That is when I saw it, my breath caught sharply in my in throat as I glimpsed a piece that made everything else in room appear almost gray in comparison. Polished to a gleaming perfection, was the most exquisite grand piano I had ever laid eyes on.

A lump still in my throat, I returned my attention to him. His own still focused on building the fire, I wondered, who was this man? Could he actually be real?

Now speechless, I waited quietly for him to finish his task.

Once satisfied he had it going he dusted his hands off and sat on the couch opposite me, in the process offering me the warmest of smiles.

"May I ask a question?" I said deciding just to come out with it.

"Of course." He replied nervously.

"What's that?" Never taking my eyes off him, I pointed my index finger to the object located directly behind us.

"The piano?" He asked glancing over his shoulder, confused.

"Do you play?" I inquired.

"No, I do not play."

"It was already here when you moved in then?" I asked surprised anyone would leave such a piece behind in a rental property.

"No, I purchased it, it arrived just yesterday."

"Jonathan that is the most exquisite instrument I have ever laid eyes on. Why on earth would you buy something like that if you don't even play?"

"You know what? You are too observant for your own good."

"What did I say?" I asked confused.

"Nothing. Can we talk about something else for now?

"Sure." I said. Not understanding why I had struck such a cord with the piano.

"Remy." After clearing his throat slightly, he began. "The last thing I want to do is lie to you."

He paused awkwardly as if considering whether or not he should continue.

"But?" I helped him on.

"But… there are certain circumstances that surround my life that are safer for you not to know. There are things that I will never be able to tell you directly. I couldn't even if I wanted to."

"Safer for whom?" I questioned.

"Safer for you." He replied very seriously. "I'm not who or what you think I am."

"Are you implying that I am in danger from you?"

"Yes, among other things." He replied.

More games, I thought, "What is this guy's deal?" Going from the emotional extremes of the burning heat of a roaring fire to sudden frost bite was quickly becoming an irritation.

I was no longer able to hold my tongue. "Well, that is just ridiculous. Jonathan, if you don't want to see me than just say so. But you don't have to make up some story to scare me off."

"You think I'm trying to get rid of you? Did I say you were intuitive? I was wrong you are blind as a bat. Believe me I would leave if I could. It would be the best thing for you. I am ashamed of myself for not having the strength to walk away." He replied instantly irritated.

"You are the one who is blind. You are the last person in the world who would ever hurt me. Even I can see that!"

He put in face in his hands and shook his head, when he removed them he looked across at me and chuckled slightly.

"Woman, you are not easy." He joked.

"You're no picnic either." I said, crossing my arms trying to appear irritated.

"Okay, how about we try this from another angle." He offered. "Based on the questions you have already asked me, I will answer as best I can while still considering your safety. Deal?"

"Deal." I replied with enthusiasm, willing to accept any information he was willing to offer.

"That day we met at the gas station my first intention was to help you. As entertaining as it was I couldn't bear to watch you struggle with that ridiculous hose any longer. I was afraid you would catch the place on fire and we'd all perish in flames."

I rolled my eyes and made a face, but waved my hand for him to continue.

"You were correct in your very clever observation that I hold my breath when I am around you. I wasn't sick I was trying to keep from hurting you. Whether you choose to believe it or not, I am a very dangerous man. You smelled too good, another surprisingly astute observation on your part." He paused momentarily waiting for a reaction then continued when I remained silent. "I wanted to, more than you know."

"What stopped you?" I was suddenly very serious.

"I have never hurt an innocent person, or I should say someone that I perceive to be innocent. It almost made me angry that you were so… appealing. But in almost an instant it became something entirely different, your compassion and concern for me. I know that somewhere inside you must have felt danger, anyone would. Especially now, I know you are simply too intuitive not to have. You chose to completely disregard your own safety to try and help me. I couldn't believe it…quite honestly I still can't."

He was shaking his head back and forth and smiling as if the situation was still hard for him to grasp.

"That's when you did the unthinkable. Most people instinctually move away from me, you kept moving toward me. I thought you must be crazy, either that or have a death wish. That's when it happened, you touched me and in the briefest of instances everything changed. I have never felt anything remotely like that before, I can't even describe it. It left me… disoriented. I realized quickly that I had to hurry and get out of there before I was unable to control myself. Eventually my curiosity won out and I decided to follow you. You were right I was at the clearing. I was there watching, debating in my mind what I should do. I have never faced such a conflict within myself before. What I don't understand how you knew I was there."

Knowing of course that my explanation would sound silly I briefly considered lying, but I asked him to be honest, it was only fair that I do the same.

"I didn't understand the significance until much later, but I felt like I was being watched and then you were there waiting for me." I replied weakly. I knew that having a feeling was in no way considered concrete evidence. But how could I convey the certainty of my feelings without sounding like a crackpot?

Then something else dawned on me.

Confused, I posed another question. "If you were watching me in the clearing, how did you get back your car so fast? What I mean is you didn't have a speck of dirt on you and weren't even out of breath."

He looked down at his feet as though he was pondering whether or not he should answer. He finally spoke.

"Let's just say that I am fast and leave it at that."

"What persuaded you to change your mind again?" I questioned.

"That is the easiest question you have asked so far. The music, you were so happy, I never seen anyone so unspoiled or filled with so much joy. I knew right there and then that I could never do anything to harm you."

"See… even you just said you would never hurt me." I responded smugly.

"You have me there. I would never intentionally hurt you." He agreed. "But there are a million ways I could do so without ever intending to. That is what concerns me."

"Yet here you sit." I observed.

"Yes, here I sit." He replied, sounding and appearing suddenly ashamed.

"Why? I mean I am just an ordinary girl, nothing special, and your well, you know…you. Why me?" I asked.

"Your perception when it comes to others is uncanny, but surprisingly unperceptive when it comes to yourself. Remy, you are the polar opposite of ordinary. Everything about is is entirely extraordinary. Believe me, I tried to leave. I even went by your house for one last look." He confessed.

"When were you at my house? How did you know where I lived?"

Every question I asked seemed to upset him more, but I was so glad he was still willing to answer that I didn't stop. He was carefully weighing his answers, that much was certain.

"I followed your scent, it was that same evening. You were having dinner outside with your family and the neighbors. You looked so happy, surrounded by your family and friends that it confirmed my decision to leave you alone and let you get on with your life."

I processed the new information, first things first. "You followed my scent?"

His stare unnerving as he answered. "I did."

Apparently he wasn't willing to elaborate further so I let it go and decided to move on.

"What stopped you from leaving?" I questioned.

He didn't answer at first, the pause so lengthy that I assumed he was refusing to answer. When he finally did I was taken by surprise.

His voice low, his eyes soft. "I heard the boy ask you out. I was so jealous I could barely control my anger. The thought of anyone other than me having you was unbearable. Your…friend was in serious danger."

His last sentence took me totally by surprise. Leaning back into the couch I considered what he had just said as I pulled my beautiful quilt around me even tighter.

"Where were you when you heard and saw all of this, both our houses are pretty far off the road." I asked quietly.

"I was in the wooded area behind the houses." He confessed.

"The woods? That has to be at least 100 yards away." I asked completely dumbfounded.

He simply said. "I also have exceptional hearing and eyesight."

"You have exceptional eyesight, yet your glove box is filled with contacts? I questioned not quite buying it.

"Nothing gets past you does it?" He muttered in disbelief. "The contacts are not for vision but to correct another condition."

"What condition?"

"Let's just say my current eye color is in transition, the contacts are temporary. If I didn't wear them it would be obvious I was …different."

"What color are your eyes? I asked knowing I was pushing it.

"Next question." He replied abruptly making it clear that that particular subject was closed.

"So that's how you knew about the class I wanted to take. You overheard me talking about it that night."

"Yes."

Suddenly, needing to move, I rose and walked over to the fireplace, staring vacantly at the flames, temporarily mesmorized by them as I quietly processed all the new information.

Almost instantly the distance became too far, I needed to be near him.

"Is it alright if I come over there?" I asked.

He looked up at me with such a pained expression that it hurt my heart to see it.

"Yes." He finally said, but it was barely more than a whisper.

Going to him I let the quilt fall and sat on the coffee table directly in front of him. We were so close that the only place for my knees to go was in between his legs. Staring into his eyes my pulse quickened, taking a deep fragmented breath I shared my final thoughts.

"Let me get this straight." I paused, to consider best how to phrase my next sentence. "You are dangerous, fast, and have exceptional senses. There is more to your story but you aren't able to tell me without putting me in danger? Is that right?"

He half smiled and answered. "Yes that is correct."

"It is the dangerous part that concerns me." I said

"As it should." He admitted.

"It's not me I am worried about… it's other people."

I could tell he immediately understood my meaning, but was most likely trying to formulate an answer without divulging too much information. He lowered his head as if once again he was ashamed, his mood seemed to turn suddenly dark.

When he finally looked up he stared directly into my eyes, spoke slowly and carefully enunciating every syllable. It was very clear that it was important to him that I fully understand his next answer.

"I am no judge or jury, but I'd like to think I never hurt anyone who didn't have it coming. I have hurt people, killed people, a lot of people. But to answer your question more specifically; Meeting you has changed my perspective, more importantly changed me. I am not sure how to explain it except to say that the change is significant."

His serious tone took on a light connotation as a slow smile began to form. "I don't want to do anything that would make me unworthy to have you. Whether you are mine or not, it is no longer my wish to be that person."

I couldn't bring myself to look away from the sincerity in his face, my heart practically drumming its way out of my chest.

I finally breathed the words that I had been holding back for over a month. "If you want me, I'm yours."

His eyes wide, as he stared at me clearly stunned.

"Remy…You can't mean…you don't know…I'm… a monster." His voice revealed such tenderness as he was remained torn between what he wanted and what he felt was right.

"If you truly believed that you wouldn't be here with me now. Jonathan, I'm sorry, I know I'm a little slow. It just took me a little longer to get around to what I think I already knew.

"What' is that?" He asked.

"When it comes to you there is only one truth I care about, and it's something I've known all along. I was just so caught up in the unexplained that I didn't see it right away, you are a good man. Honestly, I don't care about the rest. It only matters to me who you are, not what you are. More than anything I have ever wanted in my life… I want you."

He remained completely still. The expression on his face could only be described as one of utter shock . When he finally spoke his voice was hoarse, his words barely audible.

"Remy, how can you say that, you don't know the whole truth, you don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"You said it yourself, I'm smart, intuitive. Eventually I'll figure it out. But whatever it is, it is irrelevant to me."

Shaking his head, he began. "I had thought this was an impossible situation. You were too smart for me to glaze over the truth. It was clear that if I had any chance of remaining close to you I would have to be as honest as possible. I needed to try, but I assumed the truth would cause the same effect. Never for a moment did I anticipate this reaction from you. I can't understand why you haven't come to your senses and taken off screaming in the other direction."

"Is that what you want, for me to run screaming in the other direction?"

"No. God help me, I only want you, as selfish as that is."

"In that case would you do something for me now…Please?" I asked quietly.

"Anything."

His heart stopping reply caused heat to emanate through my entire body.

"Would you please touch me before I go mad?" I begged.

"With pleasure." He softly replied.

He smiled, and with painstaking slowness he lifted his cool hand to tenderly stroke my face from temple to chin first with the back of his hand, then with his palm, ever so gently cupping my face as he ran his thumb softly over my lips.

Placing my hand over his, I turned my face slightly to place a tender kiss inside his palm. He groaned and reached for me, in an instant I was in his lap. His body was as cold and hard as his hand had been, but the warmth I felt inside overruled it.

Concerned for my comfort and realizing the differences in our body temperatures he reached for the quilt, carefully wrapping it around me. While gently resting his hand on the side of my throat, he proceeded to kiss my forehead, eyelids and cheeks. His cool lips traveled down my throat to my collar bone. My pulse raced, the heat rose inside me almost to the point of incoherency. When he stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. I could hear every breath he was taking.

"Is this hard for you?" I asked, hoping the answer was no.

"Not as hard as it was for me not to touch you." He replied hoarsely.

As his grip tightened around me, I nestled my head on his shoulder. We sat like that for what felt like only minutes, but must have been much longer. Eventually we both took notice as the sky began to darken outside.

Knowing I would be forced to leave soon, I was unable to wait any longer. Breaking our trance, I lifted my head and began placing small soft kisses along his jaw.

He moaned quietly and before I knew it I was pinned under his body on the couch. Both of us breathing heavy as our faces lay only mere inches apart. I would have given my soul for a kiss at that moment but he was on his feet and halfway across the room before I could complete my mental wish.

"I think it's time I took you home." He said trying to regain his composure. "It's beginning to darken outside, I'm sure your family must be getting worried."

Slowly, I sat up, smoothing out my hair. He offered me a hand as he helped me up from the couch.

"Sweetheart." He began and my heart skipped a beat. "In the future it may be a good idea if you waited for me to touch you first. I don't know if I have the will to control myself when you touch me."

"That is going to be a problem." I observed.

"Why?"

"Because I don't think I can keep my hands off you." I stated matter of factly.

He laughed and it felt good to finally see his face worry free.

"Can I ask just one more question?" I whined.

"Ugh! He groaned. "Yes, dear what is your question?"

"Um…why did you buy the piano?" I asked sweetly.

Now he really laughed, shook his head and replied. "I think you know why."

Forgetting all about our conversation of two seconds ago, screaming loudly I threw myself in his arms and peppered him with kisses.

He laughed, as he gently pulled me off of him.

"What did we just talk about? He gently scolded.

"Oh, come on, you just gave me a piano, extreme gifts call for extreme thanks!"

"Okay, good tip." He agreed. "Can I get you home now before the townspeople convince your parents that I kidnapped you?"

"You're right." I said, as I glanced at my seldom used watch. I should call, there probably flipping out. Can I use your phone?"

"I don't have one, I am sorry it never occurred to me that one would be needed. He apologized.

"That's okay, but you are right, we better go." I agreed.

"What? No more questions?" He asked, teasing.

"No." I replied thoughtfully. "At least not until tomorrow."

He laughed. "Okay, let's go Sherlock."

**Seven**

**Acceptance**

JONATHAN WASN'T LYING WHEN HE SAID HE HAD EXCEPTIONAL EYE sight. He drove the Cadillac with amazing speed and precision on extremely dark roads. Once we were on the main highway the speedometer read well over 90MPH. Clearly I was wrong in my assessment that the only improvement to the car was the stereo. Normally I would have objected to the speed, but was grateful for his understanding the urgency of the matter.

My VW was parked right where I had left it, in front of the library. Jonathan left the motor running, got out and walked me to my car.

"Will I be able to see you tomorrow?" He asked, most likely concerned about how the evenings events might hinder our future plans.

"Absolutely tomorrow." I confirmed. "Pick me up at 10."

"Where at?"

"My house of course."

"Your house? Won't your parents be there?" he asked nervously.

"Of course silly, you are going to have to meet them sometime. Tomorrow is just as good a day as any. I know it sounds corny, but I don't lie to my parents. If you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together, they need to meet you. Don't be scared, I'll protect you." I winked.

Grinning slightly he leaned down, for just a moment he rested his cheek on mine, and inhaled a deep breath. Then he wrapped his strong arms around me tightly pulling me close to him. We held each other only briefly, he sighed and reluctantly released me.

"See you tomorrow at 10 sharp." He confirmed as he returned to his car.

He waited for me to start mine as I knew he would. I flipped a U-turn on the deserted road and headed in the opposite direction home. I could see lights in my rear view mirror and knew he was following. I assumed he was just making sure I got home safely, but wondered if he would stick around to hear the fireworks. I hoped not.

My parents were used to my frequent inability to be punctual. Normally it wasn't a big deal, it was today. Just as I had thought, several of the town busy bodies had reported to my mother that they had seen me get in the car with my instructor after class.

That news combined with the fact that I hadn't bothered to call and I was very late had sent them into virtual hysterics. The worried expression on my Dad's face spoke volumes, I felt immediately ashamed for such thoughtlessness. Additional stress was the last thing he needed.

Once they saw I was alright they calmed down a bit, but rightfully so, expected an explanation. I asked them to sit down and went in the kitchen to fetch a beer for my Dad. It looked like he could use one.

When I came back to the living room the still pained expressions on their faces were enough to make me jump right in and attempt to put them at ease.

"I am so sorry, I forgot to call." I began. "Time just got away from me, I have no excuse."

"Where were you exactly?" Mary was the first to speak.

"I was at Jonathan's house." I paused and nervously continued. "He has a beautiful cabin a few miles out of town; he wanted to show it to me."

"So some stranger asks you to his house and you just go? Remy, haven't we taught you anything? We have been worried sick. Your poor father could have had another heart attack." She barked.

"Now that is quite enough Mary." My father finally added his two cents. "Remy is a good girl, with a good head on her shoulders, I am sure she has a reasonable explanation. Go on darlin' finish your story."

"Jonathan is not a stranger, he is my friend, and well um…truthfully he is more than my friend. We met my first day back. Coincidentally he turned out to be the instructor for the creative writing class I've been taking."

Obviously, I knew it was no coincidence but there was no way I would be able to explain that. I waited silently for some sort of sign that they were still alive. They just sat there like statues. After an embarrassing long pause my father was the first to speak.

"Remy darlin', this man is your teacher? How old is he?" He questioned.

I was certain that once my Dad met Jonathan he would adore him, possessing the same sense for people that I did. The main source of conflict would be the over nine year difference in our ages.

"Yes he happens to be the instructor of a summer course I am taking at the library. It's just a course for fun; I wouldn't consider him my teacher. But to answer your question, he is twenty-eight."

"He is ten years older than you! That is unacceptable Remy, and you know it!" He exclaimed.

My father almost never raised his voice to me, so when he did I knew he meant business. Under normal circumstances I would acquiesce to his wishes, but not this time.

"Pops." I explained. "He is not ten years older, he's only nine. I'm almost nineteen. Besides you are five years older than Mom and that's okay."

"That, young lady is not the same thing." He retorted.

This was going nowhere in a hurry. Deciding to take another approach, I got up from my chair to sit next to my father on the couch. Reaching over, I placed my hand in his.

"Don't you trust me Pop's?" I asked quietly.

"Darlin', you know I do, but…" his voice trailed off.

"Daddy, just trust me, please. He is a good man. I know you will love him just as much as I do." I pleaded.

I remained silent as I waited for his response. He sighed and absently rubbed my hand.

He finally spoke, "I always know I'm in trouble when you call me Daddy. It's then and only then that I know the situation is serious." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I have every faith in you Remy girl, if you say we'll love him I am sure we will."

My mother finally broke her silence. "Thomas Shea, you cannot be serious!"

"Hush Mary." He said, putting his foot down. Remy is right, she is almost nineteen, in college and past the age the age which requires our consent. It is to our credit and hers that she continues to ask for it.

I was so relieved I could have cried.

"Thank you Daddy." I said planting a big wet kiss on his soft warm cheek, immediately thinking of the contrast between his and Jonathans.

"Alright now, alright now, enough of that." He said, embarrassed. "Tell the lad to come by so we can meet him."

"He'll be here tomorrow morning, I already told him to pick me up at 10 o'clock."

"Well, you did now did ya? Had a lot of faith in the old man I see." He remarked, a bit surprised.

"All the faith in the world Pop's, I knew you wouldn't let me down."

My mother was still visibly upset with both me and her husband. Getting up, I knelt on the floor in front of her and rested my arms across her knees as I Iooked up into her disapproving face.

"I'm sorry Mom." I explained. "But you know me, I wouldn't put you though this if he wasn't important. This is big." I confided.

She looked over me to my father and then back to me.

"Alright Dear." She said reluctantly as she picked up my hair and placed it behind my back, absently stroking it. "We'll give him a go."

Smiling up at her, I knew there would not be a problem, the minute she set eyes on Jonathan she would melt just like every other woman from eight to eighty.

In an effort to mend fences and soothe my poor parent's nerves, I went to the piano and played some of their favorites. Feeling guilty over speaking harshly to his wife Mr. Shea respectfully requested a dance.

I watched as my folks merrily glided around our cozy living room, it was only a matter of minutes before the evenings dramas were forgotten. That was one Shea trait I was proud to have. All of us had a complete and utter inability to hold a grudge.

After a very long and eventful day, I was exhausted and eager to get to bed. Quickly taking a steaming hot shower I put on my pajamas and went to bed with wet hair, too tired to even be bothered with drying it.

As exhausted as I felt physically, I had a difficult time falling asleep. Unable to shut my mind off, I went over every amazing thing that had transpired in the course of only a few weeks. All of which were totally unexpected, but somehow unsurprising all at the same time.

My heart told me, what my head refused to grasp. Jonathan was the only man for me, and I had known it the moment I laid eyes on him. I was in love, I knew with absolute certainty that nothing and no one would ever change that fact.

A big storm brewed outside, a common weather occurrence for our area, but nonetheless, left me with an ominous foreboding sensation, a sensation which did not bode well for my current sleepless situation.

The rain beat against the sides of the house as the wind whistled through the trees and rattled the windows. Eventually exhaustion won out and I didn't hear another sound the rest of the night.

When I woke I was so excited at the prospect of seeing him that I could barely keep still. Getting up very early, I took another shower and washed my hair again. This time, taking the time to actually dry it, I even applied a little makeup.

After changing my clothes 3 times I finally settled on jeans, a white button down and a royal blue pullover that my Mom had always said brought out my eyes. Never before could I recall having been so concerned about my appearance.

Once downstairs I bustled around the kitchen attempting to help my Mom with breakfast, but my efforts to keep occupied only served to annoy her.

"Jesu, Mary and Joseph! Remy will you sit down; you're like a cat on a hot plate. You're making me nervous." She ordered.

"Sorry Mom." I apologized as I dragged a kitchen chair from underneath the table and slumped in its seat.

"Now Darlin, No need to fret, everything will be fine." Tommy soothed, then abruptly changed the subject speaking to no one in particular. "I'll be going out back now, let's see what sort of damage that storm did."

He yanked his jacket off the back of his chair and quickly went out the back door.

As he pushed open the screen he called back to me. "Remy, be sure to let me know when your lad arrives dear."

Mindlessly I nibbled on a piece of toast and stared at the unmoving clock. Every time I heard a car on the road I jumped up to check out the window to see if it was him.

"Remy Kathleen, what is wrong with you, I've never seen you so jumpy. Calm down, its only 9:45, he'll be here soon."

Feeling foolish, I once again, settled back down in my seat. I heard another car on the road, but willed myself to remain where I was.

"What kind of car does Jonathan drive dear?"

"A Cadillac, why?"

A sound escaped my mother that I had never heard in my entire life, a loud yet resounding long whistle blew through her lips as she peered out the window.

Springing from my seat I flew across the room to have a look for myself.

It was him. I wasn't sure if my mother's highly inappropriate response was intended for the car or the man. No matter, either was equally deserving of the praise.

Sprinting out the screen door to the deck I watched as he pulled the rest of the way up the long drive. When his eyes met mine he flashed me the most beautiful smile, the small gesture serving instantly to evaporate my previous nerves.

The peace of the moment quickly vanished as a deafening cracking sound permeated the calm of the morning. My attention interrupted I searched the immediate area to locate the source of the disruption.

The back of our lot was framed with enormous trees. One of the largest, apparently damaged from the previous night's storm, appeared as though it was breaking apart, the massive trunk separating near it's top.

Automatically, I followed the course of the falling tree to the ground beneath it. To my horror I found my father situated directly in its path clearing debris from the ground below. Hearing the noise the same time as I, he raised his eyes to the tree tops.

Relief flooded through me the moment I realized he sensed danger, but evaporated just as quickly when he made no attempt to move clear. Obviously his ability to see was obstructed or hindered in some way. My father was completely unaware of the immediate danger he was faced with.

Everything happened in a matter of seconds. I screamed his name while making a frantic dash for the stairs. Before my foot landed the second step the echo of splintering wood erupted once again. The sound prompting me once again to examine the tree line, just in time to witness the massive tree beginning to break free and plummet to the earth below it.

Out of nowhere Jonathan appeared directly behind my Dad, out of his line of vision. I watched in awe as he leapt several feet, catching the massive trunk mid-air. To my shock and disbelief he hurled it in the opposite direction as easily as if it were a feather. His job not complete he clutched my father from behind as he encircled an arm around him in order to move him further out of the path of the tree and the shower of falling debris that accompanied it. My Dad was a big man, but Jonathan was bigger, his body acting an impenetrable shield providing complete cover.

The partial tree trunk hit ground only a few yards from where they had both been standing. Tommy had no idea what had happened until it was all over.

From the tenor of my mother's frantic questions I knew she had seen nothing. Ignoring her I ran across the yard to my father, for the moment being more concerned with my father's well being than my mother's feelings.

Out of breath I fell to the ground in front of my Dad.

Bent over, he was breathing heavily, a hand gripping each knee.

"Daddy, are you alright?" I exclaimed, on the verge of hysterics.

"See, what did I tell you? The only time you call me Daddy is when it's serious." He joked. "Now help you poor old Da up, I just need to get my breath that's all."

My poor mother now almost hysterical at being kept in the dark and witnessing a massive tree in the yard.

"Tommy!" She bellowed. "What did you do? What on earth happened?"

"Nothing Dear Nothing." He replied, trying to calm her down. "A tree just fell that's all, no harm done now. Stop your fussin the both of ya."

Jonathan remained quietly to the side while we all jabbered on incessantly. My father finally catching his breath straightened to meet his rescuer.

"Well lad, it appears I am in your debt." He said, offering his hand in thanks.

"Not at all sir. I am pleased to meet you Mr. Shea." Jonathan replied respectfully as he offered a gloved hand. "I apologize if I pushed you too hard. I wanted to make certain we were clear."

Tommy smiled and I knew that the gratitude was genuine. Clearly he was unaware of how dangerous the situation really had been, and for that I was extremely grateful.

"No, no, I'm fine and please call me Tommy." He countered, his breathing still a bit erratic.

Finally acknowledging my worried mother, he gestured for her to move forward.

"This beautiful lady is Remy's mother." He said as he presented his bride to Jonathan.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well Mrs. Shea." His deep velvet voice oozing charm as he presented his most dazzling of smiles. To his credit he even threw in a slight bow.

Boy, He's good. I thought.

Mary didn't know what hit her. She stared unblinking and unresponsive.

My father smirked and gave her a discreet nudge.

"Please…call me Mary…Jonathan. Welcome to our home." She stammered.

I was proud of her. I knew firsthand the effect Jonathan had on women. Other than the fact she appeared as though she might stroke out at any minute, everything seemed just fine.

Deciding to do us all a favor, I took a stab at putting an end to the awkwardness.

"Alrighty then…I need to get a jacket, why don't we all go in the house for a minute." I suggested.

My parents walked slowly in front of us while Jonathan and I hung back a bit. I was desperately trying to hold it together for the sake of my parents, but inside I was falling apart. As soon as my they were out of ear shot I decided to take a chance and speak to him about what had happened.

"Jonathan." I whispered. "I don't know what to say, how can I ever thank you? If you hadn't been here…"

He stopped me gently placing two fingers over my mouth.

"Sweetheart, there is no need to thank me. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you." He whispered back.

He placed a hand at my waist to give me a discreet yet reassuring squeeze.

"My goodness Remy, you are shaking like a leaf." He observed, his face now creased with worry. "It's okay, everything okay now."

"I don't know what I would do if anything happened to him. I've never been so scared in all my life." I confided.

It was then that Tommy's voice came through loud and clear.

"Jonathan lad, is this your car son?" He called.

"If his heart was as strong as his lungs we'd have no problems." I deduced.

Jonathan chuckled slightly and released me as he made his way to Pop's standing in the driveway gaping open mouthed at the car.

"Yes, sir." He replied. "She's mine."

My Dad assumed he meant to the car, from the smirk on his face I knew he was really referring to me.

"Well, she is surely I thing of beauty." Tommy said. His voice filled with awe. "What's a young lad such as yourself doing with a car like this?"

"Well, sir I have always had a fondest for things of that time period: The music, the movies and most especially the cars. They just don't make them like that anymore, do they? I restored this one myself. Almost everything is original except for a few modifications to the engine."

Bingo! He had him. Tommy Shea was officially a goner. As if Jonathan didn't already have him eating out of his hand, the next sentence sealed the deal.

"If you and Mrs. Shea would like to borrow her anytime, you are more than welcome." Jonathan offered.

"If I didn't know better son, I'd swear you were trying to butter me up." He shrewdly observed.

"Yes sir, without a doubt." An honest reply.

"Alright then, let's go on up to the house. I need sit down."

We all went inside. Everyone took a seat around the kitchen table while I ran up to my room to retrieve my jacket.

By the time I returned Jonathan was on the hot seat.

"So you are a teacher Jonathan?" My mother asked ever so innocently.

"Well, not exactly, I have the credentials to teach both literature and history. But my profession is writing."

"Really?" Tommy chimed in. "What kind of a writer are you son?"

"Mostly historical non-fiction, my area of expertise is American History, with a concentration on the periods between the World War II thru the Korean War. I have also published some works of fiction, set in the same time period."

"What kind of fiction?" Mary asked, now completely intrigued. As was I, I didn't know any of this.

"Suspense, mostly. You know war stories, spy novels, that type of thing. He replied casually.

"Would I know any of your work?" She questioned.

"I'm not sure, I write under my own name for the factual accounts, text books and such, but for the novels I use a pen name, Cloutier, it was my mothers."

"You are J. Cloutier? The novelist?" She asked sounding impressed. "I have read some of your books, they are wonderful." She complimented.

"Thank you, I appreciate that." He responded, embarrassed.

Tommy spent the entire time silent, observing, listening. He was no one's fool, I was starting to worry. Finally when he heard enough, he spoke up.

"Jonathan, let me make sure that I understand this correctly. You hold degrees in both literature and history. You teach, and are published in both works of fiction and non-fiction and yet you are only twenty-eight years of age?"

"Yes sir, that is correct."

Tommy Shea was rarely if ever completely serious, when he was you didn't want to mess with him. This was one of those rare occasions. The room was hushed, all present aware of the uncomfortable silence, waiting for my father to make his point.

His face saddened as he looked past my mother to me. "Remy please forgive me darlin', but I need to ask this."

Jonathan had his undivided attention. "I am curious, why would a grown man such as yourself be interested in a girl like our Remy? Do not misunderstand me I have the highest regard for my daughter. But her mother and I have sheltered her, spoiled her and indulged her, the entirety of her life. Perhaps we were wrong to do so, but we couldn't help it. She is our only child and we love her dearly. Remy is completely innocent and unacquainted with the ways of the world. To be honest it concerns me that a man of your obvious experience and accomplishments would be interested in her."

Jonathan paused, glanced over to me and smiled. I knew he realized the significance of this question. His answer and my father's acceptance of it would go a long way in making all of our lives easier.

"Mr. Shea." He began. "Your daughter is exceptionally unique, but you obviously know that. She is the happiest, most sincere, impetuous, unspoiled, unselfish person I have ever encountered. It is true, she does possess a certain innocence but it is this along with her other remarkable qualities that make her uniquely her. I doubt seriously that she will ever lose them. When I am around her she makes me want to be better than I am. To be honest sir, I don't think I am good enough for her. The only flaw in her that I can find is her misguided unwavering faith in me."

There was complete silence for what seemed to be an eternity while we all waited breathlessly for my father's response.

He finally pushed himself back from the table and for the second time offered his hand to Jonathan. "Good speech kid."

Jonathan was on his feet instantly, gratefully accepting my father's hand.

Then my Dad grinned at me and gave me a wink. "You two go on now and have yourselves a good day." Then he looked at Jonathan and pointed a finger. "Hey Johnny, no more of this Mr. Shea stuff, I am Tommy, got it?"

Jonathans grin stretched from ear to ear.

"Thank you, Tommy."

I wasn't sure if Jonathan understood the subtly in the gesture of my Dad changing his name a bit, but I did. Thomas Michael Shea never gave you a nick name unless he liked you, really liked you.

"You're welcome son, now get out of here. Mary! What's to eat woman, I'm starving!"

Relief washed over me, impulsively I threw my arms around him, whispering in his ear. "Thank you Daddy."

He simply smiled and patted my arm, his big blue eyes warm with fatherly love.

On my way to the door I gave mom a knowing squeeze as well, getting another wink in return.

Eager to finally be alone, Jonathan and I were out the door and to the car before either of them could change their minds.

Once on the highway and out of town, I asked Jonathan if he could pull over on a side road. He looked a little puzzled, but did as I asked without question.

The minute we were pulled over I launched myself out of my seat and into his lap. Stretching my arms around his neck I kissed his cheek and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Whoa!" He exclaimed. "What's all this?"

"I missed you last night. It was torture at my house just now, not being able to touch you. I'm sorry I couldn't stand it another minute."

I sat up so I could see his face. He just smiled and gently stroked my cheek.

"You and me both love." He tenderly replied.

"Thank you Jonathan, thank you so much for what you did today. I know it was a huge risk, someone could have seen you."

"There is no risk too great to keep you or someone you love safe." He replied humbly.

"So I'm guessing I can add astonishing strength to your list of remarkable attributes?"

He just shrugged his shoulders and grinned.

"Oh." I said. "Just for future reference, that whole throwing the red wood stuff… very sexy. If my father's life hadn't been in mortal danger you would have been in serious trouble."

"Sweetie, that wasn't a redwood."

"Hey, whose fantasy is this anyway? Get your own." I joked.

"Okay, okay, it was a redwood. Believe me I have more than my fair share of fantasies about you."

"Really? What are they? Tell me." I begged wide eyed.

He laughed. "Later."

"Oh, and by the way, I figured out the rest of your mystery." I bragged. "You're Steve Austin."

"Who, may I ask is Steve Austin?" He inquired.

"You know the bionic man! We can rebuild him, make him stronger, faster, blah blah blah. You know big government secrets, all hush hush."

Now, he almost doubled over in laughter. "I hate to disappoint you, but no, I am not the bionic man.

"No?" I pouted. "Too bad that would have been cool."

"Remy, I will give you this, you are anything but boring. Now would you like to spend out entire day on the side of the road, or shall we continue on our way?"

"What are we doing? I asked.

"You'll see." He replied secretively.

He spoke with decisiveness, but his words contradicted his actions. He held me even tighter for a moment as if he was loath to let me go. Leaning in ever so slightly, he softly brushed his cool lips up and down the length of my neck. Then he pressed two sweet kisses just behind my ear. After a heavy sigh, he took a deep breath and placed me back on the seat at his side.

"Let's go doll!" He said as steered the car back on to the road and threw his arm around my shoulders.

**Eight**

**One Love**

AFTER ABOUT ANOTHER 20 MINUTES OR SO OF DRIVING, WE TOOK AN unmarked road about a mile before parking.

Noticing we were surrounded by nothing but forest, I asked. "What are we doing here?" .

"This is as far as we can go in the car. I really should think about getting us something that can go off road. This ol' girl can't take it." He said adoringly while stroking the side of his beloved Caddy."

"So we're hiking?"

"Not exactly." He replied, while putting the top back up on the car.

Moving to the trunk, he opened it, produced an over-sized backpack , strapping it on quickly he snapped the trunk lid shut.

"Ready?" He asked while holding his arms out to me.

"Ready for what?"

"Trust me." He answered, casting a slightly mischievous sideways grin.

Materializing before me in a millisecond, he lifted me into his arms and kissed me on the cheek. He had a bit of a devious expression on his face and I wondered briefly what he had up this sleeve.

Staring at him with marked apprehension I observed. "I may not have been around much but there is one thing I know for certain, when someone says "Trust me" it's a pretty safe bet that you can't."

Ignoring my comment he pursed he lips togethers as he suppressed and grin before exclaiming. "Close your eyes baby, and hold on tight!"

In a blink we were zipping through the forest at blinding speed, appearing to be only missing trees and other objects by the narrowest of margins. He had instructed me to close my eyes, but I couldn't help myself. It would have been like riding a roller coaster with your eyes closed. It was totally thrilling, but of course I screamed as loud as if I were on a roller coaster. Poor Jonathans hearing would never be quite so perfect again. He laughed the entire way.

The ride was over almost as quickly as it started. Gently he set me back down on the ground, giving me the once over as if to assess any observable damage. Experiencing a little difficulty in regaining my balance after such a ride, I hung on to a nearby tree for support.

"Remy, honey, you alright? He asked worriedly, his brow furrowed.

"Wow! That was great! Can we do it again?" I responded, still teetering.

"You are incredible, you can't even stand up straight and you want to go again? Can you wait for the return trip?"

"If I have to I suppose." I said with a shrug that almost knocked me over.

Once he was certain that I was steady on my feet, he took my hand and led us through a small outcropping of trees. Suddenly before us was the image of perfection, a pristine mountain lake, with crystal clear water that acted as a mirror to the trees and mountains that surrounded it. The picture could only be described as utterly breathtaking.

We moved down close to the water's edge. Producing a large blanket from the back pack, he made a picnic spot for us on the ground in a small shaded area. Adding a bottle of wine, two glasses and a small basket of food he completed the already perfect picture. After tossing the backpack to the edge of the blanket he grinned widely as he stretched out to take in the scenery.

"Jonathan, this is…unbelievable. You've outdone yourself." I muttered, in bewildered awe.

"I thought this would be the perfect setting for us to get to know each other better." The double meaning in that remark was not lost on either of us.

I just smiled, silently returning my attention back to the lake.

"What no questions today?" He teased.

"You didn't think you were going to get off that easy did you? I kidded.

"No I suppose not. He laughed. "Well, come on, let's have them."

"Well." I began. "I don't know quite how to put this but I don't think you are twenty-eight."

"No, and why not my love." He responded, completely unfazed by my question.

"Frankly, because you act like my Dad."

"What?" He almost shouted, his deep voice going up a couple octaves.

"What I mean to say is you look like a twenty-eight year old guy,well actually younger, but you have the style and flair of man from an earlier time. Look at yourself, you are a consummate gentleman, you possess a sort of style and elegance that is more rat pack than brat pack, if you know what I mean. You have a fondness for old cars, and old music. You act like you are from a different era, a time men wore suits and ladies wore dresses."

"And what era do you suppose that would be?"

I pondered that question a moment. "I'm not totally sure, but if I had to guess I would say sometime in the mid to late 40's maybe even early 50's."

"Remy Shea, you are seriously scary. Alright then, come over here and sit by me won't you?"

"No, I think I'll stay where I am, when I get within two feet of you I can't think straight." I confessed, desperately trying to hold my ground.

"Is that so?" He said rather pleased with himself.

I settled on a large rock a little farther away from him, just to be safe.

"So far away?" He whined. "I better get on with it if I want to spend any quality time with you."

He sat up, readjusting his position to face me directly. His expression was thoughtful as though he was considering how best to proceed.

"Are you certain you want to hear this?" He gave me one last chance to remain peacefully unaware.

I declined. "I am certain I want to know everything there is to know about you.

"Okay, just remember you wanted to know. Once again your observations prove correct, I am not twenty-eight. However that was my chronological age when my body stopped aging."

I stared, holding my breath, still anticipating the punch line.

"I was born just outside of San Francisco in 1915."

My eyebrows went up and my chin went down, but to my credit I kept my mouth firmly shut.

He paused slightly I'm assuming to make sure he hadn't shocked me to death. I continued to fight to keep my expression as normal as possible, not wanting to give him any excuse to stop. When he observed no adverse reaction he went on with his story.

"There was a small airfield not far from where we lived. Almost as far back as I can remember all I ever thought about was flying airplanes. As a result I became a pilot at a pretty young age. But once I had mastered basic flying skills I became bored. We had all heard the talk of a war brewing in Europe, it was 1937, and I was 22 years old. Against my families wishes I left the states for England and joined the RAF, with the intention becoming a fighter pilot. I was stationed at a small base just outside of London where I received my combat training."

He stopped speaking suddenly, his normally perfect face strained.

I said nothing, but waited patiently for him to continue with his story.

"Remy, I was married." He confessed.

I don't know what I expected him to say, but that was definitely not it. "Oh." I replied quietly.

"While in stationed there, I met and fell in love with a young English girl, Sarah, we were married a short time later. The following year we had a child, a baby girl, Emily. Many of the details from my life then are a bit hazy, perhaps mercifully so. Mostly the things that stand out are the ones that were in some way life altering."

I know I should have been surprised at what he had just told me, but somehow it all fit. He looked to me for a response. His attitude was foreboding. I knew what followed would not be good. I waited for him to proceed.

After a lengthy pause and with great difficulty he finally spoke. "They were both killed in a bombing raid during the Battle of Britain in July of 1940. Emily was only two years old."

My heart went out to him. Immediately I got to my feet, wanting to go to him. To my shock he held up a hand to stop me.

"Please, let me get this out." He asked with a pained expression.

"After they died I took every mission I could, I volunteered for assignments that even the most seasoned of pilots would consider suicide. In my fearlessness I found my calling. When we joined the war effort I began flying for the U.S. The mortality rate for combat pilots was so high that at 26 I was practically considered to be an old man. Already an ace I had logged more flight hours and had accumulated more kills then the vast majority of the American pilots I served with. Again I took every mission they would throw at me. Finally in early 1943, less than a month from my 29th birthday, I got my wish and was shot down over occupied France. I should have died that day. Instead something entirely unexpected happened to me."

His story broke my heart, instantly I was ashamed of myself for prying such painful memories from him. For once I was at a complete loss for words.

"Remy I have been alone for more than 60 years, living what most would consider an almost frozen isolated existence. In finding you, I have felt things I previously thought impossible for someone like me."

Still feeling shame over my childish curiosity, I ignored his selfless compliment. "Jonathan, I don't know what to say." I could barely bring myself to look at him. "Please except my apology, it was never my intention to cause you pain. I just wanted to know about you, I'm sorry I made you dredge up unpleasant memories. That was thoughtless of me."

Staring at the ground before me I awaited a response, when I received none I finally raised my regret filled eyes to his. Wordlessly he stared back at me, the expression on his face could only be described as unnerving.

"Come here." He commanded.

Now almost aching to touch him, I gladly I did as I was told. Standing slowly, I walked over to the blanket where he waited and sat on my knees to face him. I waited and watched, unsure what to do next.

He gazed at me with those beautiful dark lash rimmed eyes and I forgot my own name. My dad was right, what could this most perfect creature possibly see in me?

Reaching for me he gently guided me down to lie beside him. Still propped up on one elbow he tenderly stroked my face. Angling his head slightly, he began to kiss me, everywhere that skin was exposed, my face, my neck, my collarbone, even my hands and wrists were not exempt from his attention.

I could barely breathe. Digging my fingers deep into his thick mass of dark hair I pulled him even closer. As much joy as I have ever felt in my entire life, nothing on earth came close to this.

"Jonathan." I whispered breathlessly.

"Yes?" He responded never taking his attention from the task at hand.

"I love you."

He lifted his head to gaze directly into my eyes. The expression on his face was one of complete tenderness, it was almost as if he were about to cry at any moment. Continuing to stroke my face with his hand he grazed his thumb over my mouth as he stared at my lips unabashedly, even before I was able to catch my breath, his mouth covered mine.

The touch of his lips was cold and firm, but in almost total contrast they moved with soft precision, slowly caressing my own. The contrast of coolness of his breath coupled with the softness of his tongue as it swept inside my mouth sent my head spinning.

I curled my arms around his neck even tighter as my body instinctually arched to meet his. He groaned and with one sweeping movement pulled me directly under him. Before I knew it my sweater was off. My heart pounded out of my chest as his icy fingers deftly unbuttoned my shirt and his strong hand found its way beneath the fabric to softly carress my skin.

Needing to touch him as well, my hands traveled, down his chest. With far less expertise I unbuttoned him as well. Opening the front of his shirt I placed both of my hands over his perfectly chiseled chest.

"Remy." He groaned hoarsely. "I never dreamed anything like this was possible."

Eager to see more of him, I quickly pulled his shirt the rest of the way off. Never in my life had I ever seen anything so perfect. Even the pristine mountain lake before us now seemed to pale in comparison. His skin was creamy white, his large muscles chiseled and perfect, comparable only to Michelangelo's statue of David.

It took supreme effort on my part, but I managed to push myself away from him, sitting up I stripped my shirt the rest of the way off. Then reaching behind my back, I unhooked my bra and quickly discarded it.

His hands and his lips were covering my bare skin even before the clothes slipped from my fingers. The feel of his cool hard skin against my soft warm body was overwhelming, almost to the point of madness. He pulled me over to lie on top of him. My hair swept down his chest following my mouth to his waist.

He breathed heavily and said my name, but it was barely audible. He breathed it again, but this time held my arms tightly, forcing me to face him.

"Remy, we have to stop." His forceful words at odds with the desire written all over his face.

Assuming he was just being a gentleman concerned only for my virtue I ignored his request and returned my attention to his chest while discreetly sliding my hand down his thigh. In a blink I was on the blanket by myself and he was ten feet away. I sat alone, stunned and confused.

"What did I do wrong?" I asked immediately hurt.

"Just give me a second."

He remained stationary, shirtless and perfect as he dragged a hand through is hair. The mere sight of which causing me to come completely unglued. My breathing still labored when he finally returned to me.

Bending down he reclaimed his shirt and placed it over me, carefully fastening each button. Once satisfied I was covered, he returned to sit next to me on the blanket, taking my hand in his.

He began. "Remy, I am sorry to have been so abrupt. I should not have let things get that far, I apologize. It's just that you're so damned irresistible I got a bit carried away."

The space between us was only slight, but still felt to me as thought it were too great a distance. In attempting to scoot closer to him I was quickly vetoed as he gently pushed me back down in my seat. The harsh gesture instantly made me well up from both hurt and embarrassment.

"What did I do wrong?" I asked again.

"You did nothing wrong, it's me. It's difficult to explain, but it's not always as easy as it may seem for me to be close to you. I desire you in more ways than you realize, ways that are not healthy for you. It is because of my strong feelings for you that I am able to control these desires but certain times are more difficult than others."

"It causes you pain to be close to me?" I asked immediately worried.

"Some, but not as much as it should, and it gets easier every day I am with you. But that is not the only issue."

"What is the other issue?"

"We can never make love." He said with a certainty that stopped my heart.

"What? Why not?" I asked, now even closer to tears.

"Even if I am able to overcome some obstacles, which in time is very possible, I can't promise that I would be able to control myself in other areas. When I am with you I have to constantly remind myself how delicate you are. If we were to make love it is likely that passion and desire would overrule reason. You could get hurt. I find you so incredibly appealing that I am unsure whether or not I could control myself. Nothing is worth that risk."

To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement. Intellectually I understood what he was saying and knew he made sense. But I felt like a spoiled child that just had their favorite toy taken away. I wanted to stomp my feet and demand it back. I waited longer than I should have to speak, but I was afraid my voice would crack, thereby giving away my childish reaction.

Once I calmed down I was better able to convey my feelings.

"I think you are wrong. You could never hurt me, even unintentionally. We are supposed to be together, in every way. Can't you feel it?" I reasoned.

"I can." He confessed as he absently continued rubbing my hand with his thumb. "But I am still not willing to gamble your life on it. I have waited for you for so long. Please try and understand how much you mean to me."

Al last, he reached for me, cradling me into his lap finally giving me the contact I so desperately needed. Immediately I buried my face in his neck not wanting him to see the disappointment on my face.

"Remy, talk to me, tell me what you're thinking."

I sat up to look at him and I could feel the tears threaten to well in my eyes.

"What is it baby? Tell me please."

"I'm not quite sure how it explain it… I have never felt this way before. Not for anyone, the feelings I have for you are overwhelming, crushing. I want you so much it hurts. Just the thought of us never being able to be together like that…well…it's very upsetting."

"I feel the same way you do. But I have already lost someone I loved once. I could not bear it if I lost you. Let alone if it were at my own hand. I have endured much in my lifetime, but that would be…unendurable." He confided.

Once again I was ashamed of my own selfishness.

"I am sorry Jonathan, what must you think of me." I said immediately disgusted with myself."

"I think you are the most beautiful dark haired girl I have ever seen. But, even as beautiful as you are on the outside it can't compare with what is in here." He said while placing his palm over my heart."

His touch sent my heart rate flying. He obviously felt it and chuckled softly.

"Are you sure you have exceptional eyesight? I think you need to get those babies checked. Either that, or you need to get out more." I teased.

"As I said before, you my dear are completely clueless when it comes to self evaluation." He smirked, glancing at the lake. "What do you say to cooling off your hormones off with a swim." He playfully suggested. Still holding me in his arms, he got to his feet before carefully placing me on mine.

"No bathing suits." I reminded him.

"We'll make do." He reassured.

Bending down he scooped up my discarded undergarment with his index finger, it swayed like a pendulum as he handed it back to me. Boldly calling his bluff, I slipped out of his shirt in order to put it back on. The consummate gentleman he turned around to give me some privacy.

"Chicken." I accused. Once it was back in place I took off my socks, shoes and jeans. "You can turn around now." I said with a hint of sarcasm.

When he faced me the slight smirk on his face melted, he became completely motionless and gaped open mouthed at me.

"Did I say you were beautiful? That word does not do you justice." He said cupping his hand over his mouth.

I decided to play with him a bit. "Do you see something to your liking sir? Knowing I had to be completely unsexy in my plain white bra and panties.

"I do." He confessed. "I am definitely a leg man, and those are some gorgeous gams, baby you are all legs. How did I miss that?"

"Are we going to swim or what?" I gently reminded him.

"Oh, yeah sure." He said as he pulled off his jeans.

And there he was my own personal Calvin Klein ad, live and in the flesh.

I gaped at him as well. "How is this supposed to help my raging hormones exactly?"

He laughed and once again dragging a hand through his hair. "Sweetheart, you have a one track mind. Come on."

Offering me his hand, we continued down to the water's edge. At first the water seemed like ice, but warmed up once we were inside.

"Are you a good swimmer?" He asked once we were waist deep, almost as if it were an incidental second thought.

"I was raised in California, what do you think?" I bragged.

"Okay rock star, I'll be right back." He released my hand and left me standing as he disappeared under the cool clear water.

He was gone a good couple of minutes, enough so I was beginning to worry.

When I couldn't take it any longer, I began calling his name. "Jonathan! This is not funny!"

Then beneath the clear surface I could make out a large white object speeding toward me. Halting abruptly he broke free of the surface only inches front where I waited.

"It's deep enough." He announced.

His dark brown hair slicked back from the water, making it appear black as night, his already amazing body accentuated by the droplets of glistening water covering it.

Once again the mere sight of him left me unintelligible. Swallowing hard I made a concerted effort at single-minded concentration.

"Remy, are you alright?" He asked. "You look a little pale. Is the water too cold?"

"I'm fine, the waters fine. Deep enough for what? How did you hold your breath for so long?" I shot rapid questions, trying to avoid the most obvious one.

"Well, um…I don't really need to breathe." He remarked candidly.

"You really don't need to breath." I repeated flatly. "Seriously."

"Come here you." He said while reaching for me. "Get on my back."

"I told you I can swim." I reminded him.

"I know but my way is faster, and more fun." Ignoring my protests, he pulled me through the water to him and flung me onto his back. The minute I had my arms firmly around his neck we were off like a shot.

Speeding over the mirrored surface of the lake, the experience had the effect of cutting through glass. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I hung on for dear life, feeling strangely as though I was attached to a deranged outboard motor. After a few passes he finally stopped us in the middle of the lake.

"Here, this is a good spot." He pulled me off his back and swung me around to face him, while stifling a giggle.

"May I ask what is so humorous?" I questioned while shoving a mass of wet hair out of my eyes and readjusting a falling bra strap.

He shook his head, grinning widely. "You are. Must you scream…so loudly?"

"Must you turn everything we do into Mr. Toads Wild Ride?" I countered.

Pursing his lips tightly to together, and cupping a hand over his mouth he suppressed yet another giggle.

I rolled my eyes, and switched back to the previous subject. "A good spot? Good spot for what?"

"Flying." His eyes were wide and mischievous.

I knew at once I was in serious trouble.

He placed a hand at my waist and tucked the other securely under my bottom.

Twisting slightly, I cast him a reproving glance.

"Dirty mind." He laughed, and launched me.

I flew straight up, probably at least 15 feet. I screamed so loud it was highly possible I woke the dead in the next county. Hitting the water feet first, I plunged down several feet, easily able to see the surface through the clear water I quickly swam back up to him.

"Hey Aquaman, thanks for the warning!" I yelled the minute I resurfaced.

"My turn!" He beamed.

He disappeared under the water and then in a flash broke through the surface and was airborne. When he reached maximum height, at least 25 feet, he touched his toes to form a perfect jackknife and then sliced through the water with all the precision of an Olympic diver.

"Wow, now that was impressive." I muttered to myself with bewildered awe.

It was barely a moment before he resurfaced.

"You want to try?"

"Um…me? Oh no…I can't do that." I cried.

"What's the matter California, afraid of a little water?" He challenged.

"Come here, climb back on." I didn't have much of a choice as he took a hold of me. "Now hold on tight and take a deep breath." He wrapped one arm behind him like a steel band securing me to his back.

We swam straight to the lake floor, then using it as a spring board he gracefully propelled us straight up and out of the water. Once high above the lake he shifted our position to angle our dive straight threw the water's surface, like a hot knife through butter. It was incredible.

I hung on tight as we swam back to the surface. He released his grip on me and adjusted me to face him.

"How was that?" He asked happily.

"You need to work on your first date skills, this is pretty boring." I kidded, still gasping for air.

A massive grin spread across his face.

Reaching up, I ran my fingers through his gleaming wet hair, still in utter awe at his perfection. The excitement of our swim didn't last long, quickly my desire for him resurfaced. After tightening my grip around his neck, I wrapped my legs around his back.

"May I kiss you? I asked as I stared at his perfect mouth, my lips no more than an inch or two from his.

"Considering we are both half naked, wet, and you have your gloriously long legs wrapped around my waist, it's probably not a good idea at the moment."

"Then get me out of this water so we can dry off and I can get my kiss."

"Bossy, Bossy." He observed while he swam us both back to shore.

Once we out of the water he pulled two large beach towels from the pack, wrapping one around me first, then securing the other around his waist.

"Hungry?" He picked up the small basket and started emptying its contents onto the blanket.

"Starving." I answered while surveying the choices. I selected an apple and a slice of cheese.

He opened the wine and poured us each a glass.

"You're not eating?" I asked taking a bite out of the apple.

"No, I'm not hungry." He said as sipped the wine.

"Okay Jonathan what's the deal?"

"What do you mean?"

"You are not hungry, and you're not really drinking that wine either."

"You, Miss Shea are ruining my carefully planned out romantic ambience, a leisurely hike through the woods, a little necking, a refreshing dip in the lake and a picnic lunch."

"Come clean Markum, no more shenanigans."

"Alright fine, I don't eat or drink."

"Is there anything else you don't do? You might as well tell me, you know I will find out anyway."

He bit his bottom lip looking a little guilty while he contemplated his answer. Getting to his feet he removed the towel and reached for his jeans. I completely forgot the question I asked him.

Suddenly he said. "Sleep."

"Excuse me?" I was totally confused.

"I don't sleep, either."

"Really?" I thought about it a moment and wasn't quite sure what to say, so I finally managed, "Well, okay then."

He knelt in front of me. "Is it all too much to take in?" He asked.

"No, just different I suppose. I am sure it will come together once I know the whole story." I just shrugged my shoulders and added it to the list in my head.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" He asked as he absently emptied his glass of wine into a nearby bush and recorked the bottle.

"Yes, since you asked, I would like my kiss now please."

Wordlessly he walked over picked up my previously discarded clothes and handed them to me, raising his eyebrows and folded his arms across his chest.

"Spoil sport." I mumbled under my breath.

I got dressed while he returned everything to the backpack and slipped it back on.

He walked over and helped me adjust my collar. "Now that's better, maybe now I can think halfway straight."

My heart fluttered as his hands encircled my waist and he leaned down to kiss me. His cool hard lips gently parted mine and I could feel his grip on me tighten slowly as he pulled me close. Twisting my fingers through his still damp hair I instinctively pressed my lips even more firmly to his. In a heartbeat he catapulted himself to the edge of the trees.

"Woman, you will seriously be the death of me." He was frowning and sounded genuinely angry.

"Are you seriously mad at me?

"Yes, I am trying to keep you in one piece a little help would be nice."

"Can I help it if you are irresistible?"

"What am I going to do with you?"

I opened my mouth to speak and was quickly silenced.

"Don't answer that." He warned while lifting me into his arms. "Let me just imagine what your answer would be."

We made it back to the car once again in record time, this trip I managed to hold the screaming down to a minimum. The activities of the day proved to be a bit tiresome, I was sound asleep on Jonathans shoulder even before we hit the highway.

When I woke up we were stopped in front of the log home.

"What are we doing here?" I asked, still groggy.

"I thought you might like a chance to finish drying out and get cleaned up before I took you home." He said as he opened by door and helped me out of the car.

Once inside he started a fire while I went to the bathroom to freshen up. When I came out he was seated on one of the couches wearing a fresh shirt.

"Why did you change your shirt?"

"The other one seemed to be missing a couple of buttons. I didn't know what Tommy and Mary would think of that."

"Oh, good call." I complimented.

"Come sit by me." He patted the cushion next to him.

Happy to oblige, I padded over and snuggled up next to him. His arms encased me as I rested a tired head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

"Remy, can I ask you a question?" He kissed the top of my head and held me a little tighter.

"Well, that's a change. Of course you can ask me anything." Lifting my head only briefly, I kissed his neck.

He let out a contented sigh. "Am I your one true love?"

I smiled and without hesitation replied. "Yes you are, without a doubt."

"Then in that case, do I get to hear our song? I mean it's only right considering I bought a piano especially for the occasion."

"You heard that too did you? You knew even then that it would be you."

"Hoped is a better word, I hoped it would be me."

Rising from the couch, I led him over to the magnificent Steinway, it taking my breath away almost as much as he did. We arranged ourselves on its bench. Smiling in anticipation, he wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.

The instrument before me was almost too beautiful to touch. Being called to play for family and friends was a common event so I was rarely if ever nervous. But, now for some reason my hands shook ever so slightly.

"Sweetheart, there's no reason to be nervous, this is our song."

"You're right, it is." I agreed, the plain truth in his statement serving to almost instantaneously calm my nerves.

After playing the first few bars of the melody I checked his face for a reaction, without a doubt, he recognized the song. His eyes closed as he listened, smiling, he kissed my cheek. It was clear that he agreed with my choice. Starting over from the beginning, I softly sang the lyrics.

"_It's not the pale moon that excites me_

_That thrills and delights me, oh no_

_It's just the nearness of you_

_It isn't your sweet conversation_

_That brings these sensations, oh no_

_It's just the nearness of you._

_When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me_

_All my wildest dreams came true_

_I need no soft lights to enchant me_

_If you would only grant me, the right_

_To hold you ever so tight and to feel in the night_

_The nearness of you"_

When I finished I could feel the tears rimming my eyes and kept my gaze directed to the piano keys. Jonathan placed a hand under my chin and angled my face to his. The expression on his was identical to the one on mine, minus the tears.

Without a single word he picked me up and ascended the staircase to the loft above us. Poised in the center of the large room was a giant four poster mahogany bed, covered in snowy white bedding.

It being his destination he walked directly over to it and laid me down gently. My heart raced as he leaned down, his glorious face only a hairs breath from mine. Placing an arm on either side of me, he leaned in to kiss me.

I was confused. "I thought you said we couldn't make love?"

"We can't, but before you leave this house this tonight, I am going to make certain you know just how much I love you."

**Nine**

**The Party**

THE DRIVE BACK TO MY HOUSE WAS BLISSFULLY SILENT. HIS TOUCH alone spoke volumes and I knew with absolute certainly that I would never be the same again. In some ways words may have spoiled the moment, the mood so perfect that nothing remained to be said. Cuddled up under his arm I felt more at home there than I ever had anywhere.

As we rounded the corner on the approach to my house, it took some serious effort to pry myself away from his touch. He just smiled, his expression mirroring my own reluctant one. Sliding across the seat I positioned myself on the passenger side while he planted both hands firmly on the steering wheel.

Once parked, he got out and walked around the car to open my door. We could see my Dad in the back of the yard, again clearing more debris. He gave us a wave trying to appear casual, but I knew better. He was observing every gesture.

Still lost in our own world, we walked hand in hand to the house.

"I didn't have a chance to tell you." He said with a disappointed tone in his voice. "But, I need to go out of town for a day or two, business."

"What? When do you have to go?" I asked, immediately concerned.

"Tonight, if possible. I really should have gone earlier, but I have been otherwise engaged." He winked.

"Tonight?" I protested, feeling a sudden panic arise at the thought of being separated so soon.

"Well, yes… Let's not forget that because of my desire to get close to a certain someone, I am now obligated to teach a writing class. I need to go now if I'm to make it back before Monday."

"Oh my gosh I forgot all about the class, shouldn't I drop it? You know conflict of interest and all, considering the instructor and I are… well you know, together." I was at a loss for words as to what to refer to him as.

"Oh no you don't, I don't care if there is a conflict of interest. There is no way you are leaving me alone with all those women, even if there are only two weeks left. If it makes you feel any better I'll give you an F."

"What's the matter tough guy, are you scared?" I teased.

"Terrified." He admitted.

We were both laughing as we climbed the backstairs to the kitchen. Mary was inside cleaning up. Guilt consumed me as I realized that I had once again missed dinner and hadn't bothered to call. Although this time they knew where I was, it didn't excuse my inconsideration.

"Hi Mom!" I called, hoping sounding cheerful would in some way get me off the hook.

"Hello Dear, Hello Jonathan, Did you kids have a good day?" She said pleasantly, not sounding the least bit irritated.

"Um…Yes we did." I offered some details. "We went hiking and then had a picnic. I'm sorry I missed dinner."

"Oh, that's alright. We weren't sure what time you would be home so we went ahead and ate. Your father was starving as usual. I made up some plates for the two of you. I can warm them up now if you like."

I was famished after our long day, but didn't want to put Jonathan in the awkward position of having to either decline my mother, or to have to pretend to eat.

"No Mom thanks, we're ok. I'll eat later."

Jonathan seemed genuinely touched that my mother had thought of him.

"Thank you Mrs. Shea, but I was just dropping Remy off, I need to get going."

"Will we be seeing you tomorrow then?" She asked.

"No." He said. "I was just telling Remy that I need to go out of town on business for a couple days."

"Oh, well I hope you'll make it back in time for the party Sunday." She said absently while she placed a dripping dish into the strainer."

"Party Mom?" I asked totally confused as to what she was talking about.

"Remy Kathleen I swear sometimes I don't know where your head is at, Mickey's 60th, this Sunday? I'm surprised you forgot since they are having a band that plays your kind of music. Maeve says Junior insisted on it." She had her hands on her hips, trying to appear irritated, but I knew better.

"Sorry I forgot." I shrugged my shoulders and held my hands up in the air. "Anyway, the group they hired plays oldies Mom, the most current stuff they play is from the 70's."

She just shrugged as well, indicating that it was all the same to her.

Poor Jonathan appeared mildly confused, but waited patiently for my explanation.

Giving up on my mother momentarily I shifted my attention to him. "Mick Connolly is my Dad's best friend. He and his wife own the pub I was telling you about."

"Restaurant!" My mother interjected. The nice Italian Catholic girl in her refused to refer to Mick's as a bar. Having her husband frequent a restaurant seemed much more civilized.

"Anyway." I said rolling my eyes at the interruption. "They are hosting Mick's birthday party there on Sunday. Can you make it back in time?" I clasped my hands together, as if in prayer. I am positive the look on my face was one of sheer hopelessness and desperation.

He just laughed. "I will do my utmost."

After saying his goodbyes to my parents, I followed him outside to his car. The thought of us being apart for even a few hours was difficult. Two entire days would be sheer agony.

"I miss you already, are you sure you have to go?" I whined.

"Yes, I am sure. Believe me I wouldn't be leaving you if it wasn't absolutely necessary."

"Can't I go with you?" I pleaded, suddenly panicky.

"No, that is out of the question." The ardent tone in his voice made no mistake that the matter was not up for discussion. "But I promise, I will be back as soon as I am able."

I was about to put to use my best powers of persuasion when we were interrupted.

"Remy, can you please run this pan of Sheppard's pie over to the Swan's?" My mother hollered threw the screen door.

"Sure thing Mom." I called out over my shoulder, for the moment concerned with more important matters than running errands for my mother.

"While you are over there make sure to remind them about the party!"

Jonathan's eyebrows shot up and his head was cocked slightly to the side. "Charlie Swan will be there?"

"Sure, I guess. Why are you jealous?" I teased.

"Without a doubt, whether or not you choose to believe it, that boy is in love with you. I will definitely be there Sunday night."

I was both surprised and flattered at the same time. I was so impossibly in love with him it was unfathomable to me that he would even consider that I might have feelings for someone else. Charlie and his Dad were good friends of our family, it was important that he understand the dynamic between us.

"First of all Charlie is not a boy, he is two years older than me. Second, he is not in love with me, he is my friend. Believe me, Charlie Swan could have his pick of any girl in this town. He is not interested in me. Lastly, you are the one and only person I will ever love. Trust me, I know things."

"Whatever you say dear, but regardless, I will be there all the same."

Knowing we had an audience he bent down and taking my chin between his index finger and thumb he gave me a sweet but lingering kiss on the cheek. I was hoping for more, but any touch at all from him left me with a complete and utter inability to form a single coherent thought.

"I will see you Sunday my love, be good." He ordered as he slid behind the wheel of his car.

Remaining at the end of the driveway, I waited until the light blue Cadillac was completely out of sight before returning to the house. My sixth sense told me that my parents were watching me, both trying unsuccessfully to appear involved in various activities the minute I turned back around.

Grateful for anything to take my mind off his leaving, I ran up the stairs to fetch the Sheppard's pie before proceeding over to the Swan's.

Balancing the heavy awkward pan in one hand I rapped on the back door as I called out. "Hello!"

Not getting a response, I rounded the side of the lot to check the garage when I heard movement coming from the rear of the house.

To my surprise, as I walked around to the side yard I found a trailer topped with a slightly dilapidated boat.

"Hello?" I called again.

"Hey Remy." Charlie poked his head out from around the side of the vessel.

"What's all this?" I asked, surprised to find a large water craft suddenly appearing in my friends yard.

"It's mine." He announced. "I bought this old girl, thought I fix her up so Billy and I could go fishing."

"Wow." I said, "Cool old boat, but it looks like a lot of work."

"Yeah well." He said placing his hands on his hips, a slightly daunted expression crossing his face. "I know, but I got a good deal, and it gives me something to do in my spare time." He then turned his attention to the item in my hands. "What's this?" He asked.

"Oh, I almost forgot." Mom sent you and your Dad over some Sheppard's pie.

"Great I'm starving." He announced. Your mother is a God send. He reached for the pan and then stopped to look at his hands realizing they were dirty.

"I'll take it in." I offered.

Charlie motioned for me to go on ahead of him. Once in the kitchen he walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

Setting the pan down on the counter top I started opening cabinets in search of a plate.

"What are you doing?" He asked, confused.

"You said you were hungry, didn't you? I'm getting a plate out so I can heat some up for you. Where is your Dad, you think he wants some too?"

I found the plates I was looking for and opened a drawer to locate a knife. Finding one, I cut him a large piece and set it in the microwave to cook.

"Um… My Dad went into town." He replied a little absently. "I guess I'm a little surprised that you are cooking for me." He admitted.

"Oh, I am not cooking for you, Mary is. Believe me, the last thing you want is me cooking for you. I can't even boil water. In my house, I am not aloud within 10 feet of the stove. All I can say is thank heavens for microwaves."

He laughed and the timer on the microwave went off as if on cue. I placed the plate in front of him along with a fork and a paper towel from the rack.

"Thanks Remy." He beamed.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." I said taking a seat opposite him at the kitchen table. "I supposed to remind you and your Dad about the party at Mick's on Sunday."

"I know." He smiled and shook his head. "My Dad is totally looking forward to it, we'll be there."

"Since I am the infant of the group I can be the designated if you want."

Charlie's mood seemed to change suddenly as he looked down at his food and pushed it around the plate with his fork.

"I assumed you would be going with your boyfriend." He said quietly without looking up.

I wasn't quite sure what to say. Then I considered how important Charlie and his friendship were to me. The truth, I decided would be the best course.

"I'm sorry Charlie, we haven't had a chance to talk recently have we?"

"No." He agreed. "You have been otherwise occupied."

"His name is Jonathan, and yes he will most likely be there Sunday. He had to go out of town for a couple of days, but he is going to try to make it back."

"Well, that explains why you have time to come over here and slum it with me. Tell your Mom thanks for the food." He said as he pushed the half eaten plate away from him.

I hadn't thought about how my relationship with Jonathan would affect Charlie. I was so wrapped up in my own bliss that I had been completely insensitive. Maybe Jonathan was more right than I realized.

I reached across the table and placed my hand over his.

"Charlie, I am so sorry. I have been a horrible friend, I have no excuse."

The corners of his mouth started to go up slightly, so I continued.

"You know how much your friendship means to me, I wouldn't hurt you for anything in the world."

The smile finally completed its journey across his face. "It's okay Rem, I know you didn't mean any harm. I'm just jealous I guess."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, he is jealous of you too."

The expression on his face made it clear that he thought I was either crazy or lying. "Jealous of me?"

"Yeah." I said. "The two of you are both a couple of certifiable idiots, you will get along great."

Suddenly remembering how hungry I was, I reached over picked up his fork, stabbed a bite of the pie and stuffed it in my mouth.

"You want me to stick around and help you with the boat?" I asked with a mouth full as I reached for another bite.

"Sure." He was shaking his head. "That would be great."

For the next two days Charlie and I worked together on his boat. I was probably more of a hindrance than a help but he didn't complain. He gave me small tasks, but they kept me occupied. I was more than grateful for the distraction, I was missing Jonathan terribly and being around Charlie was somehow comforting. My presence there also seemed to ease Charlie's frustrations with the recent changes in my circumstances. Finally begging out of my responsibilities late Sunday afternoon, I left to get cleaned up for the party.

Thrilled at the thought of seeing Jonathan soon, I could barely hold still, but I wasn't the only Shea that was looking forward to the evening. Tommy and Mary were primping like they were going to prom.

After I was dressed I went outside on the deck with my guitar, playing always served to soothe my nerves.

Mary stuck her head outside the screen door. "Remy is that what you're wearing? You're going to be cold."

I wore jeans, a black tank top and black boots.

"Mom, the place is going to be packed, it will be like a furnace in there." I tried to appease her. "Don't worry I'm taking a jacket."

Pop's was still getting ready and Mom was fussing about in the kitchen killing time. I silently wished she would get out of the kitchen more and do something fun once in a while. Then I had an idea.

Swinging open the screen door with guitar still in hand, I got a hold of her tiny wrist and dragged her behind me out to the deck.

"Remy what on earth are you doing? I have things to do."

"Mom, you have nothing to do, the kitchen is spotless as usual. Besides, you're missing it."

"Missing what?" She replied exasperated.

"Twilight." I responded. "Look how beautiful it is out here."

"Yes, it's very nice." She turned on her heel and attempted a swift retreat back into her cave.

"Wait, Mom, I need your help. Help me with this harmony won't you?"

"Remy, don't be ridiculous, I can't sing that music."

"Yes you can, where do you think I got my pipes from. Look it's very easy. I handed her the sheet music and pointed out the harmonies. "You take the lower one, come on, it will be fun.

She looked around to see if anyone was in ear shot. I could see my father through the kitchen window. He obviously heard my plan and knew well enough to stay out of sight if I ever had a chance of getting her to sing.

"Mom, no one is listening." I lied as kept my fingers crossed behind my back. "Besides, I play your stuff all the time, it's only fair." I protested, still keeping my fingers crossed, but now for an entirely different reason.

"I'll try." She said reluctantly. "Is this one of your songs dear?"

"No, it's the Indigo Girls. Trust me, it's fun, you'll like it."

Not wanting to give her a chance to back out I began playing the first several bars. Tossing a dish towel over her shoulder, she picked up the music and perused the sheet. Quietly she hummed the music, familiarizing herself with the piece. I grinned at my Dad through the window and he gave me two thumbs up.

Starting again, I replayed the first few bars, even though I knew she could read music better than me, I still reminded her where to jump in. Once I began singing, I could see her focusing on her part. She came in at exactly the right moment and although she sang softly at first, her harmonies were dead on. In an effort to persuade her to use more of her voice I began playing more aggressively. The tempo picked up naturally as the harmonies became slightly more intricate. Mary had a remarkable ear for music and such a beautiful voice it was almost a crime she didn't use it more. She was having a good time. Once she became familiar with the melody she even began to add in harmonies where there previously was none. Her instinctual musicality left me so awestruck that I almost forgot the words myself in couple of places.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Charlie and his Dad making their way across the lawn to our house. I imagined the surprised look on their faces when they realized who was singing. The final notes of the song played, a finishing strum of the guitar, and both the yard and the kitchen erupted with applause and shouts of praise.

Mary was instantly embarrassed, but as a true performer took an ever so slight yet humble bow.

My father bounded through the screen door almost breaking it in the process.

"Now there's the lass I married! That was beautiful ladies!" He blustered while squeezing the life out of his petite wife.

By this time Charlie and Mr. Swan were up the stairs.

"Wow that was great! You girls should take it on the road." Mr. Swan exclaimed.

"Mom, that was awesome!" Swinging my guitar around my back, I hugged her tightly and planted a big sloppy kiss on her cheek.

Mary, still too embarrassed to acknowledge her performance, quickly opted for a change in subject. "Remy, why don't you put your guitar away and I'll just go in and find our jackets. We'll be right with you gentleman."

She retreated inside the house while I followed her path inside.

As I brushed past my Dad he snatched my hand and pumped it madly. "Nicely done daughter." He whispered wide eyed as soon as his wife was out of hearing range.

Having stalled as long as I could, we all finally departed for the party. Every one of us squeezed into my Dads Cherokee together. As we pasted the houses on our street, I scanned the road ahead almost compulsively in hopes of seeing his car. I knew he would be there if it was at all possible, but would be seriously disappointed if it turned out he was unable to make it.

At Mick's the Connolly's had a table down front reserved for all of us. The only disappointment was that I won the lottery, getting stuck in the seat aside their gloomy son. Junior was a couple years younger than me, and rarely if ever had anything nice to say. I had always wondered if the kid was adopted, he was so unlike his kind, colorful and fun loving parents.

My eyes continued to dart to the front door waiting and hoping to see Jonathan emerge through it. The place was completely full, just as I had predicted. There were not a lot of thrills to be had in our tiny little town. Any sort of occasion at all brought everyone out in droves.

Mick was well liked, so I suspected that also had a lot to do with the turnout this evening. Especially considering it was a Sunday night and most people had to work the next day. My father was certainly in high spirits celebrating his old friend's birthday. Maeve Connolly had her camera out and was snapping pictures every five seconds.

"You two." She said indicating the birthday boy and his partner in crime. "Give us a smile."

They both held up their glasses and flashed huge impressive grins.

"There now, that was grand." She complimented.

"That's one for behind the bar." Mick added, slapping my Dad on the back.

Mick turned his attention to me. "So Remy, where's this new lad we've heard so much about?"

I hadn't realized my parents had informed their friends about Jonathan. I shot the both of them a reproving glance, but remained silent, unsure quite what to say. Unfortunately my silence did nothing to mollify the topic of conversation.

"Yes, well the women about town say he's quite a looker. Well done you Remy." Mrs. C. added her two cents as she placed her camera on the table and pulled up a chair.

Mercifully Uncle Mick's attention span was limited this evening and he quickly changed the subject. "Remy darlin', are you going to be hearing from you this evening, a song for your old Uncle Mick's birthday luv?"

I knew from experience when my parents and their friends tried to coerce me into performing I didn't stand a chance. Instantly I thought of Karma and how I had tricked my mother into singing earlier this evening.

Panicked, I made a fast attempt at begging out. "You have a band tonight, and besides the place is completely full. There is no way I can sing in front of all of these people." I insisted.

"That's right Dad." Junior unfortunately took the opportunity to voice his opinion. "She's a girl, she can't sing this stuff."

Charlie kicked me under the table and smirked. "Put this idiot in his place, we both know you can sing anything."

"No way…First of all this kid is not worth the trouble; second, it is bad manners to show off, and third he's probably right." I justified, not about to let this brat goad me into embarrassing myself.

Unaware of Charlie's and my conversation Uncle Mick chimed back in, good heartedly disagreeing with his son. "I think you are wrong son, I hear she plays a pretty mean guitar."

"She plays the crap out of the guitar is what she does." Charlie whispered under his breath.

I kicked him under the table again and shot him a look.

"Ouch." He cried.

"Shhhh…" I ordered.

"Dad, don't be ridiculous, this is a "rock" band. Since when did you ever hear of a girl playing an electric guitar?" He rolled his eyes while he flipped his stringy greasy hair back out of his face.

Charlie leaned over to me again. "Aw come on." He pleaded. "Pleeeeease?"

Now I had to admit the kid was irritating me, I considered my options for a second.

I huddled close to Charlie. "Okay, I have an idea, but you have to help me."

"Sure, just tell me what to do." His voice low, his deep brown eyes mischievous.

"Sneak me a glass of whiskey." I responded matter-of-factly.

"What? Your parents will ring my neck if they catch me. Since when do you drink whiskey any way?" His once conspirational demeanor now incredulous.

"Listen, Barry Gordy, this was your idea remember? If you want me to sing this stuff, I am going to need to rough up my voice a bit. Whiskey should work, assuming that I don't throw up first. Do you want me to sound like Joan Jett or Mary Poppins?"

"Okay, okay I'll get the whiskey. Meet me at the bar in two minutes."

Charlie excused himself, got up and walked to the bar, while I took off in the opposite direction of the stage to have a word with the band. Luckily, they knew the song I wanted to play, but were less than enthusiastic with the idea of me performing it. Even less so when I informed them I would need to borrow one of their guitars. Ultimately, they agreed to discuss it amongst themselves and get back to me.

Meeting Charlie at the bar, he handed me the shot glass and blocked me from my parents view as I slugged it. It was not good, how did people drink this stuff? It was like swallowing turpentine mixed with razor blades. I could feel it burn all the way down my throat to my stomach.

Starting to choke and gag on the repulsive liquid, Charlie slapped me on the back a couple times in an effort to help out.

"Ow!" I cried. "Geez Charlie, I drank a shot I didn't swallow a Chevy."

"Oops, sorry." He winced.

Peering over his shoulder I surveyed our table to see if my parents had noticed anything. Their attention was on Mick, who was currently yelling and pointing his finger in the band manager's face. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who or what they were discussing, great I thought, after all this I better not suck.

"This is ridiculous, I am not doing this." I said still barely able to choke out words and feeling a little light headed.

"Remy, have you ever had a drink before?" Charlie asked noticing my slight disorientation.

"Of course I have, I went to college."

"Really." He wasn't buying it.

"Ok…you got me…well, no not really, maybe a beer once or twice."

"What would possess you to ask for a shot?"

"It's your fault." I pointed an accusing finger as an involuntary burp escaped my lips. "You wanted me to sing."

"Okay, okay I take it back." He surrendered palms up.

He and I both started laughing at the ridiculous lengths we were going to in order to silence someone as inconsequential as Junior.

"I'll go tell them I'm not doing it."

Scoping the area, I was unable to find even one band member, assuming they must be on break I decided to wait. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw Junior over at the jukebox depositing coins.

He had selected a hip hop song and I wondered how much whining he had to do to get his Dad to agree to that one. Maybe this kid's not all bad I thought fleetingly.

I recognized the familiar tune immediately. "Thank you! Something from this decade! I love this song, come on Charlie let's dance." I gave his arm a tug.

"Oh no not me." He fervently protested as he took my hand off his arm and dropped it like it was made of dog excrement.

"What do you mean not you? I can sing in a bar filled with our entire town and you can't handle one dance? Besides I hear this stuff pouring out of your house whenever your dad's not home, I know you like it. I clamped back onto his sleeve and continued pulling.

He seemed distracted, his eyes darted around the bar nervously. Finally his gaze settled on a group of girls in the back about our age.

"I thought you didn't care about the girls in this town?" I observed, a devious smile beginning to form. "I promise, after I am done with you, they will be banging down your door." If they already aren't I thought to myself.

"Remy, no one else dancing." He said squeamishly.

"That's because they are all like you, chicken. Trust me as soon as we are out there, the dance floor will fill up. Now come on you big baby. _This here's a jam for all the fel…las. Try to do what those ladies tell…us. Get shot down cause you're over zea…lous. Play hard to get and females be_ _jeal…ous." _I attempted a poor rap imitation.

Now that got him smiling, the dimples were popping. "Remy, do me a favor and never turn to rap for a career, you'll starve."

"Well, if you don't dance with me I will stand here and sing the entire song….LOUDLY." I threatened.

That was all it took, He put his beer down and yanked me towards the dance floor. Geez I must really stink, I thought as he practically dislocated my shoulder.

It was obvious Charlie liked the music. He had the rhythm even before we made it all the way onto the floor. The man could seriously move. I was impressed.

Quickly our rhythms were synchronized. Noticing we had the attention of his admirers in the back, I positioned my body slightly closer to him than I normally would have. After all, I had to help a brother out. A girl always wants what another girl has, law of the jungle.

Just as I had predicted the floor was quickly filled up with dancers. Junior even found a willing victim, poor girl. They were dancing directly behind Charlie and me.

About half way through the song I felt a pretty hard pinch on my rear, by the time I was able to turn around in the tight space, all I could see was Junior doubled over holding his stomach and Charlie sporting a rather satisfied smirk. We took one look at each other and busted up laughing.

As the song ended, the bar was so loud it was impossible to even think. Placing my hands on Charlie's shoulders I leaned in close to thank him for the dance.

"Thank you, see that wasn't so bad." Smirking slightly, I nodded to the girls in back, they were staring at Charlie. "See?" I said. "You're in. No pun intended."

"Remy, you are definitely one of a kind." He laughed as he wrapped his arms around my waist, giving me a friendly hug.

After traversing the width of the bar, we returned to the table. Once again I searched the crowd, hoping to see his face. For the sake of Charlie and my family, I was trying to put up a tough front. But the truth was, he was never out of my thoughts for even a second.

Now that the place was so full of people it was difficult to see. Finally, I caught a glimpse of him at the front door and my heart leapt. He was just standing there, completely motionless, it almost appeared as though he was looking right at me and Charlie. For a second I thought he was leaving and immediately became panicked.

Staring at him, I waited for eye contact. When his eyes met mine at last, he smiled and changed direction. I briefly considered the possibility that I had been mistaken. Perhaps he hadn't seen us after all. My earlier worry was quickly forgotten, my heart now pounding wildly at the mere sight of him.

It was not an easy task, but we both managed to slowly maneuver our way through the large crowd to meet in the middle.

"You made it!" I was so happy to see him I couldn't wipe the silly smile off my face. I leapt up, throwing my arms around his neck.

He laughed at my enthusiasm as he hugged me back, gently placing me back down on the floor. "I promised you I would."

Bending down he pressed a chaste but slightly lingering kiss on my mouth. In the most subtle of gestures he paused slightly at my jaw line as he inhaled deeply and gave me a soft intimate brush of his lips. The movement was so slight that not even my watchful parents could have caught it.

He then licked his lips and raised one quizzical brow.

"Irish whiskey?" He questioned.

I laughed. "Yes, it's a long story though, I'll tell you later. Let's get over to the table. They are all dying to meet you. The folks have been blabbing."

Placing my hand in his I noticed he had the forethought to wear gloves. I smiled, knowing he would wait to take them off until he had shaken everyone's hand.

Squeezing through the last few patrons, we finally made it back to the table. It wasn't necessary to get everyone's attention because they were all already staring.

My father jumped to his feet, immediately offering his hand to Jonathan.

"Well now there lad, thank you for takin' the trouble to come. We're pleased you could join us." He beamed as he patted Jonathan on the back.

"Thank you Tommy, I am very happy to be here." Jonathan replied, a charismatic grin sweeping across his handsome face.

Going around the table Tommy performed the introductions. Everyone seemed take to him right away, everyone except Junior who looked very nervous, comparable to that of a caged animal.

The only person of our group still to meet Jonathan was Charlie. Surveying the establishment I finally located him at the far end. His eyes met mine over the crowded room. Motioning with my hand, I indicated my desire for him to join us. He shifted his attention elsewhere, pretending not to have seen me.

"What is with these men tonight?" I said, to no one in particular.

Jonathan had taken a seat next to my Dad. I bent down and whispered in his ear. "I'll be right back, I want you to meet Charlie. I'll go get him."

He nodded and smiled, knowing it was important to me that the two of them meet.

Manipulating my way back through the crowd I found Charlie still in the corner nursing a beer pretending to be vastly interested in a conversation about deer hunting with two of the regulars.

"What do you think you are doing? Where are all the girls?" I asked.

Completely ignoring my second question, he addressed the first. "What does it look like? I am having a conversation with my friends."

He picked up his glass, took a swig and angled his back to me.

Bored with the testosterone Olympics, I grabbed him by his sleeve and gave him a yank. "Don't be ridiculous." I said lightly scolding him. "We are all here together. You are both important to me. Now, get your butt over here and meet him."

He was not happy about it, but relented and pushed himself back from the bar. Begrudgingly, he allowed me to lead him as he dragged his feet as slow as humanly possible through the crowd. Once we reached the table Jonathan immediately raised himself from his seat, clearly recognizing the effort it took for Charlie to cross the room. The entire table went deathly silent as all eyes remained squarely fixed on the two men.

Well this isn't at all awkward I thought.

"Charlie." I said. "I'd like you to meet Jonathan. Jonathan this is Charlie."

Jonathan was the first to extend his hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you Charlie, Remy always speaks so highly of you." Gracious as always.

"Yeah, well thanks, it's nice to meet you too." Charlie said with a bit of a forced smile.

Tommy was the first to break the awkward exchange. He leapt to his feet, slapped Charlie on the back and said. "Well done, Chuckles. How bout another pint lad, you look like you could use one."

Everyone laughed. Including Charlie whom I was sure was less than pleased with his new nickname.

By then the band returned from their extended break and began by wishing Mick a Happy Birthday. They announced they had a big treat for him and my stomach fell to my feet.

Charlie's and my eyes locked, both the size of saucers. His hand covered his mouth as he fought to suppress a laugh. In all the commotion of Jonathan arriving and the tense introductions, I'd forgotten to retract my request.

"What is going on?" Jonathan asked, knowing by both Charlie's and my reaction that something was definitely up.

Too petrified to even speak, I could barely muster a shake of the head.

My introduction continued. "In honor of Mick's big day, we'd like to invite his niece, Remy up here to join us for a song."

Our whole table erupted in applause, shouts and whistles. I sat there like a petrified idiot.

Jonathan finally grasping the situation leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Go on baby, you'll be great."

Juniors pinched face smug, with that I told you so expression written all over it.

Everyone was waiting for me to move, having no choice, I got up and slowly made my way to the small makeshift stage. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Charlie's huge grin.

Everything became a blur as I was handed a guitar and a pick, the band lead guitarist was really nice. He could tell I was nervous and assured me it had been tuned properly.

Stepping to the center mike I could feel the beads of perspiration erupt on my forehead.

When Charlie had suggested that I play, only one song came to mind. Knowing the group's area of expertise was the 70's, I chose the only one I could think of, one that I thought I could both play and sing. It was a song by the Eagles, so it wasn't too crazy. The only problem was that it has two long guitar solos, one in the very beginning that went on for at least 20 seconds. Twenty seconds doesn't sound that long, but when you are in a packed bar with all your friends and family watching, it is an eternity.

My experience playing an electric guitar was limited. I had played a little back in high school, but not a lot and never in public.

Ready as I could possibly be, given the circumstances, I glanced over my shoulder at the drummer for a sign of some sort.

He possessed all the cheerfulness of a man about to have a root canal. He lazily gestured to me with his drumstick.

"Whenever you're ready legs." He said with a distinct air of boredom.

As I faced the crowd before me, the entire room fell completely silent. I thought I would throw up.

Since I was small, I had always had this strange habit of closing my eyes when I start to play anything. It helped to hear the music in my head before it came out through my fingers. This is was certainly no time to change old habits. My eyes darted to the table for one final glace of Jonathan's calming face.

He smiled reassuringly and gave me a wink.

Inhaling deeply, gave a silent nod to the drummer, closed my eyes and started to play. The only sound in the room was the long rhythmic chords exuding from the instrument I played. Keeping my eyes closed I carefully matched the song in my head to the one in my hands.

By the time I made it to the third bar, my nervousness slowly began to evaporate, giving me the courage to open my eyes. Finally looking up, I was shocked to find the entire bar was on their feet, my father of course leading the way.

Stepping up to the mike and I sang the first verse in my best raspy whiskey induced voice:

_What kind of love have you got, you should be home but you're not. A room full of noise and dangerous boys still makes you thirsty and hot… _

By the second verse my earlier nervousness was completely gone and just like when I was alone the music took over and I was in another place and time. But tonight something was different. Usually when I sang it was all I could do to wipe the ridiculous smile off my face. This time I was deadly serious, I wasn't sure if it was the music, the place or the band, but I felt almost like another person entirely.

Then I saw him, watching me with his dark eyes intensely riveted. All at once, I knew the answer. I wasn't a girl anymore.

We finished the song, by its end and I was completely covered in sweat. Once out of my musical element I was immediately embarrassed again. The response in the room was overwhelming. I even got high fives from all the band members. All except for the drummer, who got up, walked around and shook my hand.

"Sorry about the legs comment." He apologized and returned to his drums.

Eager to get off the stage, I practically ran back to the table.

Charlie was the first to grab me and give me a quick squeeze.

"See, I knew you had it in you. That was great Rem." He said as he jerked his chin in the general direction of Junior who was slumped down in his chair, sulking.

My Pop's was next. "Remy darlin'… where did all that come from? You're mother and I had no idea you had that in you."

"Neither did I Pop's." I confessed, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.

I made my way around the table making sure to stop and congratulate Mick on his birthday.

"Luv, that was a far cry from Happy Birthday, thank you." He studdered slightly.

"No…thank you Uncle Mick. Happy Birthday." I replied glancing over at Junior's sour face.

Saving the best for last, I finally found my Jonathan, no longer concerned for my parents or Charlie, I landed directly in his lap.

He whispered in my ear. "That my love was incredibly sexy. You'll have to do that again for me at home when we're alone."

"It would be my pleasure."

"Can we get out of here now?" He suggested, his deep voice giving me a pins and needles sensation.

"Soon, baby, soon." I murmured as I stroked the back of his hair.

The evening turned out to be a great success. Everyone seemed to have a good time. Even Charlie and Jonathan warmed to each other a bit. Mick had a little too much birthday fun and Maeve was forced to take him home and put him to bed.

Once his friend was down for the count Pop's was ready to go as well. Jonathan and I split the group and both drove home. Everyone said their goodnight's in the driveway while I lingered behind for a quiet moment with Jonathan.

As soon as we were alone, I clamped my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. "The last two days have been terrible, I missed you so much." I didn't mind admitting.

"For me as well." He smiled and absently ran his fingers through my hair.

"You look good." I tilted my head back slightly and observed. "Even better than usual, more refreshed somehow."

"Remy, you are seriously uncanny. We are going to have to get you a job in the circus telling fortunes." He laughed.

"What did I say?" I asked, confused.

He just shook his head and ignored my last statement.

"I better get going." He said as he walked back towards his car and pulled me along with him.

"Jonathan, would you do something for me?"

"What is that?" He replied, the tenor of his voice a bit apprehensive.

Staring at my shoes I tried to think of how best to ask him, ultimately deciding on the direct approach. "Would you stay with me tonight?"

He grinned before answering, a deep sexy tone in his voice. "I don't think Mr. and Mrs. Shea would appreciate that too much."

I tried to convince him. "You can be as quiet as a church mouse, and besides with those supersonic ears of yours you can hear them coming from a mile away. We've already been away from each other too long. I just want to fall asleep in your arms. Please?"

He reached over and stroked my face with his hand. "The thought of being without you tonight is unbearable for me as well. Leave your window open, I'll take the car home and be back when your parents are asleep."

He bent down and kissed me softly.

"I'll be back soon," he whispered in my ear and was gone.

**Ten**

**Reality**

NOW ESTATIC AT THE PROSPECT OF HIM COMING OVER, I QUICKLY RAN inside, turned off all the lights and locked the doors. Once upstairs I paused at my parent's door to say goodnight and found them already sound asleep.

Upon entering my room I quickly locked the door and crossed the floor to open the window.

Rifling through my perfectly arranged drawers, I scrambled to find pajamas that didn't scream adolescent, in the process ruining my mother's carefully arranged masterpiece. Finding the best pair available I hurried to the bathroom to shower.

Quickly I dried my hair and brushed my teeth, the entire process taking no longer than twenty minutes or so. As I exited the bathroom there was Jonathan stretched across my bed, arms folded behind his neck. Once again my heart began to drum itself out of my chest.

"You sir, look good in my bed." I observed.

"You miss, look good in my arms, get over here." He replied in a deep husky tone.

I practically leaped across the room at him. Jumping up on the bed, I climbed up to lie on top of him and started peppering him with kisses all over his face and neck.

"Whoa." He exclaimed. "I guess I need to go away more often."

Lifting my head slightly to look at him my breath was immediately taken away when his lips consumed mine even before I had a chance to focus. Pulling me down even farther he kissed me with a force that was uncharacteristic of him.

Placing my hands on either side of his face I kissed him back with equal vigor. My breath caught in my throat as I felt his strong hands caress my skin under the sheer pajama top I wore. Deciding to take a chance, I moved my hands to chest and began to unbutton his shirt. I expected him to stop me but to my surprise, he didn't.

As the last button popped open, I pulled his shirt open to expose his carved chest and stomach. Reluctantly, I pried my mouth from his as I slowly worked my way down his glorious body.

"Baby." He whispered. "I can't even begin to tell you how good that feels."

So badly, I wanted to feel his skin against mine. Glancing up I found his eyes were closed as he entwined his fingers in my hair. Knowing I was taking the chance of having him retreat, but not being able to help myself, I quickly unbuttoned my top and carefully slid it off my shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. Inching my way up his body, ever so slowly, I waited to touch my lips to his until I hovered directly over him, then shifting all my weight to lie directly on top of him, pressing my naked torso to his.

The sound that escaped him was indescribable. His arms were like steel bands, instantly enclosed around me as he flipped both of us over while at the same time sliding my body to lie directly beneath his.

His mouth was only a breath away from mine as he spoke hoarsely. "You know we can't do this here. We need to wait until we're home."

"Home?" I asked, breathless.

"Our home." He replied. "The place I searched for when I found you. This is a precarious rope we're walking here, we need to be careful."

"I'm sorry." I couldn't help it, I love you too much.

"There is no such thing." He smiled. "Besides, my self control isn't exactly up to par either."

I was still breathing heavily when he reached down to pick up my top, carefully straightening it out and gently placed it back over me. He moved over to one side of the bed, pulled back the covers on the opposite side and patted the bed, motioning for me to get in.

He made certain I was completely covered up. I wasn't entirely sure if the gesture was intended for my warmth or his sanity. After pulling me tightly to him, he sweetly kissed me the top of my head.

"Jonathan?"

"Yes?"

"Not that I'm complaining, but…It seemed easier for you this time."

He laughed quietly. "It was my little perceptive one, but that doesn't mean we still don't have to be careful. I think we need to revisit the rule where only I touch you. It's better if I am the one in control. When you touch me I can't seem to get a hold of myself. Also if you could manage to stop taking your top off, that would be of great help."

I suddenly felt guilty. "Is that bad? What I mean to say is…if we didn't have um…limitations, would you think I was…wrong?"

He was quiet for a moment and then and shifted his position to look at me. "Are you asking me if I would still consider you virtuous?"

I thought about it a second. "Well, yes I suppose I am. When I am with you, I just do what I feel. What I mean to say is, this has never happened to me before. I just don't want you to think badly of me."

He sat up completely and leaned over me. He placed his hand on the side of my face and stared into my eyes.

"You silly girl, I am honored that of all the people you could choose, you chose me. I love and respect everything about you. I am just sorry that I am unable to give you everything you need." He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips down the length of my face. He softy kissed my mouth, rolled back over once again tucking me close to him."

"Go to sleep my love." Was the last thing I heard him say before I drifted off into beautiful dreamless slumber.

It was still dark outside when I woke to the feel of Jonathan's cool smooth lips caressing my neck. I smiled, but silently refused to open my eyes for fear that it would end.

My charade didn't last long.

"Good Morning my love." He whispered softly in my ear.

"Good Morning. What time is it?"

"It's early, but I thought it would be a good idea if I was up and out of here before your parents and all the neighbors were awake."

Unmistakably when he had said "neighbors" he was referring to Charlie.

Covering his arms with my own, I pulled them even tighter around me.

"Just a few more minutes." I yawned.

"You're tired sweetheart, you go back to sleep and I'll see you later when you wake up." He gently pried himself from my grip. I could feel the cool brush of his lips on my forehead and then the slight movement of the bed as he departed.

"Jonathan?"

"Yes?"

"I love you." I said sleepily.

"I love you."

His sweet words brought a smile to my lips, after rolling over I easily drifted back to sleep. By the time I woke for the second time, the sun was streaming through my window. The neighborhood was bursting with the familiar sounds of lawnmowers and garbage trucks. The clock on the bed table read 11:00am. I couldn't believe my mother hadn't pounded down the door with arms full of laundry by now.

After securing my robe I peeked my head outside my door. Unable to either see or hear any activity I ventured further. Crossing the hall to my parent's room and found it was empty. Their bed was unmade which was unusual.

"Hmm… That's weird." I spoke aloud to myself.

Deciding to check downstairs, I had to stifle a laugh as I found Mary lying on the couch with an ice pack on her forehead, and her counterpart in the recliner watching Television with a glass of Alka Seltzer in hand.

"Well, what's all this rock stars?" I teased.

"Not so loud Remy dear." Your Father and I are feeling a bit under the weather.

"Under is not the word Mom, over is, hung over."

"Very funny dear, now go away." Mary joked, while moving the cold compress down over her eyes.

"Is there anything I can get you two party animals?"

"Yes, peace and quiet." Tommy chimed in between burps.

On very rare occasion I had seen my Dad in such a state, but never sweet perfect Mary. The comedic undercurrent of the situation was obvious, even to them.

Chuckling to myself, I retreated back upstairs out of the line of fire. On my way past my parent's room, I stopped to make their bed, knowing full well it would not be up to Mary meticulous standards, but figured it's the thought that counts.

After showering I dressed and returned downstairs to find them exactly where I had left them.

"Mom, Dad, can I get you anything?" I asked, still stifling a giggle.

"No dear." They replied simultaneously.

"I'm going over to Jonathan's and then to class. I won't be home for dinner. Okay?"

"Yes dear." Again a succinct simultaneous reply.

Outside there was not a cloud in the sky, remarkably it was a beautiful, warm summer day. For the second time this summer I was able to once again put the top down and I was thrilled.

For some reason, I half expected Jonathan to come back over, even though he never actually said that he would. He just said he would see me later. It didn't take me long to decide it didn't matter. Excited at the prospect of seeing him I gave the engine a slight rev, smiled to myself and took off.

On the approach to the turn off for Jonathan's house it suddenly dawned on me that I wouldn't be able to get past the locked gate. My worrying had been needless, when I approached the entrance I found it unlocked and swung all the way out to the open position.

As the house came into view I could see him standing on the front porch waiting for me, a big smile on his face. I quickly concluded that he must have heard the high pitched rattle of my little engine coming with those super ears of his. Barely taking the time to stop the car, I jumped out and ran up the steps to meet him.

"Hey sleepy head." He said as he picked me up planted a kiss on my lips and put me back down.

"I know, I'm sorry, we hardly have any time left now before we have to go to class." I frowned, feeling a little guilty.

"No we have until Wednesday I called in a sick day. The class has been canceled." He announced, a satisfied grin on his face.

"The women of Forks will be devastated. Why did you call in sick, are you hung over too?"

"Too?" He asked. "Who is hung over?"

"Tommy and Mary had a little too much fun, and are feeling slightly under the weather this afternoon." I reported. "So tell me Mr. Markum, what is your excuse? Perhaps it is too nice of a day to be inside." I deducted.

"No, it is too nice of a day to be outside." He corrected.

"You lost me."

"I know, I have a slight issue with the sun." He admitted, a slight shrug to his shoulders.

"So what happens, do you spontaneously combust?" I joked.

"Very funny, and no I do not. But, I do look different than the average person does in direct sunlight. To protect my Steve Austin persona I need to stay in the shade."

"Ok Steve, let's see it." I said backing off the porch and out into the sunlight.

He just smiled, for once seeming at ease when revealing something new to me. "Are you sure?"

"Don't make me hurt you." I said trying unsuccessfully to sound intimidating.

One corner of his mouth went up in a heart melting half smile, slowly he moved down to steps to meet me. As soon as he stepped off the porch he appeared as though he was surrounded in light. As he moved closer I could see that the light was reflecting off his skin. He seemed to glow, covered in thousands of tiny iridescent crystals. He was blindingly beautiful, the only thing missing were angels wings.

Amazed, I touched his arm and his skin felt exactly the same. Somehow I expected it to be warmer because of the glow.

"I don't understand." I remarked, confused.

"I'm sorry… I know it's just one more thing for you to have to deal with."

"No, that is not what I mean. I don't understand why someone as beautiful and perfect as you would want me. I mean… I know you tell me I'm beautiful, but I'm not, I just an average ordinary girl who got lucky."

The expression on his face showed only a complete look of disbelief. Not uttering a single word, he took one step closer to me, bent down and hugged me. I was confused at his reaction, but hugged him back. Who wouldn't?

He finally released me. "You are amazing, you can see the beauty in everything but yourself. You are the beautiful one. The question you just asked me is the question I ask myself about you every single day."

"Well, then I guess that makes us a pair." I concluded.

He laughed. "Yes, I suppose we are."

"So teach, since we're playing hooky, what should we do today?" I questioned a bit deviously.

"I don't know, what would you like to do?" He asked.

I considered what we could do that would keep him out of the public eye and out of the sunlight. "We could hang out inside all day and watch old movies." I suggested.

"You like old movies?" He asked surprised.

"I love them, especially Alfred Hitchcock. But really anything that has one of the greats in it."

"The greats?" He questioned

"You know like: Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Doris Day, Ingrid Bergman, Clark Gable, Myrna Loy, Grace Kelly…they don't make them like that anymore."

He said not a word, just shook his head from side to side.

"Why you don't like old movies? We can do something else if you like." I offered.

"No, I love them. I just can't believe you. How do you always manage to say exactly the right thing?"

"I don't, you just love me."

"Like I said, you always say the right thing. Let's go start our Alfred Hitchcock film festival."

He turned towards the house, while I went in the opposite direction of my car.

"Where are you going?" He questioned when he realized I wasn't following him.

"To town of course, to rent the movies, I'll be right back professor." I winked.

"Silly girl, come with me." Reaching for my hand he pulled me along with him.

It hadn't really occurred to me before, but I had yet to see the entire house. It seemed we were always too busy with other endeavors for me to notice. I was guided past the main room and down a along hall, at the end of which a door opened to a large den. The main focus of the room, an enormous built in bookshelf that covered the far wall from floor to ceiling. In front of which stood an exquisitely carved antique desk that easily took up roughly one quarter of the space. The opposing wall had the same expansive windows that surrounded the rest of first floor, with wide glass doors that opened to the wrap around porch.

Smiling, he led me to a cabinet. After releasing my hand he swung open its doors to reveal an extensive collection of video tapes.

I stared in disbelief. "How did you get all this stuff here? You just moved in."

"Don't forget, I don't sleep, consequently I have a lot of spare time on my hands."

"Oh yeah, that's right."

"Well, pick your poison." He said gesturing to the tapes.

Stepping forward I paused to scan the various titles, of course they were alphabetized. Quickly settling on two, I removed them from the shelf and handed them to him.

Scanning my choices and nodded his agreement. "A Hitchcock festival it is, _Notorious_ and _Rear Window_, two of my favorites as well. Which one shall we watch first?"

"You pick." I conceded, as I made myself comfortable on the couch.

Smiling, he crossed the room to the big screen TV on the far side. Quickly inserting the video into the VCR, he picked up the remote and started the movie. Then using a separate remote he closed the drapes. Now, the only light in the room coming from the opening credits on the television.

"I'll be right back." He announced and was out of the room and back in a flash with my quilt.

"Sweetheart will you stand up a sec?" He asked as he held the quilt open.

I did as asked. Lying on his side and spread the quilt out in front of him and motioned for me to join him. Snuggling into the space in front of him I got cozy as he wrapped both his arms and the blanket around me.

This sure beat the heck out of lying on the floor in my parent's living room watching movies.

_Notorious _was the first film we viewed, Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman, a classic. "See." I said pointing to the screen. "That is what you are like except better, Cary Grant has nothing on you."

He just rolled his eyes and gave me a squeeze, certainly realizing that any argument on his part would be pointless.

We spent the entire afternoon like that, cuddled in each other's arms in the dark. It was a beautiful sunny day.

By the end of our double feature I began to worry a bit about my folks and decided it was time I checked in on them.

At the push of a button the drapes opened up and light streamed into the room. Considering that the sun had not gone down as yet, I knew he would be forced to remain behind for the time being.

"Will you come over later?" I asked, hopeful. "I am sure they will turn in early tonight."

"Well, I don't know." He teased. "Do you think you can keep your clothes on this time? I have my reputation to consider."

"Very funny." I replied. "It's all your fault anyway, if you weren't such an excellent kisser in the first place, I wouldn't get so worked up."

"Very well then, I will make every attempt to kiss poorly."

That somehow sounded like a dare to me. Switching my position on the couch, I climbed onto his lap, placing a knee on either side of him. Before he had a chance to voice a protest, I pressed my mouth to his, kissing him slowly and softly, gently sweeping my tongue inside his mouth.

His grip on me tightened immediately, he dug his fingers into my hair and pulled my face even closer to his. Holding his smooth chiseled face in my hands I continued to probe his cool mouth with my warm tongue. A groan escaped him and in a blink I was once again under the length of him on the couch. I could feel the coolness of his touch against the skin under my blouse.

"Jonathan." I whispered.

"Yes?" He moaned, his attention elsewhere.

"I rest my case."

He pulled back to look at my face and smiled. "Touché', I will be at your house as requested this evening."

"Thank you." I replied satisfied.

When I returned home I found my worrying had been pointless, not much had changed since the morning. Both my parents were exactly where I had left them, with the exception of two TV trays laden with the remnants of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

"How are you two doing?" I asked as I came in and started to clean up their dinners.

"Better dear, thank you. How was your day?" My mother asked.

I thought about how much I should tell them and figured I should stick as close to the truth as possible.

"Good." I said. "Jonathan wasn't feeling well either, he had to cancel class. We just hung out and watched movies all day."

"So the lad had too much fun as well did he?" Tommy finally spoke happy to find someone else to share his misery.

"Yes Pops he did." I agreed and carried the dishes into the kitchen nibbling on leftovers on the way.

It occurred to me that I never checked on the remainder of our party from last night. Swinging open the top half of the Dutch door, I peered through the screen and across the yard to the Swan's. The garage door was open, but no signs of life. Swinging open the lower half of the door, I decided I should check on them as well.

After traversing the yard I circled the house and garage to find no signs of anyone.

"Hello!" I finally called.

"Back here." I heard Charlie's voice from behind the house.

I went around to the back where I had just come from, but still couldn't find him.

"Hello?" I called again.

"In here Rem." Charlie said coming out of the cabin of his boat.

"Oh there you are."

"Yeah, I was just working on the inside a bit." He explained. "What's up?"

"I just thought I'd check on you boys and see if you were still among the living. Mom and Pop's aren't doing quite so hot."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Dad is a tad on the grumpy side today." He said while giving a nod towards the house.

"You certainly look none the worse for wear." I observed.

"I hope so considering I hardly drank at all, I was too busy organizing the floor show."

"Hardy har har." I said folding my arms across my chest and narrowing my eyes at him feigning irritation.

"Seriously though Rem, you are really good. You want to be a musician right, professional I mean?"

"Shut up, that is not funny."

"I am not joking, answer my question." His frowned, his irritation now real.

His question was sincere, although it was I subject I would rather avoid, continuing to ignore him would have been insulting. After all I am the one who made the big friendship speech—friends share.

"Next to my family and friends music is what is most important to me. It's my joy, my sanity really. If it became my job, it just wouldn't be the same."

"Now was that so hard? You know once in a while Remy, and not often mind you, you say something that makes perfect sense. I see exactly what you mean. What is it you think you want to do then?"

"Oh I don't know." I said. "Finish school, maybe teach, get married and have babies."

"Sounds nice." He agreed with a smile.

"Well, I better go in and check on the folks. Tell your Dad I said Hi."

"Okay, Bye Rem."

Once back inside I finished cleaning up from dinner. By the time I finished, my parents predictably decided it was time to retire for the evening. They kissed me goodnight and slowly helped each other up the stairs.

Eager to see Jonathan, I started getting ready for bed myself, even though it was still a bit early. After opening the window, I decided to check one last time on my parents. Before I had made it even half way across the hall, I could hear Tommy snoring like a buzz saw, I peeked in and found Mary, God bless her, lying right next to him, out like a light. After gently closing the door behind me I tip-toed back across the hall making a concerted effort to avoid any especially creaky floor boards.

Inside my room I closed the door quietly and locked it. As I turned, Jonathan was there.

After an eardrum piercing scream I jumped three vertical feet.

My mother called from across the hall. "Remy, are you alright dear?"

"Yeah Mom, everything's fine, I just saw a big bug." I yelled back making a face at my welcome intruder.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Looking guilty, he whispered under his breath.

"Make a little noise will ya spidey? I almost had a heart attack."

Being startled was high on my list of unfavorites. So much so that I may have sounded angry, my actions however quickly contradicted my words as I wrapped my arms around his waist, cuddling my cheek against him.

"Well, I guess I am forgiven then." A smile was in his voice as he kissed my hair.

Without another word he lifted me up, carried me to the bed and covered me up. He then turned off the lights, took his place next to me and wrapped me in his arms.

"Goodnight my love." His deep smooth voice cut through the darkness.

"What?" I barked. "I want my money back." I fought the blankets that held me prisoner as I struggled to sit up.

Amid my protests, he explained. "Sweetheart, you proved an excellent point this afternoon. It is I who cannot control my desires around you. As a result, I have decided to take extra steps to avoid um…problems."

"And you think wrapping me up like a burrito is the answer! Oh, come on…you're kidding right?"

"As serious as a heart attack."

Well this is a raw deal I thought as I rolled to my side in protest. I had hoped turning my back to him would provoke a reaction. All it did was cause him to shift his position to spoon me and sigh contentedly. Realizing I was fighting an uphill battle I reluctantly closed my eyes.

The next morning I woke to my mother banging on the door.

"Remy! Wake up dear! Why is your door locked?" My mother called while rattling the doorknob incessantly.

In an immediate disoriented state of panick, I leaped out the bed and tripped over the pile of mummified blankets still confining my legs.

Falling into a massive heap on the floor I called back to her. "Be right there Mom!"

Scrambling to my feet I did a 360 of room for Jonathan, he was gone.

Running to the window I checked the yard and the street, but as I had already suspected, he was not in sight.

My impatient mother was still banging on the door, so I rushed to open it for her. She came bounding in with arms full of clothes.

"Are you planning on sleeping the day away again?" She chirped.

"I see someone is feeling better today." I observed after plopping back down on the bed, covering my face with a pillow. My thoughts still focused somewhere out the window.

She ignored me and went about her work. Still half asleep and cranky over not seeing Jonathan before he left, Mary's unabashed cheerfulness was a little too much to take. Eventually after pulling my robe from a hook in the closet, I locked myself in the sanctuary of my bathroom.

By the time I finally emerged I felt like a new person. Downstairs, I found both parents happily going about their daily business almost as if the previous days gloom had never transpired.

Mom was in the kitchen as was her norm and through the screen I could see Dad milling about in garage. After pouring myself a glass of juice from a pitcher, I leaned against the counter. I thought I heard the familiar sound of tires coming up the driveway, but didn't pay it much notice.

"Johnny boy, How are you lad?" I heard my Dad call from outside.

It occurred to me that Irishmen always seemed to have a newfound enthusiasm for anyone they had previously shared a drink with.

"Fine Tommy. How about your sir?"

The second I heard his voice I leaped up bolted down the backstairs.

"Remy dear, have you ever heard of the phrase: "playing hard to get?"" My mother called out after me.

As I reached the bottom step, I tried to slow down a bit, but it was a physical and mental impossibility. I was just too ridiculously happy to see him to be able to control myself.

When I reached them I was totally out of breath. "Hi." Was all my lungs could muster.

"Well." He said with an unbelievable gorgeous grin. "Hi yourself."

"What am I?" Pop exclaimed. "Chopped liver?"

"Oops…Sorry Pop's. Good Morning." I said reaching up and planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Good morning Luv." He smiled as he gave me a pat on the back. "So where you kid's off to today?"

"I thought we might try the beach, if that is okay with Remy." Jonathan suggested.

"Sounds great!"

"Your chariot awaits milady." He said with sweeping gesture of his hand.

After throwing a wave in the general vicinity of the kitchen window I climbed in, on my way noticing an enormous picnic basket in the perched on the back seat. Not sure what Jonathan had up his sleeve I decided to wait to mention it until we were well away from the house.

As soon as we rounded the corner and were on our way out of town, I launched into my interrogation.

"What is that?" I asked, pointing to the rear of the car.

"Lunch."

"Lunch for whom?" I asked sweetly. "The Seattle Mariners? Are we catering a party or something?"

He just looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smirked. "For you that's whom. You are getting too skinny."

"What?" I said completely taken off guard. I had been called a lot of things, but too skinny was never one of them.

Aware that I was utterly confused, he decided to elaborate. "Since we met, you have pretty much stopped eating. I don't eat so you don't eat. It's really my fault though, I should have been taking better care of you."

"What are you talking about, I eat." I protested.

"Oh really, what did you have for breakfast?" He questioned.

Not being able to recall anything, I bit my bottom lip and remained silent.

"That's what I thought, how about dinner last night? Lunch yesterday?"

I couldn't believe it, but he was right. I had forgotten to eat. I reached down and tugged on the waist band of my jeans, it was loose.

"So." He continued. "I have spent the morning cooking."

"Is that where you disappeared to? You can cook? What time did you leave? Why didn't you day goodbye? I pummeled the questions at him.

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down." He began. "You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to wake you. I wanted to prepare this magnificent feast." He said gesturing to the basket in the back. "Also…it was my hope to be back by the time you woke up, so I left early."

Confused and at a serious loss for words, I finally repeated. "You can cook?"

"Well not really." He replied honestly. "But I can read. I just followed the cookbook."

I remained dumbfounded.

He finally erupted in laughter. "Remy you are amazing. I tell you I am extremely dangerous, that I have exceptional speed, strength, hearing and eyesight. I don't eat, drink, or sleep and you could bounce a satellite signal off my skin on a sunny day. You don't blink an eye at any of this. But the fact that I cooked for you sends you into the outer limits."

I looked out the window, trying to compose my thoughts. "Well, all that other stuff sort of suits you. But for a man who hasn't eaten in over sixty years, cooking seems kind of out of the realm of possibilities."

Now he really laughed. "Well, when you put it that way, I suppose your confusion makes a certain sense. Don't forget, you haven't tasted anything yet. The food might actually taste like its sixty years old."

Now I laughed too. "Fair enough."

**Eleven**

**Revealed**

HE HAD PRE-SELECTED A PICTURESQUE SPOT PERCHED ON A CLIFF overlooking the Pacific, deep blue water and white caps as far as the eye could see. Below us a sandy beach dotted with driftwood and framed in jagged rock. The day was cloudy and overcast, but thankfully no rain.

We spread the blanket out on a large grassy area a few yards from the edge.

"I'm curious, what would you do if I fell?" I asked desiring to know the extent of his remarkable talents.

"Oh no you don't." He exclaimed while wagging a finger at me. "No questions until you eat something."

After opening the massive basket, he began placing several plastic containers on the blanket before me.

"Look at all this stuff." I said amazed. "That was so sweet of you do go to all this trouble for me." Inching over to him on my knees I threw my arms around him.

Standing his ground, he pried my arms from around his neck and pointed to the piles of food.

"Eat." He demanded.

Knowing full well I had met my match, I finally relented. Quickly perusing the choices I had no idea where to begin, in the end there was simply too much. Giving up, I just picked up the closest container, opened it, grabbed a fork and started eating.

I took a bite of what looked like a pesto and sundried tomato pasta salad. "Hey this is good." I said still with a mouth full.

"You just keep eating" He commanded.

"Answer my question." I countered.

"You eat I'll talk." He compromised. "But if you stop eating…"

"I get it, I get it you will stop talking." I said shaking my head and shoving another bite in my mouth."

He raised an eyebrow and continued. "Quite obviously, if you were to fall I would catch you."

"What if you weren't fast enough?" I pondered.

"That is highly unlikely, but if that were the case, I would find another way to save you." His expression as well as his cadence suddenly took a serious turn.

I stopped chewing and stared at him. Both his response and his tone were unexpected. It only took a second for me to comprehend.

"You would save me the same way you were saved the day your plane crashed?"

He said nothing, only looked to the empty fork in my hands.

Understanding his demands I quickly forked another bite and stuffed it into my mouth.

"Yes… but only if there were no other option." He answered softly, his voice grave.

"So, what you are telling me is that you have the ability to make me like you?" I was riveted, waiting for his next response.

"Theoretically yes, but I would never do it. The circumstances would have to be extreme, leaving me no other alternative."

The tenor of both his demeanor and darkness of mood left no doubt as to his opinion about the subject currently being discussed.

"Jonathan, you are immortal, right?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"To a point, I can die, but generally only at the hand of someone like me." He answered without emotion.

"Is that likely to happen?" My immediate concern for him momentarily distracted me from my previous line of questioning.

He seemed to think about that a moment.

"It is hard to say." He began. "During the war I was exceptionally adept at fighting. Not just aerial combat, but hand to hand as well. After I was changed, those abilities not only remained with me, but magnified significantly, along with everything else. With the exception of being shot down that day, I have never been defeated in battle. So at the risk of sounding arrogant, at this time I think it highly unlikely."

I was instantly relieved at his answer, but it was his mood that continued to concern me. He seemed different some how. I decided to continue with my questions, needing to know the answers, our future depended on them.

"Do you love me?" I asked seriously.

His mood instantly lightened. "You know I do."

"Forever?" I questioned.

"Absolutely forever." He replied without hesitation.

"Then how does this story end? If your immortal and I am not, exactly how do we live happily ever after?"

"Simple, our life together will take place within your lifetime, not mine."

"So you are telling me, when I am eighty, and you are still twenty-eight you are going to still want me around?"

"Without question, your age is inconsequential to me. I will always love you just as much as I do now."

"That is sweet, but I am the one who is going to look like your Grandma!"

Now he laughed. "Only you would be worried over such a thing. You do realize that physically I am currently almost ten years older than you? I think we have at least twenty more years before that is even a question. Can we talk about it then?"

"In twenty years I will be thirty-eight, you won't even discuss this until I am ten yeeeears older than you? I have another question for you… are you insane?"

The container in my hand was now emptied of its contents. He pointed to the remaining ones left before me. Not wanting the conversation to come to an abrupt halt, I quickly picked up another. Inside the container were two perfectly cooked pieces of rosemary chicken. I looked at him with raised eyebrows, once again impressed.

He just rolled his eyes and once again gestured for me to continue eating.

"Sweetheart, I know you think it won't matter to you what I am, but you have no idea what it is you are asking. I am not about to damn you to a life like mine. I love you far too much."

Taking a bite of chicken, I thought about how best to respond. He was right about a couple of things. One, It absolutely did not matter what he was to me, I knew with absolute certainty that nothing could ever change my feelings for him. Second, I still did not have the whole story. Once I did we would have this discussion again. Next time I would not allow him to dismiss it so quickly.

"Okay you win, for now. But once I know everything, and I will, we are going to revisit this topic."

"Fair enough." He smiled, satisfied.

"Can I stop eating now, I'm stuffed." I pleaded with a mouth full of chicken.

He shoved all the remaining containers aside, grabbed the half eaten chicken leg from my hand and tossed it into a nearby bush. I swallowed quickly in hopeful anticipation of what was coming next. He wrapped one arm around me and lifted me to rest on his lap.

"Well it's about time." I muttered. "I was getting lonely."

"We can't have that." He lifted me again so my legs straddled his back.

Reaching for me, he held my face in his hands allowing me to feel the coolness of his sweet breath even before his lips touched mine. The caress of his lips sent chills all through me. He slowly parted my lips with his tongue, softly caressing inside. Wrapping my legs around him even tighter I dug my fingers into his hair. In a blink I found myself alone, again.

Springing to my feet I spun myself around, taking in every conceivable angle. He was nowhere to be seen.

"Jonathan!" I screamed. "This is not funny!"

Still there was no answer, the unthinkable occurred to me. Did he go over the cliff? My breath caught in my throat as I ran to the edge. Falling onto my hands and knees I peered over it. There was no sign of him, but my view was partially obstructed. We were on top of an overhang, it was impossible for me to see anything underneath the cliff.

"Jonathan!" I cried again, this time leaning farther forward in hopes of finding a better angle. The ground beneath my knees started to loosen and give way. My body pitched too far forward, unable to regain my balance I started to fall.

My heart caught in my throat as I felt a strong arm grip me from behind pulling me from the edge.

"See, I told you I would save you." The soft deep voice whispered from behind me.

"This was a joke?" I screamed, angry tears stinging my eyes. "How could you do that to me? I thought something happened to you!" I pushed him away as I bit my bottom lip hard in an attempt to stifle the impending water works.

"Sweetheart…" He began with a slightly patronizing tone. "We just talked about this. I am immortal remember? The worst a fall like that could do is, irritate me."

He reached for me and angrily I shoved him away again, still too upset to think rationally. Turning my back to him I faced the ocean in an effort to get the semi- hysterics under control. Once able to regain some semblance of composure, I faced him directly. His michieveiously guilty expression was one of a small boy who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Taking a minute to organize my thoughts, I absently kicked at the loose ground with my shoe. Not a person who generally spooked easily, the momentary fear that something had happened to him upset me more than he or even _I _had realized.

My words were spoken softly, my voice trembling slightly. "Jonathan, intellectually I understand that you are immortal, but emotionally it is a little bit harder to grasp. Especially when you think the person you love most in this world has just plummeted to their death. If you ever to that to me again, I will find another immortal, I promise you, and pay them to kill you."

His arms were around me instantly. "I am sorry, that was thoughtless of me. I was only teasing. It certainly was not my intention to frighten you. It will not happen again… I promise."

Looking up at his dreamy smile and I was, once again lost. "Okay, you're forgiven." I sighed, folding my arms around him and resting my head in his chest.

"Remarkable." He said as he stoked my hair. "Have we concluded with the questions for the day?"

I thought about it for a second. "For the time being."

"Good." He said. "I have some of my own." He pulled me down to sit beside him. "What was that dance you were doing with Charlie the other night?"

Surprised at the question, I concentrated on reading his expression. "Are you concerned about Charlie or the dancing?"

"A little of both." He admitted.

"Well, the dancing, I don't know, we were just moving I guess it was sort of hip hop."

"Do you always dance in such close proximity to your friends? I have never seen a woman's hips move quite like that before." He folded his arms.

"I seriously doubt that." I was teasing, but I gathered from the serious look on his face he was not interested in jokes. I reconsidered, and thought it best to answer his question directly. "No normally I do not. But Charlie had a bit of a fan club watching, so I thought I'd help him out."

The expression on his face was totally blank, completely unreadable. I kept going trying to dig myself out of the giant hole I'd fallen into. "His dance card will be full for a year. So see, now you don't have to be jealous anymore, Charlie will have more important things than me to worry about." I finished, pleased with my explanation.

He leaned back, thoughtful. "Do you remember me telling you that I was dangerous? Sometimes my natural instincts take over and I have great difficulty controlling my temper. Seeing him so close to you, moving that way, caught me my surprise, so much so that I was almost unable to control myself. Do you understand what I am saying to you? Remy this is not a game. We both have to be very careful."

Feeling instantly embarrassed, I was unsure what to say next. He was right, I had acted without thought. A simple apology seemed somehow insufficient, explanations were in order.

"Probably my biggest fault is that I always do what I feel. Forethought is not my area of strength. I am sorry I didn't consider your feelings and the difficulties you subject yourself to everyday just to be with me. I am truly sorry."

My explanation incomplete, I decided to take it one step further. "Charlie is my friend, and I care about him. When we moved here both Charlie and his father welcomed us with open arms. It is not easy moving into a new community, especially a small one. But believe me when I tell you, the feelings I have for him are strictly ones of friendship, I told him as much even before we were together. You are the only person I will ever truly love, I know that. I assumed that you understood that. It never occurred to me that you would feel truly jealous."

Taking my hand in his he gently rubbed it then lifted it to his mouth and kissed it.

"You are correct, you do act without thinking, but it is one of the things I love best about you. If not for that, we probably wouldn't be here together now. Please don't ever change." Sighing heavily a slight pained look in his eyes he continued. "Remy… there is much more at stake here than you realize. I just ask that you please consider that…before you act."

All of a sudden, the wind picked up causing the weather to turn abruptly colder. The blanket flew up, scattering some of the remaining containers.

"Maybe we should get going." He suggested. "It looks like it might rain."

Together we gathered everything up, repacked the picnic basket and folded the blanket.

The ride home was quick and uneventful. As was now normal practice, he steered the car around the circular drive just past the house. Scooting across the seat I got out behind him on the driver's side. He offered me a hand out as I closed the door behind us and trailed him to back to the house.

We were only a few short steps from the car when he abruptly stopped, so sudden was his action that I almost ran into the back of him.

He gave my hand a firm squeeze, silently indicating he needed my attention. Sensing something was seriously wrong I followed his lead and remained fixed in place while I waited for his explanation. Pausing for merely a fraction of a second, and without moving a muscle, he spoke firmly but quietly. "Remy, get back in the car... now."

Gently nudging me backwards, his line of vision was focused squarely ahead. I tried looking past him to see his reason for alarm but he was completely blocking my frontal view, almost as if he were shielding me from something. We took several slow steps backwards together until we were back were we had started.

From the direction of the front porch I could hear the sultry sound of a woman's voice. "Hello Jonathan. Well… what do we have here?"

No longer able to restrain my curiosity, I peeked around him. Standing directly in the middle of the porch was the most exquisite woman I had ever laid eyes on. She was extremely tall and thin with a thick mane of blond hair that hung nearly to her waist. Her face had the appearance of delicately chiseled porcelain, her skin flawless alabaster. Her eyes were beautiful yet unusually mesmerizing, although from the distance that lay between us, I was unable to ascertain their color.

Jonathan's greeting was both firm and cold. "Hello Francesca, what are you doing here?"

"Now Jonathan, is that anyway to greet an old friend?" She purred.

His demeanor was one of extreme caution, keeping one arm behind him, wrapped firmly around me while his main focus remained riveted on our visitor.

Without taking his eyes from the woman, he quietly spoke again. "Hello, Victor, won't you join us?" His were words gracious, the meaning behind them anything but.

The tree tops overhead rustled with only the slightest of movements, the sound was so slight that under any other circumstances I would have dismissed it as a small animal or perhaps even the wind.

In less than a blink of an eye, there was an equally impressive man standing at the bottom of the front steps, just a few feet from the woman. He appeared to be only slightly taller than his partner and possessed a slight muscular build and angular features. His skin was incredibly white which was made even more prominent by his long jet black hair. His eyes were dark and brooding rimmed with dark circles. Both were dressed impeccably almost as if they just walked off the runway in Milan.

The man spoke next. "Well, Jonathan I see that your instincts remain as exceptional as ever."

Jonathan was in no mood for pleasantries. It was evident by his demeanor that he sensed danger, serious danger.

"What do you want?" He asked with marked irritation, tightening his hold on me.

"My, my, my… such hostility old friend. What have we done to provoke such an inhospitable reaction from you? The man questioned placing his hands palm side up in a gesture of mocked confusion.

"Don't play with me Victor; I am in no mood for your games." Jonathan warned.

"Who is your little friend?" The woman asked in a low dream like voice. "She smells…umm…delightful." She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and licked her deep red lips.

Everything happened in the blink of an eye. Jonathan pushed me farther behind him until I was pressed against the door of the Cadillac. Discreetly, he pressed its keys into the palm of my hand and fell into a defensive crouch; the growl that escaped his lips was blood curdling.

"Touchy, Touchy." She purred, obviously pleased with the reaction her taunting had evoked.

"Now, now Francesca. Behave dear." The man said, sounding amused as well as he attempted to negotiate with Jonathan. "Let's be reasonable, you have to admit she does smell delicious, too selfish to share with old friends?"

Jonathan let out a cry that stopped my heart. It was the single most menacing sound I had ever heard in my life. I would have hated to be the object of that rage, a sound that could only be described as absolutely terrifying and most definitely inhuman. Although they tried to maintain their cool composure, it was plainly obvious that his reaction had frightened even them.

He spoke low, slow and distinctly. "It is important that both of you listen to me carefully and understand my meaning. Leave now and no harm will come to you, test me in this and I promise you will regret it."

They exchanged quick glances. Their lighthearted manner from only a moment before seemed to evaporate. Suddenly very stoic they gave each other the most indiscernible of nods, the man adjusting his body to face Jonathan directly.

"Jonathan, you cannot be serious. You would destroy us over an insignificant human girl?"

"No, I offer you a chance. Oppose me it is you who will destroy yourselves." His voice was entirely devoid of emotion.

"Perhaps you think too highly of yourself old friend. It is true you are an exceptional warrior, but do you honestly think you can defeat both of us while protecting the girl at the same time, preposterous." Victor said with a condescending wave of his hand.

"Maybe not, but one thing is certain, if she is harmed in any way, you will both, I promise you, meet your end."

Jonathan continued to move us backward until we were a couple short paces behind the door of the car.

Once there, he opened it, being careful to shield me, he placed me behind the wheel and clicked the door shut.

Everything happened in a fraction of a second.

"Drive Remy! Go!" Jonathan yelled.

As quickly as possible I slid back across the seat and jammed the key into the ignition, started the car and floored it. Even before the car moved an inch I could see both the man and woman leaping through the air at Jonathan.

With the pedal pressed to the floor board I had difficulty controlling the car once I hit the uneven dirt road. Petrified for Jonathan's safety I repeatedly checked the rear view mirror which added yet another degree of difficulty.

The battle was raging at such a speed that it was impossible to see what was actually taking place, the scene unfolding behind resembling rapidly moving funnel of arms and legs.

It was against my better instinct to leave Jonathan behind. I didn't understand what was happening, but I understood enough not to second guess him.

As I cornered the bend on the approach to the gate, a resounding thud erupted from the rear of the vehicle. I checked the mirror to see if I had hit anything, to my shock there was an enormous concave dent in the trunk. Even before I had time to shift my attention to the road in front of me, the car listed forward, another crashing sound coming from the front as well.

To my horror, the woman, Francesca, stood squarely on the hood glaring at me through the windshield of the still fast moving car. Her appearance not quite as perfect as it had been a barely a minute earlier, all her hair from the right side of her head had been be ripped clean. I was positive I must be seeing things, but she appeared to be missing her right ear as well. Possessed by rage, gone was the elegant composed creature I witnessed only a moment before. Her body spread across the expanse of the hood, crouched on all fours, like a wild animal ready to spring. She snarled at me through the glass baring dripping teeth, only inches and thin glass separating our faces. I could now clearly make out the color of her eyes. They were the color of blood.

Competely trapped, I was her defenseless prey. Frantic over Jonathan and desperate to know if he was alright, I decided to use the only weapon at my disposal. I considered that several tons of Detroit metal had to do some damage, even to this creature. At least that was my hope.

A terrifying growl preceded her attack, allowing me the hesitation I needed to do the only thing I could think of. I jammed the breaks on hard, hoping that the car would stop suddenly and send my attacker flying. The loose road coupled with the momentum of the heavy car only succeeded in slowing us down as the car skidded and I fought to stay in control. Amazingly my efforts were not without reward, the abrupt movement throwing her slightly off balance. The time it took her to regain her footing was only a fraction of a second, but long enough for me to pull the wheel sharply to the left in yet another attempt to send her flying. An amused expression materialized on her face as I fought for my life, she was enjoying this.

Anger pulsed through me as I gritted my teeth and slammed on the gas, searching for the largest target available. Cocking my head slightly, as if I had been issued a challenge, I grinned back at her as I rammed full force into the first tree that came into view.

My head slammed against the steering wheel with amazing force, knocking me momentarily senseless. Warm sticky liquid oozed down the side of my face. As soon as I was able to focus I frantically checked the hood and found it vacant. Cautiously peering out the windows I could detect no movement.

Sitting motionless I strained to listen for even the slightest of sounds. Hearing rustling from outside, I scrambled over the seat and dropped to the floor in the back. The car began to rock violently, above up me the terrifying almost guttural sound of metal ripping.

Plastered to the floor boards, daylight filled the car as I looked up in horror to find the convertible top being ripped clean and discarded as easily as if it were a piece of paper. Fear rose in me as I heard my name spoken by the menacing yet beautiful voice.

"Hello Remy. That was a good try my sweet, but really what is the point. Be good now and as a favor to Jonathan I promise to make it quick."

She took a slow step toward me, in a clear desire to prolong my terror. We both knew she could move much faster.

Her face now only inches from mine, I shrank away from her advance, which seemed to please her, a disturbing smile spread across her sinister face. I thought of Jonathan as I stared back into her evil glare, he was nothing like this creature. I prayed he had faired better than I and that I had at least served to be enough of a distraction to assist him in his fight. As if hearing my thoughts her attention was interrupted, as an unidentifiable high pitched sound sliced through the space above us. The sound reminding me of one a propeller makes as it gains speed.

Above us, slicing through air was an object with the appearance and shape of a large boomerang. It was headed directly for us, I ducked low as it sailed past me and hit the woman squarely in the side of the head, knocking her out of the car and against the tree.

A deafening cry of inhuman pain came next as the woman got to her feet holding the object in her hand. Raising myself up, I peered over the seat, unable sit silent and remain ignorant. Another sound erupted replicating the first. I ducked once more and turned to see a similar object hit the woman again, this time launching her another twenty feet.

"No!" She screamed as she stood holding both of the objects, now one in each hand, her prey quickly forgotten as she looked past me, her once beautiful face a now deformed mask of pain and horror.

Following her angle of vision, I turned to see Jonathan restraining Victor, with one massive arm wrapped around his torso and the other holding his head back exposing Victor's throat. Jonathan's lips were curled back, baring his teeth only inches from his enemy. On closer examination I realized what Jonathan had thrown at Francesca; they were the arms of her lover.

"No Jonathan! Please have mercy!" She begged, dropping to her knees.

"Remy, get out of the car and walk over here to me." Jonathan spoke quietly, sternly.

I did as I was told, climbing out of the now destroyed vehicle, I crossed the road to Jonathan. His hands being occupied, he gestured with his head for me to stand to his left.

He tightened his grip on Victor, who let out a pathetic whimper. "I warned you didn't I? The two of you thought it more fun to provoke me and threaten my woman."

"Your woman, Jonathan we didn't realize, how could we…" Victor pleaded.

"Shut up!" Jonathan tightened his hold further. "These are my conditions: both of you leave the territory immediately, do not feed anywhere in the vicinity, speak of this to no one, if you ever make any attempt at retaliation I will destroy the both of you. Trust me when I tell you the next time, I will show no mercy, I promise you your demise will be as slow and torturous as possible."

Not bothering to wait for a response he brutally heaved Victor through the air at the now humbled Francesca.

Standing sentry he observed their slightly clumsy yet swift departure, his features like granite, unfeeling and unmoving. The sight baring little if any resemblance to the man I loved. Remaining silently motionless for what seemed to be an eternity, he focused his senses. I remained quiet as he surveyed our now quiet surroundings.

Finally, still not uttering a single word, he picked me up and held me close as we ran back to the house. Once satisfied we were safely inside, he finally spoke.

"Remy, how do you feel, are you alright?" He placed me on my feet as he carefully appraised my injuries.

Pulling his shirt off, he pressed it firmly to my head, as he carried me to into the kitchen. After sitting me on the counter, he gingerly lifted the shirt to estimate the damage.

"It's just a small cut, but it's swelling, you're going to have a nasty bump." He announced holding his breath as he deftly cleaned the wound and quickly discarded the bloodied shirt into a metal waste receptible, lit a match and tossed it in.

"We need to be careful, you could have a concussion." He offered once his prior task was complete.

My head was the least of my worries.

"Are you alright?" I asked as I ran my hands over his face, neck and chest. He didn't appear to have a mark on him. I let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry about what I did to your car." I whined.

He scooped me up into his arms and held me close as he buried his face in my hair. "I almost lost you and you are worried about an old car?"

"You love that car." I protested.

"I don't love anything as much as I love you. I am proud of you, you showed amazing courage. I am so sorry you had to endure that. It is my fault, I should have been more cautious, it won't happen again."

"Jonathan… Who were those people? What is this?"

"I cannot tell you the answer, but I think you already know." Releasing his hold on me, he stepped back allowing me a moment.

While examining his face I thought about everything I had just witnessed and suddenly realized he was right, I did know the answer. Leaning on the sink I wrapped my arms around myself as the realization sunk in. This was something that I had never considered, but it all made perfect sense now that I knew.

Jonathan simply waited, in all his glorious perfection.

My eyes searched his for the truth as I confirmed what we both already knew. "You… are a vampire."

"Yes I am." He admitted, but remained riveted to the spot he was in, waiting still.

I put one hand on my hip and the other hand over my mouth as I paced the kitchen, trying to find the words he was waiting to hear.

Unable to take the silence any longer he spoke. "You're scaring me Remy, please say something."

I stopped, pivoted on my heel and faced him. "I'm sorry, I mean obviously I know this is a big deal, but I'm afraid you'll be mad at my reaction."

"Just tell me, whatever it is I can take it. I promise I won't be mad."

"You promise?"

"Yes, just please tell me before I go insane."

"Well… I think it's hot."

"Pardon me?" He replied, clearly confused.

"You being a vampire, I think it's hot. It kind of makes me want to rip off your clothes even more, if that's possible." I admitted as I bit my bottom lip and shrugged my shoulders.

He just laughed and shook his head. "Remy, in the last half hour you faced mortal danger, wrapped a car around a tree, witnessed me ripping body parts and throwing them. If all that weren't enough you also discovered that I am a vampire. Your only reaction to all that is that you think I am hot?"

I thought a second, searching my heart for the truth. I got nothing. "Yep, that's pretty much it."

He just shook his head in disbelief, looking at me as if I were the one who was crazy.

"Look." I said. "I knew you would save me, I told you I felt bad about the car, and they had it coming. I mean you warned them. Besides the only blood was mine so it didn't seem all the gory, kind of like doll parts being thrown around."

"Come here you." He wrapped his arms around my waist, lifted me off my feet to sit me back on the counter. "I have never met anyone with such a…unique perspective as you." He took my face in his hands and kissed me slowly and softly. He moved his lips to kiss my cheeks, my eyes, even my injured forehead.

Breathlessly he finally leaned back to look at me. "I feel pretty safe in saying that there is no one on the planet like you. Every single day I am with you, you leave me speechless."

"What are you so surprised about, I already told you, whatever it was it wouldn't matter. You would still be you."

He just shook his head as though he was at a serious loss for words. Suddenly his expression changed, a frown momentarily disrupting his perfect features.

"I'm sorry to have to bring this up and ruin such a romantic moment, but you are going to have to spend the night tonight." A worried expression crossed his handsome face.

"That sounds pretty romantic to me."

"I need to canvass the area and make sure they left and haven't doubled back, I also cannot leave you unprotected in the event they do. For obvious reasons we really don't want them showing up at your parents place."

"I see your point." I admitted.

"You will have to call home and tell them we had car trouble. That won't be hard to prove." He said with a roll of his eyes.

"I would love to except you don't have a phone." I smugly pointed out.

He just smiled took me by the hand and led me down the hall to the den. Where he pointed to a phone propped on the edge of his desk. "I had it installed the other day." He countered with equal smugness.

"Wow, you move fast." I said with a wink.

I crossed the room to the desk, picked up the phone and dialed my number.

"Hello?" My mother answered.

"Hi Mom, it's me."

"Hello, dear is anything wrong? She asked, not expecting me to call.

"Sort of, Mom I am going to stay the night at Jonathans. We had a little bit of car trouble."

The line was silent and I knew she wasn't buying it. "He let me drive his car and I sort of hit a tree." Now I knew that, she would believe.

"Oh no Remy, dear are you alright?" She immediately panicked.

"Calm down Mom, I'm fine. I just have a little scratch on my head. But Jonathan's car is undriveable, and it's getting dark you two will never find this place." I offered the last bit of information knowing her next suggestion would be to come and pick me up.

"Where are you calling from?" She asked.

"Jonathan had a phone installed."

That seemed to appease her a bit. I gave her the number and promised to check in later. I replaced the receiver and sat down in the chair behind Jonathan's desk.

"What are you doing?" Jonathan questioned.

"You'll see, just wait."

In less than two minutes time the phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Remy, let me talk to Jonathan." My father ordered.

I handed the phone to Jonathan, without a word. He slowly took the receiver from my hand, a baffled look on his face.

"Hello?" He said hesitantly. As soon as he recognized the voice on the other end his posture became instantly erect. "Yes sir…yes sir…absolutely sir…I understand sir…yes…well… of course I will…Goodbye sir."

He replaced the receiver slowly and then plopped himself down on the couch with a bewildered look on his face.

"Scary Huh." I offered. "Yep, vampires can't hold a candle to my Pop.

**Twelve**

**No More Secrets**

BY THE TIME WE WERE BACK OUTSIDE DARKNESS HAD FALLEN. Jonathan pulled me up onto his back, not about to let me out of his sight. He explained that we would return to the car to pick up their scent.

After collecting the keys he laid the discarded roof back over the destroyed vehicle. Before leaving the house he had called a towing service who promised to be there to retrieve it in the morning.

After leaving the crash site he followed their scent threw the forest, to a spot only a few miles away.

"They were in a hurry to leave, but stopped here, presumably to lick their wounds. " He explained.

He picked the scent up again, not surprisingly it led us to the shore. It was there that the trail went cold, indicating a hasty departure by sea.

Not yet satisfied he followed the coastline for miles, all the way up to the Alaskan border then retraced our steps continuing several miles in the opposite direction toward the Oregon border. Wanting to check for certain they did not exit the water to double back. He was extremely focused and meticulous in his search. His movements were fast and smooth. When I closed my eyes I could barely detect any motion at all.

Several times I started to drift off to sleep.

Each time Jonathan woke me. "Sweetheart, I know it's difficult, but try not to fall asleep. You hit your head pretty hard. We need to keep you awake for a few more hours."

The evening was long and grueling, but I knew he wouldn't be able to relax until he made certain that we were safe. Finally, when it was very late, we arrived back home.

Bypassing the rest of the house, he proceeded directly to the kitchen, where he started opening cabinets, presumably to fix me something to eat.

"Jonathan, I'm not hungry. I 'm exhausted. Can I please go to sleep now?" I pleaded, barely able to keep my eyes open.

"Will you eat just a little something, for me? How are you feeling? Do you have a headache? Do you feel dizzy or nauseous?"

"I feel fine, just sleepy." I said as I pulled open the fridge, knowing the most expeditious route to bed was to humor him and eat a little something.

The refrigerator was stocked from top to bottom with every type of food imaginable. I stared, overwhelmed by the sheer mass of food before me.

"Sweetie." I finally said. "I hate to once again state the obvious, but you don't eat and I am only one person."

"I know, but I wasn't sure what you liked, or how much food I might ruin in my attempts at cooking. I may have gotten a bit carried away." He finally admitted.

I just laughed and shook my head. Truthfully the sight of all that food did make me hungry. I stuck my nose back into the fridge to make a selection. I settled on a large chunk of cheddar cheese, a tomato, an avocado, some fresh basil, garlic and a baguette.

"Did you get any olive oil?" I asked.

He looked pleasantly surprised as he stepped to a cupboard, opened it and produced a large bottle of oil. I peeked around him to also find a bottle of balsamic vinegar.

"Knife, cutting board?" I questioned.

He quickly produced both and handed them to me. I carefully sliced the tomato, avocado, cheese and bread. After dicing the garlic into tiny pieces I deposited it into a mixture of the oil and vinegar. Once I finished tearing the basil into large pieces, I located a pepper grinder on the counter and generously peppered the lot.

After hoisting myself onto the counter I began assembling small open faced sandwiches, dipping them in the oil and vinegar mixture and popping them in my mouth.

His worried expression finally gone, a sweeping grin appeared on his face. "Thank you sweetheart, I have to admit though I am a little surprised. I never took you for a cook."

"I am not." I gladly confessed. "No actual cooking took place here." I shoved an oversized bite into my mouth and waved a hand over the ingredients displayed on the countertop.

Finally, when I felt had eaten a sufficient amount I questioned. "Enough?

"Enough." He confirmed as he lifted me off the counter and carried me up the stairs.

I expected him to deposit me on the bed but instead he halted his steps at the door to the bathroom.

I smiled. "Mind you, not that I am complaining, but… I can walk."

"I know, but my way is faster, and besides I like to carry you." He winked and swung open the bathroom door. "I think you will find everything you need." He said as set me down. Quietly closing the door behind him, he gave me a much needed private moment.

At first glance the contents of the room seemed amazingly familiar. On closer examination I realized they were identical to the toiletries found in my own bathroom at home. Jonathan had carefully duplicated every single item. I knew he was thoughtful, but I was touched that he would go to such lengths to make me feel comfortable here. In a hurry to get back to him, I turned on the shower nozzle and selected a huge fluffy towel from the rack.

Standing under the steaming water for several minutes, exhaustion rapidly overtook me again. As quickly as possible I finished showering, brushed my teeth and towel dried my hair. Finding another large towel, I wrapped it around my body as I considered for the first time what I would wear to bed.

On the floor my dirty blood stained clothes lay in a heap. After scooping them up I shoved them into a nearby hamper. On closer inspection I realized that it too was made of metal and understood the precautionary measures Jonathan had taken. Rummaging around in a drawer I found a pack of matches and after opening the window for ventilation, set the lot on fire.

With that task complete I still had the problem of what to wear. Out of options I simply decided to ask Jonathan to borrow a shirt. About to exit the room I noticed something hanging behind the bathroom door and went to examine the garment.

To my surprise was an exquisitely detailed white satin and lace night gown, a far cry from the simple cotton pajamas I'd worn previously.

"He's been busy." I said to myself as I slipped the silky garment over my head and down my body.

When I reentered the loft the only light in the room came from the stone fireplace opposite the bed. I found Jonathan on top of the covers wearing only a pair of black pajama pants. My heart instantly dropped to my feet and a million butterflies swarmed around in my stomach. I wondered if he realized the effect he had on me, I didn't think so.

As he watched me enter the room, I could hear him release a deep sigh.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked as I moved toward the bed.

His expression changed to one of slight uncertainty.

"How am I supposed to control myself with you laying there looking so perfect?" I explained.

"I could say the same to you beautiful." He countered.

I climbed in bed next to him, laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Thank you for the bathroom, gathering all that must have taken some time." I sat up for a second and placed a kiss on his cheek and lain back down again.

"You are welcome love." I could hear the smile in his voice as he kissed my hair.

"Also, um…thank you for the night gown. I hope it's for me and not your other girlfriend?"

He laughed. "Is that what you are, my girlfriend?"

"Oh I don't know. I suppose it does sound a little juvenile. What do you think I am?"

"Nothing much, only the core of my existence." He casually remarked.

"As you are mine, but that sort of distinction complicates introductions don't you think? You know like…allow me to introduce you to Jonathan, the core of my existence. It is a tad too lengthy, doesn't quite roll off the tongue." I mused.

"I see what you what you mean." He said thoughtfully, "Perhaps we can simplify it a bit. How about…allow me to introduce you to Jonathan, my husband."

My eyes snapped open, I was immediately wide awake.

I lifted my head off his chest to look at him, certain he was joking but needed to see his face to make certain. He was propped up against the pillows smiling and holding up his index finger. Stuck on the end of it was the most exquisite shimmering diamond ring I had ever seen.

"Jonathan, you're serious." It wasn't a question.

"I am indeed." He replied. "I intended wait a respectable amount of time, to do this differently, perhaps with a little more style, romance, and panache but when I am with you, sometimes I just can't help myself."

I sat all way up in bed, shifting my legs underneath me to face him directly.

"Jonathan, I don't know what to say." I whispered, the light hearted banter quickly discarded.

He smiled and softly stroked my cheek. "That could be because I foolishly haven't asked you properly."

He got up, walked around the enormous bed to my side of it. Once there he reached for me and pulled me to a sitting position at the edge of it. While holding both of my hands in each of his, he slowly knelt down on the floor before me.

"Renee' Kathleen Shea, I love you with all of my heart, will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife."

I could feel my eyes well up with tears, I had never considered anything like this, but the moment the words left his lips, I knew with everything in me what the right answer was.

"Yes I will." I said as the tears spilled out of my eyes and ran down my cheeks.

I practically flew off the bed and into his arms. His lips took mine, at first with deliberate slowness and then gradually building in force and urgency. He lifted me into his arms and laid me back down on the bed never for a moment breaking contact.

Once beside me, he moved his lips to the hollow of my throat. Slowly his hand traced the length of my neck, gradually making its way down over the satin that covered my body.

My breath came in short labored gasps. "Jonathan, can we please make love? I want you so badly, please?"

He halted his action to look at me directly. The expression on his face was one of torment.

His voice was even deeper than usual with a slight edge to his tone. "Remy, don't you think I feel the same way you do? To be this close to you, to be able to feel you under my hands and not to have you is maddening. But, we can't, not right now. He held my hand in his, raising it slightly to slide the ring on my finger. The most important thing is that you are here, against all the odds we are here together. Give it time, we will figure something out. That I promise you."

I stared in awe at the unbelievably at ring on my hand. "Jonathan, it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

"Well, it not the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." He looked directly into my eyes. "But, it makes me very happy that you like it."

He shifted position to lie next to me, folding me lovingly into his embrace. Brushing a few damp strands of hair out of my face with his hand and kissed the top of my head and spoke softly. "Welcome home baby."

Too tired to argue further and not wanting to spoil the moment, I accepted his decision for the time being, readjusting my position to snuggle as close to him as possible. Once tightly in his embrace I could feel myself rapidly losing the battle with fatigue. "It's good to finally be home." I quietly sighed.

The morning came fast. When I woke much to my disappointment, I was in the bed alone. Seeing no sign of Jonathan, I bypassed the bathroom and went to take a look downstairs, finally locating him in his den on the phone.

The instant he saw me his face lit up as he gestured for me to come to him. Once I was close enough he wrapped an arm around my waist and lifted me to balance on his lap while he finished his conversation.

"Yes, thank you, if you could have the models ready it would be of great help. My fiancé' and I are limited on time today. Yes, see you then." He completed his conversation his eyes roaming the length of me as he hung up.

"What was that all about?" I asked, curious.

"That my dear was a car dealership in Seattle, I thought we could drive out this morning and pick up a new car before class this afternoon."

"It's as easy as that?" I questioned.

"As easy as that, but you need to hurry and get dressed. I thought we could meet the tow truck and have it drop us at your parents. Seeing the damaged car for himself might help Tommy reconcile his feelings of having his only daughter spend the night at a man's home."

"Well, I guess you thought of everything didn't you?" I turned to go upstairs to change when I realized I had no clothes. "Um…Jonathan?"

"You will find everything you need in the closet in our bedroom. Now go on…hurry." He said as he gently lifted me off his lap and gave me a slight push toward the door.

Once upstairs I found the walk-in closet and not surprisingly the entire right side of it was filled with women's clothes, all my size.

Smiling, I perused the selections. I had to admit I was impressed. Ultimately I chose clothes similar to the ones I had worn the previous day. The last thing I wanted to do was explain to my parents why and how I had on a new outfit. It was then that I remembered the one significant change to my wardrobe that would be impossible to hide.

Once presentable I hurried downstairs to find Jonathan on the front porch waiting for me, leaning casually against a post with both hands in his pockets. One corner of his beautifully sculpted mouth turned up as he observed my approach.

"Hey there handsome." I said cheerfully. "You know what? You are going to spoil me rotten. I said looking down at my new ensemble."

"Hey yourself, that is my current plan." He smiled and kissed me. "Ready to go? The tow truck should be here any minute."

"Um..sure." I said taking his hand.

"What's the matter?" He asked, sensing something was up.

I looked down to the beautiful ring on my finger.

"Would it be alright if we kept our engagement a secret for the time being? I know it makes perfect sense to us, but I am afraid what it will do to my poor parent's nerves, especially my Dad's. I think they need some more time to get use to the idea of us before we spring that on them."

"Of course, whenever you're ready." He lightly brushed the side of my face with the back of his hand.

When I was sixteen my mother had given me a white gold crucifix for my birthday, it was very old and had belonged to my Great- great-grandmother. She had given it to my mother when she was a girl visiting her in Italy. When I became old enough to appreciate its significance, my mother passed had it on to me, for sentimental reasons I rarely if ever removed it. Doing so now I unhooked the clasp and removed the necklace. Then carefully, I slipped my beautiful engagement ring down the chain to have it rest next to the antique cross.

"That is so sweet, but you don't have to wear it. I can wait as long as you need to, it's okay." He unselfishly assured me.

"You asked me to be your wife and placed this ring on my finger, I am never taking it off. I'll keep it close to my heart, for the time being." I smiled. "Let's go!"

The tow truck was right on time, luckily Jonathan had instructed them to send a flat bed and to bring a cover for the car. I was relieved, not being quite sure how we could blame the detached roof on my hitting a tree to my Dad.

As requested, the tow truck dropped us off at my parent's house. They both came out just in time to see it pulling away, perfect timing.

"As bad as all that?" Tommy asked.

"Not too." Jonathan lied. "I'm sending her to San Francisco to my mechanic there. Enrique will have her good as new in no time."

My mother noticed the bandage on my forehead. "Remy, are you sure you're alright dear?"

"I'm fine Mom, it's just a scratch."

"So what happened exactly, we never got the entire story?" Tommy inquired.

"Well, Jonathan let me drive. I was on the dirt road that leads to his house. It was getting dark and I hit an animal, it went up on the hood of the car. I got so scared I lost control and hit a tree." That was as close to the truth as I could get. I am the world's worst liar. If I strayed too far from actual events, I would get caught in it.

"What kind of animal?" My mother asked completely engrossed in the story.

I thought: a 6 foot tall blond venomous female vampire, about to rip my throat out and have me for dinner.

Sensing my difficulty in lying to my parents Jonathan jumped in before I had a chance to answer. "A deer." He volunteered.

"Lad." My father inserted. "You let me know what the repairs cost and we'll reimburse you."

"No thank you Tommy, the insurance will cover it. I do need to ask a small favor though, if it's alright." He added.

"Go on ahead Johnny, what is it you need?" Tommy offered.

"Well, she will be out of service for a while. I need to get another car. Would it be alright if Remy and I drove her car to Seattle today so I could pick one up?"

"Of course lad, of course." Dad said eager to be of help.

"We shouldn't be too long. We need to make it back in time for class this afternoon."

"Well then, you kids should be on your way. You won't have much time." Tommy smiled, patting Jonathan on the back while moving in the direction of the garage.

"Thank you sir, I appreciate it." Jonathan replied genuinely.

We were in my car, Jonathan behind the wheel and both my parents waving to us from the driveway in minutes.

"Impressive." I complimented him as we turned onto the highway. "It's only been a matter of days, and you already have them eating out of your hand."

He smiled. "You give me too much credit. Your father is no dummy. He can tell that I am sincere in my feelings for you. That's the reason he cut's me some slack."

"Is that so?" I pondered.

"That and he trust's you and your judgment. He is a good man Remy."

"Thank you." I said happy to see there was a mutual respect growing between the two most important men in my life.

At the sight of Jonathan in the driver's seat of my car I was forced to suppress a laugh.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." I smirked. "You just look a little silly driving my car is all, you're so big, you look like your driving a clown car or something."

"You better be careful." He teased. "We could be on our way to buy a monster truck, which you will be driving home."

I laughed and held my hands up in surrender. Usually when he drove I was cuddled up next to him with his arm around me. My car made that impossible with its bucket seats, gear shift and emergency brake. The only plus was the benefit of the temporary ability to think straight with a little space between us.

"Jonathan, since we have some time…"

He cut me off. "Let me guess you want the rest of my story, now that the truth is out."

"Well, I am going to be your wife after all." I mused.

He leaned across the seat to give me a quick kiss.

"Yes you are." He happily confirmed.

"I have to tell you that I don't remember much from that day, but I will try." He smiled reached across the seat and gave my hand a squeeze."

After returning his hand to the wheel, he sighed heavily.

Knowing better then to push, I waited patiently while he collected his thoughts.

His mood now some what somber, he began. "You already know that my plane received a direct hit and that I crashed. It all happened very quickly, almost at the moment of impact control of the aircraft was virtually impossible. Searching for a place to land, I spotted a small clearing and attempted to set down there, but the speed was considerably fast. The plane ended up flipping nose over tail. I'm not sure how many times. Vaguely I recall being pulled me from the wreckage. The only memory I have after that is of the pain, a searing hot torturous pain pulsing through my entire by body. At the time I thought I had only imagined being pulled from the plane and that I was in fact still inside and on fire. As it turned out, that was not the case."

He paused there in his story and checked my reaction. I got the feeling he would prefer not to continue, but realized it was now necessary.

He went on. "Several agonizing days later I came out of the torment to discover the truth. I had been bitten by a vampire. His name was Jean-Phillipe Marchand, and he did it to save my life. Strange as it may sound Jean-Phillipe was first a Frenchman, second a vampire. He took it as his personal mission to kill as many German's as possible, and on occasion save a dying ally or two. His perception of being a vampire was that it was a glorious distinction, one to be coveted. He could not understand my disgust at what I had become. I had wanted to die and he'd stolen that privilege from me. He explained to me what I was and the steps that would be involved in order to protect our secret. To say that it was difficult for me to accept would be putting it mildly."

I was riveted to his story. I don't think I even blinked once the entire time. "What steps?"

He looked away from me and focused on the road ahead, almost as if he were ashamed of his next words.

"How to kill and escape detection." He said with disgust. "Remy you have to understand, it as if a battle is being waged withn you. The thirst is unbelievable, the desire to taste human blood over powering. Yet at the same time you know what you are doing is monstrous. Jean-Phillipe suggested in order to satisfy what he referred to as my "ridiculous American conscience" that I only kill Germans or "the enemy", those people I felt deserved punishment for their crimes."

"So what did you do?" I asked quietly.

"At first, that was exactly what I did. I justified it by telling myself that if I were still human I would be fighting a war and killing them anyway. At first I singled out German Officers assuming their demise would be the most effective in helping the war effort. It was all so easy I moved on to German soldiers as well, trying to eliminate as many as possible. Already extremely adept at fighting, with my new found abilities dispatching the enemy could not have been easier."

"But then what did you do after the war?"

"When I was still human I had always the ability of being able to size people up, usually with startling accuracy. Once I was changed that ability not only remained with me, but somehow accelerated. I know it sounds hokey, but I can sense evil in a person. Not necessarily the specific deed, but the measure of darkness and severity to their acts."

"How could you be so sure?" I was enthralled, hanging on his every word. "What if they were bad, but never really did anything wrong?"

"You mean like that kid junior, I can tell you that he has evil in him, but too much of a coward to be any real problem."

"Hmmm…I wonder if that's why he's afraid of you. He senses you know something." I pondered as I watched the forest fly by outside my window.

"Perhaps." He commented.

He looked ahead, out the window as well and seemed thoughtful for a moment. He continued. "It is hard to explain, but trust me, I know with an uncanny certainty when an individual deserves to be punished for their actions. In any event, you would be surprised how much someone will admit to when they are facing certain death.

"Oh, I see."

The look on my face must have upset him, because he immediately pulled the car over. "Remy, are you all right? Is it all too much?"

"No, no I'm fine." I said immediately. "I think it's amazing that you took such pains to ensure no innocent people died at your hand. But to be honest the thought of you killing so many, even though it was deservant, is a little unsettling."

He lightly stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. "You know it works for good as well. That was why I couldn't hurt you the day we met. You are truly good to the core. So much so I could practically feel it emanating from you."

My attention focused in my lap as I considered all that he had revealed.

His hand still stroking my face, he cupped my chin, forcing me to face him. "Does it help for you to know that I don't survive that way any longer?" He seemed to be speaking with extra caution, I assumed in an effort not to upset me further.

"Yes, but how do you survive? Are you suffering? Is it because of me?

"On animals, like you, except I only need their blood, and no I am not suffering. I was so tormented before I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. There are rumors of my kind surviving only on the blood of animals, but I thought it would make me weak. Since I travel alone and have no coven, I had always considered it to be too much of a risk."

"Does it make you weaker?" I asked, almost frantic.

He laughed. "I don't think so my love, wasn't it just yesterday that I defeated two vampires? How quickly they forget." He teased.

I thought a moment. "Is that what your business trip was all about, hunting?

"Yes, but what made you think of that?"

I shrugged my shoulders and answered honestly. "Because when you got back you seemed less tense, more refreshed. Usually business trips have the opposite result. I learned that from my Dad."

He laughed. "I don't know why I am so surprised. You tend notice things that are completely inconsequential to everyone else."

"Nothing that affects you would ever be inconsequential to me." I explained.

Not having the space to maneuver in my tiny car, he reached across the seats and took both my hands in his. "Are you ok with all of this? I will understand if you're not."

"Jonathan, I am in love with you, nothing you can tell me will ever change that. You had no control over this, it happened to you. It may sound selfish, but I'm glad it did. Otherwise you would have died over sixty years ago, instead of being here with me now."

He simply shook his head. "You have a point, I never thought I would say this, but the last sixty, excuse me ninety years were worth it because they brought me to you." He leaned across the uncomfortable space and kissed me softly.

"We better get back on the road if we are ever going to make it back in time." I reluctantly reminded him as I breathed in his heavenly scent one last time before he returned to his side of the car.

We traveled in silence for several minutes. For myself, I used the time to contemplate everything that had happened in the past few weeks, something was still nagging at me and I couldn't quite place it. Then it came to me, the color of Francesca's eyes. "What is the story with the contacts?" I asked.

He seemed unsurprised by my question. "Drinking human blood turns our irises red, in time when my system is devoid of it they should turn light brown. At least that is the theory."

"Oh, okay, got it. So what kind of car are we getting?"

"One with a roof." He laughed and patted my knee.

We arrived in Seattle in record time. My poor little car never knew what hit it. Once at the car dealership business dealings were fast and furious. They brought around three cars for Jonathan to see, they seemed identical except for the color, one white, one blue, one black.

Jonathan waved a hand at the lot. "Pick one." He ordered.

"What? Me?"

"Yes you, future Mrs. Markum, which one do you like?"

"Is the only difference the color?" I questioned.

"I am afraid so love, I took the liberty of choosing the model before we left home. I hope that's okay. You do like them don't you?" He inquired.

"Well, um, yes…What is it?" I asked foolishly.

"A Range Rover." He informed me. I thought we could use something a little sturdier.

"Oh I see, well in that case, the black one." I decided.

"And why the black sweetheart, I always love to hear how your thought process works." He confided quietly in my ear.

"Because you handsome, look good in black. You know, black pajama pants, black truck, it's all good.

He just laughed, put an arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "We'll take the black one." He said to the salesman without ever taking his eyes off me.

Documents signed and sealed, the transfer of ownership was completed with exacting speed and efficiency. Before we knew it we were back on the road on our way home.

Jonathan drove the new car while I followed in my old reliable. He wanted me to drive the new one, but I insisted on driving the bug. Jonathan didn't deserve another hour and a half with his legs folded up like an accordion.

He paced us slowly on our return to enable me follow more easily. We had little time to left to get to class as I followed him up the dirt road to the house, pulling in behind him in the driveway. Even before I placed a hand on the door handle he was there to open it for me.

"That was a long ride without you." He bent down and placed a sweet kiss on my lips. "I better run inside and get my briefcase before we're late." He turned and was gone. The only sign that he had been there was the open still swaying front door.

Just as expected he was back before I had the chance to go three feet. "Ready?" He asked.

"Yep." I smiled, turning to get back in my car.

"Where do you think you are going miss?" He inquired as he tugged gently at the back of my shirt.

"We have to drive separately, what will people think? From two o'clock to four o'clock on Mondays and Wednesdays you are my teacher and I am your student."

"Okay, have it your way, but you better have your homework done." He instructed as he got in the Range Rover and started the engine.

"Homework? Wait!" I yelled.

He just waved, pretending not to hear a word, and sped leaving behind him only a trail of swirling leaves.

**Thirteen**

**Impossible Decisions**

WE ENTERED THE CLASSROOM SEPARATELY; JONATHAN ARRIVING barely seconds before me. By the time I crossed the threshold he was already lost in a sea of pandemonium. Apparently his students suffered separation anxiety brought on by his absence. Strangely it appeared as though the room overflowed with even more women than before. Somewhere in the frenzy I could even swear I heard a baby crying.

Jonathan's normally calm demeanor panic stricken as he attempted to deal with the ensuing chaos. Once I had found it comical, today it was a serious annoyance. Vampires may be a stretch for me, but this crows, I could handle. I walked to the front of the room and discreetly nudged him.

"Follow my lead, I got this." I winked.

He smiled, folded his arms across his chest as he waited for the show to commence.

"Ladies, ladies, could I get your attention please!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, trying to pierce the decibel level in the room.

The majority of them turned to look at me with a mixture of annoyance and jealousy. I was definitely getting the once over. A few stubborn women continued to talk and try to get Jonathans attention. To his credit he refused to reply, instead motioning to me, indicating where their attention should lie.

"Excuse me Ladies, quiet please! Due to the size and the work load required by a class of this size Mr. Cloutier requires a teaching assistant."

Before I was able to utter another syllable the entire place erupted with shouts and up stretched arms from extremely willing volunteers.

"As if." I said under breath as I watched him suppress a smirk. I continued. "Some of you may know me, I am Remy Shea, I will be Mr. Cloutier's assistant for the remaining two weeks of this class."

The room buzzed with a combination of disappointed groans, hushed conversation and mumbles of protest.

"It appears as though our class size has multiplied since we broke last week."

Upon observing the room, I found every single seat appeared to be occupied with several people still left standing. Clearly we had some party crashers.

Once again ignoring their objections I continued. "As as you can see this room has limited space, it seems we have more students here then are currently registered. I am sorry to say that if you have not been in attendance since the first week we will be unable to add you at this time."

The noise level in the room rose with protests. Once again disregarding the throng of complaints, I snapped open his briefcase and quickly found the class roster.

"I have in my hand the registered students in the class, if you do not here your name, I must ask you to leave so that Mr. Cloutier is able to begin class."

I read the list of the thirty-five enrolled women, finally understanding that they were not going to be permitted to remain, several of the women left of their own accord. Others remained in hopeless tenacity.

"That is everyone." I announced. "All thirty-five are present, I am sorry to inform the remaining…students, the class has been filled to capacity. Mr. Cloutier would like to thank all of you for your interest but if I did not call your name we will not be able to accommodate you at this time."

Finally they all reluctantly filtered out of the room, only the seated students remained.

I turned to Jonathan and smiled. "They are all yours Mr. Cloutier."

His face a combination of pride and gratitude, he bowed slightly. "Thank you Miss Shea."

A baby's cry interrupted the now semi-quiet room. The source of the cry came from the last row in the corner. A young woman seated in the back was holding a baby, trying desperately to quiet him.

Jonathan looked at me and shrugged his shoulders, quite obviously unsure what to do. I just rolled my eyes and squeezed my way past the chairs to get to her in the back.

"Hi." I said. "Who do we have here?"

"I am so sorry, my sitter cancelled at the last minute. I knew if I didn't show up I might lose my spot in the class. I need to get out of the house and do something." She looked at me pleadingly.

"It's ok." I said reaching for the baby. "I'll take care of him if you like, so you can concentrate. What's his name?"

"Um…David…Thank you." She seemed relieved and surprised.

"No problem, I love babies." I was already gushing over the chubby little bundle in my arms.

Holding the child close to me, I motioned to the front of the room for Jonathan to get on with the class. He stood completely still for the briefest of moments, an odd look on his face. Then realizing everyone was waiting, he dove into the lesson.

Taking the baby with me I moved out of the way in the back of the room by the stairs. Swaying back and forth, I rocked him gently and whispered in his ear. His big round eyes smiled up at me. In no time at all he was fast asleep in my arms. Little baby David was just the sweetest thing ever. When the class finally ended I sadly returned him to his mother.

"You certainly have a knack for babies." She complimented. "He has never taken to anyone like that."

"Babies are smart." I observed. "They know when they are loved. He is a sweetheart, you are very lucky."

"Thank you." She smiled. "See you next week."

Jonathan was behind me, I hadn't even seen him.

"Ready to go?" He asked, a bit quietly.

"Sure." I smiled.

We walked out to our cars silently. I assumed he was waiting for a more private moment so we could talk.

"So what is on the agenda this evening?" I decided to break the silence as we entered the parking lot.

"Whatever the lady would like." He replied gallantly.

"Do you feel like coming over my house? I have kind of been neglecting the folks. I should probably put in some face time. Besides I am sure Dad is dying to see your new car."

"Our new car." He corrected. "Alright, how about if I show up sometime after dinner."

"Sounds perfect."

He cupped my chin in his hand and ever so lightly brushed his lips against mine. "See you tonight."

A chill traveled up and down my spine, my knees turned to mush. I was still half dazed when I got in my car for the drive home.

I arrived to find my parents in their usual spots, one in the kitchen, one in the garage. I made my first stop the latter.

"Hi Pops, what's up?"

"Hey! If it isn't the demolition driver!" He dropped the tools he had in his hands to give me a hug. "Are you alone, where's superman?" He squinted over my shoulder.

"Superman, where did that come from?" I asked terrified the new nickname would stick.

"Well, I don't know, there just doesn't seem to be any situation that guy of yours can't fix. He saves the old man from falling trees, you crash his beautiful mint Cadillac and he doesn't bat an eyelash. I'd say that makes him a superman. If you told me the guy could leap tall buildings in a single bound it wouldn't surprise me."

"Whatever Pop's." I made a face like he was crazy, but needed to get out of there before he realized how close to the mark he really was. "I'm going to go say hi to Mom. By the way superman is coming over after dinner to show you his new car."

"Great! What did he end up getting?"

"Umm…I can't remember the name, something about a dog I think." I yelled over my shoulder as I ran up the back stairs.

"A dog?" He bellowed back at me.

A crease in his brow formed as he scratched head. No doubt he was wracking his brain going over every dog breed imaginable to find one that matched a car model. That ought to keep him busy, I thought to myself.

"Hey Mom." I called as I flapped open the screen door.

"Well, Hello stranger. Will you be gracing us with your presence this evening?" She was standing in the open refrigerator, assembling salad ingredients as she presented me her cheek.

"Sorry Mom, I know I been absent a lot lately." I apologized and gave her a kiss.

"That's alright dear, I can't say that I blame you. You do realize you are the envy of every female in town."

Ignoring her comment I moved on to more important business. "What's for dinner?"

"Meatloaf." She faced me, habitually wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Will Jonathan be joining us?"

"Not for dinner, he had some things to do. He'll be over after though." I grabbed a stray carrot off the cutting board. "I'm going to get cleaned up."

Once upstairs it was a little strange being in my room, it was almost as if I didn't belong there anymore. Already missing Jonathan, I hurried to get cleaned up, as if that alone would have sped his arrival. By the time I exited the shower, I could hear my mother calling me down to dinner.

We all sat around the familiar table in our usual spots. The folks were uncharacteristically quiet. I assumed remnants of the week's earlier festivities. I soon found out the reason for the quiet mood, was due to something else entirely.

"Remy darlin'." My father began. "Your mother and I have been talking."

Any sentence that began with the words, "Your mother and I have been talking", historically speaking, was not good.

"We both really like Jonathan. He seems like a fine lad. But we are a little concerned. You seemed to be getting quite attached very fast."

As usual I decided to be as honest as possible. "You're right Dad I am."

He and my mother exchanged nervous glances.

"We just want you to consider other options before you get before pinning all your hopes to just boy….ummm…man." He cleared his throat and corrected himself before continuing. "Charlie for instance, it is obvious he cares about you, won't you give him a chance as well luv?"

"You said it yourself Pop's Jonathan is superman, Charlie is only a mere mortal in comparison." I was so close to the actual truth I was scaring myself.

"That is the problem." My mother finally spoke up. "He is almost too perfect dear, your father and I…well we are afraid you may get hurt."

Their faces masks of concern, it was evident they only had my best interest at heart. Just as they always did. How could I explain this so they would understand?

"It's too late, I love him, really love him. There is no way I could ever truly love anyone else. I am sure of it. He feels the same way about me, he would never hurt me."

My father reached across the table for my mother's hand, they're eyes met briefly.

"I know you both think that I am innocent and naïve, you are not wrong, I am. But I know this is right, you are just going to have to trust me in this."

"We just love you girl, that's all, we want what is best for you. Don't be so blinded by infatuation…love." He corrected himself a second time. "That you forget to use your brain." My father spoke very quietly never taking his eyes from mine.

"Isn't that what love is supposed to be like though? If you are lucky it is. Who wants love that's mediocre? I certainly don't."

With that we could all hear a car pulling in the driveway.

"Speak of the devil." My father observed.

"And the devil appears." My mother countered.

"You both have it all wrong. He is the one, the only one." I added determinedly.

"Don't get so excited dear, we are only teasing. We like Jonathan. We just want you to be careful is all." My mother in her typical fashion attempted to be the peacemaker.

We all shoved our chairs back from the table, Mary stayed behind to clean up while Tommy and I went outside to check out the new car.

"A Range Rover!" Tommy exclaimed. "Very funny Remy."

Jonathan and my Dad spent an hour going over the truck and all of its options. The two of them seemed to be really hitting it off and I was relieved. They even went for a spin while my mother and waited for them outside on the deck, nothing like a new vehicle to promote male bonding.

Once they returned my parents said their good-nights and went in the house leaving us some time to ourselves.

"How was the ride?" I asked, certain there had to be a story. "You two were gone for a while."

He had a bit of a mischievous grin as he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not sure I should say, I don't want to break any confidences."

"No one is in on more of the Dad's secrets than me, come on… give."

"Well." He smiled and hesitated. "He said it was important we christen the car properly."

"Ok….and… so what did you do? I gestured for him to tell me more.

"We went by the church. He insisted that Father Ryan bless the car, in case you ever drove it he said." He could barely get the words out with a straight face. "Then we went to Mick's for a pint and a proper christening."

"You drank a beer?" I asked wide eyed.

"I did, for you I did. It tasted like sand, mind you. I must really love you."

I launched myself at him. His arms surrounded me to keep me from falling.

"You better be careful sweetie, I think we are being watched." He whispered.

"I am sure we are, don't worry it will be fine." I kept a hold of him and kissed him on the cheek.

"It's starting to get late. Maybe you should walk me to the car."

"You'll be back later, right?"

"If that is your wish."

He seemed somehow different, a little distant, at first I assumed it was my parent's close proximity, but I was beginning to wonder.

"Is everything alright? Are you feeling okay, did the beer make you sick?"

"I am fine sweetheart." He smiled, lifted me off his lap, and led me down the stairs to the car.

Once there he held me in his arms while delivering a soft lingering kiss on my mouth. By the time I opened my eyes, I was once again an incoherent slab of butter.

"I will see you tonight." He confirmed as he made his departure.

That evening I went through my usual bedtime ritual, and when I emerged from the bathroom there he was as if by magic.

"Hey you." I said.

"Hey yourself." He countered in his deep velvet voice.

Crawling up next to him in bed, I reached across him to the bed table to turn out the light. To my surprise, he caught my hand and stopped me.

"Sweetie, are you very tired? Would it be alright with you if we talked for a minute?"

Now I knew something was up. Had my Dad said something to him? Whatever it was, I could tell it wasn't good. I sat up in the bed to face him.

"Sure." I said nervously. "What's on your mind?"

"You want to have children." He stated matter of factly, but still awaited a response.

"Yes, why? Is that what is bothering you?"

His normally serene face twisted as if in pain, getting up he went to the window, silently staring out into the night.

"Jonathan, what is it, you're scaring me."

Following him, I tugged at his arm, forcing him to face me. If ever was a more tortured expression I haven't seen it.

"Remy, I cannot father a child." He replied blankly, never taking his focus from the darkened night sky.

Backing up I sat on the edge of the bed, motionless, speechless. Finally a question came to mind.

"Do you mean that you can't because we can't make love, or you can't because you are physically unable to?"

"To my knowledge, it is not possible for a vampire to produce offspring."

This new revelation was unexpected. I was surprised that the thought had not occurred to either one of us before. If I was honest with myself, I knew that this obstacle would be the most difficult for me to overcome, but I would, for him.

"Well then." I tried desperately to sound carefree. "I suppose we won't have children."

The anger in his appearance and was unsettling.

"Remy, do not take me for a fool." He offered coolly. "I saw you with that baby today. I know what you would be giving up for me. I told you once before, I refuse to take your life from you. I meant that in more ways than just one. I love you too much."

I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, my hands began to shake uncontrollably. He returned to the bed to sit next to me.

"Remy, do you love me?"

"You know I do."

He moved to sit beside me, his warm eyes pleading. "Then don't lie to me, not about something as important is this. Tell me the truth. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want a child, ever."

Tears rimmed my eyes as I began to shake inside, knowing with certainty that my answer would change everything. I also knew I couldn't lie. He had been so painfully honest with me about everything. The very least I owed him was the truth.

Only two barely recognizable words were uttered through sobs. "I can't". The devastation on his face was proof enough that he believed me.

Unable to sit there one more second without his touch I wrapped myself around him, buried my face in his neck. He pulled me closer and buried his face in my hair as well.

We remained there wordlessly, hopelessly clinging to each other, neither of us knowing what to say next each dreading the words that might come. Eventually at some point in the wee hours of the morning Jonathan turned off the light, and tucked me in close to him. As the sun came up I was still wide awake.

Jonathan was the first to speak. "We need to talk sweetheart. When you are ready, come out to the house, I'll be waiting for you."

He leaned down and kissed the lids of my red puffy eyes, my tear streaked cheeks, and finally my mouth. Then he was gone.

It was obvious I would never be able to sleep, sitting and worrying about what might happen was torture. I got up to look out the window, it was sunny. I silently wondered if that were an omen. When it's sunny there is no Jonathan.

I have no idea how I got to his house, every motion mindless, robotic.

He waited for me on the porch a smile forced across his perfect face. I met him there and silently we entered the house together. Sitting side by side on the couch, he took my hands in his keeping his gaze downward.

"You're wearing my ring." He whispered, now a genuine smile on his face.

"I am. You were meant to be my husband. I don't want anyone else."

"Sweetheart, I have been foolish, very foolish to think that I could make you happy."

"You can!" I insisted.

He held a hand up to silence me. "Please let me get this out while I am still able. Life with me is not what you think it will be. What do we say to your parents when they notice I am not aging? For their own safety they can never know the truth. In a few years we would have to move away from here, from them. Are you willing to do that? What about other vampires? We will always come across more. Your being close to me threatens your life as well as theirs."

Releasing my hands, he was quickly across the room in front of the fireplace. It almost seemed it was his desire to distance himself from me while he thought. "I foolishly assumed as long as we led your life you wouldn't be giving anything up and I could keep you safe. I see now that that is impossible. I've seen you with your family and with Charlie. That is the life you are supposed to lead, not one with me."

I felt nothing but blackness in the pit of my stomach. I could feel myself shaking as I heard the unshakeable tone in his voice.

"Are you leaving me?" Were the only words I could get out threw more tears.

He was on his knees before me before I was able to finish the sentence.

"No baby, I am not leaving you, I couldn't. I am not strong enough for that. I will do what you ask me, it is you who is giving up everything. Only you can decide what is best for you, but I won't hurt you. It is important you consider everything, not just me."

"You are far better than I deserve." I said as I reached to touch his face.

Now it was my turn to stand and pace the room. I was certain if we thought hard enough we would find a solution.

"My parents, I can't leave them. They have given me their whole lives. I can't abandon them when they need me most. What is the longest we could stay in any one place?"

"I would say 7-8 years at the outside, before people would start getting suspicious."

I thought about that a moment, in eight years my Dad would be 62, with a heart condition they would need me to be close even more by then. Maybe we could move close and I could return for visits, but how would I explain Jonathan's absence?

"What is the likelihood of others vampires finding us again?" I crossed over to sit back on the couch.

"It is hard to say, but I would say very likely." He didn't look happy.

Would other vampires pick up Jonathan's scent on me? Would I beat a path for them straight to my Mom and Dad's door? How many vampires would Jonathan have to fight and kill to keep me safe. What if he didn't survive himself? I couldn't put his life in constant jeopardy to save mine and my families.

"If you were to…make me like you… I wouldn't be able to see my parents?"

"Remy, we talked about this. I am not taking your life from you. That would be best for me obviously, but not for you and definitely not for them. I have grown to care about them too. I don't want to see them hurt anymore than you do. But in answer your question, you would never be able to see them again, at least not without putting both their lives at serious risk."

"Jonathan, how long could I possibly remain human and not jeopardize your life?"

"My life is not the issue here." He spoke solemnly.

"It is to me." I argued.

I was left with no real option. If I asked him to change me I would be forced to abandon my family. I was the one who had been foolish. Then there was the baby, the baby I always knew I wanted, the one I was always sure I would have. The one I didn't even know. Sitting here with me was the man I loved more than my own life, the impossibility of my choice overwhelming.

"Jonathan, why do we have to decide this now? Can't we just keep things the way they are and sort this all out in a few years?"

"Do you think it will be any easier by then? Trust me, by then it will be impossible."

"You are my husband, I can feel it, in my soul I can feel it. I don't need the ring, I don't need the paper. It is the truth. I don't want anyone but you…ever. You are my only love, you have to be the one who…"

I couldn't even finish the sentence. To utter the words would be too painful now.

He scooped me up into his arms. "I know baby, I know."

"My feelings have never lied to me before. I don't understand what I am supposed to do. I am so certain about us, I would bet my life on it. But at the same time I feel that someone is missing. Does that sound crazy? It's almost like our whole family is not here yet, I know that I am supposed to be a mother. I just don't understand how this all fits together."

He leaned back to look down at me. "Have you ever considered this is all we get?" Maybe we just get this fleeting moment of amazing love. Maybe you were meant for more than just me. I had my chance already, I lived my life. Now it is your turn."

Unable to stand it any longer, I finally surrendered, resting my face in my hands I began to quietly sob.

He pulled my hands from my face to force me to look at him. "Baby, tell me what you want. I'll do anything you say. If it is in my power to give it, it's yours, if it's not I will find a way." He begged.

Through my semi-hysterical sobs my words were choked and broken. "I want you, I want to marry you, to be your wife, I want our wedding night, I want my parents to be safe and for me to be there when they need me, and I want a baby, our baby, our family."

He held me in his arms and spoke softly. "Shhh…my love. Then that's what you shall have." He said as he gently stroked my hair.

I sat up and stared at him, confused.

He explained. "We will have our wedding, here, now, tonight, just the two of us. I will promise to love you, be faithful to you and honor you all the days of my life. We will have our wedding night. Then tomorrow, you will go home and take care of your parents and live your mortal life, fall in love again and have your baby. If we do that, maybe one day we will deserve our happiness together."

"I don't understand, how is any of that even possible. Wedding night?"

Finishing the question was unnecessary.

"It's strange how things evolve. Yesterday I didn't want to make love to you for fear of hurting you, today I do for fear of hurting you. It is quite simple, now my desire to see you happy far and away outweighs any selfish desire I may have of my own. You will have your wedding night. That I can promise."

"You say all this yet still you're telling me to go off and have someone else's baby?"

"Remy, you said it yourself… you are supposed to be a mother. We both know that I cannot be the father, we both also know you well enough to know that you could never make love with, or have a child with someone you didn't care about. Give it some time, it will be okay, it is the way it is supposed to be."

"I don't understand. You are so calm, if deep in your heart you feel that I am your wife how can you practically send me to someone else?"

I regretted the words the moment they left my lips. His face was filled with pain. His voice turned suddenly hoarse, every word agony.

"Believe me the last thing I want is you, the woman I love, to be in the arms of another man. But you are more important to me than my own life, nothing matters to me anymore except your happiness. I don't care what sacrifice I have to make, I will gladly make it to see you happy."

"I can't be happy without you, I am not strong enough to say goodbye to you, it would kill me."

"No you're wrong, you can survive me and you will. What you could not survive is leaving your parents when they needed you, or never having the child you always wanted. I can't take those things from you. I can live with myself as long as I know you are happy, but I couldn't stand myself if I were the cause of any regrets or pain in your life. That would be the most unbearable to me."

For the second time, he took both my hands in his and knelt down in front of me.

His words were fragmented, his beautiful velvet voice cracking. "Renee' Kathleen Shea, will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife, tonight."

Tears ran down my face once again, it was almost impossible to get the words out. "Yes I will." I whispered through quiet sobs.

**Fourteen**

**Unspeakable Joy, the Greatest of Sorrows**

I WAS LOST IN THE EXTENSIVE UPSTAIRS CLOSET IN HOPES OF FINDING something suitable to wear. My eyes unconsciously searched out anything white. Toward the back there was a moderately retro, but seriously sexy white halter dress. My thoughts immediately went to Marilyn Monroe and the steam grate. I smiled as I thought of him. My mother always said a man will only buy you what he wants to see you in. I took the dress with me to the bathroom and started rummaging around for the other things I would need.

In a drawer I found a makeup bag, the contents identical to what I had at home. Rummaging around the cabinets I searched for the additional item I would need to complete the look I had in mind. I wondered if he possibly could have been that thorough in duplicating every item from my bathroom at home.

I needn't have bothered to even question it. After taking a peek under the sink, right away I found what I was looking for, large hot rollers.

Showering, I took my time shampooing and conditioning my hair and shaving my legs. After carefully drying my hair I set the rollers throughout its layers. Opening the makeup bag I sifted through its contents, finding the black mascara, eyeliner, blush and red lip stick I was looking for. Thank goodness there was even some cover up to help hide my dark circles and puffy eyes from the last 24 hours.

Once satisfied with the makeup application, I removed the rollers, praying it didn't backfire. The last thing I needed was to get married looking like Shirley Temple's twin sister.

With my hair and bangs parted to the side, I began to carefully brush out the large waves back away from my face. The result was subtle and perfect, just a hint of the 40's, by mostly just me.

Placing my hand on the door knob, I inhaled deeply and exited the bathroom. From the bedroom loft, light could be seen illuminating from the lower level. Faintly soft music could be heard as well, but it was too low to be recognizable. In passing, at the foot of the bed I noticed a small bouquet of wildflowers.

His thoughtfulness was overwhelming, as always he'd thought of every single element that could possibly make me happy, no detail was too small or insignificant. Picking up the flowers, I lifted them to my nose, wishing to savor every single moment of this night. They would have to sustain me for a lifetime.

Before I started to cry again and ruin my carefully cultivated look, I positioned my self at the top of the staircase. Once there I was able to see the source of the illumination. The fireplace was lit and large room encircled with candles. All the furniture had been moved out of the way, leaving a wide path for me to walk down.

There waiting for me in front of the fireplace was my groom. He was wearing a dark blue suit, white shirt and a red tie. His thick dark hair was brushed back from his face with just a little falling down to his forehead. I had never seen him looking more beautiful or perfect, and that was saying something.

Our eyes met, the look on his face held more love than I ever thought possible. He held a small object, which upon closer inspection I saw was a remote. He pressed a button and the song changed. The music that came out of the speakers now was our song, _The nearness of you._

Taking that as my cue and I slowly descended the staircase, never taking my eyes off his face for even a moment.

As I approached, he stepped forward to take my hand. Needing to hold both his hands in mine, I set my bouquet on the mantel.

"You look absolutely beautiful, thank you." He spoke softly, lifted one of my hands and pressed it to his lips and then to his cheek. He sighed heavily and he let it drop and returned his eyes to mine.

"Renee' Kathleen Shea." He paused slightly as he took a deep fractured breath. "I, Jonathan Nicholas Markum take you to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I promise to love, honor and protect you all the days of my life."

He produced my ring from his jacket pocket. Raising my hand he placed it on my finger. "Remy, take this ring as a symbol of my never ending love and fidelity."

He was an old fashioned gentleman and with the exception of vowing to protect me, he had chosen traditional wedding vows, each word spoken perfectly. I saw no reason to change a thing.

"Jonathan Nicholas Markum." I smiled through the tears. "I, Renee' Kathleen Shea take you to be my husband. I promise to be good to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I promise to love, honor and protect _you_ all the days of my life."

Even though I did not possess his physical strength, my vow could not have been more serious, I would protect him at all costs.

He reached into his pocket for the second time and handed me another ring. I stared up at him with confusion.

"It belonged to my father." He explained quietly.

Understanding the sentiment and the significance behind it, I tried desperately to retain my composure. Taking the ring from his palm, I placed it on his left hand.

"Jonathan, take this ring as a symbol of my never ending love and fidelity."

He reached up and took my face in his hands. He leaned in as if to kiss me, but stopped only a mere breath from my face. "You are now and forever will be my one and only wife as I am now, and forever will be your one and only husband. No matter what comes our way together, or separately, nothing and no one will ever alter that truth."

Finally, he bridged the distance between us. His mouth slowly enveloped mine as one hand gripped my waist pulling as close to him as possible. This kiss was different than any other, this time it felt as though he held little if nothing back. So much so that my knees went weak and I briefly thought I might actually faint.

He reluctantly ended the kiss and leaned back to look at me. "Hello Mrs. Markum." He smiled, lifted me up off the ground and hugged me.

Placing me back down he grinned. "Do you need a private moment before the wedding night commences?"

"Oh no." I confirmed. "I am not going anywhere."

"Fair enough Mrs. Markum."

"You like saying that, don't you?"

"I do." He winked.

It occurred to me briefly, that for someone who has already lived through two lifetimes, the legalities of a mortal world must me of little or no consequence. Jonathan was the type of man whos word alone meant everything. I knew without a doubt in my mind that no legal document could have possibly been more binding to him than the words we had just exchanged.

He walked across the room to where he had moved the couches retrieving my quilt and several throw pillows. Carefully he spread the quilt out on the rug in front of the fireplace and then arranged the pillows at the opposite end.

Nervous and excited all at the same time, I had no idea what to do. It is one thing to ask for this in the heat of the moment, having the time to think about it puts it in a whole new perspective.

He walked over to where I waited and once again placed one hand on my face and his other on my waist. "I thought it might be more comfortable for you down here at first, close to the fire."

"Sounds good." I gulped.

A gradual smile found his lips as he slowly began removing his jacket and tie, never taking his eyes from mine. Stepping forward I rested my hands on his chest to assist in unbuttoning his shirt. My skills were improving, all the buttons on the front undone quickly I moved to the ones at his wrists. Once finished I walked around him and pulled the shirt off from behind, caressing his back with my hands and lips as I slowly circled back around to face him. His creamy chiseled perfection still took my breath away.

Now my attention focused on his remaining clothing, I undid his belt and the top button of his pants as a low groan escaped him.

Gently stroking my back, I barely felt it as he unzipped the dress. Scarcely a moment had passed before he held two straps in his hands. Before releasing them he looked into my eyes and with a sly look suddenly let them go allowing the dress fell into a silky heap at my feet.

Taking a step back his eyes caressed me, his face the picture of first surprise then desire.

"I didn't put on any panties." I grinned, stating the obvious while kicking off my shoes.

"I can see that." He said hoarsely. "Baby, you are absolutely beautiful, come here."

Not possessing the patience to wait for me to move, he pulled me to him as his hands roamed every inch of me. In all my life I had never felt anything so wonderful. In one sweeping motion he picked me up and gently laid me down on the quilt.

Stroking my face, he gazed adoringly into my eyes. "Sweetheart, since this is your first time, it is normal for it to hurt a bit at first. I will do everything I can to be a gentle as possible. But if I do anything wrong, you must promise to tell me right away. We need each other's trust for this to work, do you understand?"

"I do, I promise I will tell you."

Bending over me, he softly pressed his lips to mine. It took on an instant before desire overruled reason as he consumed me with even greater force and urgency. As I felt his cool tongue part my lips even further, his mouth molded to mine as he explored my body with his smooth strong hands. Completely unable to remain silent another moan escaped me as I dug my fingers deep into his thick mass of hair. When his mouth replaced his hands on my body, I thought I would die.

Continuing down the length of me he managed to kiss, lick and stoke every inch. Unable to stand it I squirmed breathless beneath his touch, just when I thought I could stand no more, his mouth found an entirely new destination, the feel of his cool soft tongue and smooth lips indescribable.

"Love, give me your hips." He ordered as he placed his hands under my bottom and angled my body to meet his hunger.

Just when I thought it was impossible for it to feel any better, my body erupted in waves of involuntary spasms. I could hear sounds coming out of my own mouth that I didn't recognize.

My heart pounded out of my chest, his face the picture of desire. Now on his feet, he stood over me as he unzipped and removed his pants. Once again the statue of David was the object that sprung immediately to mind. How could anyone be so gloriously perfect and still want me?

He laid down over me, resting on his elbows and looking into my eyes. "You mean everything to me."

"I'll do anything for you… all you have to do is tell me what it is you want." The double meaning in my words evident.

He groaned as his lips worked their way down my neck. Gently he parted my legs with his knee as he allowed more of his weight rest on me.

Resting a hand on my cheek he gazed down at me. "I love you." He whispered as our eyes met. We were both breathing heavily, only a marginal distance separating our faces. He moved with extreme caution and slowness.

At first I felt a sharp stab of pain, followed by a dull ache, then at last heaven. We moved together slowly, rhythmically. There could be nothing on earth to compare to how this felt. This was what I had wanted, to be joined with him, to be as close as physically possible.

Eventually unable to confine ourselves to the small quilt, He picked me up and held me tight to his chest as I folded my legs tightly around him. We moved together around the large room not even a centimeter of space separating us. This was the moment I knew without a shred of doubt, that I could never be divided from this man. To even consider it would be madness. Not having him would be like not having air to breathe.

Neither of us could get enough of the other. We attempted several times to make it to the bed, but had significant trouble getting there. Instead, we made many stops on the way. Lovingly christening the floors, the couches, the desk, the counter tops, even the stairs, and finally, at last, the bed.

After several hours humanity ultimately overruled desire as we went back down to the kitchen. On our way I picked his shirt up off the living room floor and put it on.

"Hey, hey, hey…no covering up that beautiful body." He protested as he trailed behind me.

I just laughed. "Then put a fireplace in the kitchen, it's freezing in there."

"It must be the marble counter tops." He added with a wink.

Padding across the tile floor, I made my way over to the refrigerator and started piling sandwich makings in my arms. Once satisfied I had everything I needed, I dumped everything out on the counter, opened the bread and started to build.

"Are we a little hungry?" He asked as he inspected the plethora of ingredients displayed on the counter top.

"Are you kidding? I was just an active participant in the vampire sex Olympics. See you were all worried for nothing, it was a piece of cake." I shrugged.

He raised his eyebrows. "Easy for you, you didn't have to exercise any restraint."

I was immediately concerned. I dropped the mayonnaise covered knife and went to him. "Really, was it very difficult for you?"

"Take it easy sweetheart, I was mostly kidding."

"Tell me." I insisted. I returned my attention back to the sandwich.

"Well." He began. "It was much easier to control myself than I thought it would be. I am sure it helped that I had already experienced it as a mortal man. It is also possible because I was changed at a more mature age, I retain more control than usual for someone like me."

"Jonathan, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, you know you can ask me anything."

"Are we special? What I mean to say is, is it like that for everyone? It was pretty spectacular, now I can see what all the hoopla is about." I took a huge bite of the monster of a sandwich I had just constructed.

He laughed and picked me up with my mouth still full. "So, it was spectacular was it?"

I nodded my head up and down like a crazed chipmunk.

"Well, I think it was pretty spectacular also. No unfortunately I don't think it is like that for everyone. I think we are lucky." He said as he kissed the tip of my nose and placed me back down on the ground."

I swallowed the massive bite and tilted my chin at him. "You want to get lucky again?"

He raised one mischievous eye brow and I knew I was in trouble. In a blink sandwich makings were sprayed all over the kitchen and we were upstairs in our beautiful bed making love, again.

Afterwards, covered head to toe in sweat, I lay stretched out on top of his cool body.

"It's so unfair." I complained. "I am burning up and you are cool as a cucumber."

Without a word he slid out from underneath me, pulled the top sheet from the bed. He held a hand out to me his dark eyes holding a secret.

"What?" I questioned.

Without a word, he scooped me up in his arms, and shot us through the balcony door. Once outside, he wrapped the sheet around me, lifted me, and in one fluid motion he launched us both up to the roof.

We lain, wrapped in each other's arms looking up at the beautiful night sky, filled with a million stars.

"Better?" He asked, absently grazing his cool fingers up and down my arm. Even that subtle motion sent chills down my spine.

"I don't see how it could possibly get any better than this." Amazed, I looked up at the magnificent starry night above, he barely noticed his eyes never off my face for more than a moment.

He spoke quietly in my ear. "Baby, this has been the best night of my entire…existence. I am truly amazed. I never would have thought it possible that someone like me could feel like this, thank you."

"You took the words right out of my mouth." My attention now off the night sky as well. Sitting up, I let the sheet go and watched it fall several feet to the ground below.

Rolling over, I laid, once again on top of him. "Jonat…" My words silenced by his mouth as we were joined in love once more.

Eventually mortality won out, unable to fight it any longer, I drifted off to sleep in his arms. When I woke, we were back in the bed. Opening my eyes, he slowly came into focus, looking down at me he smiled dreamily as he played with a strand of my hair.

"I'm sorry, did I fall asleep?" I said, pushing myself up to a sitting position to better face him.

"You did, but who could blame you. You are only human after all." He voice was deep soft creamy velvet, there was longing still in his eyes.

"So you keep reminding me." Getting up from the bed, I picked up his previously discarded shirt from the floor and once again put it on.

I assume he thought I was going to go be human in the bathroom, when I took a left toward the stairs instead, he voiced his protest.

"Where do you think you are going?" He sat straight up in the bed.

"You'll see." I grinned.

Leaving him behind, I proceeded downstairs to the piano. I knew I should be exhausted, but I just felt like playing. Starting with a soft simple soft melody, with my eyes closed I allowed my fingers to caress the ivories.

Jonathan did not come down, but instead remained upstairs in the bed listening. Deciding to entice him, I thought of a song I could most definitely not play in my parent's living room.

Beginning at the lower end of the scale I played slow and low and rhythmic. I smiled to myself as I wondered how many lyrics I would get out before he appeared.

"_If I was your woman and you were my man, you'd have no other woman. You'd be weak as a lamb. If you had the strength to walk through my door, my love would overrule my sense and I'd call you back for more. If I was your woman, if I was your woman and you were my man…" _

His cool arms came around my waist from behind as his lips devoured my neck. He groaned loudly as my fingers left the keys and I was swiftly lifted from the bench.

Even as the tone of the final note hung in the air, we were entwined on top of the magnificent instrument as its perched lid slammed shut with such force for a moment I feared we had broken the precious instrument.

This morning I didn't think it was possible that I could love him any more than I already did, I was wrong. My mind, my heart and my body were all saying the same thing. There was only one right decision and that was to be with him.

Tonight changed everything. To be apart would destroy the both of us, especially now. We would have to work out something else. I would convince him, I would have to. The decision was quick, not wishing to disrupt the magic of the night I would reverse my decision and reopen the subject in the morning.

It was just before dawn when he lifted me up into his arms and carried me upstairs, never separating his lips from mine. Once we were in bed, molded to each other, I drifted off to sleep.

The next thing I remember is being awakened by light streaming in through the bedroom windows. I felt alive, refreshed and blissfully happy. Eager to see him I jumped out of the bed, as I did I noticed the clock on the night stand read two o'clock pm. I wondered absently why Jonathan hadn't woken me, most likely concerned with my lack of sleep the night before, I thought with a devious smile.

After wiping the sleep from my eyes, I padded into the bathroom. Pausing, it occurred to me that it did seem a bit odd. He was so considerate, and had such an attention to detail, I was sure he would wake me as early as possible to call my parents to explain why I hadn't come home the previous night. Slightly concerned, I changed my direction to the stair case to go and find him.

That's when I saw it and my heart stopped. On his pillow lie a sheet of paper and a single rose. I scrambled across the room and snatched up the sheet. It read:

_My Dearest Love,_

_Please forgive me for not saying goodbye, _

_I thought it would be easier for you this way._

_Thank you for the time you have given me._

_You made the right choice. You are and will_

_forever be my wife and only love. You have_

_given me back my life, all I want out of it is_

_is your happiness. Be happy my love as you_

_deserve to be._

_Forever,_

_You're Jonathan_

"NO!" I screamed.

Throwing on the nearest clothes I could find, not even sure if they were mine or not, I flew out the front door, not surprisingly, to find the Range Rover gone.

Getting in my car I drove. Frantic, I tried desperately to focus, to think of any place where he may have gone. I knew he would stay clear of town, so I steered the car down the main highway toward the beach, obsessively checking the side roads for his car. Our picnic spot was the only place I thought he might stop, it being a place of ours that he could drive to, but one that was also isolated. As soon as the realization hit me slammed the gas pedal to the floor board and drove there as my car could go. Skidding to a halt on the loose dirt, I jumped out of the car and ran flat out to the cliff. He wasn't there.

I my heart I knew he was gone, truly gone, I had been too late. Why hadn't I talked to him last night when I had the chance? That tiny mistake had cost me everything. As the realization hit me I dropped to my knees by body wracked with sobs. The pain that consumed me was paralyzing. I searched my mind for a solution, clinging to even the smallest shred of hope, desperate for anything that might bring him back to me.

Then it occurred to me, if I yelled his name from where I was he might hear me. The sound from here could surely carry for miles, especially with that super hearing of his, it might work, he might not be far I tried to convince myself.

With new hope I got to my feet and started screaming his name as loud as I could, repeating it over and over again, praying that the next time would be the one he finally heard, the one that would bring him back to me. Tears streaked my face as I teetered on the verge of madness and hysteria.

Time had no relevance, I remained committed to my task the amount of time measured only by the length of time it takes for a mere humans voice to be rendered useless. Eventually defeated, I sank to me knees, in complete and utter despair. I don't know how, but I eventually found myself back at the car, returning to the house on auto pilot, barely coherent.

It was almost a trance like state that carried me up the steps and though the front door. As I entered the room I found myself unable to move. The emptiness of the space that only a few short hours ago was filled with unimaginable happiness was consuming. To go even a single step further would have been an impossible feat, nothing here held anything for me but pain now.

My sights now set on the front door, I turned to leave and noticed my quilt still on the floor by the fireplace. Walking over, I picked it up and lifted it to my face, breathing in the remnants of his scent. Predictably, heartbreaking sobs once again came, but this time there was no sound, I had none left.

I draped the quilt over my shoulders, just as I had done the day he gave it to me, the exquisite work flawless until now. Even too small for the most observant to notice, was a small stain of blood in the center, proof of our love.

Ready to goI left, closing the door tightly behind me. Out of the corner of my eye, the rocking chairs caught my attention. It was the one place we hadn't shared any time together. Maybe there I could find solace from a small portion of the pain.

Dragging myself over I lowered myself onto the small delicate one he had given me. The blanket was already wrapped around me as tight as possible, but I still attempted to pull it even tighter, as if somehow that fragile fabric could hold me together as I began to slowly rock myself back and forth.

Somewhere far in the distance I could hear a telephone ringing. I knew it couldn't be for me, Jonathan would never call, even if he did he certainly wouldn't expect to find me still here.

I continued rocking, even as darkness fell and it became cold, I had no intention or thought of moving.

After a time, through the darkness, I could hear the approach of a car and see headlights moving toward me. Even upon hearing the familiar voice I remained still, unable to recall who it belonged to.

"Remy! Remy are you alright?" Charlie asked frantically.

I looked at him blankly. I had no response that would satisfy.

"Remy honey, listen to me, we've been trying to find you. Your Dad has suffered another attack."

Wordlessly, he put me in the cruiser, turned on the siren and drove with lightening speed. As we traveled down the dark wet road the reality of his news sunk in and thrust me head first back into reality. Once at the hospital I barely waited for the car to slow down before leaping out.

Running down the stark white corridor I found my mother, tears streaked her face as she spoke quietly to the doctor.

"Mom!" I tried to yell, but almost nothing came out. "How is he? What happened!"

"Remy! Thank God, child where have you been? He's been asking for you." She broke into sobs and couldn't speak any further.

By then Charlie was at my side, his arm around me.

"Doctor, this is Remy, Tommy's daughter." Charlie explained still breathless.

The Doctor directed his attention to me as a nurse helped my poor sobbing mother to a chair.

"Miss Shea, I am sorry to inform you that your father has suffered a major heart attack. It is a miracle that he is still here with us, God only knows what is giving him the strength to hold on."

Charlie and I exchanged glances, both of knowing what we would not say aloud. He had been waiting for me.

"He is extremely weak and is in considerable pain, I am afraid that all we can do for him at this point is to make him as comfortable as possible. I will tell you though that he is refusing pain medication. It is his wish that he remain coherent. I am sorry to inform you, he doesn't have much time."

Returning my gaze to Charlie, his honest face said it all even before his words confirmed it. "Remy, honey you should go in and see him now."

"Will you come with me, please?" I begged him, afraid I would collapse if I went in alone.

In the middle of the drab hospital room, my sweet father lay dying. His poor weak body hooked up to every tube and machine imaginable, enough so that he was barely recognizable.

I leaned over his bed, gave him a kiss on the cheek and watched as he opened his eyes.

"Remy girl, there you are now love." His normally booming voice was now as weak as his heart.

"Pop's what did you do to yourself?" I tried to tease as tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Well now, as it turns out you were right darlin', I should have stayed away from that old lawnmower."

I could barely hear him, he swallowed hard and winced. It was clear he was in a great deal of pain.

"Pop's let me get you something for the pain." I pleaded as I held his hand in mine.

"No daughter, you listen to me now, I've got important things to be tellin' ya, we haven't much time."

"Daddy, don't be silly, you're going to be fine, just fine."

"Now see, I know you're lying, you only call me Daddy when it's serious." He laughed and quickly winced from the pain it caused.

He closed his eyes, held his breath as he silently waited for it to pass. He gestured with his hand for me to move in closer.

His big blue eyes were glazed over with tears. "Darlin', you are the apple of my eye, but then you already know that. A man could not ask for a better or more loving child. Truly you and your mother are the only things in this world I regret leaving. You must make me a promise now, take good care of each other. I don't mind tellin' you I don't like leaving my girls alone in this world."

"Don't worry Pop, I'll take care of her, I promise."

"One more thing luv, give Charlie a chance, he loves you you know."

I'd forgotten for a moment Charlie was even there. I found him leaning against the far wall, tears streaming down his face, the same as mine.

I smiled back down at my father. "Ok Pop, whatever you say, I'll give him a chance."

"Now, there's a good girl. Come on down here now and give us a hug."

Resting my head on my Dad's chest, I could feel his comforting arms, tubes and all encircle me. He kissed the top of my head.

My tears soaked his sheets as I whispered. "I love you Daddy." In less than one beat of a spent heart his arms relaxed and fell. I knew he was gone.

"No!" I cried. "Don't leave me here all alone. Daddy…Please…"

In my head I knew it was irrational, but my heart couldn't stop itself. It was simply too much to take. My mother had heard my cries from the hallway, because now I could hear hers. Selfishly too wrapped up in my own misery to go to her. I was already breaking my promise to my Dad. Unwilling to leave him, I just laid there on his chest, still hugging him, sobbing uncontrollably unable to let go.

Vaguely I was aware of some commotion going on behind me. It sounded as though a nurse had come in. She sounded angry saying something to Charlie that I couldn't make out. But I could hear what Charlie said to her, very clearly.

"If you lay one hand one her, woman or not, I promise you I will break it." Charlie was all business.

I heard the door slam behind me, so I assume she left.

After some time had passed I sat up and took a final look at the man who had given me everything. He was bigger than life, so was Jonathan and I had lost both of them in the passing of a single day. The loss of their presence cut an enormous black hole through my life and my heart. I knew in that moment, sitting on my father's hospital bed, that I would never ever be the same again. Leaning down I kissed his sweet face one final time. Finally releasing my hold on him, I got to my feet, crossed the room to Charlie and collapsed in his arms.

Waking in my bed several hours later, my first thought was that it all must have had a horrible dream. When I saw Charlie sitting in a chair beside me, I realized the devastating truth.

"How long have I been out?" I asked him, my voice barely recognizable, even to myself.

He got up, sat on the edge of the bed next to me and took my hand. "A long time, over thirty hours I think."

"How is my Mom?"

"She is doing a bit better, the doctor has her sedated. Maeve is here watching over her. Mick has made all of the arrangements, the funeral is tomorrow." He cleared his throat in preparation for his next question. I saw him take notice of the ring on my finger. "Remy, is there any one you want me to notify about the funeral?"

My attention turned to the ring on my left hand as well. I could only wish that I knew how to notify him, needing him now more than ever.

"No, no there's not." The abruptness in my own tone surprised even me.

Pushing myself all the way up in bed, it felt as though my head might explode.

Seeing Charlie through puffy throbbing eyes, he looked as terrible as I felt.

"Charlie, how long have you been here?"

"A while." He responded as he examined the pattern on the bed spread.

"You need to get some sleep, go home." I ordered, still barely able to focus with the throbbing going on inside my head.

His response surprised me.

"No."

"Worried about me, huh?" I tilted my head to one side, trying for his sake to muster a smile.

One corner of his mouth went up, but that was all I got.

"I was that bad was I?"

A deep sadness crossed his face and for a moment I thought he might even cry. Finally he nodded in the affirmative.

"Okay then, stay, but only if you lie down and get some sleep."

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Listen bub, I am not kidding, lie down, I am going to take a shower." I pointed to the bed.

As soon as I tried to stand, the room started spinning, quickly I sat back down.

"Charlie can I ask you a small favor, before your nap, do you think you could help me take a shower?"

His expression was comical, it was like a bunch of cartoon characters all at once.

"Whoa." I said. "Didn't see that one coming did you? Listen I need a shower bad, I'm afraid I'll fall down in there. The last thing my Mom needs is another trip to the hospital. Can you help me out, I am positive I don't have anything you haven't seen before.

After everything I had just been through modesty seemed almost ridiculously irrelevant.

He just smiled and nodded his head. I tried standing again, this time he held me by the elbow and slowly guided me into the bathroom.

He sat me on the toilet seat, while we waited for the water to get hot. In superior gentlemanly fashion he even held up a towel while I disrobed and got under the steaming hot water. Turning his back to me, he averted his attention from the shower doors as he waited. Even so, I was certain I saw him sneak a peek or two, good old Charlie. The old Remy would have pressed her bare butt to the glass and offered him a nice big smile. But that was another time and another girl. When I finished shampooing my hair, he was at the door waiting for me with the open towel. Quickly wrapping myself up in it, I found my robe behind the door, put it on and discarded the towel. Taking my friend by the hand I led him back to the bed.

"Get in." I ordered.

Seeing Charlie lying in my bed, in the same place Jonathan used to be was disturbing. The blackness rose up again threatening to consume me.

Charlie had dropped everything to care for me the last couple days. I knew he wouldn't leave or rest. I had to help him too, even if it hurt.

Climbing in next to him, I reached for his hand and held it in mine. "Go to sleep." I ordered.

We remained that way throughout the rest of the day and night. When morning came I found Charlie still asleep next to me. Moving carefully I got up so as not to disturb him.

Across the hall in my parent's room, through the dark, I found my mother's dear friend sound asleep in a chair. Walking around the bed where my mother was sleeping, it was impossible not to notice the vacancy next to her. If it was this bad for me to see it, what must it be like for her to lay their alone after twenty-nine years of marriage. Sitting down next to her, I was surprised to find her eyes wide open, painfully staring up at me.

Saying nothing, I crawled in next to her our arms wrapped around each other in love and solidarity. We held each other silently as the tears came. No words were needed, only the two of us understood the magnitude of the loss we we suffered.

When Maeve informed us it was time to get ready for the funeral, we were both surprised it had gotten to be so late. We got up to go through the mundane, hopefully therapeutic motions of dressing.

By the time I had returned to my room, Charlie had gone. I assumed to go home and dress as well. After showering, I searched my closet and found the single black dress I owned. After throwing it over my head I got on my knees to rummage through the mess of shoes to find a suitable pair to match it.

Once in the bathroom I searched the mirror for my reflection, the person staring back at me through vacant bloodshot eyes was unrecognizable. Somehow my hair seemed even darker against the paleness of my skin, tired and gaunt I appeared to have aged years in only a matter of days. All my life I had been told I had my father's eyes, today they bared no resemblance. His always were a bright deep blue, the color of the sea. Mine were now gray as if to somehow match my mood.

Unconcerned, I gave up on the face and opted instead for a brush. Dragging it through a matted mass of hair, I gave up again pulling it all back into a ponytail. Upon exiting the bath, I walked straight to my desk, in opening the top drawer I found a pair of dark black sunglasses put them on and exited the room.

My mother and I sat alone in the front pew of St. Anthony's Church. Both of us understandably overwhelmed with grief, we sat unmoving as the mass was read. I heard not a single word, sitting in a fog of pain as I stared unbelievingly at my father's casket. It was only through my mother's prompting that I had even realized the service had come to a close. She urged me to my feet. We rose together and held hands, our arms linked as well, as we followed my father down the long aisle and out of the church.

From outside I could hear the lilting sound of bag pipes playing Amazing Grace. Only one person would have thought of that gift for my father. Raising my eyes for the first time, I searched the pew behind us for his face. It didn't take long to locate him.

Michael Connolly, his tear filled eyes grief stricken as well as he forced a sympathetic smile for both my mother and me.

Releasing my each other for a moment we both leaned down to hug him and his wife.

"Thank you Uncle Mick, he would have loved that."

He simply nodded, too overwhelmed himself to even speak.

Rejoining my mother, the sound of the music gave me the strength to hold my head high as we walked with my father for the final time. Our attention focused straight ahead we started to move again. Passing the pews, it finally dawned on me that every single one of them was full. Stunned I squeezed her hand even tighter, the two of us trying desperately to hold it together as we exchanged knowing glances.

"See." I said, looking up to heaven. "That's for you Pop's, you were loved."

The graveside service seemed even more crowded than the church if that were possible. Once again I retreated to my numb place until I heard the father say my name.

"I would like to now invite Remy, Tommy's beloved daughter up to sing her father's favorite song."

After kissing my mothers cheek, I released her hand and moved to take my place beside my father's casket. Placing my hand where I thought his heart would be, I prayed silently for the strength to get through the song and the rest of the day.

For once I didn't care who else was listening. I closed my eyes and imagined him in his chair with a smile on his face, while I sat at our piano and sang him his favorite song. I sang it slow, just the way he liked it.

"_Oh Danny boy the pipes the pipes are calling_

_From glen to glen and down the mountainside_

_The summers gone and all the flowers are dying_

'_Tis you, 'Tis you must go and I must bide_

_But come ye back when summers in the meadow_

_Or when the valleys hushed and white with snow_

'_Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow_

_Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy I love you so_

_And if you come and all the flowers are dying_

_And I am dead as dead I well may be_

_You will come and find the place where I am lying_

_And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me_

_And I shall hear tho soft you tread above me_

_And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be_

_If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me_

_I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me_

It was by God's grace alone that I had made it through the whole song without shedding a single tear. At least that was what I thought until I touched my face, it was soaking wet. When I finally opened my eyes, I was not alone. There was not a single dry eye to be found.

Once again, returning to my mother's side I took her hand again in mine as we faced the friends that had come to honor Thomas Michael Shea.

I spoke as loud and clear as I was physically able. "Both my mother and I would like to thank you all for being here today. My Father would have been deeply touched at such a turn out, and mad that he missed the party." Quiet laughter erupted through the crowd. "We would like to invite you dear friends, to join us along with the Connolly's at Mick's for some corned beef and cabbage and to share a pint or two in his honor."

Both my mother and me remained graveside until we shook the hand and accepted the condolences of every mourner present. Alone we each took a turn at the casket for our final goodbyes, and embraced as he was laid to rest. When we were finished, there by the car waiting for us was one lone person…Charlie.

Mick's place was bursting at the seams with people there to pay respects to our beloved. Even with the place full, it seemed somehow empty without his jovial presence. I stared at the table where we all sat not so many nights ago, blissfully unaware of the tragic future events. My eyes lingered briefly on the chair where Jonathan had sat. Another inconsolable pain stabbed at my heart. Consciously I made a concerted effort to divert my attention elsewhere.

Mick was in the place he felt most comfortable, behind the bar, his young son at his side. His face was animated as he spoke to Charlie, pointing out the picture of him and my Dad now displayed in a place of honor, up on the wall behind the bar. It tore at my heart even further as I watched him wipe a tear from his rosy cheek.

Jumping up on a stool I leaned over the bar and wrapped my arms around him.

"He loved you too you know, you are the reason we're all stuck in this town." I teased, as I brushed another cascading tear from the big man's cheek.

"Remy, I am truly sorry for you luv, you and your mother both." He said as he gave my hand a pat and left to pour another beer.

I knew all too well it was a gargantuan effort to be mindlessly occupied before emotion took too great a hold.

No doubt noting the understanding in my expression Charlie put his arm around me to offer a reassuring hug.

"Don't worry, it's almost over." He whispered in my ear.

Eloquent as ever Junior chose this moment to chime in.

"Hey Remy, where's your big hero, I don't see him here today." He winked at Charlie stupidly thinking he had a confidant.

Charlie glared at him wordlessly, his arm still poised around my shoulders.

I looked into Junior's dead eyes and wondered once again what happened to him.

"I just buried him." I responded expressionless, knowing that even as the words left my mouth, he would never understand.

**Fifteen**

**Charlie**

SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE WITH MY MOTHER I HEARD THE familiar sound of tires rolling over the gravel on our driveway. Slowly raising myself out of the chair, I peered out the window at a welcome sight, Jonathans blue Cadillac steering up the drive toward the house. My heart soared.

"It's Jonathan!" I yelled as I flew out the back door.

I heard my father's voice call. "Remy girl, someone for you!"

My Dad exited the garage, as he moved toward me, a massive grin was spread across his face as he pointed to the driveway.

I ran to Jonathan. His warm smiling eyes called to me as he held his arms open to greet me. I ran as fast as I could, but for some reason I was unable to reach him. No matter how hard I tried I could make no progress from the place I originally started.

Panicked and frustrated with my inability to reach him I called for him to come to me. But he remained fixed and unmoving, his beautiful face smiling, beckoning me. Frantically I called to my Dad for help, but he was gone.

I began crying for fear that I would lose them both. That was the moment I woke up and remembered I already had.

His strong arms pulled me close as his now very familiar soothing voice whispered in my ear. "Remy honey, it's okay, I'm here."

"Charlie." I cried, as I clung to him.

"It's okay, "It's alright now honey. It was only a dream. Go back to sleep."

This was the life that I now led. In the weeks that followed my father's death, both my mother and I remained inconsolable. We spent our time locked in the house going nowhere, and seeing no one except for Charlie and Maeve. Gone were the days of cheerful good mornings and a house full of activity.

We both slept much of the time. Sleep normally being our only solace, the one place, for the most part, pain could not reach us. Charlie took a leave of absence from work and never left my side. His presence was the one and only thing that made living tolerable. I was drowning and he was the lone life preserver.

Once safe in his arms I drifted back to sleep. Charlie spending the night had become a ritual. My mother didn't mind because she knew and all too well understood the circumstances.

The next morning when I woke, unusually, Charlie wasn't in the bed next to me. I thought I heard his voice downstairs and got up to investigate. He was in the living room on the phone.

His voice was tense, agitated; I could hear him all the way from the stop of the stairs. "Chief, I can't come back yet, not yet. I need some more time." There was a long pause. "We'll I guess you'll just have to fire me then." He replaced the receiver.

When I heard him finish his call I padded down the stairs, meeting him at the bottom.

"Trouble?" I asked.

"No everything's fine." He said unconvincingly as he forced a smile.

"Charlie, you need to go back to work. I'll be fine. You can't spend your life babysitting a basket case like me."

"You are not a basket case, you just lost your father and…" He cut his sentence short there.

We both knew what the missing word was, Jonathan. A subject we never spoke of and never would.

"Please." I asked. "It's time you went back; you have given up enough for me already. I'd never forgive myself if you lost your job on a count of me. Don't worry I'll be ok." I lied.

I saw the hesitant look on his face and knew what he was thinking.

"I promise you I won't do anything foolish." I knew he understood my meaning. "Call the Chief back, please, for me?"

A shy grin spread across his face and I knew I had him.

My arms instinctively went around him. "Thank you Charlie, thank you for being so good to me. I wouldn't have survived this without you."

"You know there is nothing I wouldn't do for you." His arms slowly made their way around me as he hugged me back.

One thing about Charlie, he didn't often say much, but what he did say was always spoken with complete sincerity.

"Good, then go to work, I'll see you tonight." I promised.

After giving him another peck on the cheek I sprinted back up the stairs before he had a chance to change his mind. Once in my room, I ran to the bathroom, shut the door behind me, locked it and turned on the shower. The bathroom was the one place he wouldn't follow me if he had second thoughts.

Curling up on the bathroom floor I waited as the wave of depression swept over me again. The thought of being alone was terrifying, that was when all the pain came. I couldn't let Charlie know that, he would never leave, he was going to make himself sick worrying over me.

I remained on the floor for several minutes until the room filled with steam. Begrudgingly, I pushed myself to my knees and holding on to the sink, pulled myself up. After stripping I climbed into the shower. The hot water felt good against my skin, I was forced to leave when it eventually ran cold.

Once out I wrapped my hair in a towel and put on my robe. Reentering the room I half expected to see Charlie there, he wasn't. Moving to the window I checked the Swan's driveway, his car was missing. Breathing a sigh of relief, I smiled to myself. Finally, I had done one right thing.

It was there and then that I decided to do one more. The last few weeks we had been experiencing record highs, almost no rain, actually a real honest to goodness summer. Not that it mattered to me, being that I never left the house. Today that would not be the case.

Going to the closet and I began sifting through the clothes. Close to the back was the garment I was looking for. It was a navy blue sun dress with tiny white flowers and capped sleeves. It had been one of my Dad's favorites. I jerked it off the hanger and returned to the bathroom to finish getting cleaned up before I lost my nerve.

Once I emerged I looked human for the first time in weeks. Snatching the car keys up off the top of my desk and the sandals from the floor of my closet, I left the sanctity of my room for the first time since the funeral.

In the kitchen I found my Mom and Maeve sitting at the table each nursing a cup of coffee. My mother was still in her bathrobe, a practice that was habit of late.

"Good Morning Mom." I tried to sound as cheerful as possible. Hugging her from behind I placed a kiss on her soft cheek. "Good Morning Maeve." Leaving my arms around my Mom, I greeted our dear friend, the solid rock of a women who never left my mothers side.

"You look pretty today dear, are you and Charlie going out?" My mother asked, her eyes vacant.

"No, I sent him back to work today. I thought I'd go out by myself. Will you be alright?"

"Yes dear, I'll be fine, go out and try and have a good time." She patted my arm and tried to smile, but her face wouldn't cooperate.

"I love you Mom, everything is going to be okay." I promised her even though I didn't believe it myself.

She continued to pat my hand. "Bye dear."

Maeve shot me a sympathetic look as I left the kitchen.

After opening the garage door, I averted my eyes from the lawnmower and climbed behind the wheel of my car. The last time I had driven it was when I went to the cliffs a hundred years ago to look for Jonathan. I wondered briefly how it made its way back here, but then I realized the obvious, it must have been Charlie who had taken care of it.

Leaving the engine running I put the top down, then as a second thought I returned inside the garage and withdrew a six pack from the frig and a small cooler off the top of it. After loading the beer along with some ice in the cooler, I piled through my Dads old work area where I found a small blanket and a gardening trowel. After loading the items in the back seat I backed down the driveway and drove slowly to the end of our block hanging a right out of our neighborhood and onto the main highway.

After I'd driven a couple miles, I checked the gas gauge, of course it read empty. It would be my luck that I first day I had the courage to leave the house, I would be forced to return to the scene of Jonathans and my first meeting. Of course I am not ignorant of the fact the the whole town is filled with similar memories, it is this knowledge that has kept me sequestered in my room of late. Sooner or later I was going to have to start facing them.

This time I remembered to pull in correctly, carefully averting my eyes from the pump where I first saw him. I went inside to pay, and as was the norm, I found Billy Black in his familiar spot behind the counter.

He was finishing up with another customer as I entered.

"Hi Billy." I offered quietly, almost robotically silently dreading the sympathy that was undoubtedly to follow.

Looking up he absently shoved the customers change at him and walked around the counter to hug me. It was a little weird, because Billy and I weren't that close. But he and Charlie were, so the pain we had all experienced, although in different ways strangely connected us.

"Remy, it's so good to see you." He said as he folded me tight into his embrace. "I am a little surprised though that Charlie let you out of his sight."

"I sent him back to work, promising to be a good girl."

He nodded, probably not wanting to pry, he quickly changed the subject. "You need some gas?"

"Um…Yeah." I stuffed a bill into his hand and went back outside to pump. "Thanks' Billy, see ya."

"See ya. Rem."

I pumped the gas, this time without incident. As I started the engine to leave, I noticed a crumpled piece of paper lying on the passenger seat. Curious, I reached for it and opened it. It was Jonathan's note, another wave of pain washed through me and I had to fight back the tears as I stared at it.

I knew Billy was in the office, surely observing my every move, who knew how much Charlie had actually told him. The last thing I needed was for him to report back that I had a break down at the gas station.

Doing my best to reel it in and collect myself, I carefully folded the sheet of paper in half and placed it in the glove box. After jamming the car in first, I sped out.

My first stop was a small nursery, just outside the town limits. Strolling around the outdoor garden, I quickly found what I came for, lavender, lavender for luck. The Irish are nothing if not superstitious. I paid for two plants and left.

On my way through town I passed the café and the library. The sight of both places sent yet another stab of pain through my heart. I could feel the blackness starting to overwhelm me again, pulling over for a moment I attempted to try and get a hold of myself.

Searching the road in front of me I came upon a place with no memory of Jonathan or my father, but instead held my only source of comfort, the police station. Slowing the car as I approached the building I could see Charlie's cruiser parked just outside.

Pulling to a stop out front, it was my plan to just pop in and say Hello. While parking the car, I immediately reconsidered, feeling slightly pathetic. The guy finally got some time to himself and here I was not two hours later disturbing him.

Changing my mind, I put the car in reverse and backed out of the spot.

"Remy!"

I heard Charlie call to me and I instantly felt a little bit better. Exiting the building, he jogged his way down the front steps, his expression a mixture of concern and relief. I stopped the car, but left the motor running as I waited for him to walk around to the driver's side.

"Hi." He said. "Is everything okay?"

Not wanting to worry him I tried desperately to sound cheerful. "Hi, yeah I'm good, I just thought I'd stop and say hello."

"Remy…If that is true then why were you leaving just now?" A suspicious expression emerged on his face as he folded his arms, looking every inch a cop.

"I changed my mind. I didn't want to bother you. You finally get a day away from me and I show up at your work."

He opened my car door. "Come here honey." He offered me his hand out of the car. As soon and I was on my feet his arms were around me. "You look beautiful…thank you for coming by to see me, you are never a bother, please don't ever think that."

I hugged him back grateful for the contact. "I better let you get back to work." I smiled at him and got back in the car.

"I'll see you in a few hours." He confirmed still sounding unconvinced.

Nodding, I waved goodbye as I exited the parking lot. Driving much faster than I should have I got out of town, probably not the smartest thing, but I was desperate to be out of sight of anything familiar. Making a point to keep my line of vision focused strictly to the front as I past my old favorite spot, I was clear all the way out to the sea.

Once at the beach, I parked in the public lot. Leaving the top down, I lifted my face to the sky and sunned myself as I breathed in the cool salty breeze.

I used to find this sort of thing peaceful and relaxing, I was hoping the same would still hold true today. After donning my sunglasses I reclined my seat and closed my eyes and listened as the waves crashed on shore. The mere sound of which accomplishing the truly miraculous feat of calming my frazzled nerves. As if I was granted one small measure of mercy on this difficult day, I eventually drifted off to sleep, my happiest of places.

A loud car horn interrupted the calm, jolting me awake. Startled I sat up and immediately checked the time. I was shocked to see that two hours had elasped. Steeling a glance at my reflection in the rear view mirror, I found my face beat red except for raccoon lines from my sunglasses. Quickly surveying the rest of me, I found my arms and chest bore the same lovely shade as my face.

"That's gonna hurt." I surmised aloud, as I started the engine and continued on with my mental itinerary for my first day out.

When I arrived at St. Anthony's I parked in the lot and went inside the church. I sat in a pew towards the rear. The place was empty, as far as I could tell I was completely alone.

I hoped that coming here would make me feel better, I tried to pray, but was unable to get the vision of my father's coffin coming down the aisle out of my mind.

The sound of footsteps in the church interrupted the quiet. As they got closer I searched the room to find their source, Father Andreas Ryan, our Greek/Irish priest was making his way down the aisle to me.

My father would always tease him that the greek in him only made him half bad, if not for the irish blood he could have been unsalvageable. Father Ryan had the unique quality of always getting his point across while still putting his parishioners at ease. To converse with his flock it was not uncommon to see him playing basketball with some school kids, fishing at the lake with town locals, or even having a beer at Micks with the like of Mr. C. and my Dad.

"Remy is that you?" He asked pleasantly as he slowly approached.

"Yes Father it's me."

Closing the distance between us he sat himself in the pew directly in front of me, twisting his body to face me.

"Is everything alright? How is your Mother?" He asked as he gently patted my hand.

I might be able to put up a front for everyone else, but I couldn't lie to our priest.

"Not so good Father, we are both having a hard time. Today is my first day out, and Mom still hasn't left the house."

"Do you think your father would want that for the two of you?"

"No, he wouldn't. We are devastated, nothing will ever be the same again without him and we both know it."

"Is there nothing that gives you comfort?" He smiled and waved his hand through the air, gesturing to the place we were sitting in.

I didn't want to say no, so I leaned back in the pew. Pulling my hands from his, settling them in my lap. Staring down at them I avoided the question entirely.

To his credit and uncanny ability for putting others at ease he paid no mind and simply continued on with the conversation.

"I have heard that young Mr. Swan has been spending a great deal of time at your house. Maybe something good can come of all of this sorrow."

In an attempt to set the record straight and to help relieve the unbearable weight I was carrying, I decided to divulge more information than I would have under normal circumstances. "Father, all due respect, you don't understand, Charlie is just a friend, a dear friend, but a friend. I don't think of him that way. I am actually in love with someone else."

I saw him observe the ring still on my finger. "I see… I believe your father introduced us, a fine young man as I recall. Where is he now if you don't mind my asking?"

"He left, gone the morning the day Dad died." I tried not to cry, but I could feel the dam threatening to break. I turned slightly to face the opposite direction.

"Is he coming back then, your young man, does he know your father has passed?" He put his hand on my shoulder and leaned in to see the face that I was hiding.

"No and no." My voice cracked as I continued to fight back the tears.

"I see then dear, you have suffered a double loss then. You were planning to marry this man?"

"Yes, I was." I was thinking, yes I did, but I knew he would never understand.

"I know that now the pain seems insurmountable, but it's all still new. Give yourself a chance to heal. Things are not always what they seem to be."

"Thank you Father." Standing, I decided it was a good time to make my exit. These were not the words I wanted to hear. Like a child, not getting my way I just wanted to run away.

"Sit down Remy." He spoke softly placing his hand over mine.

I should have gone straight to the cemetery, I thought to myself as I sat back down and readied myself for what surely would be a lengthy lesson of some sort.

Getting up, he circled the pew, moving to sit next to me. Once there he took both my hands in his.

He began. "When I was a young priest, I had a parishioner, an old woman. She used to come every morning to pray. Every day she would begin her prayers first at the blessed mother. I really can't explain exactly why, but this irritated and upset me. I suppose I felt her actions were disrespectful, as a young priest I thought "Who is she not to offer her respect first to our father?" For years this went on and for years I kept silent. One early Sunday morning during a mass I was struggling with a terrible case of the flu. It took some serious effort to make it through. After which the very same woman approached me, worried for my health. She said that for years she had watched as I shouldered the responsibilities of running a church and caring for a congregation. She then told me. "Father, I pray to the Father every morning asking him to send the blessed mother to watch over you and protect you and take care of you as you take care of us."

I smiled as I finally understood where he was going with this.

"Remy, just because you can't see it or feel it right now, it doesn't mean the love is not there. Open up your heart to a different possibility, you could be just as wrong as I was. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yes Father, you mean Charlie. Does he pay you much?"

It is a conspiracy I thought to myself, either that or everyone else knew me better than I knew myself.

"I mean, God loves you and has a plan for you. Trust in that and let him to his work." He smiled as held onto the back of the pew and pushed himself to his feet. I hope we'll be seeing you at mass soon, I'll leave you to your prayers." Side-stepping out his way out, he genuflected crossed himself and preceded up the aisle toward the altar.

As soon as he was out of sight I got up and left through a side door, stopping briefly at the car I retrieved the blanket, cooler, a single plant and the gardening tool. Casting a glance to the sky I had an afterthought and decided to put the top up.

After crossing the parking lot diagonally, I followed the long dirt path that circled the rear of the church and ultimately led to the cemetery.

Once at the gates I moved quickly past the other graves to find my fathers. Seeing the gravestone with his name carved in it was a reality that quickly brought on a rush of emotion.

Spreading the blanket, I sat on the grass, next to his grave. Opening the cooler, I reached for two ice cold beers and popped their lids.

I poured half of one out over the grave. "Here's to you Pop's." I said as I placed the can next to the stone, and took a sip of my own.

Setting the drink down, I got on all fours as I took out the gardening trowel. The ground still soft from a previous rainfall, I easily dug a small hole at the base of the stone. Taking the lavender out of the pot, I carefully placed it in the hole and tightly repacked the dirt surrounding it.

"A little lavender for luck Pop's. We miss you, your girls aren't doing so well without you, but we're trying." I spoke aloud as I took another sip of beer.

Not wanting to leave him, I sat there thinking and talking to my Dad for some time. As the sky began to darken, I finished my beer and eventually got up to leave.

Placing another can on the grave, I pushed myself to my feet and gathered the remaining items I had brought with me. As if signaling the cue for my departure, it started to rain. Scooping up my sandals I ran barefoot back to the lot, happy for once that I had thought to put the top back up.

By the time I arrived at the car I was soaked, my thin dress clinging to me like a second skin. As darkness fell, I rushed straight home. Entering the drive I inspected the Swan house for signs of life. Charlie's bedroom light on, his silhouette paused briefly at the window then disappeared.

I was late, which meant he was probably worried. Hurriedly I got out of the car and rushed to meet him.

Sprinting out of the house, he wore only blue jeans. By the time he reached me his bare chest was soaking wet, further defining his muscular build. His dark hair soaked as well and shoved out of his face. It was still raining, but only just. I surmised that he must have just come from the shower. As he approached I could see his deep brown eyes wrought with concern.

The previous month flashed before me as I realized all this man had done and given up for me. He was beautiful in every way, why hadn't I seen it before. What if everyone else was right? Maybe it was time that I faced facts. Jonathan was never coming back.

It was impossible for me to ever love anyone like I loved Jonathan, I knew that. But in this moment I realized that I did love Charlie, it was just a different sort of love.

He was breathless, but more from concern than the run. "Remy are you alright? I was worried." His sincere eyes revealed genuine distress as he awaited my answer.

Breathless as well and soaking wet, I gazed up into his deep brown eyes, truly only seeing him for the first time.

"Remy, talk to me." He pleaded.

Unable to speak, I reached for him, pulling him down to me I pressed my mouth to his, kissing him with all the passion I had left in me. Not receiving the response I had anticipated. Confused I leaned back slightly to survey his face.

What I found there was a myriad of emotion; first surprise, then realization, no more than a split second passing between the two. He breathed heavily but remained completely motionless his face only inches from mine.

I waited.

Barely a few seconds past, his answer to my kiss came and it was as loud and clear as if he had shouted it from the roof tops.

Brusquely reaching behind me, he grabbed two giant fistfuls of my soaking dress, as he pulled my body to his, grinding the two of them together. He had been patient for months, patience was at an end. Forcefully he took my mouth, making it his own. His soft lips expertly moved over mine, for the first time in weeks I felt warmth grow within me.

After several minutes, both of us gasping for air, he dragged his lips from mine and rested them on my cheek as he entwined his fingers in my wet hair.

"Remy, are you sure honey? It's not too soon?"

I was barely able to speak, happy to finally have a second when the pain decreased to a dull ache. Needing desperately to feel his warmth I begged. "Please Charlie, I need you."

A groan escaped him as his lips again covered mine. I could feel his warm hands roaming the back of my dress. He smelled so good, I was right about the shower. Regretfully, he tore his lips away from me as he assessed our surroundings. Exposed in the open, sandwiched in the drizzling rain between our parent's two houses.

Abruptly, he pulled me by the hand and we ran over the slippery yard around to the back of his house. It was pitch black.

"Come on, this way." He whispered as he felt around looking for something in the dark. "I found it." He announced.

A faint light appeared, I could see his smiling face, his hand held a small camping lantern. Carefully, He guided me along the back of his house until we reached his boat.

After helping me up, he quickly climbed in behind me and led the way into the small cabin. Quietly, he closed the door behind us he situated the lantern on a ledge toward the bow, underneath which was a small bed.

He reached down and pulled back the blanket to reveal pristine white sheets.

"Wow." I said. "Is this where you bring all your girls, or am I just a fore gone conclusion?"

"What? No, I sleep out here sometimes on a clear night." He pointed to the top of the cabin where the door could be opened all the way up."

"Oh." I observed, my earlier courage beginning to dissipate.

He pulled me down to sit next to him on the bed and leaned in and with soft warm lips to kiss me again. Expertly he parted my lips and softly caressed the inside of my mouth with his tongue.

I don't know if it was his kiss or my damp dress, but my body released a slight shiver. Understanding he reached for its hem and slowly peeled the soaking fabric over my head.

Securing his warm hands on my waist, he brought me in close to him as he continued to kiss me surrounding me in warmth. Before I had even realized it, my bra was unfastened and cast aside. His breathing grew heavier as he lifted his eyes to gaze at me.

Sensing I may be cold he moved over to allow me slide in between the sheets. Once I was lying down, he leaned over me, still in his damp jeans. I reached up and undid the top button, with the slight tug the remaining buttons popped open, each one after the other, like dominoes.

"You've gotta love 501's." I smiled to myself.

A small chuckle escaped him.

Now there was only one garment left that stood between us and bare skin, my panties. He slowly stripped me of them and crawled in the small bed beside me.

On an elbow, he looked down on me as he brushed the wet strands of hair from my face. "I love you Remy, I always have."

I just smiled up at him, unsure what to say.

He spoke again before I had the chance. "It's okay I know you don't love me." His quiet voice filled with sadness.

I reached for his face. "Charlie you are wrong, I do love you. I just don't know if it's enough." I spoke honestly and from my heart.

He smiled huge, "Just the fact that you love me at all is enough, the rest will come later." He promised, his voice confirming he believed every word.

With those words spoken, his lips and his body slowly consumed mine and I felt once again surrounded in warmth. No other words were used or needed until morning.

Charlie woke me bright and early; my clothes were dried and folded on the edge of the bed.

"Well, you've been busy this morning." I observed while trying to push myself into a seated position in the small space.

"Good Morning Honey, I thought you might like to sneak back into your house before your Mom and my Dad wake up."

"Are you kidding, when they find this out they'll throw a block party." I was joking, but realistically I probably wasn't too far off the mark. "Charlie will you do me a favor?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"From now on, will you call me Renee'?"

"Um… sure, no problem." He appeared a little confused by my request, but didn't question it. He picked my dress up and handed to me. "We better get a move on, they'll be up soon.

Slipping back into my clothes, I kissed Charlie goodbye and hurried across the yard. Stopping only briefly at my car to retrieve the other lavender plant, I tip-toed up the back stairs and sneaked through the door. Much to my relief, the latch snapped shut with barely a sound. Finally able to relax a little, I faced the kitchen.

My mother sat at the table waiting for me.

I had underestimated her. Mourning or not, nothing got by Mary. I set the plant on the counter and sighed heavily. Resigning defeat I pulled out a chair and took a seat opposite her.

"Long night?" She asked, her hands folded casually on top of the formica table top, the slightest of smiles beginning to appear on her tired face.

"I was with Charlie." I confessed, embarrassed.

"I know where you were dear. I'm sad, not dead." She took a deep breath and sighed heavily herself. "I think it's time we had a talk. Don't you?" She looked at me pointedly, giving me her, you better tell me the truth if you know what's good for you look. "What happened with you and Jonathan?"

Her question took me completely by surprise. I never expected her or anyone else ever bring him up again. Now that she had, I realized that I desperately needed someone to talk to about him. "It all fell apart Mom." I confided.

Leaning back in my seat I contemplated exactly how much I should reveal. "He asked me to marry him… I said yes."

Automatically our eyes sought the ring we both knew remained on my left hand.

"Remember the day we went to get his new car?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Well, when we got back to town we went to class, everything was fine. Another student couldn't get a sitter and brought her baby. I offered to take care of it during class. He saw how I melted over it, I could tell it upset him, but I wasn't sure why. That night he told me that he wasn't able to father a child."

Feeling suddenly antsy, I got up to look out the window. "He said he didn't want me giving up my life for him. Then he told me what I already knew, but hadn't really considered, the fact that his job would eventually take him away from here. If I married him I would be forced to leave you and Pop's, I couldn't do that, not with Pop's being sick." I absently played with some leaves on the plant. "I went to see him yesterday you know…Pop's I mean, I planted one of these there for him, I thought we could put one in the yard as well."

"That's lovely dear, your father would have liked that. I'll plant it today. Now…finish."

I returned to my seat. "We had an impossible decision to make. He left it up to me. I was practically in hysterics over it. Then he asked me what I wanted. I said I wanted to marry him, have our wedding night, have a baby and stay close to my parents. He gave me exactly what I asked for, that was the night I didn't come home."

She reached across the table to take my hand in hers to offer support as I finished my story.

Not wanting to speak the words, but needing to get it out, I continued. "We agreed to take vows, to give ourselves to each other. Then I would stay here, stay with you and Pop's and hopefully one day have a child."

I started to cry, as I thought of what came next.

"Mom, it was the most beautiful night of my life, I realized I couldn't go through with it and decided to tell him in the morning. When I woke up, he was gone, doing what he thought I wanted. What he thought was best for me."

Now the dam burst, and I was unable to control the sobs that wracked through me. My mother came around the table to hold me in her arms, saying nothing at first, waiting.

Tears ran down her face too as she stroked my hair and tried to soothe me. "We've both lost husbands then, and on the same day no less."

I finally sat up, yanked some tissues from a box on the table. I handed one to her and then took some for myself.

She said one word. "Charlie."

Almost instantly guilt consumed me, considering everything I had just told her.

"Being with him is the only thing that gives me any comfort. He is so kind and sweet I finally decided to follow everyone else's advice. My own certainly hasn't gotten me anywhere."

She frowned. "I see…Maybe your father and I were wrong. Lord knows we all pushed you two together. It's wrong for you to be with someone just because we think you should. I'm sorry dear we just didn't want to see you hurt."

"Don't worry Mom I'll be fine, we both will." I said not convincing either one of us.

**Sixteen**

**Married with Children**

UPON ENTERING THE SMALL STRIP MALL PARKING LOT, I LOCATED A spot relatively close to the pharmacy. Leaving home early, I'd driven the extra hour to the neighboring town intentionally to avoid the watchful meddling eyes of the local busy bodies. Charlie's and my relationship seemed to be the hot subject these days and we both wanted to keep it as private as possible. But even Charlie didn't know I was here today.

Less than a month after we shared our first night together on Charlie's boat, he had popped the question. Serious concerns plagued me about it being too soon, but for reasons I couldn't explain I had said yes anyway. I've never seen Charlie so happy. It seemed a small price to pay in return for all he had done for me.

The ring he gave me replaced the one that had previously been on my finger. I had already moved Jonathans back to the chain on my neck next to my grandmothers cross, not being able to bring myself to completely take it off. It was the only thing I had left of him, one that I adamantly refused to part with.

This alone was probably the single most important clue in discovering why I had been unable to set a wedding date. Soon, very soon that decision may be out of my hands, I thought to myself.

Too nervous to wait even a moment longer I proceeded directly to the counter and purchased the item I drove forty-five miles to find. Impatience getting the better of me, I surveyed my immediate surroundings and without much trouble located a ladies room in the rear of the store. After darting my eyes around one final time to confirm my anominity, I quickly entered, locking the door behind me.

It all seemed simple enough. After carefully following the instructions on the box I sat and waited, alone miles from home in a dingy public restroom, I awaited the most important news of my life.

When the indicated amount of time had elapsed, I nervously picked up the test to view the results. My eyes welled up with tears of joy. I was going to have a baby.

Running out of the drug store like my hair was on fire, I jumped in the car and drove back to Forks as fast as I was able, completing the normal one hour drive in a personal record of 38 minutes, my hand resting gently on my stomach the entire way.

Wasting no time I drove directly to the police station, where I found Charlie behind a desk filling out reports.

"Hi honey, this is a nice surprise." He rose and circled the desk to kiss me.

"Hi, do you have time for lunch?" I asked, barely able to keep still.

"Um…sure. Let me grab my coat." He yanked his jacket off the back of his chair and called out over his shoulder. "Hey Chief, I'm going to lunch now. I'll be back in an hour."

"Sure thing Charlie." The Chief peeked out of his office and saw me. "Take your time." He smiled and returned his attention back to his work.

We drove together in his cruiser to the diner, technically it was against the rules, but it was only a short distance so we decided to live dangerously.

Once in the diner, we found a table by the window, hopefully out of earshot of the other patrons.

"Okay, you got me here, what's up?"

"I've decided on a wedding date." A smile spread across my face.

"Great!" He leaned over the table for a congratulatory kiss. "So when is the big day, just so I can make sure I'm available." He joked.

"How would you feel about this Saturday? I thought we could drive to Port Angeles and see a Justice of the Peace. If it's okay with you I wanted to keep it intimate, just you, me and our folks."

He leaned back in his chair, clearly surprised at my sudden change of heart. "Sure honey, whatever you want. You don't want anyone else there though?"

I grinned. "Well, maybe just one person."

"Who?" He asked. "Billy?"

"Oh, sure you can ask Billy if you want. But I was thinking of someone else." I was almost squirming in my seat I was so excited.

He looked at me like I had finally lost it. "Who is it?"

Getting up from my chair, I walked around the table to sit in his lap.

He was confused by my sudden and extremely rare public display of affection, but also pleased by it as he placed his arms around me to help secure me there.

I leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Our baby."

"What?" He whispered in return, placing his hand instinctively on my stomach.

I nodded, unable to speak as tears filled my eyes again. He jumped up, lifting me off my feet to hug me. All the eyes were upon us as he set me back down and kissed me. For once not caring who saw or heard. "I love you." He said as he pulled me close and squeezed me again.

"I love you too." I said and meant it.

"Saturday it is then." He confirmed as we reclaimed our seats.

The father of my baby now sat across the table from me, my heart filled with mixed emotions at the realization of our new circumstances.

I loved Charlie, there was no doubt. But the nagging, sometimes suffocating pain I felt inside never completely went away. I was overjoyed at the thought of us having a child, not so much at the thought of us having a marriage. I hoped that would all change in time. Surely once the baby was born I would feel differently.

We were married the following Saturday in a simple ceremony. The groom looked very handsome in his Class A uniform. The bride wore a simple pale pink linen dress. In attendance were only the bride and grooms parents, and the groom's best friend, the bride's best friend being the groom who was already in attendance.

I tried desperately not to think of Jonathan as I took my vows. This was Charlie's day, I owed that much to him. Per my request the vows were kept simple. All each of us had to say was "I do". Knowing myself, I could never repeat any of the words I had spoken to Jonathan to another man, I was grateful Charlie agreed with simplicity.

My mother was also thankful for the simple ceremony. The thought of my father not being there was already almost too much to bear. With no one to give me away a larger production would have made it doubly painful, for the both of us. Thank goodness I was marrying one of the most understanding men on the planet.

After the simple ceremony, we traveled the short distance to Seattle for a quick two day honeymoon and then back to Forks. Charlie had a surprise he was busting to show me.

Once back in town he drove us a couple of miles past our parent's places, I was instructed to close my eyes. Doing as I was told, I could feel the car come to a halt and heard him get out of the car. My door was swung open as he slowly guided me out and up a slightly steep grade.

"Okay, open your eyes!" He sang.

Upon opening my eyes I found myself in the front yard of the sweetest little white house you ever saw. It had a for sale sign in the yard, with a big red sold sticker plastered across the front of it.

I stared blankly, at a seldom loss for words.

"Do you like it?" Charlie asked seeming barely able to contain his excitement.

"I love it, is it ours?" I asked, reality sinking in.

"I bought it for us when we got engaged, as a wedding present. Escrow just closed last week, so it's perfect timing."

Taking my hand and led me up to the front door, producing a set of keys from his pocket he unlocked it. Then picking me up as was tradition, I was carried over the threshold.

Inside it was small, but perfect for us. Just two bedrooms, but two was all we needed. The baby's room would be directly across the hall from ours, with the lone bathroom separating the two.

"Thank you Charlie, I love it." I was starting to get that sinking feeling again, but pushed it away not wanting to spoil Charlie's moment.

It took only one day for Charlie and all his friends to move us in. I felt horrible leaving my mother all alone in that big house and made a silent vow to go over every day when Charlie was at work.

Eager for the baby to come, I got to work right away on the nursery. I chose a cool blue for the walls, thinking it would be soothing. We purchased a crib and a rocking chair almost as soon as the paint was dry. Nights when I couldn't sleep, I would go in the baby's room and rock, anticipating the moment when I would finally get to hold him or her in my arms.

I was a great expectant mother. I loved everything about being pregnant. The smallest movement from the baby was enough to fill me with joy. I even loved getting bigger, because I knew that only brought me closer to the day when the baby would finally arrive.

Being a great wife was not so much my forte'. I never realized how much my parent's had done for me until I married Charlie. I had never cooked a meal, done a load of laundry, cleaned a house or balanced a check book.

My attempts at cooking usually proved to be inedible. I did the laundry and Charlie ended up with a load of pink shirts and socks. The house was moderately clean, but never came close to looking or for that matter smelling like my mothers.

Poor Charlie made the mistake of putting me in charge of the household finances. I bounced one check at the grocery store because I'd forgotten to subtract checks that had already been written. One night we even ate cement hard meatloaf by candlelight because I'd forgotten to pay the electric bill.

Charlie took it all in stride and never complained once. I was getting bigger it seemed by the minute and it was beginning to get more difficult for me to get around. I kept my promise though, and went over my mother's for a visit every day.

By the end of my pregnancy I had gotten so big that I needed help to get up the stairs.

Leaning on my horn in the driveway I got Mary's attention.

"Remy, what is all that racket about!" She yelled out the kitchen window.

"Sorry Mom, can you come down and help me? I am having a little trouble with the stairs."

She just laughed and came down the back to give me a hand. "Are you sure there is only one in there?" She asked. "You look like you're about to bust dear."

"I feel like I'm about to bust, but the doctor says there is only one."

She helped me inside and I took my familiar seat at the table.

"Some man from the realtors office in town came by, he said he has been trying to get a hold of you. He left you this."

Mom tossed a plain manila envelope on the table in front of me. Unsure what it possibly could be, I opened it Inside was a letter and a single key. The letter read:

Dear Miss Shea,

This office has been trying unsuccessfully to reach you for some time. It has been brought to our attention that you along with Mr. Jonathan Markum were tenants at the above named property. Mr. Markum has informed this office that there are several items still in the home that belong to you, one being a piano of significant monetary and sentimental value. Not wanting to be responsible for such an item we ask that you please make arrangements to remove your personal effects from the property at your earliest convenience. We have enclosed a key for that purpose. We ask that you please return it to us and notify us when the removal of the items has been completed.

Sincerely,

Leroy Makana

Forks Realty

My heart fell to my feet. Just the thought that he was close enough that he talked to someone in this town sent a wave of hope through my heart. Surely this Leroy Makana at the realtor's office would be able to get a hold of him. Wait, what was I thinking? I was married now and with a baby on the way. I must be going insane.

"Mom, I have to get going I have some things to do." No longer able to sit and make small talk I needed to get out of that house and have some time alone where I could think.

"That was fast." She observed. "Don't forget to have Charlie call me the moment anything happens."

"He knows Mom, trust me he has all the numbers."

I gave her a kiss and this time to make my life easier decided on the less familiar route of the front door.

"Was it anything important?" Mary called referring to the envelope clasped in my hand.

"No nothing important." I partially lied. "It's just something about the house."

Even with all my new found responsibilities I still had a lot of time on my hands. Charlie was working overtime to save so he could take time off work once the baby arrived.

Even now going past places Jonathan and I had shared time together remained difficult. It was my sincere hope that when the baby came, I would be focused on other things and that all would change.

I visited the cemetery frequently, at least once a week. My mother still could not bring herself to go, so I went for the both of us, or so I told myself.

This was my current destination. I waddled down the now familiar path through the cemetery to my father's grave site. Once rounding the rear of the church, I noticed a tall figure dressed all in black. He appeared to be standing at my father's grave, from a distance, it looked like Jonathan and my heart leapt. Blinking twice, assuming my mind was playing tricks on me and I had only imagined him, I reopened my eyes and then the figure was gone.

I hurried to the spot, hurrying being a subjective term in my current condition. Spinning my head like it was on a swivel, I scanned the area, almost frantically, but I could see no signs that anyone had been there. Moving to a nearby tree, I reached behind it and extracted a small folding chair that I kept stored there. My size was far too cumbersome for me to be hoisting myself up and down off the wet ground.

Momentarily I was forced to pause as I reached for the chair, a sudden loss of strength as I thought of him. "Jonathan, where are you?" I said aloud to myself.

A slight rustle of leaves overhead caught my attention, but when I looked up, of course I saw nothing. I must be losing my mind, I thought as I gave it another solid tug, finally able to successfully dislodge it from its wedged in hiding place.

After opening it, I took a much needed seat and removed the envelope from my pocket to reread the letter, this time more slowly. He wanted me to have the piano, I considered how very important to him it must be for him to break his word and contact me, however indirectly.

By now it had been a year since he left and yet I still longed for him just as much as I did that first day when I screamed this name from the top of the cliff. I was still screaming, only now it was only on the inside to protect the ones that I loved.

Angrily I shoved the letter deep into my pocket and returned my attention to my father's grave. Noticing a few stray weeds, I leaned over to pull them. The abrupt action combined with the odd angle of my reach caused a sharp pain to sear through my abdomen. Placing a hand on my back I attempted to straighten my body in hopes of relieving the sudden discomfort. But, it was no use as the pain continued to grip me with even greater force.

Leaning slightly forward I held on for dear life to my father's head stone as I tried to catch my breath. Suddenly a rush of warm fluid gushed down my legs. My water broke. Helplessly I looked around, my inspection confirming what I already knew. I was completely alone and isolated.

"Father Ryan!" I yelled, hoping he was somewhere nearby and would hear my frantic plea.

When there was no response, I left the chair where it was and called over my shoulder. "Sorry Pop's I have to go. I think we're about to have a baby."

Moving slowly I only made it about only about twelve feet or so when the next contraction hit. I held on to a random tree until the pain subsided and then continued moving forward. Miraculously I made it around to the back of the building.

I tried again. "Father Ryan!" I had little strength and could get almost no sound out.

My vision slightly blurred, I saw a figure in black moving fast toward me. Thank goodness he finally had heard me. I must have blacked out for a minute. One second I was at the back of the church and the next thing I knew I was sitting on the front steps.

"Remy."

I heard the father's voice and looked up.

"What are you doing here? Are you alright?" He asked, his voice filled with concern.

"Father, I think your collar's a little tight. Do I look alright? I'm in labor, can you get me to the hospital please and call Charlie." I was able to get out the entire sentence before the next pain gripped me.

Stupid questions while I was contorted in pain got on my nerves. Lord help the poor nurses at the hospital, if I would talk to my priest that way, they didn't stand a chance.

Father Ryan called Charlie first, who insisted on coming to get me himself, of course with sirens blaring. Perfect, I suppose that's what I get for smart mouthing a man of the cloth.

"Remy honey, how are you doing?" He kissed me on the forehead. "Any idea how far apart the contractions are?"

I was so happy to see him. Finally someone level headed.

"I'm not sure, maybe three minutes or so."

As if by command performance, another one hit, I saw Charlie check his watch. By the time we reached the hospital I had had two more. When he pulled up in front, someone was there with a wheelchair to meet us. I heard Charlie tell the nurse the contractions were a minute and a half a part.

They quickly wheeled me in to a labor room, put a gown on me, put me in bed and hooked me to a machine to monitor the baby's heart rate.

The next thing I knew Charlie was next to me wearing scrubs and the doctor was examining me.

"Mrs. Swan, I am Dr. Cooper, your doctor is a bit delayed but he is on his way. If by any chance he doesn't make it here in time I will be delivering your baby. It will be a close one, currently you are almost one hundred percent effaced and nearly fully dilated. Do either of you have any questions for me?"

"Yes, I do." I said. "Who the hell is Mrs. Swan and where are my drugs?"

Charlie for the first time relaxed and started laughing.

Kissing me on the forehead he announced with pride. "Tommy Shea's daughter emerges at last."

"What are you laughing at Chuckles? You're the one who did this to me." I barked before I was contorted in pain once again.

The poor doctor just gaped at the two of us, dumbfounded.

"No, thank you doctor, we have no questions." He finally answered, still giggling like a little girl.

The next thing I heard was the nurse announcing. "She's crowning."

Everything busted loose after that. The room swarmed with hospital staff. Charlie was at my side holding my hand, and the doctor was in a very precarious spot ordering me to push.

My abdomen was wrenched with pain, I was covered in sweat and it seemed like every person who owned a set of scrubs or a stethoscope walked thru my delivery room in full view of everything I would prefer to keep private.

"Geez Charlie, what did you do? Sell tickets?" I barked through pants.

He chuckled. "I love you…now push."

I did as I was told and pushed with everything I had. Holding my baby was finally in reach and I couldn't wait. At last I heard a small cry as the doctor produced a tiny perfect person and laid her across my chest.

"Congratulations on your daughter." The doctor proclaimed with a satisfied smile.

I know all parents think their babies are beautiful and perfect. But our little girl truly was; big round eyes, dark hair like both her parents, and the most beautiful translucent white complexion I had ever seen.

That part belongs to Jonathan, I thought to myself. I held her in my arms and for the first time in a year, I felt truly and utterly at peace.

"She's beautiful just like her Mom." Charlie announced as he gave each of us a kiss. "What should we call her?"

"I was thinking we could name her Isabella after your Mom." I offered. "Maybe call her Bella for short. The name certainly fits, she is beautiful after all."

Charlie didn't speak for what seemed to be a long time. I thought maybe he didn't like the idea, but then I realized that he was choked up. He never ever mentioned his mother. It was clear from his reaction that he had loved her very much.

Once he regained his composure, he replied simply. "I think that would be the perfect choice, thank you."

Everyone came to see her, both our parents, Charlie's friends from both the reservation and from the police department. Even Father Ryan stopped by to offer a blessing. Pretty considerate considering how rude I had been to him.

Finally the hospital staff chased everyone away, claiming that both of the Swan girls needed rest. Charlie reluctantly went home promising to come back first thing in the morning.

They took Bella back to the nursery and gave me some medication to ease the pain and help me sleep. I drifted off and must have dreamt of Jonathan, because I felt the cool smoothness of his lips on my cheek. The dream was so real I could even smell his breath. It was a good dream.

I thought it had a nice a nice symmetry to it, me dreaming of him in the hospital the night she was born. In a way he was just as much her parent as Charlie and I were. After all, if it were not for his selfless dedication to her and my happiness, she would have never been born.

Charlie was back first thing in the morning when they brought me the baby. She was tiny perfection, even more beautiful than the day before if that was possible. I don't think he had ever held a baby before, but to watch him hold his little girl and be amazed by her would have melted even the coldest of hearts.

After three days we were both finally released to go home. I was still a bit wobbly, so my mother came to stay with us for the first week to help out. It was nice having her there. I know we were both thinking the same thing. We wished my father had lived to meet his granddaughter.

It didn't take long before Bella and I fell into our own routine. Our days consisted of feedings, naps, walks and visits to Grandmas. She was everything I had dreamed of and more, the sweetest most precious of gifts.

Now it was clear that having her was the only choice I could have possibly made. She was worth every second of heartache and pain I went though. The love I felt for this child was incomparable to anything else. I just wished my father and Jonathan could see her. They had both made enormous sacrifices for her to be here, even though she would probably never know it.

Life was settling into a pattern of domesticity at the Swan's. I was sometimes restless and ached to get out and do something different. But such was the existence of a mother and a wife in a small town.

At six months old, Bella was chubby, cheerful and very easy going, especially for a baby. We went to my Mom's almost daily for a visit.

With less these days to occupy her time, and eager for every bit of new information about her granddaughter, my mother frequently accompanied us to the pediatricians for Bella's check up's. When it came time for her six month, as usual Grandma was with us. Strangely, this time Mary seemed preoccupied and somewhat distant. It was totally unlike her of late, enough so that it caused me immediate concern.

"Mom, are you feeling alright? Is something wrong?" I asked almost the second we left the office and were alone.

"I swear Remy, you don't miss a trick. Just like your Father." She observed. "I was putting off telling you, I wanted you to be settled first."

"What Mom. Tell me, what is it?"

She turned to look at the baby her expression evoking both guilt and sadness.

"I've decided to sell the house. Your Aunt Teresa has invited me to come live with her in Florida." She paused, no doubt waiting for my tirade, but I was too shocked to speak. She continued. "I have no purpose here since your father passed and you married Charlie. You have your own life to lead now. I don't want to be in the way."

"Mom, you are not in the way." I answered honestly.

"It's more than just that dear. Everything in this place holds a memory. Every single day I am reminded that I have to live it without your father. I know it seems selfish, but I think it would be easier for me if I were somewhere else."

I understood all too well exactly what she meant.

"I understand Mom." I tried to be supportive, but on the inside I was dying.

The thought of not having her near felt like one more knife piercing through my heart, the now familiar lonely moment of despair rose up inside of me. I couldn't be so selfish as to let her see. My parents had always been everything to me. In the shortest span of time imaginable we had gone from being inseparable to each one of us, for all intensive purposes, being all alone in world.

We drove home in silence. I was afraid if spoke my true feelings would be exposed and she would give up her happiness for me. So I kept quiet, left to my thoughts. In that moment I remembered something long forgotten, back to the day I had Bella.

"Mom could you do me a favor? Would you watch Bella for me for a couple hours? I have some errands to run."

"Sure sweetie, but leaving my granddaughter with me is not going to change my mind, good try." She complimented.

After leaving them, I drove home and ran upstairs. In the back of the closet was a box of my old maternity clothes. I riffled through it to find the garment I was looking for. When I found it I dug deep into its pocket and found the envelope. I turned it upside down and out fell the key.

Running back outside I got in my car and drove to the house in the woods.

**Seventeen**

**All the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men**

FEELING APPREHENSIVE MY APPROACH TO THE HOUSE SLOWED. Deep down I knew I was crazy to return, to put myself through this. Parking in front of the house I sat a moment, debating whether or not I should actually go inside.

Even though eighteen months had passed, the emptiness I felt inside remained constant. The only difference being was that now I had become expert at masking it.

I wanted so desperately just to feel his presence again, to be surrounded by his love. When I was alone, like this, and I had time to stop and think, my heart felt like an open wound. Maybe coming here after all this time, I would find the closure I was so desperately searching for.

After some vacillation, I got out of the car, walked up the front steps and inserted the key in the lock.

Hovering in the open doorway I apprehensively appraised the room. Nothing had changed as far as I could tell. Observably someone was coming in and cleaning, because there wasn't a speck of dust to be had. Other than that the room looked identical to the way it did the day I left it.

My gaze gravitated to the fireplace, the main focal point of the room and of our life together. It lay as silent witness to the birth of a love and all its subsequent glories and tragedies.

My mind drifted to all the beautiful memories this room evoked, I shook my head brusquely in a vain effort to dislodge them. I moved on.

Bypassing the piano momentarily I first went upstairs to the loft. The bed made, lying at the foot of it, my wedding dress. The cleaners must have come across it downstairs and brought it up here.

Picking it up, I pressed the soft silky fabric to my face. Breathing deeply, I closed my eyes and reminisced over the night I wore it. Still grapsing it I held it as I continued to move through the room. Checking both the bathroom and closet I found that nothing had been disturbed. The closet still full of his clothes and the ones he had given to me.

Proceeding directly to his side; my hands sorted through his wardrobe until I finally came across a garment that was familiar to me. Once again I pressed it to my face hoping for even the smallest of rembrances.

Finally in answer to my prayers, I caught the slightest scent of him as hushed tears ran down my face. Euphoria morphed into anger as I silently berated myself. Why would I be so stupid as to subject myself to such anguish?

Quickly discarding the item, I rushed down the stairs to the piano, the actual purpose of my visit.

Seating myself on its bench I stroked the polished wood with my hand. It was most definitely a thing of inspired beauty, just he had been.

After laying the dress down next to me I started with scales, it still seemed to be tuned perfectly. As was my ritual I closed my eyes and began playing whatever random tune came to mind.

A stray thought occurred to me, rising slightly I lifted the piano bench. Inside I found what I was hoping for, blank music sheets and a pencil. I set them on top of the piano and began to experiment with different notes and lyrics.

Faster than even I would have imagined the music and the pain that came with it poured out of my heart. I wrote furiously, afraid to lose my focus and therefore my inspiration, for even the most infinitesimal pin prick of a second.

All the months of pent up pain and sadness came rising to the surface. It had been foolish of me to ever think I would get over Jonathan, idiotic to even consider that somehow the pain would evaporate over time. It was finally clear to me now that both the act of loving him and losing him had altered me in an irrevocable way.

In what felt to be almost no time at all, I finished writing the song, the final touch was to add the title on the top of the sheet. Taking pencil in hand I scrawled furiously across the top, _My Immortal._

Laying the pencil down, I placed the sheet of music in front of me, although by now I didn't need it.

Taking a deep labored breath, I began to play and to sing, every gut wrenching note and pain soaked syllable.

When I was finished I picked up the sheet of music, located a match and lit the end, walked over to the fireplace and tossed it in.

Returning to the piano, I closed its lid, retrieved the dress and the key, and left the way I came.

For the first time, it was absolutely clear to me what I needed to do, for me, for Charlie and especially for Bella. If there was ever to be any hope of me actually resembling a real person again, instead of just a shell of one, drastic measures needed to be taken.

After leaving the house, I drove straight to the realtor's office. The only person there was a studious looking man with reading glasses perched on the end of his nose, riffling through a filing cabinet.

He turned to look at me as I entered. "May I help you Miss?"

"Hello." I said. "I am looking for a Mr. Leroy Makana."

"You found him." He smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"I am Renee' Swan." You contacted me by letter a few months ago.

He looked puzzled. "I'm sorry, but that name doesn't ring any bells, do you know what it was regarding?"

"I am Mr. Markums, umm…friend. This is about the piano."

He immediately snapped to attention. "Oh pardon me, you are Miss Shea, am I correct?"

"I'm sorry, yes I was. I recently married." I apologized.

"Please sit Mrs. Swan. How may I be of service?" He pulled out a chair for me and took a seat on the opposite side of the desk.

"I am here about the items left in the house. Can you tell me specifically what Mr. Markums instructions were regarding those?" Saying his name so casually, especially to a stranger was difficult.

"He simply said that the contents left behind in the home belong to you. It was his wish that I see that you get them and also that I assist you in any way you need regarding them."

For the first time I smiled. I wanted to take care of this quickly and quietly. "Perfect, then these are my instructions. I want all the possessions left in the home to be boxed and donated to charity. The piano, I would like donated to the high school for their music program. Do you think you could arrange all that Mr. Makana?"

He looked at me blankly at first and then his face contorted ever so slightly. I was concerned for a second that the man might be having a stroke.

Finally, he spoke. "Certainly, but Mrs. Swan, do you realize the value of the piano? Are you certain donation is the route you want to take?"

Fishing around inside the pocket of my jeans I found the key. "Absolutely." I said as I placed it on his desk, "Thank you for your time." Without another word, I turned and left.

Suddenly in a hurry to see my daughter I drove straight to my Mom's to collect her and take her home.

After parking I bolted up the stairs and ran inside; I found them in the living room sitting on a blanket playing with her toys. She heard me enter the room, her sweet face lighting up in recognition, her chubby little hands clapping in triumph.

Scooping her up in my arms and I hugged her tightly; she cooed and laid her head on my chest as she snuggled against me.

"Hey baby girl, watcha doing? Playing with Grandma? Your Mama missed you." I said as I held her tight and kissed her soft chubby cheeks. Then I turned my attention to her Grandmother. "Hi Mom. Thanks for watching her for me."

"Did you get everything done you needed to do dear?"

I smiled and looked at my baby. "Almost, just a couple more things and we'll be all set."

By the time Bella and I got home Charlie was already home from work.

"Hey." He called. "There are my girls. What have you two been up to, seeing Grandma? He questioned Bella as he took her from my arms, obviously not expecting an answer.

I brushed past him into the kitchen to get Bella's dinner ready.

He followed me. "Renee' honey, is something wrong?"

I was standing over the stove top, putting a bottle into warm for the baby. "My Mother is selling the house and moving to Florida to live with my Aunt Teresa." I answered without emotion.

I reached to take Bella from his arms. "Charlie can you watch the bottle? I'm going to take her up and change her."

Upstairs in her nursery I changed her diaper and put her in her pajama's. Charlie followed with the warmed formula in hand. After snatching her favorite blanket from her crib I settled down in the rocking chair to feed her.

"Honey, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say."

"There is really nothing you can say, it's just the way it is."

I tried not to look at him as he waited in the doorway; I knew he all he wanted was to help me.

"Charlie, I think it's time we both faced the truth. No matter how much we both want it; there are just some things that can't be fixed. You deserve better than a magnet for bad luck like me."

My somber mood swings were becoming more frequent, I knew now from experience that he didn't know what to say to me when I was like this. Normally it was his habit to just hunker down and wait for the storm to pass.

To see Charlie in pain and to know that I was the continuing cause of it was the final straw. He needed more than I could give him, he deserved more. I so badly wanted him to have it. Somehow, I would see that he did.

Time flew by and before I knew it the dreaded day dawned, moving day. It was a surreal experience watching from my parent's front lawn as strangers stuffed a lifetime of memories into a moving van.

When the final carton was loaded and the large metal doors were slammed shut I equated the sound to that of a gunshot signifying the end of a match. This was a match that I clearly had lost. That is with one exception, Bella.

My mother refused to let us take her to the airport. Her excuse was the baby; she claimed she wanted to save her three hours in the car seat. I knew different, she wanted to avoid a huge tearful airport scene. The day had already been hard enough, for all of us.

The airport transport arrived and I saw my mother take one last look at the house before she approached me.

"I love you Remy girl." She said with tears in her eyes. "You're all grown up now. Take good care of that baby and come to see me when you can." She hurriedly hugged me and turned to Charlie.

"God bless you Charlie, you're a good boy. They're all yours now, take good care of them." She said as she reached for him.

He leaned down, meeting her half way. His eyes sad, even he realized another chapter in our lives was closing.

"Now you!" She said pointing a finger at her granddaughter. "I don't want to hear about any trouble coming from you."

Bella giggled and squirmed around in my arms trying to get to her Grandma.

Mom kissed her several times in the same place on her cheek, causing Bella to giggle even more. "Grandma loves you." She confirmed.

We all watched silently as the cab drove down the street and finally disappeared around the corner. When she was out of sight, we slowly made our way to our own car.

Charlie took Bella from my arms to put her inside.

"Don't forget that." He said pointing to my guitar case lying on the side of the drive.

While Charlie strapped Bella in, I retrieved my old case, walked to the curb and deposited it in the trash can along with all the other discarded memories.

"Renee'." He spoke my name, completely shocked.

"There is no more music left in me." I got in the car, slamming the door tightly behind me.

The days and weeks that followed passed by with slow monotony. Before I had built our days and schedule around going to visit Grandma, with that out of the equation the big event in my day was taking a shower when Bella went down for her nap.

Although we made the most of sunny days, living in a mostly rainy climate made it difficult to get out of the house, even for a short walk with a baby.

We tried story time at the library, but just being in the building was enough to throw me into the depths of sadness for a week.

I used to find comfort visiting my father's grave, but I couldn't take a baby to a cemetery and Charlie worked most days.

Our evenings consisted of a terrible meal that I had cooked, doing the dishes and then watching TV afterward. Bella was normally in bed by 8pm, me having to get up for a two a.m., and Charlie at 5 a.m. for work we weren't far behind her going to bed at 9:30.

Within a month of my Mother leaving, I decided it was time that Bella and I did the same. My family and I were drowning and I was the hole in the life raft, unless I did something soon, I would end up taking us all down

It was a Thursday. I booked both Bella and me on a flight for Phoenix the following morning. Our bags were packed and ready to go, sitting by the front door. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt Charlie or to make this any more difficult for him.

It was my plan for us all to have a last night together. I had also considered that a more expeditious departure might be easier for him. I decided to wait and see what happened.

He came home a little later than normal. I was in the kitchen feeding the baby. I heard him pause in the entryway, no doubt observing the luggage by the door.

He came in the kitchen, unloaded his gun, and hung it up before he spoke.

"What's up? Are you going to visit your Mom? There was a trace of hope in his voice, but his eyes revealed he knew the truth.

"No, were not." I picked the baby up and turned to face him. "I want to go back to Phoenix to finish school, Bella and me."

"What? When were you planning on leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning, after we've had a chance to talk."

He paced back and forth in the tiny kitchen. "What's there to talk about, it seems to me you've already made your mind up." It was the first time Charlie had ever sounded angry with me.

Not wanting to be holding Bella during our first and probably last fight I went to put her down and came back.

"Charlie, let's just sit down, okay?"

He folded his arms across his chest and took a seat without saying a word.

I started. "We both know this isn't working, I think it's time we faced it. We both tried our best."

"No." He said. "I don't believe that."

"Charlie, you have been nothing but good to me. I've tried to make you happy, but I can't."

"You are wrong, you do make me happy."

"Come on, I am the worst wife ever. I can't cook, I'm a terrible housekeeper, and I can't even balance a check book. You only took me on because you felt bad for me, because you are a good man. But now I am letting you off the hook."

"What if I don't want off the hook?" He reached for my hand and gently rubbed it with his,

"Charlie, the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I won't leave with Bella unless you say it's okay. But please listen to me when I tell you, if I have to stay here much longer I will either go crazy or I'll die, I'm suffocating."

He winced, as if my last words had physically injured him. I felt ashamed. He had spent almost the last two years doing everything he could to shield me from anything unpleasant, I repay his kindness by turning around and stabbing him in the heart at my first opportunity.

I tried to tell myself that this was for his own good as well, he would be better off without me around to weigh him down.

I got up to sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and burying his head in neck.

He had always been so strong for me to see him like this broke what was left of my heart.

"Charlie, I love you, please believe me I wouldn't be asking for there was any other way. Please, Please…let me go." I begged as if somehow his permission would make everything alright.

Tears slid silently down my cheeks as I awaited his reaction. He kept a tight hold on me while he carefully weighed his needs and desires against my own. I knew he needed time to process the information, but in the end he would always choose my happiness over his own.

"Alright." He finally said thru choked words. "It it will make you happy I won't stop you."

I climbed off his lap and offered him my hand. "Let's go up to bed."

He shut off the kitchen light and wordlessly took my hand to guide me up the stairs.

Bella woke us with the sun. Charlie insisted on being the one to feed, change and dress her this morning. Our cab arrived on time and was frantically honking its horn outside.

Charlie handed me the baby so he could carry our bags out for us. Then he held his daughter, kissed her and said his goodbyes while I belted the car seat inside.

"I left the pink slip and the keys to my car inside. I was hoping you could sell it and put the money in Bella's account." I asked as he handed me the baby.

"Oh." He seemed to sink even lower. "I thought you were leaving it here in case you changed your mind and decided to come home."

I tried to speak, but opened my mouth and what came out was barely more than a whisper. "My Dad gave it to me, it's just that it's a constant reminder, I thought it might be easier if I started fresh, with no memories to dwell on."

"I see." He croaked, the tears now flowing freely down his cheeks.

I couldn't stand it, I was about to lose my nerve. I closed my eyes, and got up on my toes to kiss him. "Goodbye Charlie, take good care of yourself."

After strapping the baby in her seat, I got in beside her and told the driver to go. As we left the curb I whispered my departing words. "I love you." I didn't have the strength to look back.

**Eighteen**

**At Long Last Love**

THE CULLEN'S LIVING ROOM WAS AS SILENT AS THE GRAVE WHEN I finished my story. "That's it." I said. "I think you pretty much know the rest." The ending quite obviously not being a happy one, I made a lame attempt at trying to lighten the mood.

No one moved at first, after a moment Carlisle crossed the room to end up before me. I released Jonathan's hand and lifted myself up off he couch to face him.

He warmly placed a hand on my arm. "You are stronger than any immortal being I have ever known."

Appreciating his candor, I instinctively wrapped my arms around his waist to embrace him. He remained completely still, as though he was unsure how to react. After a brief hesitation he slowly placed his arms around me to return the gesture. It occurred to me that being a doctor he was accustomed to touching humans, but probably not quite used to one initiating contact.

I just laughed. "You guys better hold your breath and get used to it. I'm one of those touchy feely mortals."

Jonathan got to his feet as well. "It's been a long day. Perhaps we should let her get some rest, the cadence of his words serious.

"Absolutely." Carlisle agreed taking a step to the side, granting me an unobscured path.

Moving through the room we offered good nights.

Reaching the staircase, Rose was instantly on my heels, smiling up at me.

Without a word, she leaned in and hugged me. "Goodnight Renee'."

Knowing an outward display of affection toward a human was not the norm for her, I understood the magnitude of this small action. I was touched and grateful for her acceptance.

After hugging her in return, I kissed her cool cheek just as I would my own daughter. "Goodnight Rose." I smiled.

Leave it to Emmett to render a heartwarming moment into a comedic one. As Jonathan moved to follow me, Emmett extended him a hand.

"Dude, seriously fantastic move with the arm boomerangs." He complimented.

Rosalie released me, rolled her eyes, walked over and smacked him upside the head.

"What?" What did I say? He turned to Jasper for support. Jas, am I right?"

Jasper laughed. "You are indeed brother, seriously fantastic."

Everyone busted up, Jonathan and I continued on upstairs.

As we exited the room I could hear Carlisle speaking to Esme. "Both she and her daughter are the most exceptional humans I have ever encountered. Would you agree?"

"I would." She responded. Even all the way upstairs I could still here the warmth in her voice.

Entering the bedroom first, I heard the door click shut behind me. I waited, anticipating his reaction to my telling of our story.

I didn't have to wait long, like a rush of a cool breeze I felt his presence behind me even before his smooth hands ran their way up and down the length of my arms, his hard chin resting lightly on my shoulder. He pulled my hair to one side and tenderly placed a kiss on my neck.

Leaning my head back, I allowed my weight to rest on him.

His arms moved to embrace me. "I don't know what to say. I had no idea I left you with all that to deal with. Never for a moment did I ever dream you would be caused so much pain. Foolishly I allowed myself to believe that it was only I who suffered. Please…Please…forgive me." He took a hold of my shoulders and slowly turned me around to face him.

The last thing in the world I wanted to do was be the cause of any more heartache. His warm eyes stared deeply into my own holding behind them compassion and regret.

I explained. "There is nothing to forgive, if it didn't happen exactly the way it did we wouldn't have had Bella. Her existence makes it all worth it."

"I thought you would eventually forget me." He sadly confessed.

"You sir, are a warm December day in Boston."

He looked at me quizzically.

I smiled at my own vague philosophy. "Impossible to forget."

Stretching up, I kissed his cheek. "I'll be right back." I smiled and picked up my bag on my way to the bathroom. I was about to go back out and ask Jonathan to retrieve my suitcase from Rose's car, when I noticed it lying across a stool in the corner of the bathroom. At first I questioned how it got there, but quickly resigned myself to not knowing. Living with vampires made normally unexplainable happenings appear to be the norm.

Upon reentering the bedroom in my Red Sox t-shirt and plain boxer shorts, the scene before me was surreally comforting and familiar. Jonathan was stretched out on the massive bed with the covers pulled back on my side.

As was our old familiar practice, I climbed in next to him. He bundled me up, tucked me in close and turned off the light.

There were a million different things swimming around in my head, thoughts, feelings and mostly questions. A simple word like happy couldn't even begin to demonstrate how I felt at having him back in my life even though I knew it would be short lived. I dreaded the pain that would come that inevitable day when I would lose him all over again.

Briefly I considered trying to keep my distance until I sorted everything out, but quickly dismissed the thought almost the moment I had it, knowing it would be impossible. It would be easier to try and give up water or air. I needed to saver every moment. Right there and then I had my answer. Now that he had returned, I would never survive losing him a second time.

His smooth velvet voice broke through the darkness as well as the my train of thoughts. "Remy, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, you know you can ask me anything."

He sat up in bed and looked down at me. The moonlight from outside shone through the curtainless windows subtly lighting the room and his beautiful face.

The expression on his face was one of angst. "Do you think you could ever love me again?"

With some difficulty, I broke free of the cocoon of covers he had wrapped me in at sat straight up. Reaching over, I touched his face. "What makes you think I ever stopped?"

"Everything I put you through, your life would have been a lot better if I hadn't shown up and ruined it."

"You think you ruined my life? You gave me my life. Do you think everyone gets what we had? Because I can promise you, almost no one does."

My emotional words did little to alter his expression. Certain the evenings vivid story telling proved to be unsettling to him I decided to make my point even clearer if possible. "Jonathan, in all this time there has been only two constants in my life. One is my love for Bella and the other is my love for you."

He gaze directed downward, his face still a mask of doubt.

"What about you?" I said, knowing it was wrong, to be married and to ask this question of him. But I needed to hear the answer, no matter how much it hurt. "Do you think you could ever love me again?"

Anger consumed his face as he squeezed my arms, forcing me to look at him.

"You think I don't love you?" He asked his expression a mixture of anger and surprise.

Confused by his reaction I stated what I considered to be obvious. "I know you are only here out of guilt."

His expression relaxed only slightly as nervous laughter escaped him. "You truly believe I have spent all this time devoted to you and to Bella out of guilt? Did you listen to yourself downstairs tonight? You…are…my…wife. Never, never question my love for you."

I felt guilty and relieved at the same time.

"You just questioned mine." I retorted, quick to rebound. Holding my hands out in front of me I showed them to him. "Look."

He stared down at my bare hands, still not understanding the significance. "I don't understand what you are trying to tell me. Then realization dawned on his face. "Oh…I see. You are not wearing your wedding ring."

"Yes I am."

Reaching inside my t-shirt I slowly pulled out the long chain that had remained around my neck for the hundreds of days, weeks and months that I had been apart from him. It was the ring he had given me, still hanging next to my cross and my heart.

Lifting the ring, he held it in the palm of his hand, staring at it in disbelief. His eyes met mine. My breathing became shallow and irregular as I fought back tears awaiting his reaction.

"You have never taken it off?" His deep voice still.

"I promised you I never would."

Finally his face lightened, the furrowed expression replaced by one of peace.

He gently folded me in his arms and whispered in my ear. "Thank you."

Sweeping my hair away from my face, he gently rested his forehead against mine as he stroked my cheek. "You have had another long and eventful day my love. You better get some sleep." He smiled.

Suddenly exhausted, I laid back down. After wrapping the previously discarded bedding back around me he once again pulled me tight to him. For the second night in nineteen years I slept peacefully.

Although there were still so many questions yet to be asked and answered, the morning brought with it a renewed sense of peace and hope. I don't know if it was finally resolving issues with Charlie, having Jonathan back in my life, or being a part of a family again, perhaps a combination of all three. But for the first time since I was a girl I woke with complete and genuine optimism.

Once downstairs we found the Cullen's scattered throughout the house, each involved in various activities.

Esme involved in the most bizarre of all, she was in the kitchen cooking.

"Esme, what are you up to?" I asked, deep down already knowing the answer.

She smiled and ran over to hug me with a spatula in each hand. "I am making you breakfast, just like your Mom used to do." She announced with pride.

Clearly, my story of the previous night had made an impression, I was so touched, I didn't care how bad it was, I would eat every bite.

As with most vampires she did everything to excess, not knowing what I liked she made eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, French toast, pancakes, juice and iced tea. She had really listened to my story, I hated coffee.

"Thank you, that is so sweet, but you didn't have to go through all that trouble." My eyes wide as I viewed at the smorgasbord displayed before me.

She beamed. "Breakfast is served!"

As I sat at the kitchen table surrounded by mass quantities of food. Jonathan seated himself directly across from me, his chin resting on his hand as he grinned like an idiot.

"What may I ask is so amusing?" I asked with a mouth full of pancake.

Before he had a chance to respond, Carlisle entered the kitchen. He took one look at the mountain of food I was buried in, smiled at his wife and kissed her.

"So what is on the agenda today?" He asked casually, directing his question to either Jonathan or myself.

Jonathan shrugged his shoulders and gestured to me to respond.

"Um, I thought maybe we could visit some places around town." I cleared my throat, suddenly a little uncomfortable. "You know, get a little closure."

"That sounds like an excellent idea." Carlisle was smiling but he sounded every inch a doctor. "Which of the cars would you like to use?"

Jonathan chimed in. "I have a car, but thank you."

"Well, let us know if there is anything you need."

After finishing my considerable breakfast, I rose and started to clean up.

"Oh no you don't." Esme scolded. "You two get out of here, I'll take care of this."

Knowing it might seem childish, but not really caring if it did, I kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you for thinking of me."

She simply smiled and nodded for me to get going.

Jonathan and I left out the back through the kitchen. Apparently he had parked the car somewhere off the beaten path in order to escape detection upon his arrival days earlier.

He held my hand as we walked through the woods to find the car parked on a remote dirt road. It looked identical to the Range Rover he had purchased the day before he left. Except this car was perfect, certainly not showing any wear and tear of being driven for years.

"You bought another one?" I asked.

"No, this is the very same car."

"But, how, why?" I was totally mystified.

"Well, let's just say I took good care of it, I have never been able to bring myself to part with it, you chose it for us."

Agreeing with him, I reached inside my shirt and pulled out my ring. "It looks like I am not the only one who is sentimental."

He took my hand and pressed it to his lips. "Where to milady?"

I thought for a second. "Can we go the nursery please?"

Fully anticipating questions, I waited for him to ask about my motives for wanting to go there, but never said a word, he simply helped me into the car and drove straight there. After purchasing two plants we returned to the car.

Again, I waited for the deluge of questions to ensue but none came. Engrossed in wondering what he was thinking I forgotten to tell him our destination. To my surprise we arrived at it with no help from me.

We exited the car and found ourselves in the familiar parking lot of St. Anthony's. "How did you know?"

"Well, you did mention it last night, but if I were truthful I would have to tell you that, that is not really the whole truth. I lasted only about a year before I couldn't take being away from you any longer so I came back to find you. You used to spend a lot of time here." There was a trace of sadness in his voice.

Then it dawned on me. "You were here, the day I went into labor, weren't you?"

"I was."

"It was you who carried me to the front of the church, not Father Ryan. Why didn't you let me know, why didn't you stay?"

"I almost did. I had come that day to pay my respects to your father. I didn't expect to see you here. Believe me, it was torture watching you struggle trying to get help. If the priest hadn't shown up I would have taken you to the hospital myself."

We walked slowly through the parking lot and around to the path that led to the cemetery.

"You didn't answer the rest of my question." I stated the obvious.

"You were married to Charlie and about to have his baby, except for your Father, you seemed to be happy. I didn't want to spoil that. You were finally getting what we both had wanted for you."

"Was it very hard for you?" For once truly realizing I wasn't the only one who had been in pain.

"Honestly? It was excruciating. Seeing you with another man, carrying his child instead of mine? It was almost more than I could bear. It helped knowing that you would have Bella, that somehow out of all this craziness and heartache something perfect and beautiful would emerge. Finally seeing your face as you held her in your arms made all the sacrifices somehow worth it."

We continued on the path until we reached our destination. Fully anticipating it would be overgrown with weeds from years of neglect, I found instead, it looked as perfect as it did the last time I was here, the only difference now was that there were two graves instead of one. The headstone next to his read, Marianna Valdiciana Shea 1938-1999, beloved wife, mother and grandmother.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart, I know how much both your parents meant to you." He put his arm around my shoulder as I stared at the sight that even after all these years was still incomprehensible to me.

"Her life was never the same without him, and me I think. Eventually she just gave up. Even Bella wasn't enough to mend her heart, at least their together now."

Lavender was already flourishing all around. I bent to plant the new ones we had brought. As an afterthought I turned to look at the tree where I used to keep my chair. To my surprise, it was still there, just as it used to be. Then I realized, it was Charlie, he had kept up my vigil all the years after I had gone. I was a much more fortunate woman that I had ever realized.

Jonathan followed my angle of vision and walked to the tree to retrieve the chair. He opened it for me to sit.

"Will you allow me to do this, please?" He asked motioning to the lavender we brought to plant.

Both my parents would be touched that they had meant so much to so many people. Even though Jonathan may not have been their first choice for me, they loved him all the same.

He finished his work and remained crouched a moment, I wasn't sure but I thought he might be praying. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw him bless himself.

Doing the same, I closed my eyes as I added my own silent prayer. As I told my parents that I missed them, tears filled my eyes. It never seemed to matter, however old one came to be, without parents the world was a lonely place. It was a loneliness I hoped Bella didn't have to experience for a very long time.

It was my goal that this day would bring at least some answers to all the questions that I had been afraid to ask all these long years. Bit by bit the pieces were falling into place.

After a quiet moment, I was ready to leave. Jonathan replaced the chair in the tree and took my hand. As we walked away one thing became clear to me, this tiny speck of a town, that no one has ever heard of, was home. Here, in this place, both my daughter and her father now lived. Both of my parents were buried here. Last but not least, the Cullen's our new family, added even more to its claim on my heart. All these factors combined served to form one conclusion, no matter what happened, I wasn't going anywhere, at least not while my family was here. Even if after time passed and we eventually found ourselves elsewhere, this place would always be home. The one and only place we would all always return to in our hearts.

We were almost all the way to the car when I heard my name being called.

"Remy! Remy Shea is that you?" Father Ryan was moving with care out of the front doors of the Church, cane in hand.

Letting go of Jonathan's, I rushed to catch him, hoping to bridge the distance so he didn't have to walk so far.

"Father Ryan, you're still here? I would have thought you would be retired by now." I gave him a hug, happy to find another old familiar face.

He smiled and patted my back. "Oh Remy, it is good to see you. I have often thought of you over the years and wondered how you were getting along. I must say you haven't changed a bit, still the spitting image of your father. May God bless him."

"It is good to see you too." I smiled, being compared to my father in anyway always made me smile. "Father, I'd like you to meet Jonathan."

Father Andreas Ryan straightened his now slightly aged body, gradually taking in Jonathan's entire frame, assessing him as if he were a giant.

"We have already met I believe. Many years ago…in fact, I believe it Remy's father, himself who introduced us." He recalled.

"Yes Father, it's good to see you again." Jonathan offered quietly, hoping the old priest did not catch on to the fact he had not aged.

"This is him Remy, isn't it? The young man you told me you were in love with all those years ago?"

"One in the same Father." I smiled and looked up at Jonathan, surprised he had remembered so much after all this time.

"Ah…" He said still inspecting Jonathan. "Perhaps I was wrong, here you are together. The lord works in mysterious ways."

Then he asked an odd question. "Remy, you were never married in the church were you?"

Frowning, I had thoughts of senility myself as I shot a perplexed glance to Jonathan. He just shrugged his shoulders neither of us having any idea where he was going with this line of questioning.

"Um…no Father I wasn't."

"Well then in the eyes of the church, you have never been married. Maybe one day before I die I will be the one to perform that blessed sacrament for the two of you." He winked at Jonathan, patted me on the shoulder and turned to hobble up the stairs and back inside his beloved parish.

We stared at each other, both of us speechless. Before, when we were together, it felt like events were conspiring to keep us apart. Now quite the opposite seemed to be taking place.

"Did I just get a "get out of jail free card" from the Catholic Church?" I asked, confused.

He smiled. "It would seem so."

Silently we returned to the car, neither of us sure on how to comment on Father's last suggestion.

"Where to now?" Jonathan asked cheerfully.

"How about we take a walk through town and then head out to our picnic spot?" I suggested.

"Sounds perfect." He smiled, after sliding his hand in mine; he turned the car around and headed to town.

Parking just outside the diner, we decided to walk it from there. The simple act of strolling through the center of town used to be so painful for me. Amazingly enough, now it was as if none of it had taken place at all.

As if on auto pilot, we found ourselves in front of the library.

"All those poor disappointed women." I teased. "They never got to finish their class, maybe you could continue it now, I am sure most of them haven't gone far."

"Very funny." He rolled his eyes continuing to pull me along.

While silently absorbing the familiar sights, as if to prove my point we heard a women's voice call to us from behind. "Mr. Cloutier! Remy!"

Halting in our tracks we gaped at each other with looks of stunned confusion. Jonathan reached inside his jacket pocket and extracted a pair of sunglasses. After putting them on we turned around slowly to locate the source of the voice.

Hurrying up the sidewalk toward us was a woman and a young man probably close to Bella's age. The two of us looked to each other for signs of recognition, both of us shrugged in unison, neither one having a clue. The woman looked vaguely familiar, perhaps only a few years older than me. The young man must have been her son, who she appeared to be dragging along at his protest.

As she reached us, we both smiled politely waiting.

"I bet you don't remember me. There is no mistaking the two of you, both of you look exactly the same." She offered enthusiastically.

Jonathan grinned widely and nudged me with his elbow. He had that, I told you so, expression on his face.

"Mr. Cloutier, I took your writing class years ago. We were all very disappointed when you were unable to continue it. I'm Anne, this is my son David."

Jonathan nodded. "It's so nice to see you again Anne." He was being polite, but seemed to have no real recollection of her.

Then it came to me, I knew who she was. Before us was the frazzled mother and the baby that altered all our lives.

"Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed and turned my attention to the young man in front of me." "David, it is so nice to meet you." I extended my hand and could vividly remember the sweet baby I had held in my arms.

His mother, still a little out of breath from running to catch us. "I didn't mean to bother you, I just thought you might like to see David, you seemed so taken with him all those years ago, and he with you for that matter."

Nodding in agreement, I smiled at David and he sheepishly smiled back at me, his mother's words embarrassing him ever so slightly.

"You are not wrong, I was taken with him. He was a very sweet baby, and now a striking young man."

"Well, we won't keep you, just wanted to say hello. It's lovely to see the two of you still together." She chirped already pulling her son back in the direction from which they came.

Jonathan smiled at her and nodded to David. "Thank you, it was so nice to see you again, both of you."

As we watched them depart Jonathan and I stared at each other in disbelief.

"What are the odds?" I asked, as we saw the two figures getting smaller in the distance.

"Apparently high in a small town." He suggested, slyly peeking over the top of his sunglasses.

"Nice shades." I complimented.

"Perhaps it would be prudent if we took this opportunity to leave the center of town. The last thing we need is to run into someone else who knows us and have to explain why I haven't aged." He suggested as he took my hand steering us both back in the direction of the car.

"I see your point."

Forgetting about his affinity to speed, I couldn't believe it when we arrived at the cliffs in less than ten minutes time. Strolling silently hand in hand to our spot, I was amazed how easy this had all become. His presence alone seemed to be all the healing I required. Neither of us had thought to bring a blanket this time, so we opted for a seat on the grass, me resting between his legs using his firm body as a back rest as we took in the ocean view together.

The silence interrupted by the gentle humming of the cell phone in my pocket. Checking it, I found it was a text message from Phil. After reading the message, I snapped the phone shut and returned it to my pocket.

"It's a text from Phil." I explained. "He said he wan…"

Jonathan softly placed his hand over my mouth. "You don't have to tell me, I know that's between you and him." There was a definite sadness in his voice.

"I do have to tell you, because you are part of this. I am not going this alone. This time this is not just about me."

"What do you mean?"

Shifting my position to face him instead of the water I attempted an explanation. "Last time you asked me what I wanted. But we never discussed what you wanted and you are the one who ended up sacrificing the most. Yes we both had to deal with the pain of losing each other, but I had Bella, you had no one. You gave up everything for her and for me. We both know if you hadn't been so selfless and done what you did, we would have been together, but she would never have been born."

He looked out to the ocean. "I would do it all again. I couldn't love her more if she were my very own child."

His loving words almost made me wish she was.

Picking up his hand, I rested it on the side of my face. Scooting closer to him I left a distance between our faces no more than a few inches apart.

"I need a favor from you. I want you to give me your word that you will do it even before you know what it is."

He frowned. "Of course, anything you ask is yours."

"I want you to be selfish. Don't think about is best for me, Bella, Phil, Charlie, even the Cullen's. Tell me what it is that you want, what you truly want to come of all this now, all this time later."

Relief seemed to wash over his face as though he were expecting something difficult that turned out to be simple.

He gazed at me with his black lash rimmed golden eyes, this time taking my hand and pressing it to his face. "The same thing I've always wanted, you beside me for all eternity."

He kissed in the palm of my hand causing my stomach to do somersaults in response.

"Eternity meaning that you would like me to become like you one day."

"Yes, if you are asking me to be totally selfish that would be the truth. Not because I would ever for a moment alter what you are, but more out of a desire to prolong your life so we never have to be parted again." He spoke sincerely, but with great difficulty.

His candor was appreciated, me knowing from experience how difficult it was for him, even hypothetically to place his needs and desires before my own. But at least now I knew the truth.

My hand still in his, I asked the dreaded question. "What if I chose to remain as I am, would you still want me?"

"Silly girl, how could you even ask such a question? My happiness is your happiness. Your question was very specific, I was just answering truthfully, as I am now. I will always love you and want you just as I do know, no matter what."

"Age spots, false teeth and all?" I teased.

He laughed. "Yes of course."

"You are a catch. One more question?"

"Shoot."

"What if Phil was still in the equation?" I asked with apprehension, trying to cover every possible scenario.

He sighed and thought a second. "Well, then I suppose I would move in next door and be your very pale neighbor who borrows a lot of sugar."

The visual image of that got me laughing. "I think you've watched too many reruns of Ozzie and Harriet."

"Don't worry Baby." He kissed me chastely on the cheek. "One way or another we will work this all out."

I believed him and more than that I knew it was true, somehow after everything we had been through it was all going to be alright.

"Do you want to know what Phil said in his text message now?"

He smiled, now understanding his active participating role in all this. "If you would like me to know, then my answer is yes."

"He asked me to consider a question and his question was this: If I told you I was done and our marriage was over, what would your first instinct be? Would you try to talk me out of it or would you be relieved?"

"A man who gets straight to the point." Jonathan observed. "What would your response be?"

After just having asked Jonathan to be completely selfish and answer honestly, I could do no less.

"God help me, now, I would be relieved, saddened, but relieved."

As the final word left my lips, I felt his strong cool arms go around me as we returned our attention to the sea.

He spoke in my ear ever so softly "We must consider though, here when we are alone we are answering unselfishly. But neither of truly have that in our nature, and therein lies the rub."

"You would be correct." I sighed, feeling almost as though we had gained no ground. All of a sudden I desperately missed my father and wished he were here to help make it all better. He always had a way of helping me to put things into perspective. I'd give almost anything to be close to him one more time.

Then it came to me. "I have an idea." I spoke aloud not fully intending to.

"What is that?" He grinned, humoring me.

"Well." I said, still formulating my plan in my head. "Bella and Edward probably won't be back from their honeymoon for some time. I need, excuse me…we need to talk to her about all of this. What would you say if I asked you to take somewhere in the meantime?"

"I would love to. Where would you like to go?"

Uneasy over his response I searched his eyes as I bit my bottom lip, an old habit from my youth born of guilt whenever I was trying to get away with something.

"Ireland. Donegal, Ireland." I answered impishly.

He stared directly at me, and paused for what felt like an eternity. "Donegal, Ireland it tis." With both a smile and a lilt in his reply.

"Well." I said. "We better get home and tell the folks."

**Nineteen**

**All in the Family**

ON OUR WAY BACK TO THE CULLEN'S THE MOOD WAS ELECTRIC AS WE briefly discussed our upcoming trip. I was concerned with how the family would perceive me, a married woman going off to Ireland with a man other than her husband.

"Do you think they will think badly of me?" I asked, needing his opinion.

"Remy, first of all, you worry too much, second of all nothing is going on here. Yes we love each other, but considering the circumstances, I think we have both exercised a good deal of restraint. At least I know I have." He winked, and my heart fell.

"Yes, but they don't know that!" I exclaimed.

"Sweetheart, they are vampires, not Quakers. Besides I think they are exceptionally kind and accepting."

"So you like them do you?" I smiled, happy for him.

"I do. Especially Emmett, I never realized others…well…like me… could be so…fun." He smiled as though he were reliving a previous moment. "You want to hear something ironic?" His question being a rhetorical one he continued without awaiting a response. "Remember when I told you years ago that I had heard of covens that only survive on the blood of animals? Well, it was them. We talked about it yesterday when you were out."

"You did huh, what else did you talk about?" I teased.

His expression suddenly changed from light hearted to concerned, as if he suddenly recalled something.

"What? Tell me." I demanded, knowing whatever it was it probably wasn't good.

"Sweetheart, you have known that Edward is a vampire for some time, yes?"

"Yes." I replied, stating the obvious.

"Has it ever occurred to you what he and Bella may or may not have decided with regards to her… mortality?"

I had been an idiot. How could that possibility never have occurred to me?

"Why, what did they tell you?" I stopped breathing while I awaited his answer.

"She wants to be changed. She has wanted it since they first met. It is her wish that Edward to be the one to do it. His price was that she married him first. I believe it is their intent to take care of it when they come home. Carlisle has a plan to administer morphine to help dull the pain of the transformation."

"Jonathan?"

"Yes?"

"Can't you drive any faster?"

When we pulled up in front of the house I hit the ground running, I was out of the car even before it had completely stopped. I ran as fast as I could to the front door, when I got there I found Jonathan holding it open for me and grinning.

"Show off." I accused as I rolled my eyes and pushed past him. "Carlisle! Esme!" I hollered.

"Dear." Jonathan offered. "You don't have to yell, their vampires, they could hear you whispering a mile away."

"Oh yeah right." Turning back I entered the room and found them not two feet from where I stood. "Whoa, hey there you are we need to talk." I grabbed each of them by a hand and towed them into the living room. They seemed amused.

"What is it Renee'? What's this all about?" Carlisle smiled.

"Call me Remy, family always calls me Remy." I offered still breathless from my sprint.

Both he and Esme exchanged warm glances. "As you wish then, Remy it is. Now what is it that has you all flustered.

Just as he asked the question, the rest of the family entered the space to see what all the commotion was.

"Bella…." I could barely think the words, let alone say them. "Bella wants to be a vampire?"

"Now you're in trouble. I am out of this one!" Rosalie directed her comments to the rest of her family plopping herself down in a nearby chair. She folded her arms resolutely across her chest, a slightly arrogant expression on her otherwise breathtaking face.

Carlisle shot her a disapproving look and redirected his attention to me and my question. "Remy, won't you have a seat?" He gestured to a nearby chair in an attempt to try to get me to calm me down.

"I don't want to sit down, tell me." I demanded.

"I told you so." Rosalie inserted smugly.

Esme turned her attention to Rose. "You are not helping matters dear."

I was about ready to explode, waiting for an explanation.

Carlisle finally gave up. "Yes, that is correct. Bella and Edward have decided for the change to take place here when they get back. There were many factors involved in their decision. If it makes you feel any better they did not come to it lightly. It has been exceptionally difficult for Edward who would prefer Bella remain human. Bella even put us all to a vote, the only ones in opposition being Edward and quite obviously Rosalie."

Now I sat down, I had to before I fell down. My daughter was going to be a vampire? I was at a complete loss for words. After a rather lengthy period of silence, the perfect words that summed it all up finally came. "Holy crap."

Jonathan knelt at my side, placing a comforting arm around me.

I looked up to Carlisle. "Will she be in pain?" I asked, my voice pleading for his help.

He tilted his head to one side, his face filled with compassion. "There is generally a considerable amount of pain which lasts about three days, but we are going to try and minimize that with medication."

"Will she be the same after? What I mean to say is will she know me, will she be the same on the inside?" Tears welled up in my eyes; this was a big commitment, bigger than marriage, one that may take her away from me forever.

He bent down, knelt in front of me as he held my hands in his. "Of course, she will be the same on the inside. Most of her changes will occur physically."

"Will I be able to still see her?" I almost pleaded, the tears now falling freely.

Carlisle turned his attention to Alice. I didn't understand what was going on until she looked at Carlisle and shook her head. For whatever reason, she wasn't able to see Bella's immediate future.

He continued. "Eventually, yes definitely. But at first there may be issues with her… thirst. It is hard to say, none of us had a choice. But Bella has made this choice freely. She has had a long time to think about it. All that may factor in her ability to acclimate afterwards."

"So what you are telling me is that I cannot be around my child for who knows how long because she is going to want to kill me?"

The entire room went deathly silent. The only person breathing in it was me.

"Yes, that is correct."

Suddenly to antsy to sit, I sprang to my feet. After pacing the room briefly I abruptly stopped to face them all. "Forgive me, I know this goes without saying, but I am her mother, so I need so say it."

"It's alright, say whatever you need to say." Carlisle assured me.

"For obvious reasons, I won't be able to be here to help her. I need you all to promise me you'll take care of her for me." My momentary resolve melted as I choked back the tears at the thought of my daughter being in so much pain that she required morphine to be administered.

"That is not even a question you need to ask." Carlisle offered. "But of course."

"We promise." The rest of the room replied with a unanimous perfectly synchronized response.

My tone and mood both deadly serious as I continued, focusing my attention on the family patriarch. "I also need a promise that you will keep me informed on her condition. I mean it… you can't hold anything back, not even the smallest detail. If not I'll just come back, I don't care what happens to me." I had that don't mess with me mother tone going on.

In the briefest of instances his hand was extended to me. "You have my word."

"Yeah!" Alice said bounding to her feet. "Now that that is all over with, let's go shopping! Rose get the car!"

"Shopping?" I asked totally baffled.

"Of course shopping, you are going to need new clothes for Ireland aren't you?"

The entire room busted up with laughter. Leave it to Alice, next to Emmett, the consummate tension breaker.

All of us girls spent the rest of the week shopping. Alice tried to talk us into going to New York but after some persuasion we managed to keep her on the west coast. Jonathan was busy making travel plans and getting a hunting trip in with the boys before we left. We all exchanged cell numbers while Jonathan provided them with the names and places we would be staying in the event we were unreachable by phone.

I desperately needed to speak with Phil. Everything I was feeling seemed impossible to put into words. But to travel to the birthplace of my father made sense in my heart even it made none in my head. It was my plan to tell him as much of the truth as possible. Dreading even before they were spoken the words that would come out of my mouth. I was dealt a momentary reprieve as several attempts had been made to try and reach Phil, but he answered neither phone call nor text. It was my assumption that he must needed time alone to process the events of the past weeks.

The length of our trip remained indefinite, mostly because our plans depended heavily on Bella's circumstances. Still having difficultly coming to grips with it, I hoped our lengthy travels would give me the necessary time to deal with and eventually accept her decision.

As the morning of our departure dawned, Jonathan was left the monumental task of organizing the luggage, which now thanks to Alice was considerable.

Overlooking not a single detail, she had dressed me in an elegant gray flannel pencil skirt cut just a few inches above the knee with a slit up the back. She paired that with a slightly lighter gray cashmere capped sleeve sweater. Of course the look would not have been complete without seamed stockings, a garter belt and black Jimmy Choo's. She applied my makeup and straightened my hair so it had the appearance of a black sheet of glass.

As we descended the stairs, Alice and me, a piercing wolf whistle echoed throughout the room.

"Hello Mama!" Emmett called, a goofy smile spreading across his face as he as he elbowed Jonathan.

Jonathan, still dealing with the luggage and the driver momentarily stopped what he was doing to see what his new friend was making all the noise about. After slowly rising from his bent position, he remained utterly motionless as he watched me move toward him.

"Wow." He swallowed hard. "Baby you look…um…"

I laughed and simply said, "Thank you."

"Your coat!" Alice sang as she held up a black skirt length fitted coat. Next she picked up a black Kate Spade box handbag and passed it to me. I didn't even need to look inside, I was positive it already held anything and everything I could possibly desire.

"It's time to go sweetheart." Jonathan informed me as he began shaking hands and offering hugs to all his new found friends. I remained where I was, hesitant to say goodbye to the family I had grown so attached to in such a short time. Always hating goodbyes, this time I knew as we all did that it may be some time before any of us saw each other again.

All eyes were on me, I assumed in anticipation of the predictable mortal cry fest. Not today, I thought to myself.

Gathering all my strength, I plastered the most cheerful smile I could muster across my face and announced. "Ok vampires, time to see how tough you are, hold your breath, here comes hugs from the human!"

They all laughed as I slowly worked my way around the room to each of them. Until there remained only one, I could sense Jasper's apprehension when I finally reached him.

"May I please?" I asked, waiting patiently before him.

He smiled, but remained a still life statue. Normally when he questioned himself he would look to Alice for guidance. This time he kept his attention focused on me as if he needed to prove something to himself on his own.

The corners of his mouth went up ever so slightly, he shyly nodded his agreement. Stepping forward I placed my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. It took a moment, but I felt his arms gently close around me as well. He released me and I kissed him on the cheek. As I took a step back I heard him exhale, an enormous grin spread across his normally serious face.

Once again I had to choke back tears. "Jonathan?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Get me out of here before I embarrass myself again with yet another crying jag." I backed out of the room, one last look at all their faces.

Jonathan wasted not a single minute. We were out the door, in the car and down the road in seconds. Knowing their vision was unparalled, I continued to wave like an idiot out the back window until they were far out of my sight.

Once satisfied I was finished with goodbyes, Jonathan slid me across the seat close to him, gently brushing a few stray hairs from my face. "My love, you look stunning. How am I supposed to keep this relationship platonic when you look like that?" His deep soft voice resonating sex.

Taking a moment to check his attire as well, I wasn't surprised to see him looking a gorgeous and debonair as always. He was wearing a black suit, gray shirt and gray tie and a black overcoat. "I could say the same thing to you handsome."

Then a thought occurred to me. "Did Alice, by any chance dress you as well?"

"Well, no, but she did suggest that I wear this. Why?"

Placing my hand over my mouth I stifled a giggle. "Because we look like a set of book ends."

Frowning, he checked both himself and them me, finally agreeing he chuckled lightly. "So we do. Well, I could think of worse things."

"Can we put that up?" I whispered pointing to the electric window that separated us and the driver.

He raised an eyebrow, his tone amused. "Al, if you don't mind we're going to put up this up for a bit." His deep soft gentlemanly manner was as smooth and flawless as polished glass.

The driver smiled after making eye contact with Jonathan in the rear view mirror. "Yes sir."

The dark window slowly raised providing a barrier between us and the front seat. The minute it was all the way up, I flung myself into Jonathans lap, almost ripping my constrictive skirt in the process.

After winding my arms around his neck I rested my head on his shoulder. Instinctively his arms went around me, pulling me close.

"Whoa, what's all this?" He asked. "Not that I am complaining mind you."

"I just wanted to be close to you, it very difficult for me not to touch you. Is that bad?

He laughed loudly. "No sweetheart, it's not bad, just honest. You are not a person who holds much back, it is a charming quality."

He casually rested his hand on my leg. His breath caught when he felt the garter. "Are you trying to kill me?" His voice was suddenly an octave or two deeper and strangely serious.

"No, but Alice might be." I mused. "We need to talk." I added, strategically sliding off his lap.

"Very well." He sighed heavily a sure sign he was disappointed in the all too soon break in contact between us.

I sighed heavily as well, unsure how to begin. "Let's just call this for what it is. We love each other, we always have. But that doesn't change the fact that I am married. It would be wrong for me to leave Phil for you, and cheating on him is out of the question. To have happiness at the expense of someone else's is not something I am prepared to do. I am certain neither of us would want to start or rather restart our lives together that way."

I repositioned my body to sit sideways in the seat and face him.

"I have been giving this a lot of thought. I have tried to imagine what I would have done if you were out of the equation, if you hadn't come back I mean."

"And, what have you concluded?" He posed the question.

"The wedding ended any possibility my being able to simply go back to the way things were immediately prior to that, especially considering I knew the truth about the Cullen's. A rather important fact I obviously couldn't share with Phil. Everyone I have ever truly loved I have lost abruptly and all too soon. It happened with you and both my parents. It would have been impossible for me to have stood by watching helplessly while history repeated itself with my daughter; of that much I am certain."

"So what are you saying?" He spoke softly, nothing but acceptance and understanding in his eyes.

"What I am saying is that as difficult as it is, I am going to try and put my feelings for you aside and approach this as I would if you hadn't reentered my life."

"And what would that be?"

"Well, first I am certain I would have remained in, or at the very least returned to Forks. Bella and Edward would have had no choice but to inform me of their plans once they found out I knew the truth. Otherwise leave her mortal, which would have worked out just fine for me." I smiled, finally.

"So what are you going to do about Phil?" He asked, still confused by my lengthy explanation.

"I have already done it." I reached in my purse for the millionth time to check my phone for messages. There were none. "I have been trying to reach him all week long. He hasn't returned any of my calls. Left with no other alternative, I finally left him a rather detailed message.

Snapping the phone shut, I returned it to my purse before continuing.

"I explained that my feelings remained unchanged since we last spoke and that it was important to me that we live somewhere close to Bella and her family. I told him I loved him and asked for his understanding and support. Now it is his choice to do with that what he will. I did my part following him around the country while he followed his career. I am not complaining mind you, it was my choice and now this is his."

Jonathan frowned and looked out the window. "What if answers you and says he'll move to Forks?"

"Well, it's a good thing vampires can't get fat, because you will be borrowing a lot of sugar my friend." I joked.

It didn't help to lighten his still sullen mood.

Reaching for his hand, I held it tight as I tried to explain. "Please understand…I have to do what is right. I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror when all this is over. I spent so many years alone; he was there for me when I really needed someone. This is all very difficult for him to grasp, he loves Bella, but has never had any kids of his own. He thinks she is grown now, and doesn't understand the bond between us. Plus he's younger than me, baseball is everything to him. Honestly, I think the fact that he hasn't returned any of my calls is an answer within itself."

"Time will tell." He pulled me close as we looked out the windows and rode the rest of the way to the airport in silence.

Thanks in no small part to Jonathan's careful planning it seemed only moments before we were watching the Seattle skyline disappear through the airplane window. The entire journey from Seattle to London to Dublin was approximately thirteen hours long, but with Jonathan next to me time was no longer something that seemed important enough to measure.

Our fingers laced together as I held his hand in my lap, my head resting on his shoulder, a contented sigh unconsciously escaping me. Life did not get any better than this.

His kissed the top of my head, before letting his cheek rest there as we both looked out the window. "Sweetheart, you seem…quite happy." The smile in his voice evident.

"Umm…I am."

"Call me selfish, but I am hoping I have a little to do with that."

"Honey, you have everything to do with that." I briefly lifted my head to kiss his cheek and then returned it to its prior position. "I know this is going to sound kind of hokey, but now that you are here with me I feel somehow…healed, or maybe whole would be a better description. Does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense. In fact so much so that I must renege on a prior promise."

"Oh?" I sat up and gave him my complete and undivided attention.

"I told you the first night that I came back that I would only go if you asked me to, the minute you no longer needed me I planned on leaving."

"Yes?" My posture now perfectly straight, I didn't like the word "leave" residing anywhere in his vocabulary.

He smiled and grazed my cheek with the back of his knuckles. "I am never leaving your side, not even if you order me away. Somehow, someway we have to be a part of each other's lives. We did our time. Clearly the only way for either of us to survive is together."

I smiled, relieved I relaxed my posture. "Good…I'm going to hold you to that."

Too excited to sleep on the plane, by the time we arrived in Dublin I was exhausted.

Leaving nothing to chance, Jonathan had hired a driver and car to assist us to the hotel and during our brief stay in the city, but explained that he had leased a private vehicle for our use during the continuing weeks touring the rest of the country.

My mouth gaped open as we approached the front of the lavish old world hotel. My door quickly opened, a white gloved hand assisted me out.

The familiar brogue of the hotel valet pulled me from my trance, instantly reminding me of my father. "This way if you will, Mrs. Markum."

Following the valet's lead I found the charm and historical magnificence of the place indescribable. Something I found even more surprising was the fact that I was already accustomed to being addressed as Mrs. Markum. I'd gotten over that shock when at the airport Jonathan produced a passport with my picture and just that name on it. Foolishly I had forgotten my passport in Florida, obviously not realizing that one would be needed. Clearly Jonathan procured a duplicate through less than scrupulous means altering my name to what he perceived as the correct one. I didn't ask.

Once inside we were escorted to an elegant suite. Jonathan quickly dispensed with the pleasantries of five star service quickly thanking and dismissing staff so we could be afforded some privacy.

Drawn to the window, I gazed out at the bustling city below. Thinking of my Dad and how I wished he were here to see this with me. Jonathan moved in behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders.

"Jonathan." I cleared my throat. "I don't mean to sound rude, but it appears you are very wealthy. Do you spend your nights pilfering around Fort Knox or something?"

He laughed and bent to kiss my cheek. "No, let's just say that I have paid attention over the years and have made some rather prudent investments, the books, teaching and consulting have added to the pile of course."

Suddenly exhausted and jet lagged I decided to get some much needed rest. Leaving him in the living room I excused myself to the bedroom and began opening the luggage hoping to find a garment suitable for sleeping.

After plowing through all the bags, I ultimately located the one I was sure Alice had intended for sleepwear. It was official she was trying to kill us. The entire suitcase was filled top to bottom with satin and lace, none of it leaving much to the imagination.

"Jonathan!" I called as I stared at my dilemma.

"Oh my." His eyes wide.

"Exactly." I agreed. "Can I borrow one of your shirts please?" I smiled up at him sweetly.

He nodded in the affirmative and closed the lid of the suitcase with a definite sigh of disappointment.

I fell asleep in my favorite spot, my head on his chest, my body wrapped in his arms. I must have been exhausted because I slept all rest of the day and through to the next morning.

When I woke there was a cart in our room filled with every breakfast food imaginable. What is with vampires and excess, I thought absently.

"Good morning sleepy head." He peered in from the adjoining room a smile spread across his criminally handsome face.

"Good morning." I replied with a mouth full of scone. "I am sorry I slept so long, by now you must be bored stiff. What's the plan for today?"

"Well." He scooped me up in his arms and lifted my feet a few inches from the floor. "I hoped maybe we could play tourist and hang out here for a few days. Then…I thought we could drive out to the country. I booked us a little place there about an hour and a half from Donegal County. I thought perhaps that could be our jumping off point to visit the area where your Father grew up."

Overwhelmed at his thoughtfulness and constant consideration for my happiness and comfort, I momentarily forgot my carefully thought out rules. After gulping down the bite in my mouth, I dropped the scone on the floor, placed one of my hands on each side of his face and his kissed him.

No longer an inexperienced girl- everything I felt for him, but had kept hidden came alive in that single kiss. All the years of wanting him, longing for him surged out automatically without restraint or thought.

His grip on me tightened considerably, lifting me the rest of the way into his arms as he heatedly returned the kiss. I could feel the cool smoothness of his touch as his hand slide under the shirt to gently caress my bottom. This was a fine dangerous line and I knew I had to stop it. Pressing my hands to his chest I tried to push myself away, it was no use. I might as well have been trying to dislodge a block of cement. Not giving up and gasping for air I gently slid my hand between my mouth and his, breaking the connection. Seeing the look of disappointment and sadness on his face, guilt instantly consumed me.

Slowly, he returned me to the floor. "I am sorry about that. I guess I got carried away. I just thought…"

"You thought I changed my mind." I finished his sentence for him. "I am so sorry. I lost my head for a minute. This is hard for me too. It just feels so natural to be with you that I have to constantly remind myself of my circumstances. I promise, it won't happen again."

He laughed nervously as he dragged a hand through his dark tousled hair. "I have to hand it to you, that was a first. Usually I was the one pushing you away. Now that I know how it feels, I can't say that I like it one bit."

He reached for my hand, lifted to his mouth and kissed it. "You better get dressed. We have a big day planned."

He left the room and I shifted my attention to getting dressed. Grateful for any distraction that would help to get my mind off him and that kiss. I considered that I had been wrong in asking him to bring me here. More than anything I just wanted his company, to share this place with him, grateful after all this time just to be with him. But perhaps, we were kidding ourselves. I wondered if we were only asking for trouble. It may have been wiser course to have stayed at home with the Cullen's.

As promised, we spent the week touring Dublin. Our time spent together in this place felt strangely like home. We had a marvelous time seeing the sights and soaking up the local culture. We kept ourselves constantly occupied, moving from one sightseeing activity to the next. We learned this to be a helpful tool in assisting us to keep a moderate distance. It was not easy, distance was not a thing that came without concerted effort from the either of us.

By the week's end we were ready to abandon the city for the green countryside. Luckily Ireland had the perfect climate for our reclusive tendencies from sunlight.

The poor bellman practically broke his back loading our massive amounts of luggage into the back of the brand new black Range Rover Jonathan had rented.

Once in the car and on our way out of the city, I finally broached the subject. "Another black Range Rover?"

"What can I say? I developed a fondness for them, besides we needed a durable car for the country." He tried to convince me, but didn't sound totally convinced himself.

The long drive was remarkable, every shade of green imaginable raced past my window. Jonathan, as would be expected found our destination without any difficulty. The sign at the entrance read Hilton Park, we slowly made the turn and I watched and waited for the dwelling that would be our home for the next month to materialize.

I waited…and waited. The road went on and on.

He read my mind. "I thought the most privacy possible would be best. I leased the entire place and asked the owners to keep only limited staff, a cook and a housekeeper, and even then, only a few days a week."

"You leased a place that requires…staff?" I gulped and as the car maneuvered around a final bend, I could see the answer to my question.

He had rented a castle, or perhaps more accurately a manor. We were still at least two football fields from the house yet it rose in the distance like a huge stone monument to aristocracy.

As we pulled up front we were greeted by a charming older couple who were flanked by two other men.

"Good Day and welcome Mr. and Mrs. Markum, it is a great pleasure to have you staying here with us. Welcome to Hilton Park. I am John Cohen, this is my wife Lucy, we manage the estate for the family."

Jonathan offered a gloved hand to both Mr. and Mrs. Cohen. "It is a pleasure." He cocked his head a flashed Mrs. Cohen his most charming of smiles. "To meet the both of you." He continued. The poor woman almost fainted.

"Please." He said. "Call us John and Lucy." He shot his wife an irritated and perplexed look as to why she hadn't moved or spoken. Giving up he finally gave her a quick nudge to break her from the Jonathan induced trance.

She finally spoke, her voice fluttering with nerves. "Yes, of course welcome. This way please."

John Cohen gave the two men instructions on where to take our luggage and gestured for us to follow him. The entryway alone was massive. I knew immediately with my keen sense of direction that I would need a GPS just to find the bathroom.

"Mr. Markum, we received instructions that it is your wish to have limited staff assigned for the duration of your stay, is that still the case sir?"

"Please, call me Jonathan. Yes that would be our preference, thank you."

"Do you require a cook for this evening? I believe Jayne has already prepared a lite refreshment in anticipation of your arrival."

"Please thank her for us, but as long as the kitchen is fully stocked we should make out just fine."

The proprietors exchange puzzled glances, but were most likely accustomed to strange requests from the wealthy that the property surely must attract.

"Perhaps a tour then?"

"Thank you, but no, we prefer to discover it on our own, if that is acceptable to you of course." Jonathan quickly added.

Mr. Cohen frowned briefly, but Jonathan was far too gracious and charming to be argued with. "As you wish then. We have left you all the pertinent numbers. The cook as well as the housekeeper will come on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays unless you request other arrangements. My wife and myself will bid you good day then. Please let us know if there is anything either of us can do to make your stay here more pleasurable."

He bowed briefly to me, shook Jonathans hand again and made his exit. For the second time, he nudged his wife from her petrified state, after a brief hesitation, she scurried out after him.

I had to stifle a laugh because they were still within ear shot. "You scared them." I mumbled under my breath.

"Perfect." He smirked. "Now they will be less likely just to drop by unexpected and unannounced. We may be staying here for quite a while, better not to get too familiar."

"Spoken like a man with experience." I grinned up at him.

He winked and whispered deeply. "Baby, you got that right."

My knees buckled. Remembering full well just how true that was.

The front door still remained open, almost on cue we could see Lucy Cohen rushing back, waving a large envelope in her hand.

Breathlessly she approached us. "I am so sorry, I almost forgot, this came for you this morning. It is for you Mrs. Markum."

She handed me the parcel. The return postmark read Forks, Washington, it was from Esme'. I shot Jonathan a reproving look, his charm almost cost us what was most likely important mail.

"Thank you Lucy, please won't you call me Remy?"

She smiled, "You are most welcome…Remy." She left as quickly as she arrived.

Taking no chances on being surprised again, Jonathan closed the massive door and guided me through to a large beautifully appointed sitting room.

Anxious to see what was inside, I quickly found a seat and opened the letter unable to take the suspense. Jonathan remained standing, waiting.

Inside was a small note written in Esme's elegant hand. It affixed to another slightly smaller official looking envelope. The return postmark caught my immediate attention. It was from a law firm in Jacksonville. Esme's note read:

Dear Remy,

We hope both you and Jonathan are having a wonderful time.

This came for you the day after you left along with some other rather large

boxes. Please let us know if there is anything else we can do. Give us a call

soon and let us know how you are doing. We miss you.

Love, Esme

Staring at the envelope in my hand, afraid to look at its contents I passed it to Jonathan.

"Baby, are you sure?" He held the envelope and questioned me to make certain.

I nodded. "Yes…please."

Gingerly he opened the letter and removed its contents. Opening the folded documents, he carefully scanned each one.

His eyes sympathetic. "Phil is suing you for divorce. His attorney is requesting you sign these documents and forward them immediately to finalize the transaction."

I didn't look up. I just raised my hand and he placed the documents in it. Checking them only briefly, I instantly recognized Phil's signature already on the pages before me. "I suppose I deserved this. No wonder he didn't return any of my calls."

If I had been honest with myself I would admit that I didn't see this ending well. But foolishly I thought we would remain friends. At the very least I expected, that we would discuss it some more. I wondered if it would make him feel better to know he wasn't the first man I'd chosen Bella over. But that is a story I wasn't at liberty to tell. I should have learned a long time ago that you can't tie a pretty bow around everything and make it better. Some situations were just as they seemed, ugly.

"Do you have a pen?" I asked.

Wordlessly he reached inside his jacket pocket and retrieved one for me. Kneeling down beside me, he passed it to me. "Are you sure baby? You know don't have to do this right now."

"Yes I do." I flipped through the stack and placed my signature on all the pages required. Handing the pen back to him I had one more request. "Can you do one thing more for me…please?" I asked as I folded the documents back up.

"Of course, anything." He swept my hair away from my face, letting his hand rest on my back.

"Would you mind going now and posting these for me please?" I asked, passing him the stack of papers in my hand. "I would do it myself, but I am sure it will be complicated sending it internationally. I want to make sure it gets back to him as soon as possible. That is obviously what he wants."

He spoke quietly. "I understand, I'll be back as soon as I can." He kissed my hair and was gone.

It was not possible for me to move on until those papers were out of the house, the haste of his departure proved he must have realized that as well. Although it was still early in the day yet it felt as though it had to be late with so much having already taken place.

A moment alone to reflect was welcome. Remaining where he had left me, I stared blankly out the window, barely noticing the beautifully manicured grounds, until he reappeared at my side. A significant amount of time had elapsed but I wasn't sure exactly how much.

"Your back." I smiled.

"I am. Are you okay?"

I forced a smile. "I fine, I suppose I am feeling guilty."

"Remy, you did nothing wrong."

"Not physically, but in my heart I left him the moment I saw you."

"That is not true. You just never left me in the first place." His eyes searched mine.

I was amazed at his insight. "You are right, I never did."

"Sweetie, I know you feel the need to take all the blame yourself, but he made his choice. I know you want to believe it's us, but you chose Bella over him the night you sent him on without you. Maybe that choice is the one you need to come to terms with."

I gazed into his knowing eyes. "You sir, are a smart man. I'll be a totally free woman in three months, think you can wait for me until then?"

"Baby, I have waited two lifetimes for you, what's three more months? Would you perhaps be interested in seeing the house now?" He offered me his hand, helping me up from my fossilized position.

In an odd yet transparent state of limbo, I said nothing, but let him take my hand and guide me on a tour thru the house. The lower level consisted of the enormous foyer we entered through, several sitting rooms of varying sizes, a music room which held a grand piano(surprise,surprise), an atrium, a library, the most gorgeous dining room I have ever seen, and of course a kitchen.

We made an unscheduled pit stop there, the human was starving. We found a basket of freshly made soda bread and a plate filled with assorted meats and cheeses. I nibbled on the selections while he leaned on the table beaming at me.

"You look happy." I observed with a smile as I stuffed another bite of soft amply buttered bread in my mouth.

"I am. I know I probably have no right to be at this moment, but I am. Very soon at last, you will be all mine, and when that day comes, I am never letting you out of my sight again."

"You are sure? Even if I'm mortal?"

"Even if you're a goat." He joked.

"Kinky." I smiled.

"Come on." He reached for my hand and pulled me from my seat. Just like old times, he tossed me on his back and in a blink we were upstairs.

"Is it my imagination or do you know this place pretty well." I questioned.

"You miss, are very observant as usual. I was a guest here years ago. When Mr. and Mrs. Cohen were most likely toddling around in nappies, and you, were not even born yet." He touched the end of my nose with his index finger to make his point hit home.

He deposited me in the master bedroom. It was large enough to host a soccer match. Among other things it held a gigantic canopied bed and a fireplace big enough to stand in.

Jonathan crossed the room to build a fire while I started the unpacking.

In the time it took Jonathan to start the fire and unpack his clothes I had barely put a dent in one suitcase. The entire task proved to be quite daunting, taking at least two hours from start to finish.

When my chore was finally complete, he continued with his tour of the remainder of the house as well as the gardens and some of the 500 acres that made up the property.

"Baby I am exhausted. Can we go to bed now?" I whined like a little girl.

He raised one eyebrow and grinned devilishly. I knew that look. I was in his arms and up in the bedroom so fast I thought I would throw up.

"Remy, I'm sorry are you alright? Sweetheart?"

I held up a hand to keep him at bay as I wobbled in the general direction of the bathroom.

He appeared wounded as he turned away.

"Hey you!" I peeked my head out and yelled before the door was fully closed.

"Yes?" He perked up

"Do you by any chance still own those black pajama pants?"

"I do." His voice deep velvet.

"Put…them…on." I ordered.

As I closed the bathroom door behind me, I was certain I heard him clap his hands together. Either that or a bolt of lightning hit the house.

**Twenty**

**Oh Johnny Boy**

IF I STOPPED AND TOOK THE TIME TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF, I would have to admit it had been torture keeping my distance from him. It was impossible to even look at his mouth without imagining kissing it. The minute I read the divorce papers, I knew it would be even more difficult for us to continue to distance ourselves physically. At first I thought it best for us to at least wait until the divorce was final, only three short months to begin our lives together. It seemed like nothing when I considered all that we had already been through. That of course was until another thought occurred to me, what could possibly be more final than a being informed you were being divorced via the U.S. Postal service? Jonathan and I both had waited a long time for this moment, neither of us expecting it would ever come.

I took the vows I had shared with Jonathan more seriously than any other. Deep down that had always been a hindrance with both Charlie and Phil, it didn't matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise. In my heart Jonathan had always been my husband.

As I exited the bathroom the scene was warmly familiar. The only light in the room was firelight. Jonathan lay in the middle of the bed waiting for me wearing nothing save the pair of black pajama pants I had requested. From the selections Alice had packed for me, I found a nightgown eerily similar to the one Jonathan had given to me so long ago.

I smiled, held my breath then let it out at the sight of him. "Baby, you look good." I complimented.

"Look who's talking? You saved the nightgown?" He questioned.

"No, but Alice does see the future. I guess I could have saved both of us the trouble by simply asking her how all this turned out."

"Now, where would be the fun in that?" He patted the bed indicating his desire for me to join him.

Wanting the only light in the room to be the light the fire produced, I paused to turn the bathroom light out before crossing the expansive room to the bed. Never taking my gaze from him I crawled across it to meet him in the middle. He sighed heavily as his eyes roamed over my body. The effect a mere glance from him had on me was if his hands had caressed me rather than just his eyes.

He remained unmoving, waiting for my lead. When I was finally close enough I touched my lips to his, gently pressing them to the smooth cool surface. He let out a soft moan, and pulled me down to lie molded beneath his massive perfectly sculpted form. Every inch of him flawless as my hands explored his chest.

He tilted his head down, his lips softly caressing my own. I could scarcely breathe as I felt his hand travel down my leg, lift my nightgown to my waist, then allow it to rest on my hip. He shifted his weight directly over me and paused, raising his eyes to mine.

I knew exactly what he searched for, any last minute sign of regret or even the slightest spark of a second thought. All my face showed was everything I had been holding back since his return to my life.

The insatiable love, longing and need were the only emotions he found there, the meaning clear to even the weakest of observers, let alone to him. It only took a fraction of an instant for recognition to dawn on his beautiful face, and for his perfect body to meld with my own. Our long overdue union evoked almost staggering emotion that rippled through me, easily surpassing every other single human feeling I had ever experienced prior to that moment.

When the remnants of the previous night's fire lay smoldering and sunrise dawned we took no notice of either. Still wrapped in each other's arms making up for all the time that had been lost to us.

By the time mid-morning encroached, our lovemaking was disappointingly interrupted by the sound of an approaching car.

Jonathan pushed himself up on an elbow to look down on me as he absently stroked my hair. "We have company my love, time to get up and put on a respectable show for the staff."

I pushed myself up to a sitting position. "It's just as well I need a moment anyway." I rolled my eyes as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the far wall. To say I was disheveled would be putting it mildly.

He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back to the bed. "What was that all that about?"

"What?"

"The eye rolling, the attitude." He jerked his head toward the mirror.

"You are joking right, look at yourself." I pointed back to the mirror. His refection looked like one of those perfect pictures of perfect people that come with a frame when you buy it. "And look at me, I look like a cougar who's recently been run through the spin cycle."

Now he was the one rolling his eyes. "I knew this was bound to come up sooner or later. What do you say we settle this whole age thing right now?" He cocked his head slightly and raised his eyebrows awaiting a response.

"Um…Sure."

"Alright then I'll talk you'll listen." He pointed a finger at me to indicate he meant business. "First of all obviously I am chronologically older than you, fifty-seven years older to be exact. Secondly, when I was changed I was barely a month away from my thirtieth birthday, so physically I am thirty. Your chronological age is currently thirty-eight, but you easily look ten years younger than that. I on the other had have to pass for anywhere from thirty-five to thirty-eight all the time. So you see my love, it is I who am the cradle robber." He announced smugly while folding his beautifully sculpted arms resolutely across his insanely perfect chest.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You put some serious thought into that didn't you? Did it take long to come up with all that? Very well then, you win…I'm twenty-eight and you're thirty-five, you dirty old man. I'll go and get cleaned up now." I kissed him and leaped off the bed.

When I returned I found the fire once again roaring in the fireplace and him propped up in the bed a vastly satisfied grin spread across his face, appearing as though he hadn't moved a muscle.

"I thought we were going to get up and play respectable for the staff?" I padded in my still bare feet around to his side of the bed.

"I changed my mind." He hoarsely replied.

I grinned in response, clenching my fist tightly around the object I held there. I watched him as I approached the edge of the bed and stopped. Every single time I looked at him I was awed by his beauty and perfection, but he was so much more than that. I had never before encountered a man so kind or self sacrificing. His honor and bravery alone bespoke of a time years past, rare and coveted qualities in today's man. All of these factors played across my mind as I waited before him and tried to summon much needed courage of my own.

"Will you come here please?" I asked sweetly.

He sat up, swinging his long legs over the side of the bed and started to stand. "Your wish is my command."

"No, stay there." I ordered as I took his hands in mine and knelt on the ground before him.

"What are you going to do down there?" He raised both eyebrows in unison.

"Don't make me hurt you."

"Promises, promises." He sighed.

I suddenly felt foolish. "Oh forget it." Getting back to my feet I climbed over him and got back in the bed.

"What is it baby? I'm sorry I was only teasing."

"Never mind." I turned my back to him, fully clothed on top of the covers, consumed with embarrassment.

I could almost hear the wheels turning as he quickly assessed the situation and realized what I had wanted to do. He spun me over forcing me to look directly at him.

"Baby, you were going to propose to me?"

Now consumed by embarrassment, I stuffed my face in the pillow and mumbled awkwardly through it. "It was stupid, just forget it." I tried to roll on to my side, away from him but he wouldn't let me.

"I'm sorry. Can I have another chance? Please?" He took the pillow from my face and leaned in to gently press his lips to my throat.

I laid flat on my back, arms at my sides, staring blankly at the canopy above us. Ignoring my mood, he continued his way up my jaw line, sending chills all through my body and I was once again, a goner. "Alright, yes, I was. I thought if I asked you this time we might have better luck. Every time someone asks me it crashes and burns."

"A sound theory indeed." He agreed gazing down at me lovingly. He stuck his bottom lip out in an over dramatic attempt at a pout.

I relented. "Alright, but I am not getting on my knees this time."

"Agreed."

He moved back, allowing me the room to sit up. Taking a deep breath I once again looked into his golden lash rimmed eyes. "Jonathan Markum, I love you with everything that I am and everything I ever will be, after all these years I believe it's time we made it official, will you please do me the honor of marrying me… again?"

He picked up my hand closed his eyes and pressed it to his cheek and then to his mouth. He breathed in deeply and tenderly kissed it, savoring the moment. Opening his eyes he reached to softly touch my face. "I will."

Unclasping my hand I revealed the ring he had given me so long ago. "It is time this was back where it belongs."

He took the ring from my palm and slowly replaced it on my left hand.

As he did I noticed something shiny on his hand as well. I flipped his hand over to reveal the very same ring I once placed there. "Have you been wearing that all this time?"

"That ring has not left my finger since my wife put it there."

"Why didn't I notice it before now?"

"Because you weren't ready to, now is our time." He exhaled heavily. "Finally."

"Jonathan, this time would it be alright if we were married in the church? It would mean a lot to me and I know my parents would have wished for that as well. Having it there, somehow seems…right."

"That sounds perfect." He lightly touched my cheek. "But we can be married any place you want, as long as I have you, that is the only thing that matters."

A mixture of relief and happiness washed over me, finally everything was falling to place. I could feel my eyes getting heavy, it only now occurring to me that I hadn't slept in quite some time.

Jonathan always being a step ahead of me, slowly and carefully stripped me of my clothes, wrapped me in the disheveled bedding and kissed the top of my head. "Sleep now my love, all is well."

I slept dreamlessly as I always did when I was blessed by the comfort of his presence. I woke starving and realized why when I saw that half the day had gone.

This seemed to be the pattern of our first few weeks at Hilton Park. Sleeping fastly becoming an unavoidable annoyance, to miss even one waking moment with him was too much. Getting lost in our time together, not wanting to sleep for fear of missing a single minute, I would wait for exhaustion to take me before finally relenting.

We saw close nothing of the outside world. Even when the staff came by we spent our time in our room or wandering around the property, having no real desire to venture out. It was as though we were making up for all the years of lost time together.

We had called the Cullen's several times and checked in, everyone was still awaiting Bella and Edwards return from their honeymoon. Today another week had passed and it was time to try again.

Jonathan and I were in the kitchen, as was the norm he observed with amusement while I stuffed my face.

"Why don't you make the call?" I asked as I popped a slice of bread in the toaster.

He pulled his cell from his pocket and dialed the now familiar number.

"Hello Carlisle, we're checking in, are the newlyweds home yet?"

Jonathans face was suddenly gravely serious. His expression was one of instant concern. I waited, fighting every impulse I had to rip the phone from his hands. He and Carlisle talked for several minutes before he hung up.

"What is going on? Are they back? Is she alright?" I pummeled him with questions.

"Remy, maybe you should sit down."

"What! What is it? I don't want to sit down. Tell me!"

"Very well, Bella and Edward have returned, there has been a complication. Bella is pregnant."

Slowly, I lowered myself down to the chair and sat, not knowing what to say I stared at him in disbelief as I tried to consider all that implied. "Jonathan, how is that even possible?"

"I honestly do not know. It is a mystery to them as well. None of us have ever heard of anything remotely like this occurring before."

"So what's going on, is she ok? Why did you hang up so fast? Why can't I talk to her?"

He took my hand and though he was bracing me for the worst. "The fetus is growing at alarming rate. Edward is concerned for Bella's safety and would like Carlisle to intercede. Bella will not allow it and has apparently recruited Rosalie to back her up."

He paused, but by the expression on his face I knew there was more. I swallowed hard, my stomach knotted with fear.

"Bella is becoming very weak. They have tried different options, but she is currently still unable to keep any nourishment down. Edward is a wreck and both he and Carlisle are desperately searching for a solution."

I pulled my hand from his and turned to run upstairs.

He stopped me at the door. "Remy, where are you going?" His voice was soft and soothing. I knew it was a deliberate attempt to calm me.

"What do you mean where am I going? My baby needs me. We are going home."

He wrapped his arms around me and held me in place. I tried to fight against his grip but it was no use.

"Sweetheart stop and listen to me a minute. Carlisle asked that we remain here for now."

"Are the two of you insane?" Let me go!" I squirmed and fought and hard as I could.

For the first time ever he raised his voice to me. "Remy stop, listen to me! Bella is dealing with a lot right now. She needs to focus all her energy and strength on getting through this. The last thing she needs is to be worrying about you. Now is not the time to show up with me and spring all this on her. It will give her one more thing to worry about." He paused a moment, almost as if he were searching his mind for the perfect words. "It is also very likely that in order to save her, venom will be required. You cannot be there when that takes place."

My body instantly went limp in his arms. "You can let me go now." I resigned defeat.

I said nothing more as he finally released me. Collapsing back down to the table I placed my face in my hands. My child needed me, and I was powerless to do a single thing about it.

The joy of the last few weeks seemed a distant memory. I stared at Jonathan in desperation, searching for any shred of hope in his face.

"So what is the plan? We are supposed to just sit here and wait?"

He crouched down; his eyes now level with my own. "Only for the time being, they will keep us informed daily on her progress. Don't worry she is in the best possible care. Between Carlisle and Edward there are several hundred years of medical knowledge. She will be fine."

Leaning back in the chair, I stared at the ceiling, then closing my eyes, I tried to get a hold of myself and think for a second. "Your right, she will be fine, I know it. But as soon as they say it's ok, we are on the next plane."

"You have my word." He finally relaxed his posture and pulled me gently to him. "Maybe it's time we got out of the house. What do you say?"

I sighed heavily. I had to admit a change of scenery sounded good. "Alright, maybe it's time we found Tommy Shea's old stomping ground." I heaved myself up out of the chair grabbed his hand and marched us toward the door.

Although I hated to admit it, it did feel good to be outside. It was impossible to not think of Bella, but a change of scenery did help. My feelings told me she was going to be alright, there was no doubt in my mind, but my certainty did little to appease my worry.

Presently we were staying in Monaghan County; Donegal the neighboring county where my Dad was born was located several kilometers north of us. The ride was quiet as he held my hand and we looked out the windows taking in the beautiful countryside, the both of us lost in thought.

I had no delusions; he was just as worried as I, as worried as any father would be. His fabricated casual attitude an intentional facade put there strictly for my benefit.

Once inside the Donegal County line I unfolded the map to seek out our current destination, the small village of Letterkenny. Of course Jonathan being Jonathan he required no such assistance. He found it without trouble, a tiny but charming seaside village. The landscape dotted with white cottages and crisscrossed with low stone walls.

Expecting him to stop, I was surprised when he drove straight through, then east away from the town.

"Aren't we stopping?"

"We are, just not yet." He smirked, as if he were up to something.

In only about five minutes time we were pulling up to a small airstrip.

"Will you wait here sweetheart, I'll be right back." He flashed the heart stopping smile of his that was impossible to refuse.

I watched as he exited the car and proceeded into the main building. Obviously I knew he was up to something, but not wishing to spoil his fun I remained silent.

He emerged only a short while later a huge grin spread across his glorious face. "We're all set!" He announced.

"All set for what?"

"You'll see."

He drove the car around the building and to the opposite side of the airfield, parking it several yards from a parked helicopter.

"Okay let's go!" He jumped out of the vehicle and was halfway across the tarmac before I even formulated the question in my head. I jumped out and ran after him.

"Go where?" I shouted as I tried to catch up.

"Sightseeing of course, you wanted to get out of the house and see Ireland didn't you?"

"Um…well yes, but in that?" I pointed to the flying egg beater before us.

"You bet! The only way to truly see it is from the air!" I had never seen him like this. He was like a kid on Christmas morning.

I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of flying in a helicopter, but was even less thrilled at the idea of disappointing him. I shrugged my shoulders in resigned acceptance. He grinned even wider as he swung me up, carefully placing me inside. After securing me in my seat he reached across me to find a set of headphones. Smiling broadly he placed them on my head and adjusted them to size.

"There now, don't you look cute." He announced before shutting the door snugly.

I watched him as he circled the aircraft, closely inspecting every inch of it with his razor sharp vision. Once satisfied he opened the opposite door and sat himself in the pilot's seat.

"You are flying us? I thought you only flew fighter planes in the war."

"Baby, if it's got wings or rotors I can fly it, hold on."

Before even taking his attention from my face he had started maneuvering several of the switches and controls. In only a matter of seconds we were airborne, soaring high above the quaint town we had just ridden through.

Our flight pattern led us on a direct path, straight out to the coast. Once we reached the shoreline we banked right with a wide sweeping arch that presented a brilliant view all the way to the horizon.

We skimmed the deep blue water for miles and miles up the untouched coastline. The beauty of the landscape left me speechless. My father had described his homeland to me many times, but even his adoring words could not do its magnificence justice.

We kept our flight pattern low as we inched our way up the coast. Seemingly, all at once we were dwarfed by enormous majestic cliffs. Once we reached the base of them, he expertly maneuvered the helicopter to slowly ascend their face.

Depressing the button on my headset, I spoke into the microphone. Jonathan I have never seen anything like this." I was flabbergasted.

Pleased at my enthusiasm he offered. "These are the Slieve League Cliffs, beautiful aren't they? Want to see more?" He asked as we reached the top.

I nodded, at a loss for words.

Again, never taking his eyes off me, he grinned devilishly and sent us plummeting back down their face at warp speed. I lost my stomach and screamed at the top of my lungs. I had never seen him laugh so hard, he was practically convulsing. Playfully I smacked him on the arm, in the process almost breaking all the bones in my hand.

"Ow!" I cried.

Still laughing he explained. "I am sorry love, I couldn't resist. Besides you needed to relieve some tension."

"If you wanted to help me relieve some tension I could think better ways." I said still rubbing my hand and frowning.

"So could I." He agreed with a wink. "Let's go home."

Still shaking his head and smiling he turned the aircraft around and headed back to the airstrip.

"You did well my love." He complimented still unable to wipe the silly grin off his face.

My legs turned to noodles as he helped me out of my seat and back to the car.

"You enjoyed that." I said, stating the obvious.

"I did indeed." He reached over and gave my thigh a gentle squeeze. "Where to now? Anything you wanted to see before we head home?"

What I wanted to do was call Carlisle and find out how Bella was doing. Checking my watch, I quickly did the math, with the eight hour time difference it was midnight there. Clearly all the Cullen's were up, but I decided not to call and risk waking Bella in case she was resting.

As if he was able to read my mind, Jonathan's expression changed suddenly to a solemn one. This afternoon's aerial acrobatics sole purpose was to get my mind on something else. I felt badly and tried redirect my thoughts.

Reopening my previously discarded map I searched it for an area of interest on our way home. Quickly, I found the perfect distraction.

"Hey." I suggested. "Why don't we stop and explore this old abandoned train station. It says here it closed in 1957, Pettigo Train Station.

He barely glanced at the map in my hand. "Pettigo Train Station next stop." He announced as if he were a conductor.

Peering over my sunglasses, I rolled my eyes at his vain attempt at comedy. "Don't quit your day job." I advised.

The drive there was as calming as it was scenic, riding past rivers, lakes, forestry and even bog lands. However, as we approached the old deserted terminal the feeling was a little different, almost unsettling. I had a bad feeling about it the moment we arrived.

Already feeling as though I acted like a huge baby in the helicopter, I was not about to wimp out again. After all I had Jonathan with me, what could possibly happen?

We slowly explored the outside of the ancient stone building. The plaque still attached to the main building read: Great Northern Railway, Pettigo Station est. 1866.

The entire place was eerily quiet. He took my hand as we entered the building through an unhinged side door.

Inside the place smelled moldy, wet and dank. It was littered with dilapidated benches, leaves, dirt and debris from years past. We crossed the station to the outside platform and retired tracks located on far side. Perched on them was a rusted out broken down locomotive, long ago abandoned and forgotten.

Jonathan now acutely attuned to my every emotion, sensed my apprehension, gripping my hand even tighter he asked. "Seen enough?"

I nodded, feeling uncomfortable I was eager to get going. "Yes, let's go."

As we traversed our way back through the obstacles in the relic of a station, the bad feeling I had earlier suddenly became more pronounced. Unconsciously I pulled Jonathans hand even harder in an attempt to help speed our departure. The more I tried to speed up the more he slowed. This was unusual. Normally when we were alone he would grow bored with my human speed, pick me up and go.

Now, he appeared cautious, suddenly unmovable. Afraid I stared up into his face; the expression I found there shook me to the core. I had seen one like it only once before.

As if signifying impending doom, the wind outside started to howl and began whipping the already weathered structure brutally. The birds nesting in the rafters flapped their wings wildly.

Jonathan gripped my shoulders, abruptly forcing me to face him.

"Remy, listen to me, you need to do exactly as I say. We don't have much time. Do you understand?" His words barely more than a whisper, I had to strain to hear him.

His tone left no illusion as to the seriousness and the urgency of what was about to happen. I nodded silently and awaited his directions.

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small pen knife. "I need you to play dead. It is absolutely imperative that you lie completely motionless, no matter what happens. You have to trust me. Do you understand?"

Swallowing hard, I nodded.

He held his breath, reaching for my neck he gently pulled the skin from the muscle and made two tiny cuts with the knife. Returning it to his pocket he slowly pressed his lips to my throat, covering them in my blood.

His beautiful eyes glazed over and the veins in his neck begin to bulge as he fought against his own primal need in order to save my life.

He lifted me in one sweeping motion to cradle me in his arms. "Go limp, close your eyes and do not move a muscle." He ordered.

I did as instructed and felt his mouth once again pressed against my throat. I could only imagine the pain and torment this was causing him.

All at once I heard movement from all around us, there was a loud whipping sound, followed by several footsteps. I was petrified, more concerned for Jonathan's safety than my own I fought every instinct to scream, trying desperately to lie still.

"What have we got here now?" I heard a male voice with an Irish lilt.

Never before had I dreamed that such a beautiful tenor could sound menacing, this one made my blood run cold.

"Lad, the territory you find yourself in belongs to us. Your poachin' you are." Another dark voice.

Jonathan still held me in his arms saying nothing while he assessed the situation.

"Leave the kill and we'll let ya off with nuthin' save a warnin'." Negotiated yet another voice.

My heart stopped. There were at least three of them.

"Get your own." Jonathan barked. "I had to do some serious persuading to get this one all the way out here."

"A yank!" One of them called. "Well, now yank, you'd be havin' some serious nerve cumin' here giving us the orders."

Jonathan's grip on me tightened as something struck us both. Giving me a subtle reassuring squeeze, he lightly tossed me clear of the altercation. Trying to break my fall he aimed for some soft debris, I partially miss it and hit my head on the hard cement floor. Pain splintered through my skull, it took everything I had in me to remain motionless.

The crashing sound of rock crumbling and glass breaking was deafening as it echoed through the empty structure, the ancient building crying out in protest. Over the commotion I could hear the horrific sounds of ripping and tearing coupled with inhuman shrieking and screaming.

I continued to play dead as instructed straining in desperation to for any clue that Jonathan remained unhurt. When abruptly I was jerked upwards, I could feel cold hard hands clamp around me, crushing me. Without a doubt these were not the hands of the man I loved. My heart cried out to him in fear as I futilely fought to keep up my facade.

"This one's alive… still warm she is." My captor proclaimed, no doubt hearing my heart beat race.

I struggled to remain still, even though I was screaming on the inside. The rough hands crushed my torso squeezing the breath out of me. I could feel myself being slowly pulled upward toward my killer, his venomous growl prematurely announcing his claim on my already blood soaked throat.

Unexpectedly, like a roar of thunder out of a clear blue sky, a terrifying guttural war cry pierced through the room. The vampire who only a moment before had held me in his death grip, abruptly dropped me to refocus his attention on the impending threat he now faced, Jonathan. Even as I slammed against the rock hard surface and pain sliced through my body I felt nothing but relief knowing he was still safe

Unable to take it a moment longer I opened my eyes to the carnage before me. The building lie now in piles of rubble, scattered among the destruction were the remains of our enemies.

My eyes quickly located Jonathan, who at this moment bared no resemblance to the man I had entered this room with only a short time ago. He was positioned low, as he encircled his adversary. His lips curled back to reveal his murderous weapon. Even crouched he towered over his opponent, who now showed significant signs of fear. Terrified recognition dawned on his translucent face as he accepted that he had met his match, the reality of his comrade's demise becoming evident.

Jonathan sprang with vicious relentlessness. He prey reconsidering his options changed direction and attempted to flee. Jonathan's fury so all consuming mercy was not an option in this instance.

Carnage took hold as his prey was brutally shredded limb from to limb. As his victim lie utterly motionless the final death blow was delivered, severing his head from its lifeless body.

Without stopping to look at me or shift his attention from his task, I watched as he methodically gathered the shredded remnant's of his Irish counterparts. Once satisfied he set the rock hard mound of flesh on fire.

Only then did he finally direct his concern to me. His expression a mixture of pain and worry, he leapt across the expanse of the room to land directly in front of me, the suddenness of his gesture momentarily startling me.

"Remy…I apologize you had to see that. What must you think of me." His head hung low, in shame.

I reached for him, desperately running my hands up and down his arms, checking him for damage. "Are you alright? You're not hurt?"

"No sweetheart, I'm fine. Everything is fine."

"You got them all, my father was right, you are Superman." Then I considered what he had just said and thought it absurd. "You did what you had to do to save both our lives, again." I placed my hand under his chin to lift his eyes to mine. "I love you. Never ever apologize to me for what you are."

He smiled and kissed the palm of my hand. "We better get out of here before someone sees the smoke and decides to investigate. Are you hurt? Can you move?"

He slid his arms underneath me and gently lifted. I felt a stabbing pain penetrate my torso. He placed his fingers gently above my waist and pressed lightly. "Does this hurt?"

I winced and held my breath. "Yes, but I'll be okay, just get me home."

"Sweetie, I think you may have a couple of broken ribs. We need to get an x-ray."

He had me inside the car with the seat completely reclined before I could even blink. The ride was thankfully short but unfortunately riddled with bumps and potholes, each one sending a sharp pain straight through me.

"I'm sorry baby, I know it hurts, we're almost there." He spoke softly and held my hand as he drove, his smooth face creased with worry.

It seemed only moments before we were pulling up to a nearby clinic.

Jonathan's diagnosis was correct, two broken ribs coupled with a minor concussion. The doctor looked at Jonathan with an air of disgust until I explained that I had taken a fall while we were hiking. That excuse seemed to mollify him and his curiosity. He taped me up, ordered bed rest and sent me on my way with a bottle full of painkillers.

Almost the minute we arrived home, my sweet man tucked me into bed, administered my medication and disappeared downstairs to fix me something to eat.

He returned only moments later with a steaming hot slice of meat pie, one the cooks local specialties.

"That's smells delicious."

"As you do." He countered playfully.

His response reminded me of something. I played with my food while I considered how to word the question. "Jonathan?"

"Yes love?"

"Um…was it very difficult for you today? What I mean to say is…"

He stopped me. "You want to know how hard it was for me not to drink your blood?"

I nodded. "Yes."

As he sat on the edge of the bed, reached for my hand and spoke quietly. "Yes, but not as difficult as I thought it would be. After all these years, my desire for you as a man far outweighs my desire for your blood. The thought of being without you makes the latter now impossible." He paused slightly, a slow grin creeping across his staggeringly handsome face. "But, you were delicious." He raised one eyebrow, in the process stopping my heart.

I smiled and rolled my eyes at him. I started to feel dizzy as the painkillers began to take effect.

"Time for bed!" He announced as he cleared the food tray away for me to rest.

Afraid of jostling the bed and thereby causing me pain he remained in a chair opposite the fireplace as he watched over me.

The medication did its job. I slept hard, feeling nothing until morning. When I opened my eyes I noticed the chair was vacant. Struggling to push myself up, I called his name as I attempted to swing my legs around and climb out of bed. "Jonathan!"

He appeared in the doorway, filling almost the entire space. "Remy! Why didn't you wait for me? You're going to hurt yourself trying to climb out of this enormous bed on your own. He scolded.

I ignored him. "I want to call the Cullen's and check on Bella."

He reached for me lifted me out of the bed and gently placed me on my feet. "I already have."

I looked up at him and smiled. "Spoken like a true father."

Now he finally smiled. "I just got off the phone with Carlisle. Things are much better. Last night they found a way to get nourishment to both Bella and the baby. Pretty ingenious, they figured since the baby was half vampire, it would crave what we crave."

"Blood?" I asked. "How are they getting blood to the baby?" As soon as the question left my lips, I knew the answer. "Bella is drinking it."

"Yes." He confirmed. "Carlisle had some on hand from the hospital in case they needed it for Bella. The good news is she is doing much better."

The thought of my daughter being required to drink blood was a bit repulsive to me. "How is she doing with that? The blood I mean."

"Apparently very well, like most expectant mothers she craves what her baby needs."

"But?"

"What makes you so sure there's a but?"

"There always is."

"You are too smart for your own good, you know that? But…the baby is growing very rapidly, like you, Bella has some broken ribs. They feel it will be only a short time until they will be forced to deliver the child."

"So we wait." I stated the obvious.

"We wait." He confirmed. "Besides you will be in no condition to travel for a while anyway. It's good you have time to rest."

With that he bent down and placed a lingering kiss on my mouth. I instinctively reached for him, the motion sending a crippling pain straight through me. "Baby." I agreed. "You make a good point."

Surprisingly only days later, the phone rang in the middle of the night. I heard the phone and Jonathan jump to answer it on the first ring.

"It's Carlisle."

Unwilling to have any more information about my daughter relayed to me, I reached for the phone. "Let me talk to him… please."

He smiled as he relinquished the phone.

"Carlisle, it's Remy. How is she?" I asked instantly frantic.

"Hello Remy, she is fine." I could hear the smile in his voice and relaxed a little.

"What is going on?" I asked, impatient for specifics.

"Well," He said. "I am please to inform you that you are now the proud grandparent of an exceptionally beautiful baby girl. Congratulations."

My eyes immediately darted over to Jonathan who was beaming, it was unnecessary the relay the information, he could already hear every word himself.

"The baby, she's alright?"

"She is more than alright, perfect in every way with her mother's eyes and I think a few exceptional traits from her father as well."

"And Bella? How's my baby?"

The line went abruptly quiet, but he finally spoke before I was able to protest. "Bella had a difficult time of it. The baby came earlier than anticipated; Esme' and I were not here. Edward acted quickly and with utter brilliance, he was able to successfully deliver the baby and save Bella's life."

I remained silent knowing the "but" was forthcoming.

"The baby being exceptionally strong, Bella's spine was severed during the process of the delivery. Edwards only recourse was vampire venom. It was his plan to get as much venom into her system as quickly as possible. By injecting it directly into her heart, and also biting her at all major pulse points, he was able to get enough into her to save her life."

He did not mince words and for that I was grateful. I needed to know the truth.

Tears streaked my face. "My poor baby." I whispered in horror at her suffering. "How is she now? Is the morphine working? Is she in any pain?"

"It doesn't appear so, she has remained completely immobile, which is a very strong indication that she does not suffer. The venom is doing its job at repairing her broken body. She will be better than knew, she will be perfect. You do not need to worry, I promise you."

"Carlisle, please, I need to see her, when can I come?"

He sighed heavily. I already knew the answer to the question, but I had to ask it anyway.

"Let's just wait and see, alright? She would never forgive any of us if we didn't wait long enough and she was the cause of any harm to you. Not only that we must consider the suffering a human presence would cause her as well. We'll see how well she does and go from there. She will have a lot of changes to deal with when she wakes up. It is important that we allow her some time to acclimate before we spring new information on her newly born mind. If it's any consolation I know she misses her mother just as much as you miss her."

Carlisle, always the diplomat found a way to say no and still offer me comfort.

"You mean new information, like your Mom's getting a divorce and marrying a vampire she's loved since before you were born?"

Now he laughed. "Yes, just like that. I almost forgot, congratulations are in order, Alice informed us all of the news weeks ago."

Wanting Jonathan's opinion on the matter, I waited for his response. Without hesitation he nodded his agreement with his new friend. Any attempt on my part to talk either of them out of it was pointless. "Alright, you win. But I expect a call the minute she wakes up."

"Deal." He paused and I could hear talking in the background. "Remy? Could you put Jonathan on the line, Emmett wants to hear about the Train Station."

"Alice?" I asked.

"Alice." He confirmed.

I smiled and placed the phone in Jonathans already stretched out hand.

**Twenty One**

**Patience**

THE FOLLOWING THREE DAYS WERE TORTURE AS WE WAITED FOR THE phone to ring, time moved along at a snail's pace, when mercifully it finally came.

We decided in advance that Jonathan would be the one to take the call; he being the more knowledgeable about the factors of the situation, we both agreed it best.

Straining my human ears I tried to listen to the conversation taking place. Jonathan was speaking so rapidly I was unable to make out a single word. He finally finished and closed the phone.

His glorious face expressing only happiness and relief, reaching for me, he settled me on his lap to deliver the news.

"Bella is perfect." He began. "She is awake, and apparently suffered no pain during the transformation. She understandably wanted to see her baby immediately. Edward and the others were concerned, the baby being half human. So, in an effort to prepare her, Edward took her on her first hunting expedition. Bella performed exceptionally well, moving away from humans that crossed her scent while they were hunting."

"Is that good?" I asked feeling slightly ignorant.

"That, my love, is unheard of for a newborn, especially one only day's old. This means that hopefully you will get to see her a lot sooner than we anticipated."

Squealing loudly I through my arms around his neck, the sudden action sent a shooting a pain straight through my ribs. "Is that what Carlisle said?"

"I spoke with Edward." He smiled, the significance coming clear to both of us. We were going to be a family, it was finally within reach.

"Edward? Does he know about us?" I asked my eyes wide.

Jonathan ran his fingers through his hair and laughed, seeming a little embarrassed. "Between being able to read everyone's mind and Alice's visions of the future, he pretty much knows our whole story."

"Why do you seem so embarrassed?"

"Well, the young man is going to me my son-in-law, it's just a little strange him having know such private information."

"What about Bella?"

"She doesn't know yet. He thought it best to keep it from her just for the time being. She is worried about both you and Charlie. He wants to give her a little time before we spring this on her a well. Besides you're going to need to prepare yourself, she is going to look and sound different."

"Can I call her?"

He reached for my face to tenderly stroke it, finally happy to be able to give me something I asked for. "Yes love, Edward said you can call. Just pretend like nothing has changed. Their cover story is that she has been ill since the honeymoon and it changed her voice somewhat. When you talk to her, just go along with it."

I held my hand out, suddenly so excited I could barely keep still. "Great, give me the phone."

He chuckled and looked over my shoulder to the clock on the wall. "It's 4:00 in the morning there, Bella might wonder why you're calling at such an hour especially when you are supposed to be in Florida."

I was immediately disappointed, but of course I knew he was right. I should be grateful that both my daughter and my new granddaughter were safe and well. Reluctantly, I nodded my resignation.

"Just until the morning my love." He pulled me gently to him and carefully cradled me in his arms. "You should rest."

"Will you lay down with me?" I asked not wanting to be alone.

"Of course." He frowned as if my question was completely ridiculous.

The morning finally came. I woke to his smiling face leaning over me. He helped me up and opened the palm of his hand. In it was his small black cellphone.

After sitting the rest of the way up, I lifted the phone from his hand. Impatient and nervous, I dialed the numbers too quickly. My hands had a mind of their own and refused to stop shaking, causing me to continue making errors and having to start over.

"Allow me." Jonathan took the phone from me, quickly dialed the number and placed it back in my hand.

While the phone rang, my heart beat frantically in anticipation. A woman answered the phone, her lyrical voice sounded like the chiming of church of bells. "Hello?" She answered.

I thought we had dialed the wrong number. "Hello, I'm sorry. I think I dialed the wrong number." Shrugging my shoulders, I made a face at Jonathan a bit confused, if he had made a mistake, it would be the first time.

"Mom, it's me, Its Bella." The angel's voice confirmed.

"Bella, baby, are you ok?" I had to choke back the tears, she sounded nothing like my little girl.

"I am fine Mom. I just had a virus, that's why my voice sounds different. But it's me!" She chirped, I could tell she was trying her best to sound like her old self again.

"You are feeling better now, everything is alright?"

"Don't worry Mom, everything is perfect. I promise."

I was successful in keeping the tears out of my voice, but unsuccessful in keeping them off my face. Jonathan removed a monogrammed handkerchief from his pocket and wiped them clear as I talked to my daughter and tried desperately to put up a brave front.

"So how was the honeymoon?" I tried to think of a question I would ask if everything were normal.

She giggled at bit, the resulting sound was enchanting. "It was spectacular, Edward really went all out. We almost didn't want to come back home."

"I miss you baby, I miss you so much." I finally said something completely truthful.

Her beautiful voice choked ever so slightly. "I miss you too Mom."

Deciding to do the unthinkable, I brought up a visit. I couldn't help myself. "We want to come see you, whenever you newlyweds are settled, you be sure and let us know when it is a good time." I knew she assumed the "we" was Phil and me.

The other end of the line went completely silent and I panicked, thinking I lost her. "Bella, Bella are you there?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, I am here. We'll be sure and let you know. I love you Mom."

"I love you too baby, so much. Give Edward and all the Cullen's our love and I'll talk to you soon, okay?" I couldn't keep up this façade much longer. I knew I had to get off the phone before I started really crying thereby making her suspicious. I knew she wouldn't cry, my daughter was now a vampire.

"Okay Mom, I will, I love you, bye." The phone went dead.

The warmth and understanding in Jonathan's now dark yet smiling eyes spoke volumes. Relief flooded through me as I finally had proof that my beloved child was truly alright.

Reaching for his face, I lightly touched it. His eyes were as black as coal, dark circles appearing under them. He had been so busy taking care of me and worrying about Bella that he had neglected his own needs, which for him was typical.

"Baby, you look thirsty. It's time you went on a little hunting trip. I'll be fine, now that we know she's okay you need to go."

I was surprised when he didn't argue, a sure sign that the situation was becoming serious. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"

"I will be just fine, don't worry about me. Go on, get out of here." I playfully nodded toward the door.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. Now that I had put the thought of hunting in his head, I noticed there appeared to be more of a strain on his face.

"Go now." I offered, trying to make it easier for him. "The sooner you leave the sooner you will be able to come back to me."

He simply smiled. "I love you, I'll get back just as soon as I can. Make sure you rest while I am gone."

"Yes, mother." I folded my arms across my chest while pointing a finger toward the open doorway. "Go!"

He was out of the house before either of us had time to reconsider. Now that we had finally found each other again, being apart for even the briefest of periods was extremely difficult.

For the next two days I did as I was told and rested. When not resting I roamed the immense house, for the most part dividing my time between the library and the music room. If the truth were told though I would have to admit I spent very little time reading or playing, unable to focus my thoughts on anything other than the obvious question now before me, my own mortality.

The new development of my daughter becoming immortal herself has shed new light on the situation, bringing my own decision to the forefront of my mind.

So much had transpired in recent months that I hadn't taken the time to truly consider it. Now that I was left alone in this big empty house there was nowhere to hide from my own thoughts.

When I was younger, had it not been for my parents I absolutely would have focused all my energy on trying to convince Jonathan to change me, just like Bella had Edward. Now that both my daughter and my future husband were immortal my choice seemed plainly obvious. I wondered would Jonathan still hold fast to his decision of years ago to have me remain mortal or was he now of a different opinion?

His first thoughts were always of my best interest, never his own. It was strange, for some odd reason after all these years, I felt less inclined to jump into it. By the end of the two days I was no closer to a solution than I had been before he had left.

When night came at the end of our second day apart, I was completely exhausted, both by the enormity of my own thoughts, and my injuries that were still healing. Willing my eyes to remain open, I tried to stay up and wait for him, but eventually lost the battle and went up to bed. Slowly inching my way up the long stair case I hoped that by the time I woke he will have returned.

As if in an answer to my prayers, in the night I dreamt of the sweetest of his cool breath on my neck, and his strong arms wrapped around me. When I woke I found it wasn't a dream, there he was, his eyes golden brown, gazing down at me and smiling.

"You're back. Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked so peaceful lost in your dreams, you even said my name." He leaned down to brush his lips across mine.

"That's why I was peaceful. YOU were in my dreams."

Reaching for him, I unzipped his jacket and started with the buttons on his shirt.

He placed his hand over mine, stopping me. "Hold on there. Just what do you think you are doing young lady?"

"You're a smart boy. I think you'll figure it out in a minute." I grinned and went about my work.

He stopped me short again. "I hate to be the one to have to remind you, but you have just a couple broken ribs. I have a hard enough time trying NOT to break you when you are all in one piece. There is no way we are making love until you are completely healed." He sat up and pushed me away.

My bottom lip immediately went out in an obvious attempt to look sad and pitiful, thereby gaining a modicum of sympathy.

"That won't work, pout all you want." He insisted as he tried to remain stern, swinging his legs off the bed and propelling himself to the other side of the room.

He didn't fool me. Under all that bravado a smile was being suppressed. Not so easily dissuaded I got up as well and followed his path across the room, on my way dropping my nightgown to the floor, leaving me completely naked.

Approaching him from behind I wrapped my arms around his waist.

He patted my hand, "Now be a good girl and get dressed, we'll think of something else to do."

Taking me by the hand, he guided me around to face him. At first his face registered surprise, then pleasure, which all shifted quickly to irritation. "This is one time you are not going to get your way." He picked me up by my arms and deposited me in the bathroom.

After putting me on my feet he slapped my bare bottom.

"Ow" I cried, already rubbing the spot.

One corner of his mouth went up as he observed me. "Get dressed!" He ordered as he closed the door firmly behind him.

Alone in the bathroom, I examined my red swollen behind in the mirror and continued to pout. Stunned and confused I resigned myself for the time being, realizing my efforts were a lost cause, at least for now, I gave up and did as instructed. When I exited the bathroom he was not in the bedroom. Smart man, I thought to myself.

As suspected, I located him downstairs in the kitchen preparing me some breakfast.

He smiled as I approached. "There now, that's better."

"Better for you or for me?" Grimacing, I still rubbed the spot where I had been struck.

"Both of us it seems." He bent down to kiss the boo boo. "There now, all better!" He sang, like the father of a two year old.

Opting for a change in subject, I asked. "What's for breakfast?" It smells good." Craning my neck over the counter to see what was cooking.

It was an elaborate concoction of eggs, sausage, potatoes and onions all topped with a mound of heavenly Irish cheddar.

"Wow baby, that looks great."

He placed the plate in front of me and handed me a fork. "I figured if I couldn't satisfy one hunger I'd try and satisfy another."

I ignored his poke and changed the subject. "Speaking of hunger… how was your trip? Standing on my tip toes I examined his face more carefully. "You're eyes look absolutely beautiful." I observed, happy he was no longer suffering.

"Too long my love." He grinned. "But otherwise very well." He offered no other details, but he rarely did where his hunting trips were concerned.

The change of subject reminded me of the single thought that had occupied my time while he was away, now seemed as good a time as any to talk about it.

"Jonathan?"

"Yes?" He had that tone that implied he knew something was up.

"Don't you think it's time we discussed the huge elephant in the room?"

His expression immediately serious, making it clear he knew exactly to what I referred. "Your mortality." He confirmed.

"Yes, that." I agreed. "Do you still feel the same way you did before?"

Resting against the counter, he folded his arms, his face now concerned, thoughtful. After a lengthy hesitation he simply replied. "I don't know. The circumstances are different now. Your parents are no longer with us. You have Bella, who is now immortal herself. You're not a girl anymore, you're a woman."

"What you mean is, you no longer feel like doing it would be taking advantage of my innocence."

"That is one way to put it I suppose, it's just that now you have a much clearer understanding. What is it that you want sweetheart?"

"I don't know, would you be willing to change me if I asked?"

"You don't need me now. You have an entire family of vampires who would probably do it for you if you asked."

"That may be so, but I only want you, I won't even consider it otherwise. Can you do it?"

He smiled and in a fraction of a second I was in his arms.

"If you are asking if I am able to do it, up until the train station I would have said no, now I am not so sure. But that's not what you are asking is it? He paused and as he looked down into my eyes, reluctant to say the words. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before he spoke. "God help me, yes, yes I would. Is that what you want?"

Wrapping my arms tightly around his waist I rested my head on his chest as I decided how best to answer. He stroked my hair, patiently allowing me all the time I needed.

Finally I looked up. "The logical thing to do is to be changed. Think about it, my entire family, with the exception of Charlie is now immortal. It doesn't make any sense now for me to remain this way. But then on the other hand it seems wrong for this decision to be based on logic, shouldn't something as personal and intimate as this be based on what I feel inside rather than just the logic of it?"

"And?" He said, knowing me all too well.

"I don't know, I'm just not sure it's who I am. I'm not so sure I'd be any good at it and…

"What else, tell me." He prodded.

"This is going to sound silly, but do you believe in heaven?"

He smiled. "I do indeed. You think if you become a vampire, you will never get there."

"I believe heaven exists for all of us. But clearly my life would have to be over in order for me to get there."

"So you're worried because you think you will never die? Sweetie you lost me."

Now comes the crazy part I thought to myself, after this he'll think I'm certifiable. "My parents are there."

"Oh, now I see." He spoke softly, his tone completely understanding, not even the slightest bit judgmental.

"I know it sounds nuts, right? I mean I'm thirty-eight years old. My parents have been gone a long time, but I still miss them just as much as if they had died yesterday. I just always thought that somehow, someday I would see them again. If I become like you there is a good chance I never will or at least not for a very very long time."

He picked me up and sat me on the counter so we would be eye level with each other. "It doesn't sound nuts, you loved them."

"I love you too." I reminded him.

Releasing me, he crossed the room to look out the window, as if to somehow organize his thoughts before he turned back to me.

"Remy, your whole life you have been raised with the premise of heaven and hell, immortality was never an option. It is a difficult concept to grasp when you have no choice in the matter, let alone when you do. Don't forget, the rest of us had no part in becoming what we are. Honestly not even Bella. To be faced with a decision like this is no small thing. Just the simple fact that someone as impetuous as you is struggling with it is proof of that. Besides you don't have to decide anything right now, we have all the time in the world." He touched my face and lightly kissed my mouth.

The familiar desire rose inside me as my thoughts immediately shifted elsewhere. Instinctively feeling my change in mood he backed up thereby placing a considerable distance between us.

"Chicken." I accused him, accurately so and then returned to the subject at hand. "I always thought this would be a no brainer, now that it's here the only thing I feel certain about is my love for you and my love for Bella. I guess I am waiting for clarity to come. I feel like I should know without hesitation what is right, and I just don't."

His voice low with warmth and understanding. "As I said, there is no hurry. You take all the time you need, I am not going anywhere."

"Thank you." I said as I reached for him.

Falling for my trap he stepped forward to help me down from the counter top. Wrapping my legs around his torso, I grabbed two fistfuls of his shirt and pulled his lips down to my own.

Although he was extremely gentle, he kissed me back which surprised me. The sweet kiss lingered on forever, after which my cheeks were flushed and my heart was palpitating.

"Wow." I blurted, happy to be able to say anything remotely understandable after being rendered senseless.

He laughed as he carefully returned me to my feet. "Woman you are going to kill me." He joked.

Still wobbly, I steadied myself on his chest. "What shall we do then? Do you realize how much time we spend in the bedroom? I never really thought about it, but taking that out of the equation leaves a massive hole in our day."

He laughed again. "My love, you certainly have a unique way of putting things."

"What time is it? Let's call home." I suggested.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I talked to Edward this morning."

"You did, did you?"

The two of them were becoming fast friends, a little surprising considering they hadn't actually met yet. But if I took a moment to really consider it I suppose it wasn't so strange after all, they were fundamentally alike in many ways. "What did he have to say?" I asked, not expecting any real news, what more could possibly happen now?"

"Well," He began. "I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?"

"The good news of course." I replied without a second thought, assuming that from his light attitude that even the bad couldn't possibly be too terrible."

"The good news is that the other day, after you spoke to Bella, Charlie came over for a visit."

"What! I almost screamed. "How is that even possible?"

He shook his head. "It is a mystery to everyone else as well, but it seems your daughter is a vampire prodigy."

Momentarily forgetting my injury I spun around, a little too fast. "Ow! Crap!" I held my side, but didn't miss a beat. "That's great, that means we can go home!"

Still pressing my taped rib cage, I used my other hand to reach in his pants pocket and rummage around for his phone.

"My love, may I ask what you are doing?" He asked, clearly assuming that I was once again up to no good.

"Looking for your phone, silly. You call and make the plane reservations, I'll start the packing."

I was half way out of the kitchen before he grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me three steps backwards. "Now for the bad news." He reminded me.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." I placed my hands on my hips, and jerked my chin at him. "Okay, let's have it."

"Alice foresees a visit from an old friend, one with whom there are apparently some unresolved issues. Edward feels it would help uncomplicate things if we postponed our return just a little while longer. He promises he will call us the minute the coast is clear. He also asks if you would prefer to be the one to tell Bella about us, or if you would like him to be the one to deliver the news."

Disappointed, I walked over to the table and slumped down in the kitchen chair. "I suppose I should have asked for the bad news first."

"Is it that horrible, spending all this time alone with me?"

I immediately felt guilty. I had only considered my own feelings. "No sweetheart, of course not, I just miss her that all. But to tell you the truth, now that I know both she and the baby are ok, I can wait. I love having all this time with you."

As I lovingly gazed up at him his warm smile spread across his face, reaching all the way up to his eyes.

"Very well then, what should we do?" He carefully helped me up from the chair.

I raised an eyebrow and nodded toward the upstairs.

He sighed heavily. "Other than that, I mean."

"Party pooper. Wait! I do have an idea, come on." I pulled him by the hand out of the kitchen back through the foyer and around to the music room.

Releasing his hand once in the room, I walked over to the far corner where an antiquated record player sat on a wooden cabinet. After opening the cabinet doors I began riffling through its contents. It only took a moment to find what I was searched for.

"Look what I found while you were gone." I announced as I spun around the cover of a record album for him to view.

"Billie Holiday?"

"Yes, do you believe it? She sing's my second favorite song on this? Do you remember what it is?"

"I do, it's mine as well, "I'll be seeing you."

"Sir, you are correct. Do you know how to dance?"

"I do." He grinned.

I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. Of course he could dance, he could do everything. "Well, I can't, at least not to this, will you show me?"

"It would be an honor." Once again his deep smooth voice sent my heart rate flying.

I carefully placed the album on the players spindle and slid the arm over to hold it in place. We faced each other, waiting as the record dropped and the needle automatically positioned itself.

The recording was old, and the sound quality was a little scratchy, but still much better than I would have imagined. He expertly guided me into his embrace as the indefinable, unmistakable voice of one of the greatest songstresses of all time wafted through the room and echoed upwards throughout the house.

He held me close as he gracefully, albeit gingerly steered me around the room. I had no idea how to be led, but his movements were so smooth and effortless it wasn't difficult. The music was so intoxicating it was impossible for it not to have an effect on you. Most especially for him, that song in particular defined the emotions of a generation and a period of time forever lost. As the song ended the melancholy expression on his face said it all.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't mean to make you sad." I tried to apologize.

"I'm not sad, not anymore." He bent down, took my face in his hands, and tenderly kissed me.

The love swelled within me, all of a sudden some more alone time didn't seem like such a bad idea after all. Everything in its time, I thought to myself as his cool lips continued to caress my own.

By the time he released me from his kiss I was barely able to recall my own name.

Now becoming a little more adept at realizing his effect on me, he made a quick suggestion. "What do you say to heading down to the pub and raising a toast to our new granddaughter?"

"I hate to be the one to point out the obvious, but you don't drink."

"I do today. Let's go."

You can't swing a dead cat in Ireland without hitting a pub, so suffice it to say, it was a short ride.

We entered the darkened room and quickly found two empty places at the bar and seated ourselves.

The barman came over and smiled cheerfully at the both of us. "What can I get you folks?"

Jonathan peered past him to the taps behind the bar. "Two Smidicks please."

I smiled when he pronounced the name of the local beer correctly. "I am impressed, how did you know not to say Smithwicks?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "Please…everyone knows an Irishman will take off your head if you have the audacity to make that error. Stick with me kid, I won't steer you wrong." He winked."

"That is my current plan. Were you just kidding at home or am I going to have to help you out?"

He ignored me and grinned as the barman returned, placing two full pints before us.

Calling his bluff I raised my glass. "Here's to…Here's to…Jonathan, I don't know the babies name!"

Amazed at myself for not having realized it sooner, I sat the glass back down. Obviously I couldn't have asked Bella, because I wasn't supposed to know, but I should have thought to ask someone, I was so wrapped up in all the other details that I'd forgotten.

He raised one mischievous eyebrow. "I do, Edward told me."

"Don't make me hurt you big guy, give—what is it?"

He smiled, reached in his coat, pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me.

"What's this for?"

"Trust me… you are going to need it. The baby's name is Renesme, Renee' and Esme put together."

He was right, the water works let loose. I couldn't even speak.

"Lad, what did ya do to yer Missus?" The bartender was completely confused by my tears coupled with Jonathan's cheerful attitude.

"She's fine; we just heard we became grandparents. Drinks are on me."

The bartender slammed his hand on the bar and yelled. "Now there's a fine lad! Drinks are on this gent and his Mrs. Having a new grandbebe!"

The house was set up with drinks, every one of them lifting a glass to our Renesme.

"To the grand new bebe!" Someone announced and we all drank.

Now having finally dried my tears, I sat in awe and I watched the proud grandfather drain every drop of beer from his glass.

"That was impressive, are you going to get sick now?

"No, but I may after the next one. Another round!" He announced and the place when up in a roar.

Jonathan was on his third pint while I was still on my first.

"Tommy would be proud." I lifted my glass to the valiant effort being brought forth by his future son-in-law.

"To Tommy Shea." He clinked his glass with mine and winked.

A daunted expression appeared on his face as he stared the remaining beer in his glass. Reaching for the glass I made quick work of downing its remnants before anyone noticed.

"It's about time we found something that I can do better than you. Let's go rock star." I slid off the stool and grabbed my coat.

"Fair enough." He smiled, helping me on the rest of the way with my coat.

We left the pub amongst the throng boisterous protests from all of our new found friends. We were ready to go home.

For some unexplained reason after that day time seemed almost inconsequential, we spoke to Bella and Edward every few days. After some inner debate, I finally decided to let Edward break the news to Bella about Jonathan and me. It seemed better to give her time to get used to the idea. Plus Edward had a calming effect on my daughter. She would take the news better if it came from her husband. Trusting his judgment we asked that he tell her when he felt the time was right.

Also, there was a new development in the visitor situation, apparently the Cullen's were expecting even more. We continued to wait patiently for the all clear so we could come home.

It was a freezing morning in early January when the call finally came. Me being asleep, Jonathan took the call.

"That was a quick conversation, who was it?" I asked still groggy and half asleep.

"That was Edward. He said the coast is clear. We can come home."

Instantaneously awake, I jumped up and straddled Jonathan, his face only inches from my own. "Are you serious? You better not be teasing me!"

He laughed, probably mostly at my failed attempt at aggression. "I would not tease you about a thing like this. We've been looking forward to this day for months. You start packing, and I'll call and make all the necessary arrangements."

After placing a big sloppy morning breath kiss on his gorgeous lips I hopped out of bed. Halfway to the bathroom, I stopped dead in my tracks.

He was still stretched lazily across the bed.

"Does Bella know?" My heart rate kicked into high gear in anticipation of his answer.

"Not yet, he plans on explaining it all to her while we are in route. She will know everything by the time we arrive."

"Do you think she'll hate me for not telling her the truth sooner?"

He was across the room before I finished the sentence. His arms reached out for me, wrapping them tightly around my as he bent to kiss me.

His adoring eyes looked down on me, eyes that always spoke the truth. This time neither they nor his kiss could dissuade my concern.

"Trust me… that… is impossible." Certainty clear in his unwavering voice.

**Twenty Two**

**Home Sweet Home**

THE FLIGHTS HOME COULD NOT HAVE MOVED SLOWER IF THEY WERE flying backwards. We called Edward from the airport in Dublin to let him know we were enroute. I decided to wait to talk to Bella. Now there was simply too much to be said, a phone call insufficient means of communication. Only when I could see her face, would I be able to read and know how she truly felt.

The Cullen's sweetly offered to meet us in Seattle, but Jonathan insisted on not being a bother and rented a car at the airport. In honor of Alice we wore the very same garments she had dressed us in for our departure, briefly considering that we may be in trouble anyway for wearing the same thing twice.

Jonathan drove at lightning speed back to Forks, for once I it wasn't begging him to slow down. Absently, I played with the ring on my left hand while constantly fidgeting in my seat.

Eventually, he reached over to soothingly pat my hand, then laced his fingers with my own.

"Stop worrying sweetheart, everything is going to be fine." He said as he raised my hand to his lips and kissed my ring finger before letting it drop to rest in his lap.

"Well that one way to keep me from moving it." I smiled.

"See? Even stressed out, you're still funny."

"Aren't you? Stressed out I mean, you seem so calm. You know you are about to meet Bella for the first time." I pointed out the obvious.

"You are nervous enough for the both of us."

We were rounding the turn off for the Cullen's and my stomach fell. Opening the visor for the hundredth time I checked my makeup.

"Baby, enough, you look beautiful." He released my hand as he slowed the car to pull up in front of the house.

Staring at it I remained seated, paralyzed with fear.

Jonathan walked around the car and held the door for me as he extended a hand. "You couldn't wait to get here, now you don't want to get out of the car?"

Swallowing hard, I grasped the hand he offered allowing him to lift me from my frozen state. Getting to my feet slowly I stared up at the familiar house, the butterflies now turning to bats inside me.

He grinned. "Just so you know, she is just as nervous as you are. She is waiting for you just on the other side of the door."

Squeezing his hand even tighter I found my courage. "Alright then, let's go see our girl." My voice relayed much more confidence than I actually felt. But, hearing my baby was waiting for me was enough to snap me out it and send me bounding up the steps.

As we approached it, the door flew open and there she was, hands down the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, a real life angel with the most exquisite creamy white complexion, huge dark eyes and long thick dark hair. Even with all the differences I knew without a doubt that the perfect girl before me was my daughter.

"Bella!" Impulsively I reached for her and then quickly stopped myself. "Is it okay?" I hesitated, desperate for the answer to be yes.

"Of course Mom." Her graceful arms stretched out wide, her expression pained, as if it wanted to cry but couldn't.

Wrapping my arms around my child, I whispered in her ear. "Don't worry baby, I have more than enough tears for the both us." The words had barely escaped my lips before tears came and split down my cheeks.

Keeping a hold on her I leaned back and cupped her face in my hand. "You are beautiful, but then you always were."

"Look who's talking." She stepped back and gave me the once over. "Mom, you look…different."

"I feel different." I agreed, keeping my hand on her cheek I returned the attention back her. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I wasn't here, I so wanted to be."

She placed her hand over mine and smiled. "I know. Don't worry, now everything is perfect." The confidence in her voice left no room for doubt.

Lost in our own world we momentarily forgot about the eight pairs of eyes that were upon us.

Edward stepped forward, sensing the time was right. He leaned down to hug me. "Welcome home Renee'."

When I released my daughter for my son, the water works erupted again as I looked up at the man who had saved her life. "Thank you Edward." His beautiful face turned suddenly solemn, making it clear that he had heard the deeper meaning in my thoughts that led to my simple words.

Remembering Jonathan, I shifted my attention back to the door and found him there, patiently waiting, his face serene as he observed our long awaited reunion. Slipping my hand in his, I guided him forward farther into the foyer. Always thinking of me first, he discreetly pressed a fresh handkerchief into the palm of my hand.

As I dabbed my eyes, I smiled at my daughter. "Honey, I think it's time you met someone who has waited a very long time for this day to come."

I stepped back to offer her an unobstructed path.

Her eyes searched behind me to find him. Unsure on how to proceed he waited silently as their eyes met. His overflowing with years of love and concern for a child he cared for as much as if she were his very own, a child to whom he had shown unselfish love and dedication to even before she was conceived. The sentiment revealed there would have been evident to even the most sightless of men.

Her eyes remained riveted to his as she traveled forward. His handsome face consumed by a heartwarming smile as he closed the gap to meet her halfway. I was about to introduce them, but the formality of an introduction between these two people I loved was unnecessary.

Unsure what to do he extended his hand to her. She ignored it, instead gazing up into his eyes, standing on the tips of her toes she wrapped her arms snuggly around his neck. His eyes closed tightly as his arms went around her. Lovingly he stroked the back of her hair, every inch the adoring father. Innocently, she rested her head on his shoulder as if it had always belonged there.

The room was completely hushed with neither movement nor sound as the entire family looked on. A single solitary embrace speaking for years of missed chances. When he finally released her, she placed both of her hands on the front of his coat as their eyes met for the second time. "Thank you." The words choked in her throat, her lyrical voice now hoarse with emotion. "It's nice to finally meet you… Jonathan."

Those few simple words spoke volumes, she had understood, and I had never been more proud of her than I was at that moment. She had a woman's heart now, because only with that was she able to she truly comprehend the magnitude of his sacrifice. It was that understanding alone that meant everything to him.

"It is an honor to finally meet you Bella." He bowed slightly, kissed her hand and returned it to the front of his coat as he continued to hold it there, his deep voice resonating with warmth and love.

She turned back to me and in true old Bella fashion she mouthed the word. "Wow." Her eyes wide, her grin mischievous.

"I know right?" I agreed

We were both giggling at our private joke as we turned to face the rest of the family. I reached for Jonathans hand and pulled him further forward to stand with us.

He immediately extended a hand to Edward. "It's nice to finally meet you Edward."

"Sir, the honor is mine." Edward shook his hand in return. Both men turned their attention to Bella and me and grinned as if there was some silent conspiracy between them.

Then I remembered that Edward could read minds. Jonathan obviously just told him something and they were both enjoying the joke.

I rolled my eyes, and Jonathan smirked. I was right.

Ceremoniously I clapped my hands to together and announced. "Hold your breath everyone, the humans back, ready or not here I come!"

Finding Esme first, I hugged her tightly and kissed her cool cheek. "I've missed you." I offered as I looked into the sweetest eyes ever.

"We've missed you too dear. It just hasn't been the same around here without you. You made quite an impact." She laughed as she passed me on to her husband.

"Carlisle!" I yelled and squeezed him tightly. "Thank you for taking such good care of my baby."

"Remy, the pleasure was all mine. Welcome home." He smiled and passed me down the line.

Alice waited impatiently for her turn. "Alice, my sweet, how did I do?" I asked gesturing to the twice worn outfit.

"You look wonderful, but I did pack you other clothes." She scolded as she hugged me.

"Emmett!" I leaped up into his arms and he gave me a big bear hug.

"It's good to have you home, now that Bella's a vampire she's not as much fun anymore." He teased looking over my shoulder at his sister-in-law to see if his statement made the desired impact. It did.

"Hey! I'm fun!" I heard her call out in protest.

He raised his eyebrows and flashed me his dimples.

"Stop hogging her, it's my turn." Rosalie complained as he dropped me and she caught me.

"My friend!" I was being passed around like a sack of potatoes, but that was fine with me, I had really missed them. I squeezed her with all my might, smiling at my enthusiasm and hugged me back. She released me to stand in front of her, my joyful mood turning slightly serious for only a moment. "Thank you for helping Bella, if I couldn't be here, I'm glad you were."

"You're welcome." A slightly embarrassed, yet conspirational smile on her face.

Spinning around, I searched the room for Jasper, finding him on the opposite side of it. I noticed Bella staring at Edward with an incredulous look on her face. He bent down, whispered something to her and wrapped his arms around her waist as they faced us.

"Jasper!" I called with genuine enthusiasm as I darted over to him.

He looked sheepishly down at his feet. "Hello Renee'…Remy, welcome home."

"Hello Remy? Is that all I get? Come on, bring it in for the real thing." In my high heels I was almost as tall as he. I wound my arms around his neck, this time not waiting for permission. Just as before, his arms slowly made their way around my waist. Proud of him I leaned back and placed a big sloppy mortal kiss on his cheek.

Turning to face my new family, excited for what was to come I made my next request. "Okay, I know your hiding her. Where is my grandbaby?"

Bella and Edward looked at each other and smiled. Edward gave an almost imperceptible nod to his wife.

"Jacob!" She called.

Utterly baffled, I raised an eyebrow to Rose and mouthed. "Jacob?"

She rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.

Jacob entered the room, in his arms he held my grandchild. Including her mother, she was the single most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. She looked straight at me, not like a curious child might, but with clarity and focus. She appeared to be at least two years old. I quickly did the math in my head and realized she was only born five months ago.

Cautiously I approached the two of them. "Hi Jacob." I smiled, "It's nice to see you again."

"Hi Renee'" He answered me, never even for a moment taking his eyes off her.

Bending sliightly to her level I marveled at her. "Hi sweetheart, I'm your grandma, I've waited along time to meet you." I held out my hands to her. "Would you like to come see me?" I had to try, but fully expected her to dive back into the familiarity of someone she knew. To my surprise, without hesitation she reached her tiny arms out to me.

My heart instantly melted as took her from Jacob. I couldn't believe I was finally holding this amazingly perfect little person in my arms. Glancing to my daughter recalling the very first time I had held her. Renesme was soft, warm and smelled of sweet flowers. Surprisingly she was pretty heavy for such a petite little creature. I embraced her snugly as she laid her sweet curl covered head on my chest. In awe of her perfection and sweetness, I brushed the beautiful bronze curls out of her face and kissed her rosy cheek.

"You're Grandma loves you." I whispered to her as I rocked back and forth. She gazed up at me as I continued to coo in her ear. It took only minutes for her to tuck her head under my chin and her tiny pink eyelids to close as she fell fast asleep.

"Amazing." I heard Edward say.

Prying myself from the beauty of her face, I was surprised to see the entire room gaping at me with open mouths. "What's wrong with everyone?" I whispered not wanting to wake her up.

Edward and Bella both crossed the room to view their sleeping daughter.

"She just never has done that with anyone except Bella." Edward explained.

"Done what?" I was still totally in the dark.

"Well Mom." Bella explained. "The two of you just met, and she laid her head on your chest and went to sleep."

I smirked at Jonathan like they had all lost their minds.

He laughed. "Your mother has a way with babies. That's what started this whole mess. Um…no offense Bella."

She laughed and reached over to squeeze his hand. "None taken."

Everyone mumbled their acknowledgement, but still appeared to be somewhat perplexed. I had already moved on, looking around the room.

"Mom, what are you looking for?"

"Where's the rocking chair?" I asked.

"What rocking chair?" My daughter looked at me like I was the one who had finally gone around the bend.

"The one you use the rock the baby. Don't tell me you don't have one. She's almost ready to tend bar." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Vampires."

Little Renesme was not so little, standing in four inch heels wasn't helping, so I opted for the couch. I could feel heat on the back of my neck and turned to find Jacob right on my tail.

"I'll take her." He offered, his tree trunk sized arms outstretched.

"Not on your life kid, back off." I barked, knowing I sounded a little harsh, but for some odd reason I just couldn't stop myself. I wondered why a teenage boy of Charlie's old friend would be so interested in a baby.

Lowering myself onto the couch carefully, I tried not to wake her. As soon as I sat Jacob was next to me. This massive kid squeezing himself into a space half the size of what we would need for both he and I to sit comfortably next to each other.

I turned to him incredulously. "Hey gigantor, ever heard the term personal space?"

The entire room was strangely quiet everyone kept darting weird fearful looks at each other. Edward jerked an irritated chin at Jacob. Standing he jammed his hands in his pockets apparently resigning defeat as he dragged his Fred Flintstone sized feet across the room.

Emmett finally spoke up. "See babe, I told you, this is going to be good." I saw him nudge his wife and wink.

"What in the world is going on here?" I was so wrapped up the apparent drama unfolding I forgot to lower my voice and woke the baby.

"Grandma." I heard the sweetest voice on earth say.

"She can talk?" Stunned, I stared at my daughter for explanations.

She nodded, a huge impish smile on her more than perfect face. "She does more than that Mom."

As if understanding her mother's words Renesme placed a tiny hand on my face. Miraculously I could see a picture of Jonathan and me exiting the car and coming in the house. Next there was an image of Bella and me embracing each other. The odd thing about the pictures was that they were from a different perspective than my own.

Seeing the look of utter confusion on my face Bella finally offered some insight. "She's communicating with you. What did she show you?"

"Jonathan's and my arrival." I smiled down at the angel I held with bewildered awe.

"That's the first memory she has of you." Edward chimed in. "Pretty fantastic isn't it?" He declared proudly.

"Jonathan, come here and meet your granddaughter."

He was seated next to me before I even had a chance to look up. He smiled down at her for his effort he was met with a smile in return, beautiful rose bud lips and a mouth full of perfect tiny white teeth.

"Hello there little one." He said as he patted her hand.

She sat up on my lap and reached higher to touch his face. Both of them were looking at each other with wide grins. The rest of us looked upon them in silence as they were in their own world oblivious all else. Finally they both started giggling, Edward as well.

That is going to take some getting used to I thought to myself. I looked over at Edward and he smiled at me.

"What's so funny?" I asked anyone who was willing to answer.

"She just showed me some pictures of her Mom playing with your friend Jacob here". Jonathan filled me in.

Correcting an oversight, he rose to his feet. "I'm sorry Jacob, I don't think we've met, I'm Jonathan." He extended a hand to the boy who reluctantly removed his hand from his pocket to shake it.

As I witnessed the exchange I noticed that Jacob looked to be at least three inches taller than Jonathan, and Jonathan was huge.

"Jacob what's Billy been feeding you, you're a monster kid."

Both Emmett and Jasper stifled laughs.

"You don't know how right you are." Rosalie chimed in.

Jacob snapped his head around and glared at her. She showed her menacing teeth and hissed. Clearly there was no love lost between these two.

Ignoring their childish antics and I refocused my attention back to Jonathan. "Jacob is Billy Blacks son, remember Charlie's friend from the gas station?

"I remember." He smiled.

Not to be ignored Renesme chimed in. "I'm hungry Grandma."

"I'll feed her!" Jacob called quickly.

It was official; this kid was seriously beginning to creep me out. I made eye contact with Jonathan who just shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't know what to make of it either.

"Um…I can do it." I offered quietly still wondering why no one else seemed as worried about this weird kid as I was.

"Mom, that's probably not such a good idea. You better let Jacob do it." Bella nodded her permission to Jacob, without hesitation he reached down and took the precious bundle from my arms.

A little confused and hurt I looked to Jonathan. With the utterance of one lone word he explained everything. "Blood."

"Oh yeah right. Good call Bells." Getting to my feet I proceeded to leave, making room for Jake and the baby, Jonathan followed.

On second thought, I cocked my head slightly to address Jacob. "Yo, fatal attraction. When you're done feeding her, I want her back."

Rose, Emmett and Jasper all burst into simultaneous chuckles.

"You better watch it Jake, you've ruffled mama bear's fur." Emmett was only teasing but his sentiment could not have been more accurate.

Always the diplomat Jonathan quickly changed the subject to break the tension. "Speaking of hungry, you must be starving sweetheart." Jonathan constantly worried about me. "You haven't eaten since yesterday."

"Yesterday! Mom!"

I muttered under my breath to my gorgeous husband to be. "Traitor."

Bella grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out of the room and up to the kitchen. I had to admit I was grateful for the persuasion. In truth, I was starving, being too nervous to keep even a cracker down for the last two days. Also, the thought of being in the same room while my grandbaby drank blood was a little unsettling.

Once in the kitchen Bella opened the massive stainless steel doors of the sub zero refrigerator, the inside of which was jammed with every type of food known to human kind. I wasn't surprised, shaking my head I disregarded the obvious question in my mind, knowing it was of no real consequence.

"What sounds good Mom?" She offered sounding remarkably like her old self.

"I'll do it sweetie, this stuff is not exactly your bag anymore."

She smiled and stepped aside while I searched for the ingredients to make my specialty, a sandwich. Quickly I was able to locate the necessary items and went about assembling my culinary masterpiece.

Now that we were alone, I knew the inevitable questions would be forthcoming.

"Mom, why didn't you ever tell me? Knowing the whole story certainly explains a lot."

"Baby, how could I. I couldn't even bare to think of it myself, let alone talk about it, even if I had left out the vampire part. Once you met Edward I didn't want to do anything to sway your decision either way."

"Not that I am judging you, but I have to ask, how did Phil take it when you told him you were leaving him?"

"Not well." I paused, trying to think how best to explain this. "Technically speaking though, he left me."

"Excuse me?" One eyebrow shot up on her otherwise perfect face.

I sighed heavily, not really wanting to dive into lengthy explanations. I knew it was necessary one last time. "When I agreed to let you come here to stay with your Dad, I assumed you would tire of the place quickly. At the outside, I only figured you to stay and finish the school year. Never did I dream you would meet Edward and make this, at least for now, your home."

I continued building the sandwich, not really paying attention, at the moment more concerned with explanations than my stomach.

Pausing a second, I considered how best to continue. "Even before Jonathan returned I knew I could never simply go back to Florida with you living all the way out here. Already having inside information, I knew that you and Edward would never move to a sunny climate. Then when the two of you left for your honeymoon, something happened, I don't really understand what, but I knew I had to stop running. I explained all this to Phil. Jonathan never came up, just the fact that I refused to be parted from you was enough. His life is in Florida he had no intention of ever leaving unless it was to play ball somewhere else. Once I made it clear that I wasn't leaving Washington, he wasted no time and served me with divorce papers. Granted, he had good reason. He had a wife who decided to abruptly move 2500 miles away, one who had issues she refused to share with him. I would have left me too."

She reached for my hand. "I'm sorry Mom."

"It's all for the best, I was wrong to think it would work. I'm no saint. If it had come down to it, I don't think I would have been able to walk away from Jonathan, not a second time."

She reached over and touched my left hand. "You said this belonged to my Great Great Grandmother."

"I referred to the cross that hung next to it. It's funny, in all the years I have worn this, not a single person has ever specifically asked me about the ring."

"So you, Jonathan and Dad are kind of like me and Edward and Jacob."

"I know, scary isn't it? But now you know. It could never have really worked with Jacob. For us, once we give our hearts away, we can never get them back. It has taken me a lifetime to figure that out. I am thankful you got everything you wanted without having to travel that road." I abruptly shook my head as the chills went up my spine.

Another thought occurred to me and I continued. "Speaking of Jacob Black, what is the story with him and Renesme?" Moving at a snail's pace with the sandwich, I started to slice a tomato as I looked to my daughter and awaited a response.

"Well, it's kind of a long story. But to put it simply, Jacob has a specifically unique ancestry. On rare occasion, some of his tribe has been known to imprint on another person."

"I am confused, what do you mean, like a mother duck and her chicks?"

"Sort of…" She bit her bottom lip like she used to do when she was a child and I'd caught her in something.

"NO!" The realization of what she was trying to say finally dawned on me. Seeing red and completely oblivious to what I was doing, the knife slipped out of my hand falling blade side down straight onto the top of my wrist. Still reveling over what Bella had just said I was unable to react fast enough to stop it.

Before what I had done even registered both Jonathan and Edward appeared in the room. Edward leaped over the island and wrapped Bella in an arm vice, while Jonathan took a hold of me and flung me to the opposing wall shielding me with his back from the both of them.

"What in the world are you two doing?" Bella protested, quite obviously outraged at our long overdue mother daughter chat being so abruptly interrupted.

"Bella, sweetheart, your Mom cut herself." Edward spoke softly, clearly in an attempt not to irritate his wife further.

Her arms were limp at her sides as he held her. "Edward, this is my mother were talking about. She's bleeding, get Carlisle up here to look at her. I'll clean up the mess before anyone else gets a whiff."

Both Edward and Jonathan exchanged glances, each dumbfounded.

"You're sure you are alright?" Her husband asked unconvinced as he searched to his new friends face for insight.

"A prodigy." Jonathan confirmed as he shrugged his shoulders and released me.

Darting to the sink I held my bleeding arm under the running water. Bella pulled some cleaner from the cabinet and made a quick job of cleaning the previously blood soaked floor.

Jonathan found a clean towel and handed it to me.

"Honey you can go back downstairs, I'll be fine." I said trying to subject him to as little torture as possible.

He stood fast, his expression saying more than words could. There was no way he was leaving me alone with a bleeding arm in a house full of vampires. Knowing better than to argue, I remained silent.

In the briefest of moments Carlisle was in the kitchen with his medical bag assessing the damage.

"What have we here? The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree I see." He smiled at his own deliberate joke directed both to me and his beloved daughter-in-law.

Trying to stick up for both the both of us I offered up an excuse. "Bella was attempting to explain to me about Jacob and Renesme, somehow I lost control of the knife. A pity it didn't happen with Jacob actually in the room."

I heard muffled laughter erupt from downstairs.

Carlisle grinned widely but tried to stifle his grin in a vain attempt at professionalism. "Well, it looks like you'll need just a few stitches." He deftly worked a needle and thread, and then wrapped my wrist neatly in mounds of gauze and tape. "There you go, good as knew."

"Thank you Carlisle." I kissed him on the cheek, jumped off the counter, and bounded for the door.

"Your mother is certainly an affectionate mortal isn't she?" I heard him ask Bella.

She didn't have a chance to respond. Jonathan beat her to it. "Yes sir, she certainly is."

The smile in his voice was apparent, and it warmed my heart, but right now I had more important things on my mind. As soon as I reached the stairs I ran down them as fast as I was able.

Proceeding straight through the entryway and into the living room, I found him, of course still holding Renesme. I didn't turn around, but from the sound behind me I knew I was flanked by the rest of the party from the kitchen.

Marching straight over to Jacob, I never removed my stare from his. With my hands placed solidly on my hips I spoke quietly through clenched teeth. "Rose, Esme will one of you please take the baby from this young man?"

"Dude, you are in trouble now." Emmett chirped from the sidelines.

Esme stepped forward and took the baby. Rose repositioned herself to stand slightly closer to me.

Now that his hands were free of my grandchild, I addressed him directly. "Imprinting? Seriously? Am I supposed to believe that load of crap?"

"Renee', he…hear me out, you don't' understand." He was practically studdering, slowly backing up as I moved closer to him.

Pleased with the effect I was having on him I continued with the inquisition. "I understand that she is a baby."

"But…but…it's not like that. Bells help me out here." He looked over my shoulder to my daughter for help.

I didn't understand exactly why, but the expression on her face was one of amusement. As was everyone else's in the room. Obviously they assumed there was no way I could hurt this kid who stood a foot taller than me and probably outweighed me my a hundred pounds. That thought alone enraged me. I didn't care how big he was. No one was going to imprint on my grand baby.

That's when I heard her sweet voice. "Daddy, is Grandma going to play with my Jacob like Mama did?"

"Yes baby, I think so."

So Bella had the same reaction did she?

I turned my attention back to him. "Listen Gigantor, you have exactly ten seconds to beat it." I kept moving toward him and he kept backing up, but not fast enough for me. "How would you like a four inch stiletto between the eyes kid?" I reached down and pulled my shoes off one at a time.

Bella laughed. "Oh no Jacob once the shoes come off only God can help you now."

"Excellent!" Emmett inserted.

I started to count. "One…two…three."

"Oh Renee' come on, you can't be serious, a shoe?" He whined as he continued to back for the door.

"Four…five… six. Kid you have four seconds I'd use them if I were you." I threatened.

"Bella talk to your Mom!" He hollered as he bolted the rest of the way to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Ten!" I yelled and flung the shoe at him and he retreated down the front steps. I hit him. But it didn't even leave a scratch. "Rose, help a sister out?"

Grinning widely she stepped forward and took the other shoe from my hand. "Gladly." She replied as she flung the shoe across the yard hitting him dead center in the back of the head.

"Ow! Bella!" He cried as he exited through the woods.

The entire house exploded with laughter. Including one tiny high pitched little voice.

"Do you think that was funny baby girl?" My attention now directed to the source of my grown up tantrum.

She nodded her head wildly, causing all her bronzed curls to bounce up and down with the movement. Almost as if all the excitement grew too much for her, her tiny red rose bud lips formed a perfect O as she yawned widely.

"I think it's time we took someone home to bed." Edward suggested to his bride.

I was confused. "You don't live here anymore?"

Bella smiled. "Granted, we are here most of the time, but the family gave us a beautiful little cottage, not far from here."

"How lovely." The thoughtfulness of the Cullen's never ceasing to amaze me.

"Remy, you must be tired as well. Jonathan, shall we help you bring in the bags?" Carlisle thoughtfully asked.

"No thank you, that won't be necessary. We sort of have a cottage of our own to go to."

"We do?"

"My love, we do indeed." He said placing a single hand around my waist pulling me to him.

"Well I suppose that settles it, tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow." Bella confirmed as she stepped forward to hug me goodnight.

We all said our goodbyes, little Renesme already fast asleep in her father's arms.

By the time I got to Alice, again she could barely hold still.

"Alice, you were very quiet tonight." I observed.

"She always is when Jacob is here. Poor dear, he gives her a headache." Esme explained.

"That makes two of us." I confirmed as I leaned in to hug her good bye.

"Edward?" Alice high voice rang through the room.

Her brother laughed. "Very well then, I must say you've shown amazing restraint today. He turned his attention to me. "Renee' my sister has been dying to ask you something all day."

I smiled at Alice. "Alice you know you can ask me anything. What is it sweetie?"

That was all she needed to hear, she bounced over to me taking both of my hands in hers. "Edward asked me to wait to ask you until you were settled in." She explained as she looked down to the ring on my finger.

I immediately understood, surprised I hadn't realized what she wanted earlier. "You want to plan the wedding." It wasn't a question.

"Yes please." She clapped her hands together and gracefully bounced up and down on the tips of her toes.

"I am assuming you've already seen the whole extravaganza in startling detail?"

"I have, it was beautiful! But you can tell me what you would like if it will make you feel better."

"Thank you Alice, that is very kind of you." I teased.

Not getting the joke she replied cheerfully. "You're welcome."

I glanced over in the direction of my daughter who just smiled and shrugged. Having been through this very thing herself she knew first hand that it was impossible to resist Alice's charms. The best thing to do was to just go with it.

"Ok…St. Anthony's, two weeks, Father Ryan, evening wedding, just our family, Mick's afterwards, the rest is all yours."

"Yeah! Thank you Renee'! Wait until you see your dress! You are going to be beautiful."

I laughed knowing it was useless to protest. Do Jonathan and I need to go through the formality of asking, or does everyone already know there part in this?

She bit her bottom lip. "Well…yes they do, but you can still ask."

"I give up, very well then. Tell me what did we decide?"

"Well…Bella is obviously the matron of honor, Nessie the flower girl…"

"Nessie?" I interrupted

"Mom, don't ask, I'll explain later, but she means Renesme." Bella nodded to her sister-in-law to continue.

"The best man…" She smiled up at Jonathan, knowing already that he would prefer to ask himself.

Jonathan's face registered immediate understanding. Graciously he nodded to his future son-in-law. "Edward, would you do me the honor of being my best man?"

Edward smiled and offered his one free hand to Jonathan, his other still occupied with holding his daughter. "The honor would be mine."

"Excellent!" Alice beamed. "That just leaves me, Esme and Rose for bridesmaids and Jasper, Carlisle and Emmett for groomsmen!"

"Alice… that is all of us. Who will the guests be?"

"Who needs guests? You said just us."

I had to laugh in spite of myself. "Yes, I suppose I did." After I thought about it a minute, it all made perfect sense. This was the family I waited my whole life for. It wouldn't seem right to leave anyone out."

The tiniest of wrinkles appeared between Alice's golden eyes. "There's just one problem, I can't see who's going to give you away."

The minute she posed the question, I thought of the perfect person, the only member of our family so far not in attendance.

"Perfect!" She beamed as she leaped forward to hug me.

I turned, finally a satisfied smile on my face. "Jonathan honey, will you go fetch my shoes?"

**Twenty Three**

**A Cullenoscopy**

I HAD NO IDEA WHERE WE WERE HEADED AS WE GOT IN THE CAR TO leave. But by this point I had learned to just sit back and enjoy it. It wasn't long before I had an inkling of our destination. My suspicions were confirmed when we turned down a very dark yet very familiar road.

"The log house?" I asked my voice instantly emotional. "You rented it again?"

"No, my love, I bought for you as a wedding gift. Is that okay?"

I flew across the seat and landed in his lap, now knowing that even the greatest of distractions could in no way hinder his driving abilities. "Thank you sweetheart." I peppered his face and neck with kisses. "This place means so much to me."

"Myself as well." His reply filled with emotion, his voice now husky as he returned my affections with a single soft kiss.

We rounded the drive and it appeared before us, framed by soft landscape lighting, Jonathan never missing a single detail. It was perfect, the outside exactly as I had remembered it. I got out of the car slowly, my eyes savoring every precious facet.

The temporary spell was broken when he swept me up in his arms and carried me up the stairs and through the door of our first home together. It was a bizarrely déjà vu experience as he kissed me, placed me on my feet, and went to the fireplace to build a fire.

Light started to fill the room as the firelight grew. To my shock as I looked around I noticed not a thing had changed. Every stick of furniture, every rug, every lamp was identical to how I had remembered it with the exception of one personal touch. The entire house was filled with framed pictures of both Bella and me. Beginning with the day I brought her home from the hospital and ending with the two of us embracing on her wedding day.

"Jonathan, how did you do all of this?" My heart overflowed with gratitude and love.

He smiled as he shot across the room and took me in his arms. "I have to confess, I am no miracle worker. I bought the place for you years ago, as a wedding gift true, but our first wedding. I just couldn't stand the thought of anyone other than us sharing memories here. Seeing the look on your face right now, I am glad I did. As for the pictures, well, I told you I was never far away."

I leapt up, clutching him around the neck and holding him as tight as I possibly could. "Thank you, thank you for loving me."

He said nothing but held me close until I was ready to let go. Gently he placed me back on my feet.

"Why don't I go and get the bags, while you get ready for bed?" He offered roguishly.

"Deal."

He went one way and I went the other. He was back with our mountain of luggage before I had taken even ten steps. Captivated by what I saw in the path before me I remained in place. I heard him set the bags down, I didn't hear him move but I could feel him behind me.

He placed his hands on my shoulders as whispered in my ear. "Wedding present number two, like it?"

"Baby, it looks exactly the same as the other piano." I spoke so softly that to anyone else my words would have been imperceptible.

"That is because it is exactly the same piano."

"Impossible." I muttered quietly. Examining his face carefully I found no reason to doubt him.

He placed his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders as if it were no big deal.

"How can this be, I donated that piano to the school years ago. This one is in perfect condition."

"That's because I bought it back from the school years ago. I intended this as a gift for you, it is for you only for you to play." He confessed a touch of sadness in his beautiful voice. "But please sweetheart, let's hang on to it this time, this is the second time I had to pay a small fortune for the same instrument."

"You know what you are?" I questioned.

He raised a single eyebrow and as was now common practice, my heart skipped a beat. "I am dying to know."

"A hopeless romantic."

"Yes." He agreed. "Thanks to you, that is exactly what I am." He cupped his hand under my chin while sweeping his lips softly down my jaw line to ultimately rest on mine.

Raising a single eyebrow of my own I took two steps back. Crisscrossing my arms in front of me, I grasped the hem of my sweater, pulled it over my head and tossed it to him. He caught it effortlessly without ever taking his eyes from me. Then turning around I carefully unzipped my skirt, molding my hands to my hips as I slid the garment down to the floor with deliberate slowness. Once bent completely over, I stepped out of it, slowly regaining my previous posture. Facing him I now wore only the skimpy black lace undergarments, seamed hosiery complete with garters and of course the stilettos he had retrieved for me earlier.

"What do you say we skip the unpacking and go to bed early, I'm tired." I suggested, my voice dripping with mocked innocence as I feigned a slight yawn.

One corner of his mouth went up as he tossed my sweater aside. We were upstairs in our bed before it hit the floor.

When morning came I kept my eyes closed, a touch of fear in my heart. The last time I had been in this position I woke to the worst day in my life. A mental battled ensued in my head before finally having the courage to open one eye. He was leaning on one arm looking down at me.

"Love, would you mind telling what it is you are doing?" He asked amused.

"Just making sure you were still here." I did my best to sound casual, but my voice had the slightest of tremors in it, giving me away.

He amused expression quickly faded. "That is something you will never ever have to worry about again. Even if you told me to leave I wouldn't go. You are mine, heaven help the man who would ever try to steal you away from me now."

Of course I already knew everything he had just said, but I still needed to hear it anyway. "Well then, now that that's all cleared up…" I rolled over to climb on top of him resting my head on his chest while I stretched out over him.

"That's better." He smiled. "Good morning."

"Good morning." Contentment and warmth washed over me. "Baby, it's good to be home."

"I couldn't agree more." His cool fingers lazily grazing up and down my back.

"We didn't really talk about it. Is it ok the wedding's in two weeks?" I folded my hands and rested my chin on them to look up to him.

He stroked my hair, casually brushing it away from my face. "Baby its ok if the wedding is today, the sooner the better as far as I am concerned. Speaking of which, I have another wedding present for you. I've been waiting forever for you to wake up so I can give it to you." He gave me a playful smack on my rear. "Get up!"

"Another one? You are going to spoil me rotten."

"That's the plan." He wrapped the sheet around me, picked me up and deposited me in the bathroom.

Not wanting to keep him waiting a moment longer than necessary, I quickly cleaned up and met him downstairs.

"Ready?" He asked, his voice full of excitement.

"You bet." I said, already caught up in his enthusiasm

He held out a hand to me as we walked outside. I expected him to go to straight to the car but was surprised when we passed it by.

"Where are we going?

"You'll see."

I hadn't noticed last night, but there was one major change to the outside of the house. The driveway had been extended to wrap around behind the main structure. We followed it to an enormous out building in the back.

Once we were positioned in front of it I was given instructions. "Close your eyes, no peeking."

He was so excited, I didn't want to spoil his fun, I closed my eyes tightly and resisted the impulse to steal a peek. I could hear the distinctive sound of a metal door retracting.

"Ok, you can open them now!" His deep voice filled with excitement.

The out building was in fact a massive garage. To my surprise directly in front of me, was the baby blue Cadillac that I had been instrumental in totaling.

"Jonathan, you fixed it." I moved closer to the car. "This amazing, it looks as good as new. Can we take it today?"

"If you want, but I thought you might want to drive something different." He nodded to another vehicle in the far corner covered by a large tarp. "That is your present baby, the Caddy's just icing on the cake."

He took my hand and led the way, releasing it only to remove the cover. In one fluid movement it was off. "Surprise!"

My hands flew immediately to my mouth. "Oh my gosh Jonathan! How did you ever do this?"

Before me was the old Volkswagen bug my Dad had bought me for college, I would have known it anywhere.

"Like it?"

"Like it? How did you ever find it? Charlie sold it for me years ago."

"I know, I'm the one who bought it, through an intermediary of course."

The top was down, I bent over to look at the interior and that's when I saw it. "It can't be." Reaching into the back seat I retrieved my old guitar case. I inspected the worn handle to find my old initials still carved there. Holding my breath I unclasped the latches and slowly flipped the lid open. There it was just as I had left it, my old Gibson. I lifted it out of the case as gingerly as if it were a precious heirloom. As I ran my hands over the strings emotion overwhelmed me.

"How?" I shook my head, seeing it but still not believing it. "I threw it in the trash."

"Let's just say I recycled it."

"You…you were there?"

"I was always there, watching over you. It almost killed me the day I saw you put that in with the garbage. It was like watching you throw away a piece of your heart."

"That is exactly what I was doing." I reached in the case and picked it up. "It even feels the same." I smiled as I stroked my thumb over the strings.

Jonathan reached in the case and pulled out some sheet music that was on the bottom. He laughed as he read the title. "Close enough to kiss?"

"Tease all you want. That song is about you. If I remember correctly, I even think I finished it during our first writing class. I just sat there watching you speak, not really hearing a word. Even then all I could think about was that gorgeous mouth of yours."

"You wrote this then? I thought you hated me."

"Baby, I loved you even before I saw you, the second I saw the car I was a goner. As long as you were under sixty-five you were in." I joked.

"Is that so?"

"That is so." I snatched the paper from his hand and tossed it back in the case along with the guitar and closed the lid. "Honey, would it be alright if I met you at the Cullen's? I think there is a stop I'd like to make first." I tried to wipe the idiotic grin off my face, but it was a lost cause.

He took the case from my grip and deposited it back in the car, the grin on his face just as idiotic as my own. "Absolutely."

I circled the car around to the drivers side.

He was there before me, holding open the door. "Have fun!"

Starting my old car, it had the same high pitched rattle I remembered. I clapped my hands together in excitement. "Yeah!"

He snapped the door shut and bend to kiss me goodbye.

"I love you…Thank you for this." My words an insufficient expression of my gratitude.

"Believe me, the pleasure is all mine." His voice touching me in places I couldn't talk about in public.

After carefully putting the car in gear and exiting the garage, I was able to see him clearly in my rear view mirror, watching me go. In the few seconds it took for me to reach the end of the drive and pop the car into third, the garage was closed and he was no longer in sight.

My destination clear in my mind, I drove straight to the highway and down the road to my favorite spot. I wondered if I would still be able to find it after all these years. Everything most likely would be way over grown by now, my sense of direction being less than stellar, I hoped I wouldn't get lost. The signage on the road side was still the same. That at least gave me my jumping off point.

Once parked, I collected the case from the back seat and put the top up. This time I didn't want to take a chance on the rain damaging a gift that he worked so hard to give to me.

Inside the forest everything was different, just as I had feared. Moving slowly and carefully I tried to maintain the general direction I recalled from my distant memory. Disappointment was starting to develop when through the trees ahead I caught a glimpse of one of the gigantic boulders. Thrilled at the sight I became so excited that I started to move faster. Breathing heavily I arrived in the small clearing out of breath. Looking up through the tree tops, amazingly after all these years, sky was still visible through them.

Placing the case on a nearby tree stump I opened it and took out my beloved old friend. After unhooking the strap I placed it around my neck, refastened it, and I was home.

Into the center of the clearing I walked, strumming a single chord just to hear the familiar sound of the nature's acoustics that made this particular spot so special.

Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes, as was my old habit, hearing the song in my head before a single note was played. Unhurriedly my fingers picked at the strings. I thought I would be rusty, but the music came back to me like an old friend. One of those special irreplaceable friendships that neither time nor distance could ever alter. Without hesitation the song in my hands caught up with the song in my head and in my heart. To my shock and surprise they flew over the strings with all the speed, intensity and precision of my youth.

Now that my hands were free the lyrics sprang out of me and I sang with every bit of the joy I felt inside me. As I did, I thought of my family, all we had survived and all the many blessings in our lives. The final chord strummed, I was able to step fully out of the shadow of my past. Miraculously there was no more sorrow, finally I was free.

As the echo of my final note bounced off the boulders and dissipated in the air I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. About to begin another song, I stopped when I heard the light yet familiar sound of bells. It lasted only as couple of seconds then abruptly stopped.

I was not alone. Even after only a single day, the beautiful music I heard was unmistakable. It was the distinctive and totally unique sound of my granddaughter's laughter.

Placing my hands on my hips I directed my line of vision upwards to the trees high above me. My weak mortal eyes could see nothing out of the ordinary, but I knew without a doubt that they were there.

"Okay you guys, you might as well come out!" Slipping my guitar over my head, I gently returned it to the case as I waited.

I heard the same precious giggle and then… it started raining vampires. All at once they all came leaping into the small clearing.

"Mom! Oh my gosh, that was awesome. I had no idea." Bella was instantly in front of me holding Renesme in her arms. "How is it possible you kept that hidden all this time?"

I didn't have a chance to respond to her before the baby chimed in. "Grandma, we were spying on you. Daddy said I had to be very quiet."

"You baby girl, did an excellent job." I reached out for her sweet little hand and kissed it.

Looking around I made fast work of locating the actual culprit. I found him quickly, trying unsuccessfully to appear nonchalant, while partially hiding behind Emmett.

"This is seriously embarrassing, is there anyone you didn't bring with you? Jonathan?

"Someone check her shoes." Emmett joked, then turning back to his buddy. "Dude your safe, no heels today."

Both Jasper and Rosalie stifled laughs.

Esme stepped forward, ignoring her children. "Please don't be angry with us. You were just wonderful dear."

It was impossible to feel anything but love toward her. "Thank you, and I'm not angry, just slightly mortified."

Just to let him know he still was not off the hook, I once again peeked around Emmett to shoot Jonathan a disapproving glare.

Edward uncharacteristically interrupted me. "Renee' you have no reason to be embarrassed. I have never seen human fingers move so fast. You are one incredible musician. As a bit of a musician myself, I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for you to suppress that all this time."

I was touched by his compliment and his sentiment. "Thank you Edward, that means a lot to me."

I watched my daughters face as she listened to her husband's brief speech. At the sound of her husband's voice I could see her slightly furrowed brow noticeably soften. They were so in sync with each other that he spoke to her even when he was directly speaking with someone else.

All the revelations about me and my past were a lot for her to digest. As the upcoming days and weeks unfolded I was certain she would gradually be able to grasp it all. Now with all the pieces of the puzzle at her disposal, our lives together will have at long last made perfect sense.

She was now after all, both a wife and mother. Armed with that reality, she would have all the tools necessary to be able to better comprehend how the events in all of our lives, whether they are by our choice or not, are instrumental in shaping who we are and what we become.

"How about another song?" Jasper teased, taking me completely by surprise. It was quite a compliment coming from him. He never teased anyone he didn't feel completely comfortable with.

Alice danced over to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Not you too." I whined. Shaking my head and latched the guitar case. "Let's go home."

Then, pointing a finger at Jonathan. "You, mister are in serious trouble, but I might forgive you in exchange for a ride to my car."

Finally he left the sanctuary of Emmett and walked over to me, his head tilted to one side. "Don't be angry with me sweetie, I just thought it was time Bella saw who her mother really was, the Remy I fell in love with."

"Alright then you're forgiven." I sighed. "But if I had stunk, it would be a whole different story."

"Impossible." He said proudly while he scooped up both me and my guitar. Then he leaned down and proposed a challenge to our granddaughter. "Nessie, what to race Grandma and me home?"

"Yeah, Daddy a race!" She started bouncing up and down and squirming in her mother's arms.

Bella laughed and bent down placing her daughter on her feet.

Edward smiled and nodded to Jonathan.

"Are you ready?" Jonathan asked

She nodded her mop of curls wildly up and down, her little fists clenched and ready to go.

Jonathan turned to face us in the direction of the road. "Okay then. Ready…set…go!"

We were all off like a shot, in a hundred different directions. Jonathan and I were at the car in seconds. Even though this was a game with our grandchild there was no way he was going to let me drive. He tossed me in the passenger seat and we were off. I was shocked my old V-dub could still move so fast. When we arrived at the Cullen's of course they were all there already there, standing casually in the living room, not a single hair out of place.

Only Renesme gave any indication of their recent arrival. She came bounding across the room and leaped into Jonathans arms. "Papa, we beat you!"

"Papa?" I directed the question to Jonathan.

He shrugged a big smile on his face while he gave her an affectionate squeeze. "It was Edward's suggestion, since Charlie is Grandpa."

"I like it."

He lifted a skeptical eye brow. "Did you run on your own, or did Daddy carry you?"

She giggled and placed her chubby hand over her mouth. She then turned and eyed her father and fellow conspirator.

Her vow of silence only lasted a moment before she confessed. "Daddy carried me…Daddy's fast."

"He is indeed little one." He agreed as he petted her.

"My turn!" I announced as I reached for her.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with blissful normalcy. The boys watched sports, while the girls fussed with wedding plans. Jacob came over again and somehow managed to remain on my good side. Jonathan, Bella and Edward tried to explain his intentions to me. I had to admit his feelings toward my granddaughter for the moment seemed to be nothing but protective and fatherly. I still had the inkling though, that they were leaving something out.

I spent the majority of my afternoon with Nessie in my lap. In between her naps and feedings she would convey to me all her memories and stories in her own talented way.

It was amazing to see even the smallest of details as they were seen through a child's eyes, everything so innocent and pure.

As she was telling me stories I abruptly caught a glimpse of dark cloaked figures. These creatures from her memory were clearly vampires, unmistakably a breed that was the polar opposites of the ones in this room.

As I saw the vision I turned to look at her face, hoping she was dreaming and this particular communication was not real. Her eyes were open, a tiny crease between her unhappy little brow.

Edward's head snapped up immediately as he read her thoughts and mine.

"What is it?" Bella asked, aware of both her husband's and my mental connection.

"That depends." I said. "Who are the pasty faced death eaters in my granddaughter's memory?"

To my surprise it was Jonathan who responded. "What you are seeing my love is the Volturi. They are what many of our kind consider to be a sort of vampire Gestapo."

He looked to Edward, visibly unhappy that both his granddaughter and I were made aware of such evil. He continued. "Publicly their purpose is the protection of our kind and our way of life. In reality they are ruthless and corrupt bent only on their own power and domination."

"Nicely put." Edward complimented.

"That's all great and good. What are these assho... I looked down to the impressionable child in my arms and rethought my phrasing. "Excuse me… things doing in Nessie's head?"

Now Bella spoke up. "Mom, they were the visitors we told you about, the reason you had to stay away so long. Alice foresaw their coming, for obvious reasons, you could not be here."

"I can understand that, what I can't understand is why no one told me the truth. Why were they here, what did they want?"

Carlisle chimed in, providing an explanation. "They wanted to destroy those of us who were of little or no use them, and collect those of us with extraordinary abilities, abilities they could recruit to further their power. They felt Nessie's birth was their excuse to do just that. They were proven wrong, and therefore equally unsuccessful in both endeavors."

Now I was mad. Still holding the baby in my arms I turned to the only person in the room I wasn't angry at and handed her to him. "Would you mind taking her out of here for a moment please?" He was just as surprised at my choice as I was.

"Um…Sure Renee'. No problem. Jacob took the baby from my arms and left the room.

As soon as he was gone I turned to face the family.

"Ok, let's cut the crap shall we? I am not a child, certainly not one to be coddled and humored. I do not appreciate all of you keeping things from me, especially something this critical to the survival of all of us."

Bella interrupted me, her tone exasperated and slightly condescending. "Mom, you don't understand the circumstances. We had to do it your own good, for your protection, and ours."

Lowering my voice, I refocused my angry attention to my child. "You listen to me young lady. I have been keeping the existence of vampires a secret since before you were born. I have survived the worst pain imaginable to keep YOU safe. I am your mother, you are not mine. Do not ever presume to again to patronize me. Do I make myself clear?"

She stared at me wide eyed and then looked at her feet. "Yes maam."

"Am I a member of this family or aren't I?" I posed the question to no one in particular.

"You are." Jasper's quick response left no doubt as to his opinion.

"Thank you." I said, continuing I directed my attention back to the room. "Whether or not I am mortal is irrelevant, as a member of this family I have a right to know what is going on. Just because I can't live forever that doesn't mean that my life or my love for my family is any less important than yours. For you all to continue to keep the truth from me is not only insulting, it's wrong and I won't tolerate it."

Carlisle and Edward exchanged glances. The room waited as did I.

Carlisle's expression was disturbed but left not a clue as to his feelings over my words. "Remy, allow me to apologize. What you say is true. You absolutely did have every right to know. It was wrong of us to keep it from you." He looked around to the rest of the family. "You have my word, it won't happen again."

"Thank you Carlisle."

Bella walked over to me, a pout on her face like when she was a little girl and got caught at something or other. "Mom, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay baby." I smiled and then narrowed my eyes in mocked anger. "Just don't let it happen again."

Alice glided across the room and situated herself between Bella and me. "Don't you want to see your wedding dress?" She asked innocently.

It was evident this shift of course was her attempt to calm the situation and get us all back on the same page. That and the fact she was probably dying to show me the dress.

"You already have it?" I asked, but in truth I wasn't really surprised. "Um…Alice? I kind of already had something in mind."

She rolled her pretty golden eyes. "I know that." She took a hold of both Bella and my hands and yanked us toward the stairs. Esme and Rose followed as we all headed up the stairs for some much needed girl time.

"Mom?" Bella said sweetly as we ascended the staircase.

"Yes honey?"

"There is one more thing I should probably tell you." She confessed as we walked at a humans pace.

I was ecstatic she was taking me seriously. "Great, what is it baby?"

"Um… well…Jacob is a werewolf."

"What?" Without waiting for a response, I ran down the stairs taking two at a time. In the process playing a little vampire bowling as I plowed through them all to get to the next room. "Jacob!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

It took several hours for my heart rate to return to normal as Bella, Edward and Jacob attempted to explain to Jonathan and me the intricacies of being a werewolf and the once delicate but now stable relationship that existed between the Quileute packs and the Cullen's. Although Jonathan sensed something strangely unique about Jacob, at the time he had let it go, trusting the Cullen's judgment being certain the truth would surface eventually.

To everyone's surprise I had little trouble accepting the news. The fact that there were werewolves in Forks and that my daughters best friend was one of them wasn't all that much of a shock. No, as strange as it sounded I had no problem with it. My source of discomfort was the issue that my grandchild seemed to be eternally attached to one.

Luckily for Jacob my impending wedding was an excellent distraction. I was far too focused on it and Jonathan to be concerned with giving him a hard time. Alice kept me and the entire family busy with details for the entirety of the following two weeks. I had only one issue left with which to address, the subject of my mortality. It was a topic that had been carefully avoided by all of us. In my mind, the question was a relatively simple one, do I become one of them and live an eternity with my beloved family, or… do I live the life I was born to live?

**Twenty Four**

**For As Long As We Both Shall Live**

THE EVE OF THE WEDDING FINALLY DAWNED, ONLY ONE MORE DAY and I would be finally, before God, man and immortal, officially become Mrs. Jonathan Markum. I had received very specific instructions from my wedding coordinator to get over to the house as soon as I awoke. The current plan being that when we arrived, the men would come over to our house. The Markum and Cullen households were being divided into two distinct pre-wedding camps.

Even though our relationship had already suffered every obstacle known to mortal man and immortal alike, Alice was taking no chances that the groom would get even a glance of the bride before the big day. Also considering that the entire family was actually in the wedding Alice thought it would be more fun this way.

Unlike most grooms, Jonathan was reveling in all the pre-wedding excitement. He had even purchased a state of the art plasma TV and mounted it in the great room for all the boys. Their plan was to go hunting first and then watch the Super Bowl before the wedding.

Thankfully I had requested the ceremony be at night, for obvious reasons, with any luck the game would be over long before the ceremony began. The last thing I needed or wanted was grumpy groomsmen. Only I would plan my wedding to coincide with Super Bowl Sunday. When I had said two weeks, Alice had taken me at my literal word.

The sun shone through the glass surrounding our room, the light bouncing off Jonathan's naked chest and causing it to dance with all the sparkling facets of a precious stone.

"Hello gorgeous." I moaned as I immediately moved my mouth over the shimmering sculpted surface.

"Look who's talking." His arms wrapped around me, one hand absently stroking my backside.

Suddenly I felt something ice cold hit my skin, something colder than him. Upon further inspection, I found a metal object of some kind gripped in his other hand.

I sat up. "What's that?"

He grinned. "A present for Nessie, it's a Rubick's cube. Well, sort of. She was too smart and too strong for a regular one. I made this one is made of steel, and instead of matching colors, she will have to match the solutions of different mathematical equations."

I reached and took the object from his hand and almost twisted my wrist trying to lift it. "Sweetie, she is only six months old, mathematical equation solving?"

He laughed. "Do you know what she did yesterday? She read me William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, the entire play! Believe me she will have this thing conquered in a matter of hours. I just hope it can keep her from being bored while all you ladies to get everything done you need to."

I handed him back the toy. "I am sure she will love it…Papa."

"Well, let's get a move on, I'm sure the gentlemen are waiting on me to go."

Ignoring his request, I sat up in the bed pulling the sheet with me as I propped myself against the massive mahogany head board. I needed to talk seriously to him without any distractions. "Baby, I wanted to talk to you about something. This will be our last chance speak alone until after the wedding."

He sat up as well, taking my hands in his, his warm eyes loving and tender. "I knew this was coming. Whatever it is that you decide you already know I stand behind you."

"This is not just about me, it's about you and me and all of us."

"True, it does affect all of us in some way, but in the end it is your life, your mortality, only you know what is best for you."

Taking a deep breath I let it out. "I don't ever want to be apart from you. But I also don't think I'm ready to be changed, I'm not sure if I ever will be. I spent so many years not being myself…I just don't think I am ready to give that up yet. I just got "me" back. I'm sorry I know that sounds selfish."

"It's not selfish. It is who you are, to ask you to be less than that would be wrong of me."

"You know if you asked me to do it I would." I confessed. "There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.

He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed it. "I know."

"I just want you to know how I truly felt before we got married… again."

This time he pulled me out from underneath the modesty of the sheet and placed me on his lap. "Do you really think there is anything in this world that would ever prevent me from marrying you?" I started to speak and he placed a finger across my lips. "There isn't. I am about to be your husband, this time before God and all our family. Whether our life together here on earth is for fifty years or five hundred and fifty years you will be my wife for the rest of my life, just as I promised you before. Whether you are mortal or immortal is irrelevant to that fact."

A slow tear came to my eye as I leaned in to kiss him. He pulled me close and kissed me back.

By the time our lips separated I was gasping for air. "I love you, really love you."

"As I do you." He smiled. "Now get ready, before Alice shows up at the door demanding your presence."

We both knew he was only joking but in reality he wasn't far off the mark. I got ready quickly knowing that Alice had an entire day of beauty planned anyway, so there was no need to go crazy just yet.

When we arrived she was waiting impatiently, her arms folded across her chest. "Do you two realize what time it is?" She scolded as she tapped her toe with all the speed and complexity of Bo Jangles.

"I'm sorry Alice, we were um…busy."

She didn't miss a beat. "Save it for the wedding night, we have things to do! Boys!" She called. "It's time for you to beat it!" Her angelic voice rang sweetly, making it impossible to find it or her intimidating.

"Wait!" I yelled. "I was kind of hoping for a short family meeting while we're all here together."

"Oh." She looked down suddenly, her cheerful demeanor changing abruptly, her mood now uncharacteristically quiet and sullen. "That's right, I almost forgot." She moved to sit in a nearby chair while keeping her line of vision directed solely at her feet.

Taking a step forward I touched the top of her head. "It will only take a minute, I promise."

It was unnecessary to call them all in, by the time Alice and I had finished our exchange everyone had heard us and was present. Nessie was in the corner, sitting in Jacobs lap. Jonathan crossed the room to give her the new toy. I knew to hopefully occupy her interest while I spoke.

Bella was at my side even before I turned around.

Taking her hand in mine the two of us I faced the rest of the family. Once I had their attention I had a tough time formulating the words, even though I was certain Alice had foreseen at least some of this and clued them in.

I cleared my throat. "I wanted to speak to you all about something. I know we have never actually discussed it, with so much else going on it seemed of minor importance. With the wedding tomorrow, now is probably a good time."

This was a more difficult than I thought it was going to be. Mostly because I had no idea how they would feel about it either way. Would they respect my wishes and support me, or would they consider having a mortal around all the time a danger as well as a hindrance? I glimpsed at Jonathan, he gave me his usual reassuring smile and nodded for me to continue.

Edward read my thoughts and obviously knew I was apprehensive. "Renee' it will be okay. Just tell us how you feel, we been through this before, believe me we will understand."

I smiled at my new son-in-law and his kindness. "It's time we addressed the subject of my mortality. Jonathan and I have talked about it, and if no one has any objections, I have decided to remain as I am."

I paused, searching the faces in the room. The only sound was a slight whimper from Alice, Edward shot her a sharp glance and she immediately quieted.

Squeezing my daughters hand I continued. "I love you all very much. If at any time my mortality serves as a danger to this family, without even a seconds hesitation I will be begging my husband to change me."

I wondered if they thought I was crazy. What kind of idiot would want to remain mortal when she could spend eternity with a man like Jonathan? How could I explain it so they would understand?

I had to try. "Tomorrow after decades of waiting, I am marrying the love of my life, I have the most wonderful daughter in the world, a beautiful new granddaughter, and the family I never thought I would have again. To be blessed with all these gifts and still ask for immortality seems somehow…greedy. I just want to live the life I was born to live with the people I love, but only as long as my choice doesn't hurt anyone else. Would that be alright?"

Bella released my hand and hugged me close. "Of course it's alright Mom, we just want you to be happy."

Carlisle stepped forward and reached for my hand, pulling me from my daughters embrace. "We all know this was not an easy decision for you. Your choice is a courageous one. Know that we will do everything in our power to help you to honor that choice."

Alice could no longer hold her silence another whimper escaping her throat. I turned my attention to Edward, asking him a silent question. He nodded once and looked down. Carlisle released my hand and I went to her. Kneeling on the floor before her, she neither looked up nor acknowledged my presence.

Bella sat on the couch next to her friend, taking her hand.

Resting my arms across her knees and spoke as softly as possible. "You see the end do you?"

She nodded, still refusing to make eye contact with me.

"Am I very old?" I asked.

Again she nodded.

"Are all of you with me?"

She finally looked at me, her beautiful face grief stricken. "Yes." She whispered.

"Then what more could I ask?"

She nodded once more, this time a slow understanding smile appearing on her sweet face.

Jonathan was behind me, lifting me to my feet and pulling me into his arms.

"Well done." He whispered in my ear.

I smiled and whispered in return. "Just so you know, I reserve the right to change my mind at anytime."

"Deal." He agreed.

Alice's sadness quickly evaporated as she recalled the purpose of the day. "Ok! Let the pre-wedding festivities begin!

The gentlemen were quickly shuffled out the door, every one of them barely receiving a chaste kiss from their significant other.

Before the door was even closed Alice had me in her arms and up the stairs. "Time for your fitting!" She sang.

All the girls sat on the king sized bed in Esme's and Carlisle's room to await their turn while I obligingly stripped and held my arms up to be dressed by the master. Alice carefully slid the dress over my head, gently pulling it to the floor. She then reached for my hand to help me onto a small platform she had placed in front of a three way mirror.

It was the exact dress I had envisioned in my mind. "Alice, you are amazing."

The dress was white, a fact which could be considered inappropriate in some circles, but the lot of us we were nothing if not unconventional. The gown itself was sleeveless, it's décolleté' v-shaped; the back of it plunging downward nearly to the waist, it v-shaped as well.

The dress was slightly form fitted from the bodice to the knees where it flowed out to form an elegant cascading train, giving it a bit of a mermaid effect. It was definitely sexy, but had a distinct air of class and elegance found in dresses from a much earlier time period.

"Do you like it?" She beamed up at me.

"I love it. Thank you." Once again tears welling up in the human's eyes.

Rosalie came prepared and handed me a tissue.

"I have never in my life seen anyone cry as much as you." Her tone was stern, but the smile on her face contradicted it.

Bella shot her sister-in-law as disapproving look.

"What did I say? It's the truth isn't it?" She defended her comment.

"Mom, you look beautiful. Nessie, doesn't Grandma look pretty?"

Her chubby little hands still gripped around her rubicks cube, her tiny brow furrowed in concentration. Her mother poked her and she looked up.

"Grandma is beeeutiful." She quickly observed before returning her attention to her latest challenge.

Alice pinned the dress in a few places and carefully pulled it over my head. Once it was neatly hung she chirped. "Next!"

The rest of the ladies followed suit, all taking their turn on the platform. Every one of them was stunning. The color I had chosen for their dresses was a deep crimson. All of the dresses were of the same material but each uniquely designed for the wearer, geared to her own style and preferences. Considering the entire wedding party was made up of vampires, I thought the color entirely appropriate, besides red was my favorite color. I bet Freud would have had a field day with that one.

After much persuasion we were finally able to coax Nessie away from her new toy for her fitting. Her dress was made up of white satin, sleeveless, with a while tulle skirt that hung to her ankles. The only color on the dress was an enormous red satin bow around the waist, and tiny red satin roses sewn onto the tulle. Her bronze curls hung down her back just above the bow, the picture she presented was the very definition of childhood beauty.

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent beautifying ourselves. I was steamed, exfoliated, cleansed, microdermabrasied, moisturized, plucked, waxed, polished and curled. I never knew that being pampered could prove to be so exhausting.

"Alice honey, is it all right if I get ready for bed now?" I pleaded.

"Yes, I suppose. We have to get busy with some other details anyway."

I kissed her cool cheek. "Thank you for today, it was wonderful."

"Your welcome, now get some sleep so you'll be rested for the big day!" She chirped.

Reaching in my overnight bag I rummaged around and found the shirt of Jonathans that I had brought to sleep in. For the second time in six months, I heard a vampire gasp.

"I chose for you some of the most exquisite lingerie currently in existence, and you prefer to sleep in that?" Alice asked completely aghast.

Grasping the oversized button down in my hand, I explained. "Well… its Jonathan's, I always wear one of his shirts to sleep in when he's gone. It helps to miss him less." I lifted in to my face and breathed in its scent and sighed, a contented smile on my face. "See, it smells like him." I offered.

Alice rolled her eyes, Rosalie laughed and Esme smiled affectionately.

Only my daughter spoke. "Mom, I used to do the same thing with Edwards stuff." She picked up a sleepy Nessie and kissed my cheek. "Good night Mom, see you in the morning!"

One minute they were all there, the next I was completely alone. In truth it turned out to be perfect timing. Alice, Rose and Esme were going to the church and to Mick's to decorate. That part of the wedding meant to be a surprise for the wedding day. I had to admit though, I was amazed that Father Ryan granted them access to the church, especially the when there was a 6am mass. They tried to convince me that his tolerance was due to his excitement over me finally marrying in the church. I suspected otherwise, Alice's charms worked wonders, even on an aging priest. Bella remained behind with me to feed Nessie and to put her to bed.

Since he rarely if ever spent time in there, I slept in Edward's old room which was now the norm when we shared late nights at the Cullen's. After the long day, sleep was not an issue, I drifted off almost immediately, but with almost no one home, the house was unusually quiet. Waking suddenly at 3:00 o'clock am, I tossed and turned for quite some time, finally giving up and I decided to get up and find my own personal cure for insomnia.

The house appeared to be completely empty. I wondered if Bella decided to take Nessie home to sleep in her own bed. I wandered the huge empty house in socks and Jonathans shirt that hung nearly to my knees.

Eventually making my way over to the piano I sat. The last time I had played this it had brought my Jonathan back to me, now tomorrow I was marrying him.

I mused, "What a remarkable instrument."

My fingers danced over the keys as I played with several different tunes, finally settling on an old favorite, the lilting melody sweetly calming.

A cool delicate hand lightly touched my arm as my daughter came to sit next to me.

"I'm sorry was I too loud? I thought you took the baby home." I apologized.

"No, we were up in Carlisle and Esme's room. She's out."

"I couldn't sleep." I offered an excuse for my odd late night piano playing.

She smiled. "I still can't believe you were able to keep this from me all these years. How could anyone remain quiet with a voice like that?"

"That is what your Grandma used to say to me."

She frowned as though she were trying to recall something but couldn't. "Some of my human memories are vague. But didn't you attempt the piano at one point and suck at it?"

I cracked up. "Your human memories seem fine. I did indeed. That was my unsuccessful attempt at reverse child psychology. I wanted you to take the piano, I figured if you saw me try and not do so well, it would inspire you to conquer it."

She put her arm around me and rested her cheek on my shoulder, like she did when she was a little girl. "Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Baby, my life is an open book." I smiled. "At least now it is." I continued playing with the keys.

"Did you love Dad?"

I stopped, twisted sideways to face her directly. She lifted her chin; her expression serene while she waited for her answer.

"Of course I loved your father. I still love him, even he knows that. Your Dad is the best there is, don't think for a second that I don't know that. He has never been anything but good to me. The happiest day of both our lives were when we found out we were having you."

"It just wasn't enough." She stated the obvious.

"Honey, I'm not sure how to explain it except to say that while your father had a big piece of my heart, I had already given most of it to Jonathan, along with most of my soul. I just didn't have anything left to give."

I thought about Phil for a moment and though best how to explain him. "I was wrong to have married Phil. I had been alone for so long, I think I needed a companion, a friend. It wasn't the same as with your Dad. He didn't expect a huge emotional commitment, which worked fine for me. That is until the bottom fell out."

For some reason I felt as though I owed her an apology, I just wasn't quite sure how to word it so she would understand.

"Bella honey…maybe I haven't always said the right things, or done the right things, but no mother could have loved a child more. You were a gift from God, always have been and always will be the most important thing to me in this world."

Smiling, she closed her eyes and laid her head back on my shoulder. "I know Mom, but it's still nice to hear you say it. I love you too."

"Aww…baby." I said kissing the top of her beautiful head.

She sighed, before offering some advice. "You better go back to bed. If Alice comes back and finds you up she will pitch a fit."

I agreed. "Good call."

Between the music and the talk with Bella I had no trouble falling back to sleep. I woke to the sound of rapid toe tapping and Alice standing impatiently over me.

Propping myself up in the enormous bed, I yawned as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. "How long as you been standing there?"

"A while." Her reply was terse, yet still cheerful. "Time to get up and shower!"

I glanced over at the clock. "Sweetie, the wedding is not for several hours, I think we're okay."

Unwilling to take no for an answer, she picked me up and carried me into the bathroom. While still holding me with one arm she turned on the hot water with the other. Finally placing me on my feet she stuffed an enormous white bath towel into my arms.

"I'll be back in 30 minutes." She announced and was out the door before I had a chance to respond or protest.

As promised she returned in 30 minutes to begin the transformation. I had to admit it was actually fun, all of us girls spending the day together getting ready.

Everyone wore their hair down except for the bride. Alice parted mine in the middle sweeping my long bangs to one side. She then spent over an hour weaving an elaborate chignon at the nape of my neck. Above which she artfully placed a few white hydrangeas.

Underneath the mass of hair was a simple veil, placed for aesthetics rather than function. I had to admit the result was impressive, I didn't even recognize myself.

The beauty of both my bridesmaids and flower girl left me speechless. Too bad there were no guests, I could have sold tickets to this shindig and made a fortune. These women would not only stop traffic, they'd cause a few pile up's.

As would be expected, Alice had us right on schedule. We were just about to leave when the doorbell rang.

"Who could that be?" Bella asked.

Esme always the gracious hostess was the first to the door as I waited on the stairs, already knowing who was on the other side.

"Grandpa!" Nessie yelled as she sprang at Charlie.

Bella looked to her father, then to me, then back to her father, her mouth gaping.

There our Charlie was, as handsome as ever in a black tuxedo and red satin vest and tie. The exact same ensemble her husband would be wearing that day.

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

He grinned and looked up at me. "Didn't your mother tell you? I'm here to give away the bride."

By the look on our daughter's face, she would cry if she could have.

Descending the stair case, I made my way into my oldest and dearest friend's arms. "Hey handsome."

He automatically pulled me close and then held me at arm's length to take a gander. "Remy honey, you are stunning."

"Look who's talking. Where's Sue?" I winked and peaked over his shoulder to see if she was waiting outside.

"She's riding to the Church with Jake and Billy."

I nodded. "Okay, then let's go get me hitched."

Bella stood there still not quite comprehending the situation. "Sue, Jacob and Billy are coming?"

"Yep!" Alice sang. "We have three guests! Now let's hurry, the photographer will be waiting."

"Wait! The flowers!" Rose called as she passed out the bouquets.

All the bouquets were beautiful and exceptionally extravagant, just like Alice. Each one displayed a combination of several varieties of red roses. Their stems artfully wrapped with two different shades of red satin and accented with pearls. Mine was exactly the same as the girls except it held as least double the amount of the same array of flowers.

Rose bent to hand Nessie her white satin covered flower girl basket filled with red rose petals.

"Now remember, we practiced. Don't drop any of these until it's time." Her aunt instructed patiently.

Nessie carefully taking hold of it, she nodded furiously as she stared at the basket gripped in her tiny hands, clearly taking her responsibility very seriously.

Rose momentarily took my flowers from me. "Oh, I almost forgot." She said as she handed me Charlie's boutonniere.

Of course, she would have no idea, but the last time I had pinned one of these on him it was for our own wedding. Slowly bringing the flower to my nose, I breathed in its aroma, a subtle yet unsuccessful attempt at stalling. Staring into his familiar warm brown eyes I had serious difficulty choking back the tears. I don't think anyone other than he would have noticed or understood.

"It's okay honey, I know." He smiled at me knowlingly.

Dear sweet Charlie, always the one to first offer me comfort no matter the cost to his own heart.

My hands slightly shaking as I gripped his lapel. He smiled and placed a hand over mine to both steady and help me conceal my emotion.

With his support, I finished pinning it and leaned up to kiss him.

After wiping the remnants of lipstick from his cheek, I announced. "There, now we are ready to go."

Once at the church, Alice ordered me to wait in the car until she was certain the coast was clear.

Thankfully it wasn't raining, but the ground was still wet. Alice was not about to take a chance on my dress getting wet or dirty. It was dark out, but having petite little Alice carrying me inside might appear suspicious. Jasper was enlisted for the assignment.

Carefully he reached inside the car to lift me into his arms. "Seriously, you are not afraid to have me hold you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be ridiculous; just like a scarecrow…you only think you're scary."

He laughed and bounced me higher into his arms. "Let's get you inside before it does start raining, Alice will have my hide if you get wet."

With the exception Jonathan and Edward everyone was there, waiting in the church vestibule. All the Cullen men looking exceptionally handsome in their perfectly tailored tuxedos, any one of them could easily have given James Bond a run for his money.

Jasper carefully placed me on my own two feet.

"There you go safe and sound." He said while offering me a quick wink.

Alice grinned at her husband and bouncing to the very tips of her toes she placed a sweet little kiss on his cheek.

Emmett as was his norm, was oblivious to the warm moment exchanged between his siblings. "Rem, wow you look good. How come mothers never looked like that when I was a kid?

I had to laugh. "Um…thanks Emmett…I think."

He tugged at his collar. "I just don't understand why I have to wear a tux it it's just us. Babe, can I at least take off the tie?" He whined to Rosalie.

Without even so much as an upwards glance Alice spoke one word and one word only. "Rose."

Rosalie smiled sweetly up at him as she stroked his tie. "Baby, you look gorgeous." She purred.

He cleared his throat. "Okay, so maybe dressing up's not such a bad idea. Let's get this show on the road."

"It's time!" Alice announced as she lined all the couples up in order.

As would be expected, she had it planned perfectly. First would be Rose and Emmett, then Alice and Jasper, next Esme and Carlisle would follow. Bella the matron of honor would travel down the aisle solo, followed by our precious baby girl.

The sound of the music sent my heart rate flying. Automatically I gripped Charlie's hand even tighter.

Leaning down, he whispered in my ear. "This is the right thing honey. We're going to be okay." Then, one corner of his mouth went up as if he had an afterthought. "Trust me, I know things." He winked as he threw my own words back at me.

Charlie's warmth and caring never ceased to astound me. Hugging him as tightly as possible, I practically buried my flowers in the back of his neck. "Thank you. Thank you for always being there for me."

As his arms tightened around me I heard the sound of our daughter's voice.

"You really do care about each other." The surprised words were spoken as she awaited her turn down the aisle.

"Of course Bells, what did you expect?" Charlie spoke to her as if she had just uttered the most ridiculous statement ever.

Her father's words and attitude brought a smile to her lips. She leaned down to whisper last minute instructions to her own daughter before she proceeded down the aisle herself.

Shaking my head, it still seemed unfathomable to me that our baby had a baby.

The two of us witnessed our granddaughter counting, once she reached ten she took a step forward and began scattering her precious petals.

"We're up!" He offered me his arm, maneuvering us toward our mark.

Once framed in the open doorway we were greeted by what might as well have been a tunnel of red roses. At the end of each pew was a massive arrangement of flowers and greenery. Each one linked by white tulle and red satin. The only light in the dark cathedral came from the dozens of lit candles the tiniest of twinkle lights artfully placed throughout. Beyond the beauty of the church, was a beauty of another kind, at the end of the long aisle waiting for me was my family, folded out before us like a beautiful Japanese fan.

I had to admit it, at first I thought the idea of us all participating in the wedding seemed excessive, but not wanting to hurt Alice's feelings I went along with it. But now, taking in the picture at the end if the aisle, I knew with certainty this was a moment I would never forget as long as I lived.

Even as impressive as they all were, he stood out from among them. His glorious face held the serene expression of love that I recognized from years before. In that moment I was back at the log house, coming down the stairs to meet my groom. If I hadn't had Charlie to anchor me, I probably would have run down the aisle to him.

As our eyes met, I still could not believe this was actually happening. Against all the odds he was here, as perfect and handsome as he was the first day I had laid eyes on him. Flanked by both Edward and Bella the picture of love they formed was beyond all imagining.

Suddenly, as I looked at his handsome face, I was unable to catch my breath. So caught up in the memory was I, that it didn't register to me that I was no longer moving. For the moment, I saw only him and he only me.

"Come on honey, let's get you married." Charlie brought me back to reality, giving me a gentle pull in the right direction trying to keep up our forward momentum going.

Finally reaching the end of the aisle, in that one holy place, was every single person in this world that I loved.

Father Ryan stepped forward, his eyes bespeaking decades of wisdom. He nodded slightly and directed his formal words to Charlie. "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

"I do." Charlie loudly proclaimed before kissing my cheek and stepping forward to place my hand inside Jonathan's.

Always the epitome of class and graciousness Jonathan extended his free hand to Charlie. "Thank you Charlie." They were only three simple words; it was the sincerity behind them that made all the difference.

Charlie bowed slightly and gave me a wink before taking his seat in the first pew between Sue and Billy.

Jonathan whispered in my ear. "You are more beautiful than I deserve."

"Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you." I whispered back.

Father Ryan cleared his throat to silence us, a clear indication as to whom was running the show. He proceeded with the formal ceremony, but I barely heard a word, my heart and my mind focused on the man standing next to me. Taking in the altar before us, I thought of my parents and knew in my heart they were not far away. Even though it was unconventional I was positive they would be happy we were all here together at long last.

As our family looked on, we exchanged vows and rings identical to the ones we had exchanged years before. Neither of us needing the words repeated for us, both having spent years replaying them in our minds. Unbelievably, each one was spoken with even more love and emotion than the first time. We had been through so much both together and apart, each one had become all the more precious as a result.

After the vows spoken and rings exchanged I waited as perhaps the most important part of the sacrament was given and received.

As instructed, Jonathan and I held hands as we knelt and bowed our heads together. A blessing offered both for us and our family, the latter being of equal if not even greater importance to me.

"…please grant them the protection of your kingdom and an eternity of peace together…" I closed my eyes and squeezed Jonathan's hand tightly as I repeated the father's final words in my head.

Once finished, the old priest smiled down upon the bride and groom, gesturing for us to rise. As he concluded the ceremony we listened anxiously for the words we had both waited so long to hear.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife." He nodded to Jonathan. "Sir, you may kiss your bride."

Jonathan ignored the onlookers as he held my face in his hands; slowly his lips finding mine, he kissed me as though there was no one else in the room. So much so, the thoughts his kiss conjured in my head were not appropriate for church.

Edward cleared his throat behind us.

Jonathan didn't even need to ask. He finished his kiss, while at the same time forcing himself to stifle a laugh.

Peeking around him I smiled at my son-in-law. "Oops, sorry." Narrowing my eyes I accused my husband. "You are going to get me into trouble."

His beautiful warm beautiful eyes smiled down at me as he whispered in my ear. "Darling, you make the mistake of assuming it is only your thoughts he can read." A mischievous grin enveloped his face.

"Oh." I said, the complete picture finally dawning on me.

We were quickly bombarded with hugs and kisses from all. It didn't take long for Alice to organize the party for formal pictures. The process taking almost an entire hour as she artfully arranged the lot of us in every conceivable grouping and pose.

Once finished, we were gratefully awarded some alone time in the car on the way to Mick's. The boys had taken the liberty of decorating the Cadillac, even down to the tin cans tied on to the back bumper.

I had to laugh as we rattled down the street. "Very subtle." I observed.

"Isn't it though?" He grinned.

Cuddling close to him I kissed him as he drove. It must not have been close enough because he picked me up with his free arm and settled me instead across his lap.

Now wedged between the door and the steering wheel I continued brushing my lips up and down the length of his neck as I loosened his tie.

"Umm…" He moaned. Maybe we could skip Mick's."

"She will kill us, especially since I am the one who insisted on going there. Besides we have the whole place to ourselves. It will be fun."

"Whatever you say Mrs. Markum."

"I like the sound of that…even more today." I whispered in his ear as I softly bit his earlobe.

"Keep that up and the reception will be taking place minus the bride and groom."

"Promises, promises." I muttered as I continued nibbling.

Not to be taken lightly, he floored the car, quickly cornered it down a narrow side road and deftly backed it in between two massive bushes, the entire process transpiring in less than a minute. Once we were parked he wasted no time, in a heartbeat the ignition was off and he was pulling me along with him over the seat.

He held me tight in his grip, his voice deep and penetrating. "My love, as our marriage progresses, you will find that I am a man of my word."

Reaching for the back of my neck he drew my mouth down to his, his cool hard lips parting mine. His hands strong yet gentle as they explored my body through the silk of my gown.

Huskily he whispered in my ear. "I want my wife…now."

Those five words were all it took for me forget where we were going and who waited there for us. After all we had waited nineteen years for this day to finally arrive. A single minute longer seemed far too much to ask.

When arrived at our destination, miraculously we were only 30 minutes or so late. Our faces plastered with guilty smiles. The party was in full swing among the vast expanse of flowers, beautiful linens and candles that consumed the once tired saloon. The jukebox blared at top volume, everyone on the floor dancing. Nessie was dead center, happily commanding the entire room's attention. The only ones not dancing were Charlie and Billy who not surprisingly were seated at the bar, Charlie on my Dad's old stool, as if sealing some sort of perfect cosmic symmetry.

The only gray picture was of course Junior, who had the same sour expression that seemed to be permanently affixed to his face. I considered he was probably less than pleased to be serving a private party, let alone mine. Surprisingly he seemed comfortable around Charlie. Even though they had had a couple run in's, Junior was obviously too thick to realize Charlie did not like him.

Jonathan was a completely different story, even though he had never uttered a cross word to the man, Junior quickly recoiled the second he laid eyes on him.

As we tried to quietly enter the room, Emmett was kind enough to announce our late arrival. "Hey look who's here!" He peered out the window. "Dude, your tires look a little flat from here, do we need to get some air in those babies? We wouldn't want you to get in an accident on the way home."

Jonathan smiled and ignored his friend. I don't know another man who could have gotten away with that comment.

Bella was another story. "Hey Emmett… time for a rematch?"

I had no idea what she had meant by that, but it was enough to shut him up.

Edward was actually giggling.

Charlie turned his attention from Billy momentarily to greet us. "There they are, what are you two drinking?"

"Champagne!" Alice called, her short hair do bopping up and down on the dance floor.

Jonathan laughed. "It seems we will be having champagne Charlie, thank you."

Charlie nodded his chin at Junior and held up two fingers.

Once glasses were in hand, Charlie raised his to ours "To the bride and groom…and absent loved ones."

Cocking my head to the side, I located the familiar picture of my Dad, his bright blue eyes smiling back at me.

Jonathan raised his glass. "To Tommy and Mary."

We clinked glasses and Bella came forward. "So this is Grandpa's old hang out. She looked over the bar at the photo.

"It is." I confirmed. "Pops loved this place, but I suspect more for the company than the spirits." I smiled thinking of the man who was framed next to him.

"Time for toasts!" Alice announced as she bounced up and down while dragging her brother forward.

Quickly she floated around the room, confirming everyone had a drink, not that they had the intention of actually consuming them, it was the tradition that mattered.

Edward gallantly passed a flute to his wife. "Ladies first."

She smiled at her husband as she accepted the glass, then directed her attention to Jonathan. "Thank you Jonathan, for bringing the mother back to me I never knew I had. Thank you for always taking care of our family, even though we didn't know you were there. Last, but not least, thank you for making my mom happier than I have ever seen her. Welcome to our family, we are more proud to have you than you know." She raised her glass. "I love you both, to the bride and groom."

Edward stepping forward grinned with affectionate pride at his beloved wife. He sweetly kissed her forehead and whispered something in her ear.

Then he readdressed his attention to me. "To a most remarkable woman, one who had us all fooled, not an easy task, especially around me." He smiled as he knowingly looked at me.

I knew to what specifically he referred, the fact that my thoughts had never betrayed the truth I had known about all of them since first we met. My new son clearly thought it an impressive feat. In truth, the reality was so much simpler than that. Even though I had known their secret, to me, it was entirely secondary to my daughter's happiness. I had quite simply never thought of it. Just as I had always seen Jonathan first and foremost as a man, Edward being a vampire had never seemed important.

His playful banter turned momentarily serious as he continued. "More importantly, a woman who unconditionally accepts others for who they are, one whom ranks those she loves high above herself. It is to this impressive trait that I owe my wife and for which I will forever be grateful to you. I have frequently wondered how Bella could be as exceptional as she is. Now the answer is clear, she had you for a mother. I could not be more proud than to call the both of you family." He raised he glass. "To the bride and groom."

Tears of course were running down my face, Jonathan was prepared as usual and discreetly pressed a handkerchief into the palm of my hand while we took turns hugging our matron of honor and best man, our daughter and son.

During the ensuing mayhem I accidentally dumped half my glass of champagne down the front of my beautiful gown.

I laughed with my daughter. "One of us is still clumsy. I better go get this out before it sets and Alice has a fit."

She looked over her shoulder to find Alice busy cuddling with Jasper. "You better go now while she's distracted, or we'll both be in for it."

At the far end of the bar I found a young man tossing ice into a bin. I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful to escape Junior.

"Could I bother you for a glass of soda water and a towel? I've gotten a spill on my dress."

"Yeah, sure thing." He poured me a glass of water as he searched for a clean rag. "All the towels back here are dirty. Take a look in the kitchen, you should find some just inside."

I smiled, thankful for the chance to be out of site while I cleaned the dress. "Thanks."

The kitchen was empty, the hour being way too late for Maeve. I considered she was probably grateful that no food was requested for the party. The room was filled with slightly outdated equipment, but it shone as if it were brand new. Maeve took her both her food and her kitchen very seriously.

It took a minute, but I finally located some clean dish towels in the rear of the small room on a shelf over the sink. Setting the glass on the counter, I soaked a corner of the towel and quickly went to work on carefully removing the stain.

Feeling a blast of cold air shoot through the room, I turned as the back door was opened and quickly closed. Before I was able to see who had entered, I heard the all too recognizable disdain in his voice.

"Well, what do we have here? The blushing bride." Juniors antagonistic sarcasm made his distaste for me more than abundantly clear.

Trying to ignore his quip I remained polite. "I was just cleaning a spot off my dress, excuse me."

Taking a step toward the door I felt a clammy hand grip my upper arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" He yanked me backward throwing me temporarily off balance. Too stunned to react quickly enough, I was unable to regain my footing before I was brutally shoved against the back wall.

Bile rose in my throat as he pressed his hand flat against my chest, giving him the opportunity to simultaneously trap and grope me.

The smell on his breath and the fact I considered him only a minor irritence caused me to assume this was just a harmless case of his normal belligerence fueled by alcohol. I had always tolerated him out of respect for his family and mine, but old family friend or not, this time he had gone too far.

His filthy dirty hands on me, his sour liquor ridden breath in my face and his rancid body odor repulsed me and sent me into a rage.

"Get your hands off me…Now." I said through gritted teeth as I fought to jerk myself free.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You've always thought your better than me. Now I am going to show you whose better you stupid broad."

As last word left his mouth I heard a loud pop and then the sharp sting across my face as blood gushed from my nose. Before I could even think or respond, he backhanded me several more times in the process knocking me almost senseless.

"There, how do you like a bloody nose?" His rhetorical question asked as he roughly yanked at the strap of my dress and ripping it clean from my body as blood from my broken and bloody face soaked the once beautiful fabric.

Shaking my head I tried desperately to focus both my vision and my thoughts. The fury rose inside me again and I was finally able to lift my chin to meet his evil stare.

"They will kill you." I warned, silently hoping it was true.

The smug expression on his face showcased his gross stupidity as he placed a filthy hand over my mouth to prevent my screams from being heard. Violently, he yanked up my dress and gruffly attempted to reach under it, his massive sweaty body pinning me helplessly to the wall.

"Edward!" I screamed silently.

As the thought rang in my head, the kitchen door flew open, Edward and Jonathan both flying through it, ripping it from its hinges. At the sight of me Jonathan's worried expression turned quickly to one of rage. He leapt across the space and with one hand pulled junior from me and sent him flying to the opposite end of the room, slamming him first into the ceiling and then propelling him down onto the stove. The only misfortune being that it wasn't actually on.

While Junior cried out in agony, Jonathan focused his attention to me.

"Baby, are you alright?"

Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle were next through the door.

Jonathan carefully blocked me from their view as he deftly tied the top of my dress back together and slid out of his dinner jacket, placing it around my shoulders. Then taking my face gingerly in his hands he began to assess the damage.

"Carlisle." He called without ever taking his focus of attention from my face.

Jonathan stepped to the side as Carlisle provided a more thorough and expert examination of my injuries. He carefully and gently ran his fingers over my nose and jaw line. The touch of his cool hands was soothing, but I still winced under his touch.

"Nothing appears to be broken, just badly bruised." He concluded, then soaked a towel in cool water and gently, but quickly cleaned the blood from my face and neck.

Even with Carlisle's words of reassurance Jonathan's face was filled with concern and worry. Gently resting his cool hand on the side of my face he reached for a stray piece of hair, attempting to replace it, the suddenness of his movement causing me to involuntarily recoil to skirt the pain.

This was the one and only time I had ever shied away from his touch. Blind fury consumed his perfect features as he left me to direct his anger where it belonged, on my attacker.

Propelling himself across the room he brutally yanked Junior from Edward's restraining hold, clamping a single hand around his victim's throat as he held him effortlessly several feet in the air. I knew that without even the slightest effort he could snap the man's neck. A low growl escaped him as sheer terror swept across Junior's now pitiful face, bodily excrements heralding the extent of his terror.

Jonathan was going to kill him. He just wanted to make him suffer first. To my surprise no one in the room, including me, seemed to object. As if hearing my thoughts a voice rang out.

"Jonathan! That's enough. I'll take it from here." Charlie entered the room, every inch a police chief.

He kept his captive solidly in his grip unfazed by Charlie's demands.

"Let him go baby." I asked, thinking of Maeve and not wanting Charlie to witness the carnage that undoubtedly was about to take place.

"Remy…believe me when I tell you this one needs to answer for his crimes."

Clearly Jonathan sensed something different than he had previously with regards to Junior. It was obvious to me that he was concerned with more than what just had happened to me.

Charlie seemed to understand more than any of us would have thought.

"He will answer for his crimes. Trust me, I'll handle this." Charlie reasoned.

Jonathan unconcerned with Charlie for the moment instead looked to me for my wishes.

I nodded. "Let him go…Please."

Jonathan smirked slightly, then nodded to Charlie, abruptly releasing Junior to fall to the floor in a massive gasping, bleeding stench ridden heap.

"Wow you stupid bitch, that was pretty good can you make him roll over and play dead too? Still clutching his bruised windpipe Junior managed a raspy ignorant sarcasm.

Jonathan took a step forward, finally fed up. I held a hand up to stop him as I moved forward to face my attacker myself. Standing over him, I peered down in disgust.

"What the hell are you looking at? You won't hurt me, you're too nice." He exaggerated a fake smile and rolled his eyes as if being nice was the worst thing a person could be.

Intentionally, I kept my voice low and steady. "That is where you are wrong Junior, I am not as nice as you think I am. You are alive now for one reason only, your mother. She has been good to me and mine all of my life and I refuse to have her hurt. But…the minute she is gone, all bets are off."

Wondering why Charlie hadn't stepped forward as yet, I checked the room for his whereabouts. Strangely, he and Edward were huddled together as Edward whispered in his ear. I had no idea what he was saying, but whatever it was seemed of great interest to Chief Swan.

Once the exchange was complete Charlie's attention shifted to focus on the matter at hand. Every inch the professional, his expression serious and determined, he entered deeper into the room to make his arrest.

Only briefly darting his gaze to me, I must have looked pretty bad because the sight of me caused him to momentarily stop in his tracks. Standing eerily still, both his fists and his jaw tightly clenched. The veins protruded from his neck as he breathed only out of his nose trying to get a hold of himself.

Abruptly he yanked Junior to his feet and slammed his head against the wall. "Like to attack women do you? Let's see how you like jail."

A deputy came through the broken door along with Bella, horrified looks consuming from both their faces.

Bella immediately rushed to my side as the deputy hurried over to Charlie.

"Chief?" The deputy questioned.

Charlie didn't bother to even look at him. "Toss me your cuff's, then bring the cruiser around back." Charlie spun Junior around and slammed his face into the wall as he clamped the cuffs around his wrists.

Once the menace was dealt with Charlie addressed his comments to me. "Remy honey, are you alright?"

I nodded.

Being in the hands of the police must have given Junior a false sense of security. Once again he displayed his superior intellect. Casting a repulsive yet arrogant smirk in my direction he uttered the phrase that would one day, without a doubt prove to cost him his life. "Too bad you jokers didn't show up a few seconds later, I would have had me a nice taste by then."

It was a tossup whether it would be Jonathan or Charlie who would rip the man from limb to limb, instead to my surprise, it was another vampire entirely who beat them both to it.

Even before he was able to draw breath after his last spoken word, Junior found himself once again in the grip of death, his throat barely an inch from being ripped out as he cried in terror. The blood curdling voice whispered the briefest of promises in his ear.

"You better hope that you spend a very long time in prison, because mother or no mother, the minute you are out, I am coming to kill you." With that Jasper heaved the crumpled shaking body at the deputy now poised in the wide open back door waiting to complete the arrest.

Charlie yelled to his deputy. "Take him to the station book him for assault and attempted rape. Then call Port Angeles PD and let them know we have a suspect in custody that matches the M.O. of the rapist they have been looking for." Turning slightly he discreetly lifted his chin to Edward who tilted his head ever so slightly in return.

"What?" Finally the smug expression disappearing on Junior's face as he was shoved out the door and jammed into the backseat of the waiting police car.

"Let's go home." Edward suggested.

Everyone nodded in agreement as Jonathan started to usher me out through the bar.

"Wait." I called. "I don't want Nessie to see me like this. This is not a memory I want in that sweet babies head. Can we please go out the back?" I asked Jonathan.

I noticed he made eye contact with Edward; both men were shaking their heads and smiling. Obviously a mental exchange had just taken place between the two, but I could only guess as to what.

Sweeping an arm around my waist, he pulled me close. "Of course we can sweetheart."

A small cool hand slipped inside mine. "Mom, we'll see you back at the house, okay?"

"Okay sweetie, will you bring my bouquet? I want to keep it."

She raised an eyebrow and for a moment looked just like her Dad. Laughing quietly she responded. "Sure Mom, I'll make sure we have it."

Jonathan had me out the back door and to the car in seconds. By the time we got to the house the family was all assembled with the exception of Bella, Edward and Nessie, who I knew would show up later after I was more presentable.

Once upstairs, Alice and Rose helped me to quickly change clothes. After which Carlisle attended my wounds. My face had the appearance of a defeated prize fighter, but thankfully the prognosis was good, other than a bruised jaw, swollen nose, cut lip, and a black eye, everything appeared to be fine. Thankfully the injuries appeared far worse than they actually were.

Carlisle gave me some medication for the pain and instructed me to keep ice on them before leaving me.

Holding the ice pack on my battered face, I gazed up into the adoring eyes of my husband. "I bet you're sorry you married a mortal now."

"Never." Leaning over he gently pressed his lips to my forehead, the only part of my face left uninjured.

"Some wedding night." I concluded as I rolled my eyes.

He grinned widely. "You my love, have a one track mind. We have all the time in the world for that. What you need to do now is rest."

"You didn't think we had all the time in the world a few short hours ago." I reminded him.

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "What can I say, when your right your right. Your charms this evening were overwhelming, I must say."

Out of habit I raised an eyebrow and involuntarily winced at the pain the reflex caused.

He frowned. "See? You need your rest."

I wanted to argue, but I could feel the pain killers starting to slowly take effect. "Do you think they will get sick of having me around, I am work."

He laughed, this time loudly. "That you are, but it is a labor of love for all of us. Now get some sleep, tomorrow we start living the rest of our lives… together."

I smiled at the image he conjured up in my head. "Together." I repeated. The mere sound of the word filling me with hope and quickly relieving me of any discomfort I had felt.

**Twenty Five**

**Montana**

THE YEARS HAVE FLOWN BY, MUCH MUCH QUICKER THAN ANY OF US would have liked. Although for brief periods we have spent some time apart, we have always come back together, none of us truly happy without the entire family intact. As time has passed we have needed to alter our cover stories to account for Nessie growing up and my growing older. Our current tale being was that I am the Grandmother, a matriarch of sorts, of a large extended family of siblings and their families. Funny how things develop, my aging has lended credibility to our stories, ultimately allowing us to stay in places longer and avoid scrutiny.

It was both Carlisle and Jonathan becoming ever and increasingly worried for my health that prompted our latest and my final move to Montana. That coupled with Alice's ability to pinpoint almost exactly the time of my demise, a secluded ranch where I can live out my final years comfortably with my family was the plan. I have to hand it to my sweet Alice her predictions have been on the money. I have lived another fifty-two years, blessed with a life filled with more happiness than any one person should have a right to. God kept his promise to me, so I have kept mine.

To call our home here in this beautiful place massive, would be an understatement. Comprised mostly of logs it is easily five times the size of the large cabin we had in Forks, each member of the family contributing in some way to its design. My contribution was quite obviously the main building material. That was my only request for our last home together. It reminded me of Forks, Jonathans and my first home and the birthplace our shared life as a family.

Its design is made up of two levels, the majority of the bedrooms being upstairs. Only Esme and Carlisle's and Jonathan's and mine on the lower level. Although in our house, I could easily be carried up stairs, I preferred to get around on my own power as much as possible. My family all sweetly obsessive when it comes to my comfort and desires, the structure was designed around our room being located on the lower level. Carlisle and Esme requested their room to be built downstairs as well. They joked that the parents needed to be separate from the kids. But I knew better, more than likely it was so Carlisle could be as close as possible to me so to better monitor my medical condition.

Mine and Jonathan's room was easily the largest and offered the most picturesque view in the house. Truth being told it was really more an apartment than a room. The only thing it lacked was a kitchen. Equipped with an enormous stone fireplace, the entire family committed to my never being cold, a topic which proved to be a nonnegotiable on my part. The sitting area was expansive enough to comfortably seat all twelve of us if needed, which frequently was the case. The far corner of which held the piano my husband had given me when I was a girl. The wide picture window offered breathtaking views of the surrounding mountain range and acres of green as far as the eye could see, even to the unparalleled vision of a vampire.

Eventually I came to feel that I had saddled my dear Jonathan with an obligatory life of being married to an old woman. As such I offered several times the option of separate rooms. It was during these times and only these times, that my husband ever became angry with me, remarkably he didn't see my age at all. The only hindrance to him was that one day I would be forced to leave him. It was this knowledge that made him adamantly refuse to be parted from me even for the briefest of periods.

Thank goodness for the abundance of wild life and the remoteness of our home, for even with these luxuries getting him to leave me to hunt was a virtual impossibility.

On the porch outside our room rested the rocking chairs that we had so many years ago in Forks. On warm days, we would sit outside, me with my old quilt wrapped around my now feeble shoulders. Nostalgia had become a big part of my current existence. Our room filled with framed photos of our family, pictures taken the world over and spanning five plus decades. The only changing face among them was mine, and of course Nessie's and even then for only a briefest of periods.

Although time has been exceptionally good to our family we have faced our share of sadness as well. In the passing of the last twenty years we've lost three dear family members, Billy and Sue and finally, our beloved Charlie. Although every one of them was tragic to each of us, Charlie's loss proved to be the toughest burden to bear, his being the most heartbreaking for obvious reasons. Although we knew it to be inevitable, it made it no less painful for my daughter and me.

If the truth were told, the entire family has never really gotten over it. Witnessing his life expire has brought my own mortality into even greater focus. Observing my daughters experience of the pain and loss of her father has served to bring back to me the memories of the devastating loss of my own dear Dad. The thought of causing her additional pain, has made me, in many ways regret my decision, but I would never tell her that. Edward most certainly knows as much, but to his credit and unwavering honor he has never mentioned a word of it to anyone in the family.

In any event it is too late for regrets now, I am ninety-two and it is evident my days are numbered. If the sheer passing of time didn't prove enough to clue me in, the look on Alice's face would. Her normal bubbly and sunny disposition has turned moody and sullen as of late. A sure sign my time on earth is rapidly reaching its conclusion.

My personal physician has upgraded me to a hospital type bed. I have been told it is for my comfort alone, but I know better. I grow weaker and more tired day by day, sometimes unable to focus my thoughts as I would like to.

This afternoon the entire family has ended up congregating in our room. Normally I would join them but today I am feeling exceptionally tired, so I opt to stay in bed rather than assume my customary place in the sitting area next to the fireplace.

The room is unusually quiet as Carlisle goes about his now routine business of taking my monitoring my vital signs.

Finally, unable to take the silence any longer I finally ask. "Okay, let's have it. What is up?"

Everyone looked down, all of them refusing to make eye contact with me. The only sound in the room a slight, barely audible cry from Alice.

"Come here sweet girl." I patted the vacant spot on the bed next to me and nodded to Carlisle to give us a moment.

She slowly crossed the room and took a seat beside me. Her little heart shaped face forlorn and bereft.

There was no need to say the words, her expression spoke volumes. My time had come.

"Don't be sad sweet girl it's not your fault." I comforted as gently as possible. "It's just my time that's all. Knowing the truth before it happens is a heavy burden to bear, I am proud of you, I know it hasn't been easy."

Finally she smiled. "I love you. I don't want you to go."

"I love you too, more than you know." I gulped and tried to retain my composure as I worded my next question in my head before actually saying the words aloud. "How much time have I got?"

She laid her head on my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "It's time for goodbyes."

Wrapping my arms around her I held her tightly as I was able and whispered back. "Goodbye my sweet girl, my friend, I will miss you."

Sitting up, she softly kissed my cheek and moved up off the bed.

Carlisle was still standing only a couple feet from me. I reached out for his hand. He quickly stepped forward to take it. He perched himself on the edge of my bed and leaned down to face me.

His all knowing eyes showed nothing save love and comfort, always thinking of his patient, never of himself.

"Hey Doc, just think of all the free time you'll have once I am out of your hair." I teased.

He blankly gazed out the window behind me, his face suddenly sad. "Knowing and caring for you has been a privilege. I am just sorry I wasn't able to prolong your life further."

I struggled to choke back the tears, knowing I still had a long way to go with the rest of the family. I had to be strong for them. "Thank you for taking such good care of me, and for being my friend. I will miss you."

He lightly touched the side of my pale lined face. "Remy, none of us will ever be the same without you." He bent to kiss my cheek, then abruptly stood and shot across the room to face the opposing wall.

Searching the room I found all the loving faces of my family. I called to my dear friend. "Love…come see me."

Esme' was at my side in an instant taking my hand.

After a squeeze, I released her hand, instead wanting to embrace her. She bent down and held me close.

"You… you were the sister I always hoped I would have." I whispered. "Promise me you'll take care of them for the both of us."

She held me even tighter. "I will, don't worry." Her lovely face consumed with sadness.

After I kissed her cheek, she released me and was instantly was across the room in her husband's embrace.

At the foot of my bed, Rosalie waited. Her beautiful features pained.

"There's my Rosey, come here gorgeous." I teased holding my arms out for her to join me.

The corners of her beautiful mouth went up only slightly as she rounded the bed to meet me. The sight of her grief stricken face reminded of a question that had plagued me for years. "Do you still think mortality is the course you would have chosen for yourself?"

She gazed down at the frail mortal hand she held in hers, her singular vision magnifying every line and vein through the thin fragile skin.

"I'm not so sure anymore. You always say how strong I am, I'm not as strong as you. I don't think I could do this." Her beautiful voice fractured, broken.

Smiling, I lifted her cool hand to my face and left it there a moment. "Sweetie, it's not a matter of strength. It's more of a matter of conscience, of doing what you know to be right for you. Trust me you are exactly where you are supposed to be."

As she bent to kiss my cheek, I heard her whisper words I never expected to hear. "I love you."

Thus far I had been successful in holding back the tears—the utterance of those three words broke me. Tears spilled out of my eyes and I was helpless to stop them.

Searching the room for my husband was unnecessary, I could always feel his presence. A stab of pain shot through my heart as the thought of the dreaded moment I would have to look into his eyes and say goodbye.

He waited across the room, leaning slightly against the fireplace mantel, he smiled reassuringly. I knew he wanted to be with me now, but was being unselfish in allowing each family member a private moment alone with me.

Exhausted, I longed for even a moment to rest. Calling to my son in my mind I silently conveyed my question. He in turn focused on Alice. He eyes met mine as he forlornly shook his head.

I had little time left to me.

Focusing my now limited vision I smiled as I located Emmett across the room leaning on a bookshelf looking miserable, his normal happy face now entirely humorless. "Hey big guy, you're up. Get over here and give me a kiss goodbye."

Instantly he appeared at my side, his mood unchanged as he looked down at me. Reaching for his hand I patted the bed for him to take a seat. I tried to tease him. "Now that I'm leaving, you'll have to be the comedy relief all by yourself."

He cocked his head. "Aw Rem, this sucks, how bout you change your mind, it's not too late."

"Emmett!" Rosalie yelled from across the room.

"What babe? It's what all of us are thinking right? None of us want to lose her. So what if she's a ninety-two year old vampire, she still be our Remy." His eyes read mine.

Tears now streaming freely down my face, I searched past Emmett to the faces of my husband and daughter. Both held the exact same expression of grief and despair.

"I can't." Barely a sound escaped my lips, but they had heard me all the same.

Unable to handle an old woman and her tears, Emmett quickly kissed my cheek and was gone.

Dabbing the tears from my face and I called to my dear, dear friend. "Where's my Scarecrow?"

Even faster than his brother, Jasper was seated at my side before I completed the final syllable.

I attempted to push myself further up in the bed to face him, but I lacked the strength, so he gently lifted me himself.

Touching the side of his cool face I posed a question. "Why do I call you scarecrow?"

He grinned. "Because I am not as scary as I think I am."

"True." I confessed. "But that is not the only reason. You up on your _Wizard of Oz_?"

"I suppose." He replied, clearly thinking I had finally gone around the senility bend.

"At the end of the movie, what did Dorothy say to the scarecrow?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"I think I'll miss you most of all." My words barely understandable spoken through choked tears.

For the first time in fifty-two years he hugged me first, ever so gently pulling me close to him as he buried his face in my neck. Then to my surprise another first, he enhaled deeply.

Alice cleared her throat, an indication of the shortness of time left to us. Reluctantly he released me and left my side.

Across the room on the couch was my baby girl, crying softly while nestled in her husband's lap. Jacob clearly was trying desperately to hold on to his composure for his wife's sake.

I tried to break the tension will normal familial humor. "Hey baby girl, Gigantor, I'll be ninety-three by the time you two get over here."

I heard her sweet laughter, even now, reminiscent of the sound of church bells.

"Grandma…" She was instantly draped over me her sweet head on my chest.

I wrapped one arm around my beloved granddaughter and with the other I reached for my grandson's hand, mine quickly getting lost in his gigantic warm mitt.

"Don't cry baby girl, everything is going to be fine. You're Grandma loves you." I cooed just as I did when she was a baby. I knew she held every memory locked in her precious head just a clear as the day it took place. I squeezed her husband's hand to let him know I hadn't forgotten him. "Now give Grandma a kiss." She sat up and kissed my wet cheek.

Her Grandfather finally stepped forward and offered her a comforting shoulder and of course, his now trademarked handkerchief.

"Thank you Papa." She cried as she jumped up and threw herself into his comforting arms.

He held her close and stroked her bronze curls. "It will be ok baby." He spoke softly, reassuringly, even though his own perfect face was masked in sorrow as well.

It broke my heart to be the one causing them so much heartache.

"Jacob." I smiled at my grandson who was putting up a brave front. He already knew what I was about to tell him, but I had to say it anyway. "I was wrong about you honey, I'm sorry." I gave his hand a tiny tug; he bent his massive form to meet me at my level. "You are the best thing that could have happened to our Nessie. I love you kid."

"I love you too Remy…" He gulped as he fought his emotions. "Grandma."

The last several years had been exceptionally hard on Jacob, first losing his father and then later even some of his friends. Living in such close proximity to vampires had enabled him to remain in his werewolf state indefinitely, rendering him just as immortal as his beloved Nessie.

His counterparts in Forks were not so lucky. As soon as the Cullen's moved away, they returned to their normal human existence, susceptible to illness and accidents just like everyone else. I knew he had always considered himself to be more human than werewolf. Losing me meant losing the only totally human family he had left to him.

I watched as his big brown eyes welled up with tears. "I know it feels like you've lost your whole family, but you haven't honey. Look around, they are all right here with you."

He wiped his nose with his sleeve, planted a quick kiss on my cheek and went to retrieve his sobbing wife from Jonathan.

I smiled and said the next name in my head. My son was at my side in an instant. Immediately taking both my hands in his and looking down at me with a brooding, anguished expression.

I couldn't read his mind as he could mine, but I knew what he was thinking none the less.

"Edward, don't beat yourself up, you can't fix everything sweetheart." I gulped hard, already struggling with my next words. "I could not have loved you more if you were my very own son."

My words offered no comfort, only more sadness, for it was only he who knew how I truly felt and it was a mighty burden to bear. I wished silently that I was able to keep my thoughts from him, thereby releasing him from the responsibility to do something that he now felt.

Hearing my thoughts, he shook his head almost violently. "You should be able to say how you feel to someone you love, even if it is only to me."

With those words spoken, I lost all remaining strength I had left. The thought's I had been holding back erupted in my head and I was powerless to stop them. I felt tears continue to sting my cheeks, the despair over leaving my family becoming overwhelming, my body was weak and had lost its fight, but my mind had not.

"Edward, I messed up. I don't want to leave you all. I want to stay. Now it's too late." The sentence cried hysterically in my head to the only person I could completely confide in.

His face twisted in pain and compassion, he lifted me gently into his arms and pulled me close to him. I thought he bent to kiss me, instead I felt his cool lips against my throat.

"Edward, NO!" I heard Carlisle yell.

I could still feel his breath on my neck as he paused slightly.

Carlisle's next words were spoken more softly. "Son, you can't save her, it's too late. Now it would only prolong her suffering."

His head fell to rest on my shoulder. I squeezed him as tightly as I was able. "Thank you son, thank you for trying." Were the final words I spoke to him, quietly whispered in his ear.

Gently, Edward laid me back down on the bed, kissed my forehead, and was gone just as fast as the rest. Across the room I could hear the deafening sound of furnishings being smashed and broken as he vented his frustration and anger.

Ashamed, I turned my face to look away from my family. If they didn't know the truth before, they most certainly knew it now. I closed my eyes and silently wondered how I would make it through these last two goodbyes.

As if I had spoken the words aloud, my beautiful husband stepped forward for our long dreaded farewell. "Baby, why didn't you tell me?" Reaching down he gently lifted me up into in his arms.

"You want to be stuck with a senior citizen for the next five-hundred years?" I joked.

He gently stroked the side of my face with the back of his fingers. "You know I do."

I barely had the strength, but I managed to lift my arms around his neck as I rested my head on his shoulder. "We will be together again someday baby, just hopefully not too soon. One of us needs to stay here and take care of our family. Especially Bella and Nessie, you know they couldn't bear it if they lost you as well, so don't even think of doing anything foolish." I warned.

He pulled me even closer, gently kissing my lips. "You have my word." His normally deep gentle voice cracked with his reluctant promise.

One final time, I gazed adoringly up into his warm golden eyes. "I love you with all my heart and soul. Thank you for all you have given me. You were far more than I deserved."

He shook his head as he retained his hold on me, his current line of vision directed blankly out the window behind us.

I heard Edwards warning voice to his friend and father. "Jonathan…don't."

My husband nuzzled his face in my neck and placed a soft kiss there before returning me to the bed. "You take my heart with you."

"Bella." I called my daughter with almost the last bit of strength I possessed.

"Mom." She sat herself close to me as she took my hand.

"Come here baby. Give your Mom a hug."

Holding my arms open for her, she rested her head on my chest. "Your mama loves you." I whispered as I stroked her long hair and offered my child the last bit of comfort I could.

"Don't leave me here without you." My daughter cried. "I need you Mom."

I no longer possessed the strength to keep my eyes open. Holding my child one final time, the most precious of gifts, I clutched her as tightly as my frail arms would allow, willing my heart to keep beating for her sake, the pain in her once musical voice slowly breaking it apart.

"Mom…"

I prayed to be able to hold onto my baby for even a moment longer, begging for her pain to be eased. I prayed for the ability to be the best mother I could be to her for all eternity.

Suddenly I could no longer feel the touch of her cool skin or hear the sound of her voice. Concentrating on my heavy eye lids, I tried desperately to open them and focus on her face, unwilling to let go.

I screamed. "No, please, I'm not ready." But the sound was lost.

Trying desperately to see her, a loving familiar face came into focus. A smile stretched broadly across his endearing face, his huge arms held wide open to greet me.

"Pops." I muttered unbelieving as I stared at my father.

"Come here Remy girl. Give your ol' Da a hug now. Your mother and I have been waitin' for ya."

Peace swept over me as I felt the welcoming love surround me.

I was unable to move.

"Pops." I cried. "They need me."

He smiled as he raised his hand to his mouth to blow me a kiss. That was the moment I woke up.

Disoriented, I sat up covered in sweat and gasping for air. Moonlight filtered in through Edward's bedroom window helping to jog my memory.

Feeling something cold next to me, I felt around and came across the now discarded icepack. My hand flew to my face, instead of the expected wrinkled skin; I found the bumps and bruises I had received that same night at Mick's. I had never been so glad to feel pain in all my life.

Relief flooded through me at the final realization. "It was only a dream." I said aloud.

Throwing the covers back I leapt from the bed, the sudden abrupt movement causing momentary dizziness. Clutching a nearby dresser I steadied myself briefly before hurling my body towards the general direction of the stairs.

Coming down them I must have sounded like a herd of buffalo, because the time I reached the bottom my entire family was there waiting for me. Worried expressions consumed all of their faces, excluding of course Edward and Alice who were both smiling broadly.

Almost totally winded, I gasped for air.

"What is it baby? What's wrong?" Jonathan pleaded, clearly concerned as he took a step toward me.

I held up I hand to stop him. I bent over clutching my knees as I caught my breath. "I…have…an…announcement to make."

My heart leapt at the sight of my daughters face and I couldn't stop smiling.

"Mom, what is it? Are you okay?"

"I am great, but I have changed my mind."

"About what baby?" Jonathan asked totally confused.

I straighten up and placed my hands on my hips as I finally caught my breath. "Mortality, I've decided it sucks. Somebody bite me."

The whole room erupted in muffled laughter. My husband let out a resounding whoop of delight. Before I knew it I was heaved over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and the two of us were out the front door.

I giggled at his excitement as I heard the uproarious laughter exuding from the house now behind us. An immense sense of relief flooded through me as I realized we would never have to be parted again.

~ 412 ~


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